I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using “sociopath” as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to “spath.”
Well, a Lovefraud reader “Justdreamin” informs us that “spath” is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos.
It turns out that “spath” is a shortened version of “spathiphyllum,” which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant.
We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn’t want to share a name with the nasty predators.
FightAnotherDay!
I was just reading your posts on another thread and now here you are!
You are so right about perspective. God is Good. There are people who call themselves Christians who blame God or think of God as santa claus. Spaths frequently claim to be forgiven b/c they are doing the work of Christians even as they perpetrate terrible damage. In spite of what was done to me in the name of Jesus, it has been my perspective that has allowed me to retain my faith in my God and live in my humanity.
mandorla –
“could there be this possible like invisble but somehow like connected link between these dark souls” to where they like somehow summons other dark spirits when they themselves are not around just to cause havoc, pain and be menacing”.. I really am wondering if anybody has ever had any thoughts or similar experiences?????”
Mandorla, this is kind of along the lines of something I wrote on another blog a few months ago. I was pondering the possibility of spaths being materialised demons (fallen angels). For some of us who believe in the Bible and who have read the complex descriptions therein of Satan’s personality traits and his modus operandi, it seems possible. I’m not saying it IS that way – only that it COULD be.
The demons were also angels who “fell” from grace, being too narcissistic and vain-glorious to be content to worship their creator and reflect the light of HIS glory. They wanted their OWN glory and they wanted things that they had not naturally been created for; in Noah’s time, they are spoken of as lusting after the beautiful women on earth, forsaking their proper places and coming down to earth, materialising in human form and taking what they wanted. Their half-breed children (the Nephilim) were the “mighty giants of old” – abnormally huge, violent, cruel, bullying rapists, thieves and murderers. Now if all of that doesn’t sound spath, then I don’t know what does…
It spaths ARE the demons, then it would explain why the medical profession has had so much trouble agreeing on the labelling and exact indicators the “disorder” and why spaths are resistant to help (if they didn’t want God’s help, what chance is there that they would take it from mere humans?) and why they are so hard to spot (after all, the demons were mighty angels with superhuman powers) and why they feel that they have nothing to lose (arrogance plus the knowledge that when God decides to wipe them out, as stated in the Bible, they WILL be going down forever) so they try to take as many people with them as they can.
Just saying it’s a possibility; and if it IS possible, then why wouldn’t there be some kind of “telepathic” communication between them?
Or maybe not – maybe it IS just a human disorder; but you have to wonder about it.
Hens –
Just when I start typing to you, I read EB’s post and she says most of what I was gonna say!
You said, “He kept getting text’s and I asked if that was his girlfriend? and he said ’one of them’ he also said his puppy was a ’chick magnet’ so ”“ anyway it is frickin uncanny how much he looked and acted like M”..not good.”
You also said that he winked at you and when said there was nothing more he could do for you, he asked if you were sure? Even thought he had just bragged about multiple girls and his chick-magnet pup?
Think about it – who will f$$k anything? Spath, that’s who.
I actually think your radar was working but maybe a little rustily.
I’m with EB all the way on the total inappropriateness of his behaviour. YUK!!!!!!
Hens…..wink wink 🙂
Hens, I’m here **waiving arms madly in the air** You just had a hot young guy hit on you and you feel old an undesirable? Dang! Where IS that skillet when you need it……..? I really wish we all lived closer and could all just go out to a movie or something.
Kim and Hens, what you both need are some endorphins. I am starting to bounce back from the depression I was in last week, so I need to think about what is helping……
1. I talked about it a lot, here and with other online friends. It helps to just talk sometimes. It helps to sort out what are the actual feelings and what are the self-judgments, etc. Knowledge is power, baby!
2. Exercise. I made a commitment to myself to exercise every day no matter how I am feeling and no matter what my brain tells me. It works. I’ve had to miss a day or two here and there, but the exercise really does get the endorphins going. There are a couple of DVDs I especially like for different energy levels. When I’m a little tired, I love Richard Simmons’ Disco Sweat. He is just so encouraging, and it’s a low impact workout for days when you just don’t have the energy. For high energy days, I LOVE Billy Blanks Ultimate Tae Bo. They say it burns 800 calories an hour, and I believe it! If you don’t even have the energy to exercise, at least stretch. That’s another way to get into your body and to relax.
3. Pay attention to your diet. Eating a lot of sugar, processed foods, starches, and gluten can contribute to depression. It is a really good feeling to have total control over what you eat. When you are preparing a healthy meal, you will get that little endorphin boost from knowing you are doing something good for yourself. Having control in one area of your life translates into other areas as well.
4. Getting out and doing things. I have a Spanish class on Thursday nights that I’m really into. I study every weekend with classmates, and even study by myself a lot. I practice speaking it to whoever will listen. It’s fun and something I really enjoy. Go to a movie. Just go by yourself. You can even get free movies from the library. Sometimes watching a movie will stir up feelings and thoughts. At least that is movement from being stuck in the same feelings and thoughts.
5. Meditate. When you feel you have some endorphins from all of the above, it’s a really good time to sit or lie down, breathe, and investigate what is going on inwardly. Is there something you are judging yourself about? Something you are afraid to do? Someone you are afraid to approach? All of these things will block your energy. As an example, I really wanted to do the Costa Rica trip in May but I had a lot of fear around spending the money. Once I identified the fear, worked through it, and signed up for the trip, I felt very energized. I still go into fear about the trip, but it’s mostly interpersonal fears and self-esteem issues at this point. I’m trying to work on these as a focus before I go.
6. Know that whatever your mental state is, it will pass. Like the clouds in the sky, your moods are impermanent. With a good night’s sleep, you may see things differently tomorrow.
7. If you feel like you need to sleep a lot, sleep. I believe when the body is processing a huge amount of stuff, it requires a lot of rest. Also, I think a lot of stuff gets worked out in the dream state.
8. Pray (Kim, this is directly from your advice to me). When all else fails, throw your hands up and ask the universe for assistance. Then go to bed and trust that something will happen to make things better.
9. If you have any resistance to doing any of the above, talk about it here. There is usually some clue in the resistance as to where you are blocked. Maybe someone here will recognize it and give feedback.
I have a very expensive energy work session tomorrow morning. I will let you guys know how it goes if I am up for it.
Chao,
Star
And hens, I’m right there with you, lonely and horny….craving the hot neighbor boy next door who is really bad for me and i have to stay away from him. I’m dying to go over and knock on his door and just throw him down on the bed. It would be so easy…..
LL can tell you how hot he is. I sent her a link to his website. I do very well with NC, but since he is my neighbor, it’s not easy to totally tune him out.
Hi LL and other friends of LF,
have not posted for a while but have been reading every now and then for a while.
have been very busy at work and will be leaving this weekend for a conference in Sydney. The jerk is not going to be at this meeting.
I still wax and wane, knowing that he is bad for me and at the same time have spurts of missing him insanely.
I want to ask you – it is often said here that a N or a P will say ” I love you but I am not in love with you”. my jerk has not said this to me, but was just curious to know the interpretation.
I also keep thinking about how the new target is getting all the attention, knowing that it will not last long, at the same time, it eats into me.
have to stay strong and keep reminding myself – whatever front he puts forward in front of any woman, he is still a bad, dishonest man with a missing link (as Steve said) and will never have that right link to make a woman happy.
your thoughts.
petite
Mandorla
He doesn’t have to be a demon to send another spathy to come and invade your space. Spaths do it all the time.
remember Ox and her Trojan. I have one in my family too. Spath sent a rapist Meth addict to marry my spath sister. He is now a cop and works for homeland security. This is VERY common for them to work together.
Petite
hi, nice to hear from you.
I think maybe the apathy will say this to test our boundaries .
He wants to see if you are sufficiently addicted to his drama. If you continue to see him and be in love with him, then he knows that you are available for further abuse.
thanks Skylar,
so does it meen when he says ” ” I love you but I am not in love with you”. he means that “I know you no longer are willing to be a part of my drama, my supply, so I am not in love with you”.
petite