I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using “sociopath” as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to “spath.”
Well, a Lovefraud reader “Justdreamin” informs us that “spath” is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos.
It turns out that “spath” is a shortened version of “spathiphyllum,” which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant.
We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn’t want to share a name with the nasty predators.
As long as it takes…but you can have friends. People who make you feel comfortable.
Hens,
Please don’t give up hope. I think it IS ok to be single forever. you may find that you’re actually MOST comfortable with that, but if not, don’t give up hope that someone could be just as captivating but in a good way with the you you are now. Sounds peaceful to me Hens.
I think you’re doing sooooo good! I”m believing, for you, that you will have a relationship again. It will be good, I think, Hens, but minus the drama.
LL
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Good morning guys! Yep, here we are!!!!! “Black berry winter” in the south (we get 4-5 days of CHILLY weather after a couple of weeks of nice warm spring weather, just about the time the black berries bloom!–and I saw them blooming yesterday!)
Spent the weekend at the state park near my home where the arsehole member of my living history group pointed an antique but very REAL gun at me! I pressed charged against him in court! Our P-group president (and I am really saying this guy is a FULL FLEDGED control freak P, complete with a PhD and no conscience) thought it was a JOKE. Ha ha I wasn’t laughing!) anyway, about a year later, the guy who pointed the gun at me, ended up ALSO going to jail because his MOTHER DIED and he kept the corpse in the house with him until the neighbors could smell her in spite of the incense he kept burning….so I wasn’t too far off that this guy had some “problems” LOL Funny though, how many of my group were “supportive” of him at the time he pulled his little JOKE threatening to shoot me with the blunderbuss and pointing it at me.
I ended up being elected to the board of directors though and getting some SERIOUS policies implemented about fire arm safety in our group—even with our antique muzzle loaders etc. It was THAT OR THE GROUP WOULD HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE ARKANSAS STATE PARKS….I can be an old witch folks when I am provoked, and will use the law to accomplish what I think is important for safety reasons…which also included about 5 years ago getting a CONVICTED pedophile out of our group after he got out of prison in spite of the fact that some of the MEN on the board of directors said “well, he’s served his debt to society in prison” DUH??????? And work with kids in our group???? Not on MY WATCH!!!! Not when it is possible to prevent it.
So we had great weather, and son D and another couple of friends of ours set up our camp with about 20 other camps (I drove the 25 miles home at night to sleep as I’m still messing with the sleep apnea and it was easier for me but son D and the others stayed there at night) So had a great time, saw friends I had not seen in a while…actually the last time I camped at this particular event was when I was just starting dating the P BF in April 2005 and he and I were there together.
Interesting event though and met a young father with a group of Venture Scouts that was there….single father who was raising his 14 yr old son alone after being married to a sociopath…..spent a good deal of the down time talking with this young man about his x wife and his son, took him back a load of books about psychopaths etc. from The Betrayal Bond to others for him to read. He already had a little information and idea that his x wife is a sociopath….she drove her 2nd husband to suicide, and the guy called my new friend about a week before he offed himself and said “I fought you for 7 years but I want you to know I know it wasn’t you, it was HER.” Then a week later, he killed himself. Didn’t do the boy any good either…but the father has been doing a great job with his kid, has him in therapy, spends lots of time with him in Scouting, (BTW the dad is a nurse) and is soaking up everything he can learn about psychopaths and healing. Interesting how “we” (former victims) of psychopaths can sometimes spot each other….like Hens was talking about the way closeted gays would say they were “friends of Dorthy” (as in Wizard of Oz Dorthy) I’m not sure what our “secret pass word is” but some how we can spot each other I think….or we can see someone in a crowd we know is STILL a victim….
I was over hearing some conversations among some of the people I know there, relating some family drama….one of the ex wives of one of the group was almost murdered by their daughter and her BF —the BF got 40 years in prison and the dtr is going to prison but not sure for how long now…..they beat the mother up, dragged her out to a vehicle, took her to a high over pass, threw her off, (and yet she did survive) and the dtr who is in jail has NO REMORSE (sounds like Cassey Anthony) but they are all worried that she won’t get the treatment for drugs she needs while she is in prison…and yes, she’s made horrible decisions in picking men, and this of course helping him try to kill her mom and dispose of the body was not her fault at all….and it is only the demon drugs, other wise she is a loving caring daughter and NONE OF THIS IS HER FAULT….well, needless to say, I didn’t offer any advice. LOL Just a comment more or less like “boy, that sounds like a painful situation” as I scooted off to not hear any more of it.
But I also noticed how many of the family groups who were there, people I’ve known for years since their own kids were teenagers….those people now have custody of and are raising their grand kids…ranging in age from toddlers to school age….while the parents are Gosh knows where.
Funny thing, too….for the most part, these people who are raising their grandkids because their kids are irresponsible (or worse) were, in my observation, pretty good parents themselves….they were hard working, family oriented, worked with volunteer organizations like scouts, spent time in family activities with their kids….and yea, we do have some “nut jobs” in our living history group, like any “special interest” group…but for the most part, pretty good folks.
Was an interesting weekend of people watching though…..within the group people watching, and watching the public who strolled by our camps looking at us much like you might look at the monkeys in the zoo…with the exception of the fact that they were able to talk to us and ask us about our clothing, cooking utensils and so on. LOL
Lots of food for thought and rumination material I’ll be chewing my cudd over for a while though.
Ox Drover
Wow, you sure have a nose for it. Pointing a gun at you then keeping his mom’s corpse? Sicko!
By the way, Oxy, I did forward Donna an email, asked her to forward it to you.
Superkid
Superkid, I answered it, did you not get it?
Yea, this guy was a first class jack ass, bully, drunk, “good old boy” that was in our group….I didn’t like him in the first place as he behaved like a hyperactive 13 year old who BADLY needed a trip to the wood shed, crude etc. So one event he had a blunderbus which is a precursor of a shot gun, and pointed it at my butt and asked how I’d like to have a butt full of “rice crispies.”
Well, I am very serious about gun safety and even an unloaded antique fire arm–so I pressed assault charges against him. Some of the men in the group sided with him but I ended up getting justice and MOST OF THE INFLUENTIAL MEN in the group sided with me so it was VERY embarrasing to those men who didn’t when the game rangers in our group, the federal employees like FBI, DEA, INS etc. were VERY UPSET at this guy.
Anyway, a year or two later, the guy lived with his mother, and she died….and he didn’t report the death til the neighbors could smell her. No one has seen him since….funny thing was, he had been dating this gal in the group who is a MATH PROFESSOR at one of our state colleges…she just thought I was sooooo unfair to him…..they aren’t dating any more, obviously. I shouldn’t be so gleeful about this guy shooting himself in the foot so badly—I’m not sure what the dead mama deal was and they NEVER COMPLETELY DETERMINED A CAUSE OF DEATH because she was so badly decomposed….I won’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind that somehow he killed her or neglected her (she was bed ridden) until she just expired….there was something fishy about this guy living there with his dead mama for WEEKS.
OK So today, I am walking in the desert near a popular recreation area about three miles from my house. I’m not on a trail that a lot of people use. It’s mostly a flat walk with nothing other than a beautiful view of the Spring Mountain Range. I’m on this path because I am watching my friend’s super-sweet dog. But he’s not so super-sweet to other dogs so we have to be off the beaten path.
So there I am all alone in my tennis clothes because I hit this morning. And I’m thinking it’s a great day – 70 degrees out, overcast, spring. Then it hits me: perfect conditions for RATTLESNAKES.
I need to be talking and making noise because surely they are in the grassy desert brush, kreosote and Joshua Trees all around me.
I call the dog back. Look down. I see a huge lime green rattle snake, coiled up and hissing. I was thisclose to stepping down right in the center of its coil. Somehow I jumped over it or something. But I felt its oddly cold dry body whir just past my left leg at the spot where my achilles tendon would come out over my shoe. I don’t know if it tried to bite me or what, but it definitely wanted out of my way as much as I wanted out of its way.
I couldn’t believe it. I was so shocked and freaked out. And alone out there. As you can imagine, it could have been a horrible, awful situation.
I’m telling this story because as much as that rattlesnake scare freaked me out – adrenaline, crazy thoughts, etc. It was nothing like the stun, rush of adrenaline, emotional crash whatever it is that I felt when I found out that my ex boyfriend had cheated on me and lied to me. The second the truth hit me, I realized that I knew that he was no-good snake all along.
One strange bit of irony that goes along with today’s events – when I was together with my ex everytime I heard “I’m Going to Keep on Lovin’ You” that cheesy REO Speedwagon hit from the early 1980s, I would sing a long with that song as a silly serenade to him.
Not sure if you remember, but here is the first verse of the song:
You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missin
You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn’t listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin
Funny, running into that snake today and meeting the man of my life were oddly similiar. I did everything wrong with both situations. I was raised in the desert. My parents taught us how to handle the desert and all the creatures in it. We were taught rattlesnake precautions. I live in a city filled with grifters and criminals. We were taught right from wrong. And I became a pretty great judge of character. In fact, I prided myself on my honesty and integrity along with my ability to see that in someone else.
I let my guard down on this beautiful spring day today and almost had a life threatening experience. I went out there totally unprepared by choice. I knew what to do. And I let my guard down when this strapping, charming, talented man walked into my life three years ago. And I had my whole life nearly shattered.
Still, I am thankful. Both of these situations could have ended in tragedy.
If given the choice between being bitten by a rattle snake and being bitten by a psychopath, I’d take the reptile bite and hope for good emergency care. At least you would know exactly what hit you.
PS I played MegaBucks for the first time today. I never gamble, but I figured chance was on my side because I got so stinking lucky with the snake.
I answered it but it went back to the temp e mail account you had set up…but I have cleaned out my deleted box and my sent box as they were piled up. Send another e mail to donna and just use your regular e mail and have her forward it, I remember the question.
Actually, on the question…I can answer that here and not give it away….what is done is done. You didn’t do any thing wrong. Don’t beat yourself up over it, and don’t admit doing it no matter if anyone puts bamboo splinters under your nails. What he was doing was dishonest. What you did might not have been for the best of reasons (you were mad) but that doesn’t mean you were bad, you did not lie, you told the truth. So as far as I am concerned..you didn’t do anything wrong. Just my humble opinion. If he has consequences for doing something illegal and immoral that’s his problem.
Dear OneBeliever ~ thank goodness that snake didn’t connect! Holy smoke that would’ve been awful!! Crossing my fingers for you on the megabucks!! 🙂