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All sociopaths lie

Hiten Patel

Hiten Patel was accused of sexually assaulting seven women.

Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, led a double life. He worked at the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Center, which required a security clearance. He had a wife, the result of an arranged marriage in his native India.

But for the past three weeks, Patel has been on trial, charged with sexually assaulting, or attempting to sexually assault, seven women in Atlantic City during the summer of 2012.

Some of the women were working as prostitutes. During the trial, Patel admitted that he was addicted to prostitutes, but he denied assaulting the women. Here’s some of the news coverage:

Accused rapist tells jury he’s paid 200 prostitutes for sex, not rape, on pressofatlanticcity.com.

This story in the Press included a sidebar a summary of what each of the seven women alleged, and what Patel said happened. Granted, with some of the women being prostitutes and some hooked on drugs, their stories may be less than accurate. Still, the versions weren’t even close

THE ALLEGATIONS

The following are the allegations made by seven women against sexual assault defendant Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, and his account of what occurred during the events during the summer of 2012.

M.D.

Allegation: The woman said Patel pulled a gun on her and tried to rape her June 27, 2012, but she ran. Her dress was torn off as she escaped and she ran to a nearby home, telling the man there she had been attacked. She reported the incident, and again called police about a month later, when she saw the same man again.

Patel: The woman had been paid $150 for sex, but got mad when Patel couldn’t get aroused, he testified. He said he showed her his fake gun after finding her in the front his minivan going through his wallet, still naked. She fled the car without the wallet or her clothes.

J.R.

Allegation: She testified that she was trying to get money to buy heroin because she was sick from withdrawal. After agreeing to have sex with Patel sometime in either June or July 2012, she said she was getting ready to undress when he pulled a gun and ordered her get naked and have sex with him.

Patel: Said he would see her walking down Pacific Avenue, but never solicited her because “she looked like a homeless person.”

K.G.

Allegation: A teenager visiting from Delaware with her older boyfriend, she was walking to the train station July 17, 2012, when Patel offered her a ride. But later, he pulled a gun and she jumped from the moving vehicle, hiding under cars in a nearby dealership.

Patel: The girl solicited him, and demanded money before they parked. He gave her the cash but she wouldn’t agree on a place to stop for sex, so he asked for his money back. She pulled a box cutter, he testified. That’s when Patel showed her the gun. She then opened the car door, “took a step and fell.”

I.S.

Allegation: During the attack sometime in the summer of 2012, Patel allegedly ripped her clothes off her and attacked her at gunpoint. I.S. didn’t report it because she was on probation. Later, she saw him at the jail after his arrest and recognized him.

Patel: He claims the first time he saw the woman was at the Atlantic County Justice Facility following his arrest. Due to the charges, many women said things to him at the jail, Patel testified.

L.C.

Allegation: Patel solicited her for sex sometime in July 2012, but then pulled a gun and his nice demeanor changed. As she tried to escape, he violently forced her back. She made eye contact with someone nearby, which allegedly ended the attack, and she was able to escape.

Patel: Testified only that L.C. “was very pretty” and he tried to kiss her because he was attracted. She didn’t like that, he said.

G.H.

Allegation: Said she accepted the solicitation in mid-July 2012, because she needed money for drugs. He said he was a detective and later pulled out the gun. He ripped her clothes and raped her. G.H. got a partial license plate when she got out of the car.

Patel: The plan was to pay her for sex, but she was coughing so much he felt she was sick and just wanted her out of his car. She kept asking for money and wouldn’t leave, so he pulled out the fake gun.

T.D.

Allegation: Said she approached Patel’s van when he tried to get her attention Aug. 2, 2012, and then ordered her into the car claiming to be a detective. Later, pulled out a gun and raped and choked her. Patel was under surveillance as a suspect in previous attacks, and was arrested shortly after dropping T.D. off.

Patel: T.D. saw the gun in the car, but Patel said he told her it was a toy and even had her hold it. He said the two didn’t have sex, but she did touch him.

Press of Atlantic City Staff Writer Lynda Cohen

The jury believed the women. Last week, Hiten Patel was found guilty in five of the cases.

Patel guilty in attacks on five of seven women in Atlantic City, on pressofatlanticcity.com.

The lies sociopaths tell

Patel’s motivation for lying is obvious he wanted to stay out of prison. Most sociopaths assume that they can talk themselves out of trouble. Unfortunately, they’re often right.

But lying is more than a tactic for sociopaths. Lying is central to their personalities. It’s who they are.

All sociopaths lie. They tell big lies. They tell little lies. They tell stupid lies. They lie when they’d be better off telling the truth. Here are some observations about sociopaths and their lies:

1. Lying for the fun of it

Sociopaths get a thrill out of lying. Some have admitted getting an adrenalin rush out of deceiving people. Dr. Paul Eckman, who studies lying and teaches people how to detect it, calls this “duping delight.”

2. Mixing truth and lies

Some sociopaths mix just enough truth with their lies to make their stories seem plausible. When you know that some of what they’re telling you is true, you tend to believe the rest of what they’re saying as well. Or, you may know that some of what they’re saying is false, but the truth and lies are so intertwined that you can’t pull them apart.

3. Sociopaths know they’re lying

Sociopaths are not delusional. Just because they sound so convincing when they lie, it doesn’t mean they believe their own stories.

Take my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. He claimed to have served in the Australian military for 35 years. He claimed to have won the Victoria Cross for his bravery in Vietnam. He’d been telling those stories since the 1980s, and I met him in 1996.

He was still telling the stories in 2005, when I exposed him. Then, when confronted by a journalist, he admitted that he was never in the military, but that his stories were part of a secret government program to prove how easy it was to impersonate a war hero.

4. Outrageous lies

Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.

That’s why it never occurred to me that Montgomery might be lying about his military service. Montgomery was a member of the Vietnam Veterans Organization. He was the keynote speaker at a Veteran’s Day ceremony. I accompanied him twice when he spoke to schoolchildren about what it was like to serve in the military.

Who has the nerve to do that when none of it is true? Sociopaths.

5. Eye contact

Most people think that if someone can look you in the eye as they’re talking to you, then they’re telling you the truth. Common wisdom is that when someone is lying, as the words come out of their mouths, they look away.

These guidelines may work with normal people. But sociopaths are perfectly capable of looking deep into your eyes and lying to your face.

Dr. Liane Leedom once wrote on the Lovefraud Blog, “If you are astounded by another person’s capacity to lie and misrepresent reality, you can be sure you have encountered a sociopath.”

I know that the extent of my ex-husband’s lies was simply staggering.

How about you? What outrageous lies have you heard from sociopaths?

 


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68 Comments on "All sociopaths lie"

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My ex Psychopath ‘Husband’ used to say that EXACT SAME THING in the same tone you describe: “I did NAWWWWWWWT!” He said it a LOT, since I was always coming across evil lying stuff he was doing. I had forgotten until I read your story. My young teen son used to imitate it as a joke if I caught him at something; son would say in the same tone of voice as the Psychopath, “I did nawwwwwt!” and we’d have a good laugh.

I’m wondering whether the comments your Socio made when flirting with you that you call ‘outrageous’ could also be considered sexual harrasment? You don’t mention if they were sexual in nature, but I wondered.

Annette, thank you for your comment. I think maybe there are others who experienced that phrase because it’s the speak of a child and as I said above, I do firmly believe that these sick monsters stop maturing emotionally around age 3-5. I did read that somewhere and it was one of those pieces of info that really resonated with me. I think there is a lot of truth in that. They don’t develop empathy or a true conscience and experience a stunted emotional response that is all about me, me, me and no impulse control. Then as they get older, esp if men, and their sex drive develops (G-d if only that were stunted too!!!!) they just see it as something else they want to attack and claim for themselves when they want it, hedonistic, and no remorse.

Oh definitely, the comments the path made were definitely by any and all definition, sexual harassment. The *first* time I met him, (job interview) he said something that was beyond belief for a hiring manager to say on my way out the door. I remember saying out loud “Ew, smarmy,” but I figured he’s a disgusting player and a cheat as I believe I said above. The 2nd time I met him (desperate for a job) I got the wife doesn’t understand me story. But the weird thing is, the true socio came out in that story, I think because my response was, “OH I’m so sorry, I hope things get better for you two!” Perhaps not what he thought he’d hear. So he said, “Oh we’re very committed,” then winked and said, “Plus, we made up!” I wanted to vomit in the trash can. G-d I was so turned off. I didn’t want to take the job at all. I pushed out the start date.

He was very quiet for weeks after I began working there. I didn’t want to be there, bad feeling about him, the job, the organization, everything. I job hunted every day. As time went on, he did make more and more comments and they could all be considered sexual harassment. However, the way he phrased them and many times bringing in spiritual or religious phrases, he could have found a way out of it if I ratted him out.

One of the comments he made was so blatant, that that was when I began to think, “Wait, maybe he really does care for me. OMG – he’s willing to put himself out there like that and so much to lose. He cares!” That was the beginning of a bad and a rough ride. I’m glad though that I realize now he did not care and was prob boinking everyone that would let him while I thought he was in love with me. In fact, in my insane state, I recall feeling that he was having sex with everyone even then. Yet I didn’t let it affect me. G-d the manipulation and takeover of your emotions is so frightening. Thanks to him, my trust level will never be the same. I don’t trust my boss right now and it’s definitely affecting my job. He’s a bit of a narcissist and overall, it’s just hard to deal with. Thank heavens for LF!

Annette, sorry I went on so long!! Let me say it sounds as if you are over your ex. That’s awesome! I hope things are good for you and your family.

I’m a few years out. It was hell, as it is for all of us victims. I’m on the way to recovery.

Yours sounds like a skilled manipulator and total predator. It also sounds like you were clear headed enough to get free, and that it could have been a lot worse.

I wish you happiness and good people in your life.

Had court yesterday for the protection order.

I decided not to fight it or bother paying an attorney, so I cut a deal with her lawyer for 2 year order but I still get to call and talk to the kids with visitation which was the most important thing. However im second guessing my decision to not go in and defend myself from false allegations, but im just so tired from all this, I feel like a beaten down shell of myself. To make it worse she brought that damn ex boyfriend with her and I believe she did it just to upset me, I seen her twice walk past me from about 12 feet away, both times she looked right at me for several seconds but the look in her eyes was odd, it didn’t look like anger or happiness. It looked like confusion and guilt.

I spent an hour crying like a child in front of my best friend lastnight. I feel like a failure, after I committed those felonies when I was 19 I have strived to kill that person and become someone else and stay out of trouble and raise a family, nothing I do seems to work, and it seems like every situation im in, something always happens where I cannot do anything about it.

I found out from my kids lastnight that my daughter is now going to this place after school with my son cause shes old enough now, its basically free babysitting (as my ex always tries to get stuff free or discounted because she feels entitled) they bus the kids there after school, problem is they can stay until 8 pm, my ex gets off at 5 and the place is on the way home to her house and she leaves them there until 8 anyway, she now has them gone from 8 am to 8 pm and doesn’t pay a dime, and I wonder how long it will be before my kids start thinking they are not wanted or being pawned off, bad thing is that this happened to my ex as a child, she was constantly getting pawned off on other family members, she lived with her mother, then her father, then her aunt, then her grandmother, then her father again, then her mother again until she dropped out of high school and left the area for good.

She told me once that im pathetic and haven’t accomplished nothing in my life and now I feel like that is true, of course nothing I did to help our family counted as to her, she was the only one contributing and I was just using her for a meal ticket. I have not seen my children in 2 months, my father is sick with cancer, this woman keeps dragging me into court, yesterday made the 2nd time and now I have to go for child support next week and its a 100 miles away, ive had to borrow a car and gas money both times now as she left my car on the verge of blowing up and refused to pay for it to be fixed. My income was from running our (well her) business, she threw me out with no job, no money, a broken car then immediately filed for child support knowing I couldn’t pay it. I will pay it when I can but she doesn’t need the money and I think that is messed up to do that to someone when you don’t need it and they don’t have it.

I would just assume build a cabin in the forest and remain a hermit the rest of my life, ive just about had my fill with dealing with the human race. No offense to anybody here im sure some of you have fealt like that too.

Sorry things are going so badly. When you get feeling a little better, perhaps you will get a job, and a car, and begin building a new life.

Dave.. Your post is very sad. You need to think further out in the future instead of the chaos thats going on now. In a few years your children can make decisions and live with you if thats what they want. Start putting your life back together now, so you can be there for them when they need you.

hens,

They need me now before it is too late, but even with a job there is no way in hell ill get custody right now unless I could prove she was mentally ill or physically abusing them. They have practically no home/family life now, dad is gone, and mom dumps them off from 8-8 m-f, then spends most her time on the weekend running errands or working on that business. It saddens me that both of them now go to school, then to that club and by the time they get home eat/brush teeth, maybe some homework and bedtime. But yes job is first, well im trying to get my car fixed first, I cant risk driving it lest it blow up, and I have yet to find anyones car I can borrow m-f for a job. Something will work out eventually, and I have a phone consultation next week with child support to figure what ill be paying, and not to my surprise they were unaware of my ex having a private business on the side of her day job, of course I let them know 🙂

Hey Dave,

I just wanted to mention this to you in case it helps. If she has a protection order against you and she’s a sociopath, there’s a really good chance she is going to try her best to get you to violate it. I was told that the communication has to stop BOTH ways, not just one way. If she contacts you AT ALL, keep a record of it and show the police (if your order is police enforceable) and don’t respond.

Also, give yourself a break. This split is still fairly new for you and you’re still reeling. As for proving she’s nuts, I wouldn’t go there. That is a lot harder than it should be. It might just make you come out looking like a vindictive ex. (I know this from experience..lol) Just bide your time, follow the rules and let her do herself in…because they all eventually do. 🙂 and they’re actually better at outing themselves than we are sometimes! lol Chin up!

Dave – I just wanted to add my support for you in your situation. My mother was a sociopath and my father could not fix her either. But having him in my life provided a model of living that was different from her. You may not see how you are helping your children – but trust me – you are – even talking to them on the phone is a breath of fresh air for them.

I hope you get some rest and it’s good that you are having your feelings even if it is crying a lot right now. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

TY Opal,

I couldn’t imagine having a parent like that, but I think my exs parents were, at least her mother anyway, her father is kinda hard to figure out, real quiet, but I never got a good vibe from him, he didn’t seem very trustworthy, almost like hes hiding something.

Yeah I hope just talking to me helps the kids, I have to set up some time to see them soon.

Joyce

I will write the story sometime and post him to your site. The problem is that the story is so long and convoluted it is going to take me a while. He is so good at what he does and I want people to get the full extent of the manipulation, lies and conning these people do rather than thinking I should just “get over it”. Almost every word that came out of his mouth was for manipulation and head games. He did it all. Everything out of all the books but, very subtly. It’s been 6 years and I have backslid many times. He couldn’t have picked a better target than me.

Enlightenment is empowering. Recognizing it was just a head game is a huge step toward recovery! When you feel up to it, listing his data might help prevent someone else from falling prey.

And if you’d like to be “in the loop” regarding legislation changes on rape by fraud in your area, contact me at http://www.CADalert.com.

All the best!
Joyce

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