I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using “sociopath” as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to “spath.”
Well, a Lovefraud reader “Justdreamin” informs us that “spath” is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos.
It turns out that “spath” is a shortened version of “spathiphyllum,” which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant.
We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn’t want to share a name with the nasty predators.
Hens – brilliant.
Ana,
I know what you mean about it being too much sometimes.
Everything that my spath did to me, I can see it being done on a larger scale in our society.
He kept me in a state of fear about our finances, there was never enough money, yet he wouldn’t stop spending. He absolutely couldn’t cut back on expenses, there was always a reason. And that was just the spending I knew about, there was spending I didn’t know about for hookers and high-rolling. But then there was tons of money that I didn’t know about either, from his various illegal activities. Does that sound like anything you’ve heard in the news recently?
One of the ways they like to manipulate us is by flashing the promise of a better, wealthier life somewhere in the horizon. That’s just so they can watch us jump through hoops. Does that remind you of life in this country?
Money is just the tip of the iceberg, there were fears of death and disease, fire and accidents, and losing loved ones. Fear was his favorite topic. Finally I said to him, “Spath, you know, a coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies only ones.” He only smirked and said, “I guess I’ll die a thousand deaths”
Anyway, BF doesn’t like how much time I spend thinking about spaths – he gets mad at me if I keep talking about it. And he doesn’t study the spaths-at-large too much anymore. But he does keep his eye on the current events, watching the spath drama play out. He refuses to watch TV or any of the mainstream media. Mostly, he just reads Sott.net and links from there when he’s taking a break from work. So occasionally he’ll send me something that he thinks I’ll like. He knows my spath so he knows the extent of his evil and I think it makes him more sick than it makes me.
Spath liked to describe a particular accident that occurred in the Lockheed shipyards when he was working there during the ’70’s. Something about a safety railing that was not welded correctly and a guy fell through a hole and he watched him die. riiiiight.
So I was telling BF about that yesterday and he said, “spath told me the same story.”
I’m pretty sure that spath rigged the railing just to watch someone die. It’s just the way he tells the story, that makes me know it’s a tell.
Anyway, spaths-at-large arrange accidents too.
Hi everyone my name is carla I have only posted on Lovefraud once before but I read all your stories very frequently, and I thank you because it really does help. I also know that all of you are very knowlegable on the sociopath so I was hoping I could ask for some advice. I apologize if Im not posting in the right place. Anyway, mine is your typical spath story, thought he was my dream man, until he nended up destroying my life. We are currently in the middle of a very bitter custody battle, and his lies are starting to scare me. He is trying to convince the ccourt that I’m a danger to my kids, and I’m nuts, which I may be but I would never harm my kids. Does anyone know how I could expose his lies and get the truth out? I just cant live with the thought of this piece of trash raising my 3 innocent children. Thanks for any help you could give!
Skylar,
Yes, what you describe does sound like life in America. My husband used to get mad when I talked about spaths. Then one day he said “I think you’re onto something with the spath thing” LOL Now he logs onto prisonplanet.com.
Now he’s sitting there listening to Alex Jones interview Ron Paul. I’m thinking when the headphones come off, I’m gonna get an earfull!
Your ex-spath sounds really creepy. Designing peoples deaths and liking it. But you seem to have his numbah!! I can tell by your posts that you’ve experienced a lot and figured them out BIG time! YAY! Your a good power of example on this board and your posts are always interesting and sometimes sad and always helpfull.
Dear Carla, fightingmom of 3,
First off, there is a book here on LF in the book store called “the legal abuse syndrome.” get it and READ IT.
Make sure that your attorney is educated about what a psychopath is, by him/her a couple of books, maybe Martha Stout’s “the sociopath next door” or “Without conscience” by Robert Hare. Either or both of those books might help your attorney get what you are dealing with.
At ALL COSTS you must not “appear or act crazy” that means, SHUT YOUR MOUTH —do not talk about him to anyone except your attorney and here on LF. Don’t give him the NAILS TO NAIL YOUR COFFIN SHUT AND GET YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM YOU.
Do not communicate with him except in writing. Do not talk badly about him to your children. Keep a tape recorder in your pocket at all times and save all communications to or from him. Always have a WITNESS PRESENT for all child exchanges.
LEARN ALL YOU CAN. Get on Dr. Leedom’s web site “parenting the at risk child” also enroll in a parenting class of some kind for proof that YOU ARE TRYING TO BE A BETTER PARENT. Get your kids and yourself into therapy…do anything that will make you look SANE. i KNOW THAT THESE PEOPLE CAN DRIVE US CRAZY, but we must not let it show! Good luck! and God bless.
thanks Oxy I feel like I know you Ive read so much of what you write, and its always great advice!
I know labels only help so much….. but I’m always searching for intellectual knowledge too.
Is one of the professionals on this site available to answer a question?
Is it possible to be sociopathic AND schizoid? And what would that look at?
I think my spath IS this – he seems to prefer to be alone, doesn’t show anybody love affection, lives an isolated life, until suddenly he decides to turn on the charm, lie like a snake, and come into the public arena to take whatever he wants (sex, power) and ensure he hurts people in the process. Then he retreats behind a veil of text messages and emails, hides in the basement…..until he comes out and does it all over again.
?
oh my – does it ever stop? the thinking about them? do i miss him? i dont think so, so why does this go on and on and on and on? 3 years and…
Hens,
it isn’t him you’re thinking about, it’s yourself and what you discovered about you and what it means. You are asking yourself, “am I safe now? Can I protect myself from a future attack? What was the lesson? Did I miss any clues?”
That’s the nature of PTSD. After the trauma we continue to ruminate on it because we just aren’t sure that we are safe yet.
Your thoughts about him are just because he is a symbol of what happened to you since he was the catalyst. Like the devil.
your right sky, but nobody interests me anymore, its like i dont want to even try again, i compare everybody to him – there was just something about him that captivated me – even before I knew he was a mess….relationships seem so difficult – is it ok to just be single forever?