I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using “sociopath” as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to “spath.”
Well, a Lovefraud reader “Justdreamin” informs us that “spath” is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos.
It turns out that “spath” is a shortened version of “spathiphyllum,” which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant.
We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn’t want to share a name with the nasty predators.
Yeah, I had all these April fools jokes I was gonna play on my coworkers today. But going in to the office to see a recent suicide (dead body on the sidewalk) right next to my office building pretty much killed the mood. Ugh. They couldn’t wait to jump till the next day and let us enjoy April 1? I’m trying to make light of it now, but it was a pretty horrible experience. Ugh. I hope this doesn’t trigger anybody, but it really helps to talk about it.
A few years ago, we had another suicide in the hospital. A 14-y.o. girl escaped from the eating disorder unit and jumped off the 6th floor of the parking garage. I was working that day when they made the “missing child” announcement over the intercom. The announcer said something funny, and we were laughing at her. You can imagine how guilty we felt afterward. The poor girl was brought in to the Emergency Department (which is where I work) where they tried to save her life. It was a very difficult and solemn day for all of us. Weeks later they announced a “missing child” on the intercom. This time, we leaped out of our seats and ran all over the hospital to look for the child. Even to have your life grazed by the suicide of a stranger is very traumatic. At least it is for me.
Oxy, what’s up with the boot in the arse? Are you having your skilled sharpened? (or polished or something)? LOL
Dear Star,
Yea, it is scary, and traumatic and sobering all at once to be near a sudden death of any kind. After my husband’s death I tried to stay on at the volunteer fire department and did for a little while, because there are so few people in the area during the day time to be “on call” (80% of our call outs were medical emergencies or car wrecks) but I just couldn’t do it any more, the mopping up dead bodies off the side of the highway was too much. My son C was first on the scene once for a neighbor who shot himself in the head. We knew the guy. Another guy who tried to crawl out of his burning house and didn’t make it, found at the door…he almost did. Another guy we knew….some I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter, I just couldn’t do it any more. I resigned and took my $70 a month pension for 13 years volunteer (unpaid) service and turned in my gear and my radio. It takes a toll on you to be around trauma.
I am so glad that the authorities now take missing child reports INSTANTLY EMERGENT, like the “Amber alerts” that recovered a little girl last year because someone saw her on the freeway and followed the vehicle til the cops showed up and caught the guy and rescued her.
Thank you for caring, Star, and thank you for working the ER at a children’s hospital (whatever your job is, it is important!) And Thank you for being here and sharing to at LF! ((((hugs))))
Star,
so sorry you had a bad day being so close to that incident. I firmly believe that all suicides are caused by spaths.
here’s a link to a story about the young man who killed himself after his sexual encounter was secretly streamed for public viewing. The spath who did it will probably not suffer much punishment because people don’t understand that this was NOT a prank, it was a spathicity.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42220366/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/
Skylar,
I remember that story, and I agree with you. I was actually thinking about the Dead Poets Society. Do you remember that movie? The student killed himself because his parents would not allow him to pursue the field that interested him. He couldn’t stand up to his rigid parents, and eventually the unresolved rage killed him. I speculated that maybe this was a student whose parents pushed her into medical school (or dental school). Or maybe the pressure just got to her, self-imposed. But even the self-imposed pressures come from what we think is expected of us by others.
Oxy, thank you for your kind words. I work in the admin office and support the staff who work in the ED at Children’s. Whenever there is a child abuse case such as a shaken baby, they all come through our ED and my staff try to save their lives. They are often called to testify in court. I think they are saints. Some day when I’ve moved on from that job, I will have taken away a feeling of pride for the people I supported, if not much else. I did not know you did that kind of volunteer work and saw stuff like what I saw fairly frequently. I often wonder how people can work in those professions and how it affects them. I was wondering about all the people from the coroner’s office who came to bag the body. What is the rest of their day like? I wonder how it affects them or if they just put up a wall. I was so glad her face was covered with a sheet so we couldn’t see it. I don’t think I could have handled seeing the expression of someone whose life was so painful they chose to end it in this violent and dramatic manner. I would have wanted to take the person into my arms and cuddle them.
Star,
Rural volunteer fire departments depend on citizens to respond to medical emergencies with “first responder” (basic first aid and life support, CPR etc) until professional help arrives, but we are 30-45 minutes away from town so it can be a WHILE…and for fire fighting as well. I took the BASIC fire fighting training and passed and got certified but basically I did not go in and fight fires because I was past 40 when I joined, but I did jump in on medical calls (80% of our calls) and car wrecks etc. on our little stretch of highway. I didn’t see dead bodies every day or even every week, but when there was a dead body it was usually someone I KNEW at least, or a distant cousin. Sometimes it was simply someone on the highway passing through who went to sleep at the wheel or hit a deer, but over 13 years I saw many terrible injuries and way too many deaths both accidental and natural. During the day time, most of the people on the fire department are in town at work, so if a call goes out, there may be only 1 or 2 people to respond, sometimes they must call someone from the next area over to come to get anyone, so when I was home M-F during the day time those last couple of years before the plane wreck I might be the ONLY person who would respond to a 911 call for half an hour or more, so sometimes my responding was very important and I hated to “quit” what I felt was my responsibility to use my knowledge and education for my community, but I had to put my own well being above even that and resign because it was too much stress and too triggering on me. My son D who was burned in the plane crash as well, was too triggered to fight fires any more so he also resigned as well
Yes, we do put up a “wall of sorts” between ourselves and our patients on a professional level, but sometimes we go into the bathroom at work and cry. I always said if I NEVER went into the bathroom at work and cried I would quit, and if I ALWAYS stayed in the bathroom and cried I would quit….so it got to the point that I had to quit, I couldn’t keep up the wall any more. The day of the plane crash I TRIED to keep up the wall—I was the FIRST RESPONDER—fortunately a retired male nurse who was also on the fire department responded quickly to help me, and several neighbors who were not medical or even fire department came as well, so I wasn’t alone long, and I did have my cousin and my employee with me as well…and that helped.
After a short stint in a pedi ICU early in my career I couldn’t take it because I couldn’t do “cut downs” on babies and do things that hurt them because I couldn’t explain to them WHY I was hurting them. I also had a problem doing painful procedures to elderly who were demented and I couldn’t explain to them WHY I was hurting them. I could cut your leg off with a rusty axe and not feel too bad doing it if I could explain to you WHY I had to do it to save your life. I would say “Star I know this is going to hurt bad, but I have to do it to save your life so here goes, 1,2, 3…”
Believe it or not I even got cooperation out of 2-3 year old kids by being HONEST with them and explaining WHY (in terms they could understand) I had to do something that hurt them and it didn’t bother me at all. But infants and preverbal kids? Nah, let someone else take care of them, I’m too much of an empathetic woosie.
You’ve had to cut off limbs to save someone’s life? Wow. I admire you for doing this. Thanks for filling in all of these details about your fascinating life in rural America. Such a different world than what I am used to.
NO NO!!!I meant IF I HAD TO CUT YOUR LEG OFF, I COULD, not that I had done it. I’ve had some pretty bad trauma cases (one gun shot/broken leg and another from a fall off a horse) but NOT had to cut someone’s leg off, just I have no doubt I COULD if I had to…because I could tell them WHY, it is starting IVs on kiddies and doing “cut downs” to get to veins without being able to tell them WHY I am hurting them that gets to me, I have problems “operating” on animals that hurts them too or doing painful procedures on anyone I can’t explain to them WHY I am hurting them.
I totally understand. This is the reason that I could not get my cat’s mother an abortion all those years ago when she sneaked out and got pregnant before we had a chance to have her spayed. I am pro choice. But for an animal, they don’t know why they have lost their babies, only that they have lost them. It seems profoundly sad to me.
And speaking of cutting off limbs to save lives, did you ever see that movie 27 Hours? The guy cuts off his own hand to save his life. Pretty amazing true story.
Hijack in progress, here. LOL Just pointing that out.
My son D is a rock climber and he and his buds are all big time into rock climbing and I said something to them about what an AMAZING thing this guy did and they went “No, STUPID !!!!!!” And I said WTF? They said, he DESERVED what he got because he BROKE The FIRST RULE OF CLIMBING—do not go out by yourself.
So you know, what the guy did WAS amazing—I’m not sure I could have done it, BUT what my son said is also true—HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF BY DOING SOMETHING STUPID! And if you think about it, sometimes we ALL do the same thing, we do SOMETHING REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLLY Stupid, and then we are forced into “cutting our limb off to save our lives.”
There are some BIG TIME LESSONS IN THIS GUY’S STORY. Hell, in MY LIFE STORY…I’ve had to cut my “limbs” off several times when I went NC with the Ps….and it hurt just as much as doing it with a rusty knife…..and I felt like I was losing a limb. Yea, some big lessons there. I’m determined not to have to do it again. I’ll be telling EVERYONE WHERE I AM GOING and I won’t be doing it by my self in secret! LOL (((hugs)))