Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Andrea19.”
I married a sociopath who charmed me when I was at a very lonely & depressed time in my life. After only a few months of knowing him, we ended up married.
He was younger than me and seemed to have it together. Very handsome, quiet & smart. I had just lost a family member and was devastated & grieving.
Our relationship consisted of very high highs and very low lows, it was like being on a roller coaster. I was walking on egg shells all the time and felt in some ways that I had disappeared.
His words were cruel & condescending when speaking of his ex, or anyone else he had a problem with. I never thought that he would speak of me & to me the same way.
The abuse became more chaotic and happened more often until there was no more romantic highs and no happiness at all. I felt like I had lost my soul and my life, I wanted to die because I felt that I was already dead anyway. He extorted money from me, Kept me captive in a room in our house.
The abuse got physical & I still stayed. Not understanding my own behavior, I kept waiting for him to become once again the person I fell in love with, the person I met in the beginning, the false personality. If that person returned, I thought everything would be OK again.
I was afraid to leave but I knew I had to. It took me three times to physically leave before I finally left. He lied to me & I believed the words because I saw the good in everybody. Never in a million years did I think I would be involved in an abusive marriage.
The way it happened was insidious, I kind of knew but within so much denial because I wanted to believe in the fairytale.
I later found out he was a drug addict, using since the day I met him. He took my life savings & spent it on drugs.
I have been NC for a number of years, but I am still scarred for the rest of my life. I will never be that same carefree, trusting, loving girl that I used to be. I lost my innocence, my faith in people, he took that from me.
I am now in a very healthy marriage and I thank God that my husband now was placed into my life. My marriage now is a gift.
But I am still not the same person, I trust no one, have C-PTSD, I keep people at a distance, it’s very hard for me to get close to anyone anymore, and that makes me really really sad.
But I am so grateful that I am alive because if I had stayed, there is no doubt in my mind that he would’ve killed me.
After years of working through this in therapy, I realize that although I was the victim, I was replaying something that happened to me many years ago when I was a child. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been through it.
I hope if anyone reads my story that it would help someone out there.