By | February 17, 2014 68 Comments

All sociopaths lie

Hiten Patel

Hiten Patel was accused of sexually assaulting seven women.

Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, led a double life. He worked at the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Center, which required a security clearance. He had a wife, the result of an arranged marriage in his native India.

But for the past three weeks, Patel has been on trial, charged with sexually assaulting, or attempting to sexually assault, seven women in Atlantic City during the summer of 2012.

Some of the women were working as prostitutes. During the trial, Patel admitted that he was addicted to prostitutes, but he denied assaulting the women. Here’s some of the news coverage:

Accused rapist tells jury he’s paid 200 prostitutes for sex, not rape, on

This story in the Press included a sidebar a summary of what each of the seven women alleged, and what Patel said happened. Granted, with some of the women being prostitutes and some hooked on drugs, their stories may be less than accurate. Still, the versions weren’t even close


The following are the allegations made by seven women against sexual assault defendant Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, and his account of what occurred during the events during the summer of 2012.


Allegation: The woman said Patel pulled a gun on her and tried to rape her June 27, 2012, but she ran. Her dress was torn off as she escaped and she ran to a nearby home, telling the man there she had been attacked. She reported the incident, and again called police about a month later, when she saw the same man again.

Patel: The woman had been paid $150 for sex, but got mad when Patel couldn’t get aroused, he testified. He said he showed her his fake gun after finding her in the front his minivan going through his wallet, still naked. She fled the car without the wallet or her clothes.


Allegation: She testified that she was trying to get money to buy heroin because she was sick from withdrawal. After agreeing to have sex with Patel sometime in either June or July 2012, she said she was getting ready to undress when he pulled a gun and ordered her get naked and have sex with him.

Patel: Said he would see her walking down Pacific Avenue, but never solicited her because “she looked like a homeless person.”


Allegation: A teenager visiting from Delaware with her older boyfriend, she was walking to the train station July 17, 2012, when Patel offered her a ride. But later, he pulled a gun and she jumped from the moving vehicle, hiding under cars in a nearby dealership.

Patel: The girl solicited him, and demanded money before they parked. He gave her the cash but she wouldn’t agree on a place to stop for sex, so he asked for his money back. She pulled a box cutter, he testified. That’s when Patel showed her the gun. She then opened the car door, “took a step and fell.”


Allegation: During the attack sometime in the summer of 2012, Patel allegedly ripped her clothes off her and attacked her at gunpoint. I.S. didn’t report it because she was on probation. Later, she saw him at the jail after his arrest and recognized him.

Patel: He claims the first time he saw the woman was at the Atlantic County Justice Facility following his arrest. Due to the charges, many women said things to him at the jail, Patel testified.


Allegation: Patel solicited her for sex sometime in July 2012, but then pulled a gun and his nice demeanor changed. As she tried to escape, he violently forced her back. She made eye contact with someone nearby, which allegedly ended the attack, and she was able to escape.

Patel: Testified only that L.C. “was very pretty” and he tried to kiss her because he was attracted. She didn’t like that, he said.


Allegation: Said she accepted the solicitation in mid-July 2012, because she needed money for drugs. He said he was a detective and later pulled out the gun. He ripped her clothes and raped her. G.H. got a partial license plate when she got out of the car.

Patel: The plan was to pay her for sex, but she was coughing so much he felt she was sick and just wanted her out of his car. She kept asking for money and wouldn’t leave, so he pulled out the fake gun.


Allegation: Said she approached Patel’s van when he tried to get her attention Aug. 2, 2012, and then ordered her into the car claiming to be a detective. Later, pulled out a gun and raped and choked her. Patel was under surveillance as a suspect in previous attacks, and was arrested shortly after dropping T.D. off.

Patel: T.D. saw the gun in the car, but Patel said he told her it was a toy and even had her hold it. He said the two didn’t have sex, but she did touch him.

Press of Atlantic City Staff Writer Lynda Cohen

The jury believed the women. Last week, Hiten Patel was found guilty in five of the cases.

Patel guilty in attacks on five of seven women in Atlantic City, on

The lies sociopaths tell

Patel’s motivation for lying is obvious he wanted to stay out of prison. Most sociopaths assume that they can talk themselves out of trouble. Unfortunately, they’re often right.

But lying is more than a tactic for sociopaths. Lying is central to their personalities. It’s who they are.

All sociopaths lie. They tell big lies. They tell little lies. They tell stupid lies. They lie when they’d be better off telling the truth. Here are some observations about sociopaths and their lies:

1. Lying for the fun of it

Sociopaths get a thrill out of lying. Some have admitted getting an adrenalin rush out of deceiving people. Dr. Paul Eckman, who studies lying and teaches people how to detect it, calls this “duping delight.”

2. Mixing truth and lies

Some sociopaths mix just enough truth with their lies to make their stories seem plausible. When you know that some of what they’re telling you is true, you tend to believe the rest of what they’re saying as well. Or, you may know that some of what they’re saying is false, but the truth and lies are so intertwined that you can’t pull them apart.

3. Sociopaths know they’re lying

Sociopaths are not delusional. Just because they sound so convincing when they lie, it doesn’t mean they believe their own stories.

Take my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. He claimed to have served in the Australian military for 35 years. He claimed to have won the Victoria Cross for his bravery in Vietnam. He’d been telling those stories since the 1980s, and I met him in 1996.

He was still telling the stories in 2005, when I exposed him. Then, when confronted by a journalist, he admitted that he was never in the military, but that his stories were part of a secret government program to prove how easy it was to impersonate a war hero.

4. Outrageous lies

Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.

That’s why it never occurred to me that Montgomery might be lying about his military service. Montgomery was a member of the Vietnam Veterans Organization. He was the keynote speaker at a Veteran’s Day ceremony. I accompanied him twice when he spoke to schoolchildren about what it was like to serve in the military.

Who has the nerve to do that when none of it is true? Sociopaths.

5. Eye contact

Most people think that if someone can look you in the eye as they’re talking to you, then they’re telling you the truth. Common wisdom is that when someone is lying, as the words come out of their mouths, they look away.

These guidelines may work with normal people. But sociopaths are perfectly capable of looking deep into your eyes and lying to your face.

Dr. Liane Leedom once wrote on the Lovefraud Blog, “If you are astounded by another person’s capacity to lie and misrepresent reality, you can be sure you have encountered a sociopath.”

I know that the extent of my ex-husband’s lies was simply staggering.

How about you? What outrageous lies have you heard from sociopaths?


Comment on this article

Please Login to comment
Notify of

The sociopath I was with for almost four years lied very early on in our relationship. I caught him in the lie and he said, ‘that’s not who he is…it was like someone outside of himself’. I wanted to believe him because I thought he was a much better person than that. I loved him, or so I thought. We all know how that goes.

About the last year of our relationship things started getting very strange. He would be gone on long weekends and had elaborate stories of where he was….stories that just flowed off the end of his tongue effortlessly. He mixed those lies with some truth to keep me confused. Turns out he was off seeing someone else. Yet whenever I would ask if he was seeing someone, he’d look me straight in the eyes and say “no”.

About a year after I left I found out who she was and tried to warn her about him. When he found out he called me. I then decided to email him to get answers to some of what I suspected were lies he had told to me. His email response was…’I lied to you so much that chances are anything that you suspect was a lie probably was’. Last I knew, she stayed with him.

To this day I have no idea if there was much of any truth involved in our entire relationship.


Dr Leedom I am definitely guilty as charged!!!!! Not only encountered him but lived with him….. I fortunately had a really kind lawyer and during the mediation we would laugh so hard at the blatant lies that even the mediator soon understood what we were working with. Every time I complained about his lies and got upset my daughter would say “not interested mother ….liars lie!!!!”


cannh…I’m surprised you got that much from him. The one I was with used to tell me his lies and whom he was seeing behind my back was “none of my business”. And, he truly felt that way. You are right to think that most of what he said was a lie. I really couldn’t believe anything that came out of the sociopaths mouth. I also had another realization. Since I am currently reading Women Who Love Psychopaths, I have the distinct impression he has read some of the books about psychopathy. He knows a lot about the bonding and some of the techniques they use to bond. So he literally studied up on how to bond the woman to him. Plus, he was never “over the top” when he talked about himself. I have to wonder how many of them are getting tips from all the literature.



I think he admitted to some of his lies because he got caught. I remember the details of what he said…they’re etched in my brain. I can be very tenacious and was not going to let him get away with everything.

The sad thing is that I think she is still with him. To think that he admitted to have lied as much as he did to me…and then to know she is with that kind of guy. That’s why I tried to warn her, but it fell on deaf ears.

By the way, I just finished reading “Women Who Love Psychopaths”. Certainly lends a lot of clarity.


cannh…As far as warning her, you did what you could. Most women (and men) don’t know about sociopaths. If I was dating someone and a former flame told me he was a sociopath I would be doing some serious investigating and being very observant. Although, I would hope I would be able to pick one out very quickly at this point. Like I said, the one I was with was very good. He was never too over the top. He lovebombed just enough to hook me. She will learn the hard way and ask herself, “Why didn’t I listen?”. Then she will go on to learn about sociopaths/psychopaths.


Another lesson here. When will we all realize that when these men are gone for long weekends…not available…blow hot and cold…they are here and then they are not…that this all means that of course there is another woman!! Of course! At least we will all know in the future when/if we see these signs again what is REALLY going on (hopefully). I know I, for one, will never, ever be that stupid again. Anytime we get dropped suddenly, it’s another woman. No one just does that without being involved with someone else. That is WHY they disappear. Let’s not fool ourselves.


SER…you’re right and that’s what I suspected all along. I think I just didn’t want to think he’d ever do that to me. Believe me when I say I know better now.


This is the reason I knew that guy I dated in 2008 was a sociopath. His lies were so convincing that I was shocked to find out they were lies. If I didn’t know what a sociopath was, I would say at the very least he is a pathological liar. I don’t know if there are any pathological liars who aren’t sociopaths?


one time while busting mine in a lie talking to an ex (yet again) she had left her phone at home and took mine to the grocery, I went through it and noticed an odd number in there on occasion and called it, it was him again, he had changed the number and she didn’t log it as a contact this time and was speaking to him on her lunch break at work then erasing the calls but hadn’t erased these. when she got home I asked her if she had anything to tell me she said no and what kind of game was I playing, I said let me rephrase this “have you done anything lately you know I would be upset by” she still said no and became very angry, then I said have you spoke to anyone lately I would be upset by, at this point she was yelling at me and I told her I was giving her a chance to come clean, so I grabbed her phone and opened it to that guys number and said whos number is this. she sat there silent not giving an answer, finally I said I know who it is I called him and left a message, only then did she admit it was him, then 5 mins later attempted to blame me for the reason she was talking to him again. with mine you had to practically have DNA evidence as proof before she would admit to the lie.


My ex lied about some really stupid things, like his father had been a police officer. His dad died when he was 12 years old. No reason to lie about that. He also lied about things he knew he had to lie about or he would not have been able to reel me in. During a conversation I had asked him if he had a criminal record, he told me the only thing on his record was that he threw an iced coffee at his ex wifes car and was charged with malicious destruction of a motor vehicle. That was true I found out but that was not the only charge on his criminal record. When I had to apply for a restraining order against him after some physical abuse I was able to see his criminal record. He had been arrested numerous times and had been charged with over 120 crimes. These charges ranged from hiding mortaged property, to assault and battery with a deadly weapon and without, attempted murder, intimidating a witness, threatening to commit murder, threatening to commit rape. I also found out that he has had 13 restrainging orders against him by 10 diffrent people. With all of the lies I just wonder if there was ever any truth in things he told me. One thing in particular, he has told me on several occasions that he has killed people. At that time I was horrified and did not know what he was, what I was dealing with. A couple years later his sons made it onto the front page of the local paper for their criminal activities and on line people were posting comments. One person who claimed to know my ex and his family posted a list of things that according to this person were facts about my ex and his behavior and I got a little nervous because one of these facts was that my ex had literally gotten away with murder because of his friends in the police dept and the court. Do you think he told me the truth, has he really killed or is it just to intimidate me or other people?


I was fooled for many, many years but in the last 10 yrs of our 25 yr relationship I started to see huge flaws. To begin with it was the way my ex would twist and turn the story when he had fallen out with someone else – which was extremely frequent! On the day he would come home and tell me all about it – that would be the closest to the truth I would get. An hour later I would hear him regailing the story to someone else but with a slight tweak, a day later to the neighbour, again altered even more and this would continue. It was like his very own Chinese whispers. His adversory would be totally and utterly demonised whether it be his best friend, work associate, mum, dad, sister – he has fallen out with all of them and then some (he’s not spoken to his dad since 1989, mum and sister for over 12 years.) Anyone who disagreed with him would lose their use and puff! They’d be gone!

As years went on I began to realise that he used the same tactic on me everytime we fell out over something. We would argue. He would shout and scream, become frighteningly aggressive, throw vile insults at me and then storm off. He would ignore me for as long as it took for me to go to him and try and talk. This I would do purely because the atmosphere at home was so unhealthy for the children and then he would tell me how I did this or that and how I was wrong to do this. But it was so far from what actually happened it was ludicrous. When we had our last big row, I finally stood up to him and told him. “That isn’t what happened! You know it isn’t.” and he flared up again and said “so you’ve come in here just to tell me I’m a liar have yo?! Go away, F**k off I’m not speaking to you if you’re going to accuse me of lying!” But of course he was and he knew it. I realise now, that day was the beginning of the end.

After that he started acting very strange. Totally changed and it became obvious he was constantly lying and I guessed (rightly) he was having an affair. After several months of desperately needing the truth, considering hiring a PI and all sorts I thought, if only I could read his Facebook – he was on in 24/7 at that stage. And then one evening, I guessed his Facebook password and that’s when I really found out who I was married to.

It was a horrendous couple of months but at the same time I had to do it. I would log in as him when ever I could. From work, at home on the second lap top while he was sitting in the same room. It became obsessive for a while.

He would be sitting ‘chatting’ to four or five people at once, telling each of them different versions of what he was up to. It took me a long while to work out who were the people he tended to tell mostly the truth to!

One day he was telling one mate that he “got back from holiday, went round to xxxx’s house, watched a film, had fish n chips and f**ked her” – Later, just before I was going to tell him I knew about his affairs and that the marriage was over, I realised that this particular lady was just a friend and nothing else. But I still used the quote when we had our big discussion. I wasn’t ready to give up my secret spying so I told him he’d left his FB open on a couple of ocassions (which was true) and I’d seen that.

His response was – “well there are some people I tell lies to.” REALLY???

Another time my son and I were watching our home movies of when the kids were small. My ex came in and joined us but got straight on the laptop. I follwed suit and logged in as him. This time he had his Thai masseuse on and she asked if I was around. He said, no, she’s never here but that’s good for me and the kids as they hate it when she’s around. They hate it when I’m not here (that couldn’t be further from the truth!) She asked what he was doing and he said – watching home videos with my son. “Oh” she said, “you are such a good father”!! (I nearly threw up!)

This is the same father that assaulted his 16 year old son in Sept 2011, witnessed by his daughter and who hasn’t spoken to either of them since. This is the same father who has told anyone who would care to listen that his son ‘attacked’ him!

This is the same father who lied in court saying his housing needs were the same as mine as he would have shared custody of the children – even though he wasn’t and still isn’t speaking to them.

Its hard to imagine now that any of what he ever said was true but it really doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve thought of warning his new girlfriend but I know he would just lie his way out of it!

Moving On

Mine was so good at the lies and vagueness that the blatant lying only came out after the separation. He also hid behind a personality disorder so his “re framing” history to make himself always look like the good guy. Once people started calling me about things we supposedly were doing and how much he twisted the truth with that married with the symptoms of an abuser/spath I could put two and two together. So I was able to look back on the stories he told me while we were married and throw a lot out as a lie, like his first son is not his because his wife cheated on him. Trouble is, she cheated before the marriage and the son was born 10 months after the wedding. What a tangled web he lives. Really? Is this the best you can do with your life? A waste really.


Where do I start?

He told so many stories. He was a good raconteur but I got so bored with the same stories year after year, especially when we met new people.

We (my friends and I) began to really realise something was wrong when he told a story about a particular event that he claimed happened to him. My friend said that was actually her story and that it happened to her. he had just ‘stolen’ her story and made it his. We laughed after that


Yes, the repeated lies to others (with him usually strangers in bars) gets very old very quickly. I wish I had listened to my family and friends before I moved 1800 miles away with this spath. I am working on a “freedom” plan, and I cannot wait to get 1800 miles away from him.


Oh my where does one begin.Mine had layers of lies.From details in previous relationships to the day I had him removed for his battering.Planning and scheming behind my back to stories of past loves being killed six years ago.Even the lie about his first wife being his best friends wife.He said he did not lie to me he just did not tell me things.(lying by omission I think we call that) Even details about people’s deaths in his family were lied name it.I began to question everything he said.My conclusion was he is a pathalogical liar.Now I have had no contact for three months I realize he is a sociopath. Funny because he was calling me a physco itch behind my back with his daughter.Scarrrryyyyy.Projection runs amuck with them does it not? Today is our court for his assault and I’m hoping after today I continue to heal and move forward. I was driving home yesterday from work and I got a lump in one side of the throat,then the other and then chest pains and knots in my stomache.I said holy heck what’s going on and then I realized he must be here in my town,two minutes later I passed him in traffic..Wow.I will never forget the ugly negative reaction my body had.Before he was even visually seen.I am so glad this is coming to an end and he can never touch me again.He is poison.


That is the trouble with them from year to year or month to month the same story changes.Thats when the antennas go up and the sleuthing begins for the truth.I read something the other day that said IF you have to be a detective for any reason,that in itself tells you all you need to know.I will never again live like that.My life goal is to never again be with anyone that sick.My mental health is priority.Healing from a Spath is awful and I would rather be alone and live in peace than have anyone do a number like that on my physical and mental and emotional health again.If not for Lovefraud and good therapy and people that genuinely love us.The journey would be much darker.Love peace and healing to all of us here.

Having been with my ex from age 15 until our divorce was final about almost aged 50, I saw the how the lying was ingrained, but it took me a lifetime to understand it for what it was. As teens I saw him lie to others and only many years later learned that many things he told me had been lies as well. As things really started unraveling near the end, I pointed out that he lied about anything and everthing – so many unnecessary details. His dramatic reply at that time was that he only wished he could go an entire day without lying…said in a way as if to try to elicit sympathy from me.

The upside to all this is that I am happy now, and I value truth in my life from myself and those around me.


Is it possible that authors can be lying sociopaths? “Don’t believe everything you read” was a phrase I heard often while growing up.

I was in Wal-Mart several years ago and noticed a book entitled “HELL” with images of flames at the bottom of the cover. Out of morbid curiosity I purchased it.

Now…to me…the book sounded like an evil Harry Potter story on steroids. It did not make for credible reading. But it consumed me and my life became a ‘living hell’ because of the descriptions of Hell in this book. The author was intent on impressing everyone with the ‘fact’ that it is a real place where no one ever leaves; people burn forever and there are monsters (including huge insects, such as four foot long spiders…rancid foul smelling demons).

My husband threw the book at the ceiling after reading just the first three pages. He said he could not believe that an intelligent person like me could ever ‘fall’ for such drivel. I still live in fear. I actually saw the author and his wife on a religious program (I forget who interviewed them) and they appeared to be very honest, earnest, and sincere. His wife said she will never forget the night that her husband ‘went to Hell and how she found him writhing on the floor in great terror’. I even found their website and emailed the wife. She sent scriptures to me supporting the reality of Hell.

I am now reading a book entitled “Same Soul, Many Bodies”, and even though it sounds just as far-fetched, it leaves me with a sense of hope and peace. I believe more in the “Universe” and how it affects all of us. Buddhism is a wonderful religion to contemplate even though Buddha was not a god. I believe in Jesus but not in Hell (and this is scary because what if it is real?) And 99% of us are headed there…

Many have criticized the author of “Hell”, claiming he is out to make a lot of money. And despite the appearance of he and his wife they could be pathological liars or sociopaths.

Any ideas on this?



Stay away from people who write books that “consumed me and my life became a ’living hell’ because of the descriptions of Hell in this book. ”

Listen to your self, Barb. You already know the answer to your questions.


What if it’s real, indeed?


This is amusing in retrospect: This spath I was “working” for making “music videos” of totally unkmown musical groups (who paid him to do so- 50-60K per project). Many of whom had adequet musicianship and material, but were not really “marketable” in the 15-24 demographic. Clearly, he “targeted” paying customers of this type because there was no shortage of them!
I met this guy on the internet, looking for PA jobs in the early days of digital production. I flew to California and stayed in an extra bedroom at his house/”production studio” in Marina DelRey. I wasn’t attracted to him in a romantic way- he just wasn’t my “type”. But for some reason that I never quite understood- he got disturbingly, unreasonably “attracted” to me. There were lots and lots of beautiful, far more “personable” actresses throwing themselves at him all the time. He tried to “court” me. And he told me all these outrageous “lies” about all the celebrities he’s worked with and had relationships with (working relationships). Quite frankly, I NEVER believed his hype. We’d be watching TV and he’d say “yeah I know him- last year…blah blah…and give me some preposterous anecdote. I never believed any of his stories. One day the door bell rang and I answered it. It was a “famous” sitcom actor. They guy came in and they acted like old Army buddies. In Hollywood this is a bullshit game. This is the way things get done- first on a “handshake”. Everyone sucks-up and he had plenty of sycophants- even though he was a third rate director (if that!). Well, one of the most unbelieveable stories he told me (that clearly he knew I didn’t believe) concerned the folksters Peter Paul and Mary. He told me in the 60s he “worked” with them producing and taping some live performances. Well, we spent some time in Chicago looking for “commercial” work and, lo and behold PP&M were scheduled to do a concert in a couple weeks. So, I slyly said “hey, Bobby, why don’t you contact their manager, tell him who you are- I’m sure they’d be -sic, thrilled to see you after all this time!” Well, this guy really had balls, so he did just that. He weasled a couple of free tickets to the concert at the very least. Not surprizing all he had to do was promote himself as a music video director/producer to get a bite. (He had a routine dog and pony show for this. Snicker.) So, the day of the show we go backstage and I’m thinking “I can’t wait to see THIS! These people won’t remember him at all and I wonder HOW he’s gonna bullshit his way outta THIS!” I was itchin’ to see what he’d do when he hit the wall, splat. Well, can you imagine what happened next?! He walks up to them and they’re all just TICKLED PINK. Mary practicall throws her arms around him. She said she always thought of him as “The Voice of God”!!!!!! (He had a fake voice and could actually pull that one off.) So now it’s “old home week”. Of course I never changed my mind, though. Spaths blend fact and fiction and often they set their targets up with mind games. They know you’re wary- don’t quite believe them, so they set up some “facts” as part of the con. THEN they hit ya with a really BIG lie that really IS a lie- that you think might actually be on the up and up! I left this creep shortly after this incident because I discovered he’d stolen my bank card, memorized the pin# (from watching me do transactions) and started withdrawing my mortgage money out of my account- so there was no money in it and my payments weren’t made. Typical.



Wow, that’s quite a story. Thankfully you aren’t with him anymore.

As you’ve probably read in my previous posts, I did try and warn the next woman. By pure luck, I entered her name in FB not knowing if that’s who he was with. And like you, there it was…all the photos of the two of them. When I found this, I sent her a FB message simply trying to warn her of what he was like, and sharing with her that I was the woman he was living with when he was having a relationship with her. She and a good friend of hers tracked me down at my work via email and phone. They wanted answers, too, as he had lied to her in the past about other things. She caught him and forgave him then. And even with all of the additional information I shared with her, I believe she is still with him to this date. I couldn’t care less about him, I simply did not want to see another woman have to endure the pain and heartache I did at the hands of this sociopath.



I LOVE your story. It so aptly describes how these types weave fiction and truth, and that one of our best defenses is to do just what you did, and pay attention to how you felt about him, and not get all caught up in the words and stories they use to bamboozle us.

How telling that someone who is perfectly capable of making some kind of living would still steal your credit card. Like Martha Stewart lying about her investments to make a measly 100,000.00 dollars, when she was worth zillions. They are crazy smart/stoopid these types

Sorry about the loss of your $. I lost some money too. I figure it was payment for an education I sorely needed. A painful lesson,, to be sure. But, one that has made me a much better, wiser person.



….And the first thing our GAL told me the first time she met with me (after she met with my ex-path, his borderline wife three times prior to our first meeting) Ms.C.G. told me blatantly “We are all sociopaths, we all lie”. This is an ATTORNEY who was appointed by the judge 2 years ago. She has no psych/social education nor does she have any interest in protecting the kids. She walks into the court room with their s/p dad, says nothing to the judge about what the kids are telling her. I think this article is absolutely true…they get off on lying and throwing it in your face. What they don’t see however is that they are ragged out, look like the HELL they create and what goes around…will come back and bite them in their ASSSSSSSSHHH in due time!


My ex-spath never paid child support or alimony as he was being paid under the table in timeshares! Then he lied to my 5 children about my having been a terrible mother (when in reality I was known as one of the best) and left him due to Ct. Child Protecvtion charges…he would have killed one of them. My children grew up to repeat and elaborate on his lies so now I am left alone, aging, disabled and abandoned by family and friends.My son even told his ex-wife that I was going crazy from a brain tumor when in reality, I was discovered to have a brain cyst caused by a stroke in urtero but am otherwise mentally above par.


Oh heavens yes, the lies were astonishing! I had talked to him on line for 9 years before we actually met in person. During that time firstly his adopted son died of cancer, then his own young son also died of cancer. At the time I did think wow what are the chances. But NO ONE lies about things like that, not your kids. I felt so sad for him. Eventually (after 9 years talking) he came to NZ to meet me and we lived together. There was always some bizzaire problem with his visa. But eventually he got a job and went off to work every day in his suit, I even made his lunches before I went to work, they even forwarded him some wages so we could have a decent Christmas. He had some tough days at work and a lot of good ones for three weeks. His first payday was due and he made arrangements to take me out for dinner to a swanky place to celebrate.
Doesn’t get home until very late though and then confesses all. It was ALL lies. His kids were fine, there was no job (he had borrowed money from a friend of mine because Christmas was going to be tough and he was ‘working’ now), he had no visa. There were 100s more lies as well. He had asked someone he had met on line to lend him money through some bullshit story, hoping it would come through before ‘payday’, it didn’t. I kicked him out immediately, I was SO shocked, especially about the children lies. I phoned him, he told me he was sleeping rough. Even then I felt sorry for him, what a FOOL I was. Turns out I found out much later when this woman contacted me to see where he was), the money had finally come through the next day and he spent it staying at a casino and blew all of it in a day gambling (3,000.00 NZ dollars!!!)Luckily before I got weak enough to take him at least back into the house my family and friends intervened and got him arrested as an over stayer and deported back to Holland. All I can say now is THANK the Good Lord, although at the time I was insane with it all.
I went crazy trying to figure out what was true and what wasn’t, trying to make sense of it all. It was so beyond anything I understood or had encountered. He kept trying to contact me, saying I was his true love, the only woman ever, we would be so happy, he had changed etc etc. Thank goodness he was on the other side of the world because I was so vulnerable then, I don’t know what I would have done.
My sister made me go no contact, best thing I ever did. I stopped trying to work him out because it was never going to make sense in my values and beliefs. It didn’t matter what was true and what wasn’t. He kept contacting me from time to time for two years after. I responded once and then made myself stop. By the time he had left he had used all my money from the sale of my house, left me with huge debts plus what he had borrowed from my friend and sister. Im paying at all back, mostly done now
But oh the lies, I just couldn’t believe anyone would lie like that about everything. I didn’t know, and I wouldn’t have believed anyone who told me there were people like that either.
I am a whole heap more savvy now but still slow to trust


All by texting, so it was easier for him to lie. (He’s much cooler online.) Lies about how many kids he has (there were more) lied about where he lived, where his parents live, and what they do-mom worked on Wall Street and dad was a ball player. Actually mom is a waitress and dad probably doesn’t do anything. After 4 months of texting it was over, so my story ends there. 🙂 As much as you want to believe someone, you need to put up the boundaries, stop, do a U turn, and take a detour.

mo mac

You could simply not make it up with these dysfunctional low lifes.

This toxic individual was already married. Wife 1 thought he was working in Indonesia. Wife-to-be 2, living with him in Inverness, Scotland finds marriage certificate.. Small detail. Cue 1st high speed exit opportunity missed.
Forgives him… sorts out his massive debt problems.. Divorce and marriage. 11th hour avoidance of Bigamy..
Wife 2 home with babies, post natal depression only to be called soon after by his 19 year old mistress that they had been having a passionate affair. He had promised the teenager marriage, the world…(40 year old twice married father of 2. Really?) Psycho subsequently stopped communicating- Ah! we know that old chestnut!
Her first experience of ‘love’? Did she survive?

As far as we know, he continued his filthy modus operandi… ‘internet women’ he called them… Wife 2 continues to find texts and emails from women. He is morally outraged of course and vows to have his company investigate this hacking of his e-mails etc.(Dear God. They are ALL the bloody same!!)

Unhappy wife 2 sends him for regular anger management therapy as his kids are terrified of his black rages.

She finally kicks him out in 2010 .. HURRAH!!!… only to be given diagnosis of terminal cancer soon after. Thinks it is caused by his sex life…. more likely to be the stress of 15+ years living with Psycho boy.

Tragedy. At this point (blissfully unaware of sociopathy, his past, his devastation of lives) I succumb to the charms and love bombing, the plays for pity… His dying wife, his devotion to his ‘beautiful children’… I was in unhappy job/ marriage situation. Bingo!

Wow! The charisma, the smooth, glib, cut and paste lines.

Target capitulates..

A year later, underweight, neurotic, insomniac, suicidal, borderline alcoholic…You all know the score.

I discover he has lied about his age… Told my simultaneous target (One is never enough ladies, don’t you know!) he was 47 – try 52. Said he looked forward to her leading the way to his 50s. What was it like to have a younger toy boy..

Told me he had a 1st class Honours degree from Glasgow University. Priceless. In fact a certificate from a technical college.

No doubt the very tip of the iceberg of his staggering, self-serving lies.

2 years on… life is good again. Forever changed but healing.
What a world of literature, information, support groups.

Love you all.

This was a lesson. Bitter, evil, horrific.. but a lesson nonetheless.

Perhaps one we all needed in some strange way?


Mo MAc
I often think the same thing – your last line. I remarried him AFTER I understood his psychopathy. I had my reason all financial. But the ensuing yr, the tremendous loss of material wealth. tens of thousands to lawyers (more his than mine) But throughout he wanted us to stay best friends – which I had been doing (keep you enemies close…) but if hadn’t remarried him, if that last year didn’t play out the way it did , I would never learned he was raping the children. I shudder to think that I would have allowed this animal to have a continued presence in my life. I needed things to happen the way they did- but my children DID NOT.


The lie he is telling right now on his “new” dating site is that he is 26 years old. He just turned 59. I frankly find that hilarious.

He lied to me for years about his finances and how he struggled with low income since he was in his own business – then I found out he had a separate bank account that he padded. All this while the “joint account” which I filled paid all the bills. I paid *every* mortgage check for the house – 15 years. When I busted him on the private bank account, he said I “hurt his feelings” to think so low of him. Right then.

He also lies about his whereabouts constantly. Still sends me texts to let me know he is “out running errands.” What a guy to run errands for me all the time. ;-0

He lies to me, he lies to others, he rewrites history (the stories get better with each telling as you can imagine). He says he is addicted to porn because I am so awful. No – he was addicted to porn long before I met him. And he hid it from me so well for so long. He finds it easy to lie with texting and FaceBook and dating sites – so it’s actually getting worse – like it’s a progressive disease. His “playground” is much easier with the internet services out there. He has so many aliases I wonder how he has time to do anything else.

He is quite charming (superficial) and enjoys lying to strangers especially. You would recognize the smirk on his face after he has duped people he just met……


Oh wow, same song different lyrics… Mine would close computer a red a whenever I walked into the home office and would always have “just finished” turns out he was not only visiting and erasing visits to porn sites, he also had fetish sex he had hidden on ancient floppy discs that he would watch via Zip drive. I found this out after he was taken to jail for severely injuring me, almost killing me with kick, door slam on my spine and finally throwing me from our kitchen through to our back deck. Then threatened more harm if i didnt stop crying while he watched me laying there unable to move. He had cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, in luring his beautiful, sweet and smart ex fiancé…

This was classic… He told me that his ex fiancé had had cervical cancer from job, and she was such a trooper during her treatment… Blah blah blah… Lie. She never had it, he was coming up with a way to place blame on someone else if I ever turned up positive. The hidden msg there that I missed was an ex had hob and that means he had it, or was a carrier and I will get it it if we have unprotected sex enough, so don’t be alarmed if I get positive result. He couldn’t even have an adult responsible conversation with me about an std.

He said that I was never really injured and I was simply trying to have his clearances taken away… He accused me of sleeping with my ex husband… He even brought a copy of one of my divorce docs from my first marriage to try and say I was setting him up… I gave everything and settled my first narrative, there was no interest in money or greed… It was so silly, but I guess the defense lawyer for the protective order had to try anything and everything g bc of what he had done to me….

Now I’m getting ready to renew my protective order and will not know what lies he will come to court with so there is no way to prepare except the truth and hard provable facts. Wish me luck!


Auto correct errors from iPhone… Will correct when I get to computer. I hope you can get the gist for now. Sorry for now 🙂


I have HPV also (since early 20s), I have had it progress to the stage JUST below cancer, now my pap tests are completely clear. It is not really something u have to stress about. A) its absolutely rampant, like if u’ve been sexually active in the last 30 yrs, you have it, so dont feel bad and B) easily caught very early and treated well.
in fact it’s one STD I wudnt even use as evidence that my partner gave me an STD.
The fact he’s a lying scum still stands of course, salvation 2012. I just wanted u not to fret 🙂


Yes, the lies. Mine lied about where he was actually born – he said NYC, but it was actually Oklahoma City. He lied about going to college . . . he never even actually graduated from high school. I found this out after marrying him and wanting to frame his diploma for the office. (Yet, now he has an MBA from “Harvard”.) He lied about where he was, who he was with, that he had been in a movie as a “Ninja”. (You couldn’t see his face because he was in costume.) He lied about going to work everyday and about paying the house payment (it was foreclosed). I never even knew til they put the notice on the door. He charged all my credit cards to the limit and extended the credit limit even more. It was a crazy-making chaotic world. I haven’t had a single yeast infection since I left him even after remarriage. He played his “girlfriends” against me (some underage) and always got by somehow committing these horrible moral turpitudes and coming out looking like the winner. After I left, he found another naive virgin to play the part of “wife”. I am glad to be out of the “Twilight Zone”!


I hate to admit it, but I’m still being suckered. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year. We’ve been in couples counseling after his disclosure that he is a sex addict. For months, I tried to get clarity and understand addiction but always felt as though there was some much deeper issue.

Only recently did I read Donna’s book LOVE FRAUD and find this web site. I’ve been shocked at how apparent his sociopathic ways are, and how blind our therapist must be to not have recognized his manipulation.

My problem is that while my head is understanding the issue, my heart is still believing his lies. I try to stay away from him and not talk to him but when I do, he love bombs me and I fall back into his spell. He begs to see me and I relent. Of course, when I finally let my guard down and show him ANY attention, he sabotages the moment with some drama and causes an argument, then blames it on me.

On my birthday, he made a big deal of asking me to dinner. He mentioned several times that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me. After a contentious dinner, he came back to the house to see our daughter and ended up staying. The next morning when we woke up, he hugged me and kissed and patted my head while telling me that he loves me with all his heart and wants to grow old with me.

Ten minutes later, he states that he doesn’t want to be in our marriage anymore. He said that his life is good right now the way it is. My head was spinning and I admit that tears flowed. How could he say this after just stating that he wants to grow old with me?

Then as he left for work, he hugged and kissed me and told me that we need to have no communication for two weeks and then we would see “where we are” and maybe plan for him to start moving back in before the summer.

I’m so new to this revelation of his probable PD that I can’t recognize the manipulation when it is happening. After two days of no contact! I can’t decide what his angle was, what he wants to achieve or what to expect next. I feel like a fool for not being able to see that he is such a bad person. My heart still wants to believe he’s the guy who gave me the beautiful card declaring how wonderful he thinks I am and how very fortunate he is to love me. I feel like a yo-yo. He’s constantly pulling me in only to push me away.

I know that no contact must be the answer. When I hear his voice, I want him. When I don’t talk to him, the HORRIBLE things he’s done to me begin to work their way to the surface and I begin to remember the last 23 years of pain. I remember the hateful words that have depleted my self esteem, the MANY other women, the lies, the of anguish from his drug use and exposure to hep B.

Then I miss him, the fear of the future sets in and the cycle starts over.

It’s like drowning and then someone pulls you to the shore and saves you, but as soon as you reach the shore, you turn around and dive back into the water only to drown again. How long does it take to break free?


I went out tonite on a real date. He paid. wow, out not sitting on the couch lol
Towards the end i was saddened to realize i missed the NPD. i knew him, he knew me. my future was set with him, yadayadayada. this man is 10 yrs older than i so he’s a little out of my music tastes, etc. the NPD and i were perfectly matched in things like that. its what made it so hard to leave and stay away. i often felt like he “got” me. he often said he loved that i got him.
yet the hell was still there.
it makes me sad to think of him and miss him or my life. i dont want to miss it or him, blech.
sometimes im just angry he wudnt and will not admit hes a whackjob and get help.
just ANGRY.
this guy who took me out tonite is a nice guy. but i can tell he’s an enabler. i can always trust my BS meter and know wen a guy is lying about his ex(s) thru verbal clues that somehow ppl miss. ive never been wrong in 35 yrs (i cud always tell wen someone was high too and ppl never knew). This guy wasnt telling lies. refreshing lol
but maddening the NPD has ANY input into my life!!!
i dont want to compare men to HIM. SIGH


Consider that the connection you felt with your ex NPD with respect to taste in music, and him ‘getting you’ was faked and manipulated, especially if it happened fast. Real connections and understanding another person take time to develop.
Dating can be enjoyable for its own sake, whether it leads to a long term relationship or not.


I compared mine to an insidious Lucy to Charlie Brown with the football – always promising not to pull it away. In fact, my ex even got a football out and told me to kick it. He promptly pulled it away, laughing. Your drowning analogy is right on. That is the sickness of it. No sane person would treat the one they love that way. You can waste your life waiting for him to change, admit to lies, stop his sexual addiction, to love you the way he should, the way you love him. My only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner. I kept justifying the hideous things he did. He would do what it took to get me to try again, then it would start all over again–. I told him he was like the Nazi doctor who “experimented” breaking bones to see how many times they would break before they wouldn’t heal anymore. Only it was my heart he was breaking. “Does not compute” kept going around in my head. It just didn’t make sense. That is not love. The problem is your low self esteem that got you sucked in, in the first place. I can tell you now, I have peace now through Christ, and my ex is not bankrupting me anymore. I’d rather be alone than go back and live in that constant hell and chaos. He is the devil with blue eyes and blue jeans. Two books that helped me get through were “Women Who Love Too Much” and “Cognitive Therapy”. ~Take care~



Your husband sounds like my now ex, except you were with him twice as long, I couldn’t imagine another 10 years with this woman, I would probly be dead or in a mental ward.

Its like a drug, you think you will never find nobody like them again, they do you wrong, and you jump at the first chance to get back together with them because you are miserable without them (even though we are miserable with them too) once back with them an ease/calm comes over you, a big relief, cause you just got your first hit of the drug after having withdraws. That is how I was with my wife, I couldn’t function during breakups, would lose weight, only thought about her and my kids, when I finally got back together with her it fealt like a boulder was lifted off of me and I was able to function and be me again.

She too said things like yours,,things like never leave me, or we just cant be apart, nobody makes me feel like you do, only to kick me out a month or so later telling me how horrible I am. They have an uncanny knack for making you feel at fault and twisting reality no matter how badly they behaved, fact is this is toxic and like with drugs you must de-tox yourself and stay away or you will become a user again. Im only 3 months split up with mine, so I still feel vulnerable, but the longer im away the more things I remember she did and the more I realize how messed up she is.

Always remember the definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results, all of us here did that with our ex and got the same result each time.


Hey there,

I recently met someone and a friend sent me a link to this site. Some of your stories just sound too familiar. Is there not a way to post the pictures of these guys/ladies … to make sure we are not dating one of them? He’s not asked for money or anything of the sort, he’s had access to my house without any problems …

But he claims he’s some sort of secret agent, use to be in the army, which is why I cannot see where he lives, he cannot tell me where he goes when he travels for work for weeks on end … after reading your stories … I’m starting to feel suspicious!


I wish there were a directory of these toxic men! But as it’s not a crime to defraud in love, there is no listing even.
Be assured, you’re suspicions are right. But they all seem to follow the same behaviors and patterns; even their speech is similar. They aren’t the same men tho lol
Just the same brain-damaged, emotional vampires in different bodies.



Welcome to LF. If in your gut you’re feeling suspicious, then you’re probably right to feel that way. From my perspective, I wouldn’t even go further with this guy. He can’t even tell you where he lives? Hmmm…a red flag to me.



You may not know if there was a problem with him having access to your house. I have read that sociopaths steal because it gives them the feeling of power and control over their environment. The one I was with stole stupid things from me that weren’t worth much if anything. He stole a snorkel set, a piece of petrified wood I had found, etc. He tried to steal an old bike under the pretext of he thought I said he could have it along with 2 others I actually said he could have. My garage is pretty messy so I don’t know exactly what he has stolen. Also, I posted him to 2 different websites along with his name and a short description of what he did, warning women to steer clear. At the very least I would google a man and if anything came up I would then start doing some serious checking on him. As far as him not telling you where he lives…I agree with everyone else. RUN VERY FAST! Big red flag.


Good idea to post his info at CAD alert. Here’s the URL. Please follow the posting instructions.

You can also write the story there, but they’re separate inclusions to protect your identity. When you write the story, change the name of the characters.


Tea Light

Pannick, it’s ”secret agent”, not ”look at me, I’m a secret agent”

So my suggestion would be, you should consider reporting him to the authorities for endangering national security, or alternatively, dump him.


Hell — do both!
~singing~ Secret Agent Man, Secret Agent Man… :p

i swear spaths are soooo dumb sometimes; like seriously, dude??
Life really is way more stranger than fiction, eh?


hahahaha funny!! my ex-spath claimed he was in the ‘witness protection program’ a couple of times. Funny thing is he didn’t think anyone noticed that he still uses his birth name! HELLOOOOOO!! DUMB DUMB DUMB! lol


They make up these stories so that when their potential victims find out information about them, they have established a basis to tell the victim that whatever they found out abut them is not true.


Dear Pannick,, If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then it’s a duck. Your friend that gave you this website knows all about ducks,,so get him out of your life yesterday…been there done that…

As Donna knows, my ex husband’s lies are well documented in “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” But what I want to make clear here is that when a person carries on a sexual relationship under the guise of “impersonation” they are not seducing, they are conducting rape against their victim.

I’m sincerely hoping that many of you who have been victimized in this way will join me in my attempt to enlighten society and change the laws about what constitutes “rape” throughout the penal system of the US. You can contact me through my blog at

Assault is one means that a predator can use to rape a victim. Date rape, statutory rape, rape by coercion, and RAPE BY FRAUD (or deceit) are others.

We need to speak up in order to stem this growing dynamic!




“when a person carries on a sexual relationship under the guise of “impersonation” they are not seducing, they are conducting rape against their victim.”

Making sure I am getting this right, are you saying that we are only having sex with the person consentually because we think they are someone else and that the monster they really are we would never have sex with?

I think that is what you meant, if so I tend to agree with you, even being a man I think that holds true for many men too, ive always been kinda picky, but after going through this I know now I will be extremely picky about who I share my bed with from now on.

still reeling

“Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.”

Yes, this was my experience and exactly what caught my attention about the monster in my life. I couldn’t fathom how or why someone with a job of enormous visibility, married w/children, making a ton of dough, would flirt around w/*me,* a much older, new employee that he hired, about whom he knew absolutely nothing, ergo, I could have told anyone including his boss. I suppose his thinking was that he’d get out of it by stating that I was delusional and he would never waste his time w/some older woman if he was going to cheat which of course was ridiculous because….why would he put all that he had on the line for her????? Preposterous!

My initial response to his flirtatiousness was plain old denial, didn’t even register on my radar screen. At most, I thought him to be a player, cheat and not someone I trusted or respected. And his flirting was so very sporadic, as well as alternated between mild and mind-blowing comments. And he also mixed truth with lies as was also stated in the article, just adding more smoke and mirrors when I didn’t even realize I was in the non-FunHouse.

When he was about to be fired, and G-d knows what he did (I tried but could never find out) we spoke a couple of times. The last time we spoke, I was not at all sorry for him. I was angry. I didn’t care one ounce what happened to him. I just hoped he’d go to a mental institution for life. I knew he was beyond frazzled and upset as his insane behavior had finally caught up with him. (I used to ask him how he could kid with me and talk music and movies when he was on the way to losing his job, family, everything. He said he had no choice but to “compartmentalize.” I believed him!) However, at this last meeting between us, he was noticeably frayed but instead of trying to help which was my role, I told him he had hurt me, I hurt, it wasn’t all about him, he had worked his way into my heart and life and made a mess of it. Of course, I didn’t realize he was socio, so thought he might react to that. He didn’t, of course. He was only reacting to *his* losses. Because he is a hedonist, as they all are, and emotionally 3 yrs old, he was not able to feel the pain till the branding iron was actually 1000 degrees and directly on his a**.

I reminded him of the day he did something so flagrantly outrageous to me because he was desperate and needed to keep me “on his side”. I said “remember the day you…..” He said, and I mean he sounded like a first grader, his voice literally changed, his diction, the way he spread his words apart, all as if he were 5 yrs old, “I — DID —- NAWWWWWWWWWWWWT!”

I was completely taken aback and disgusted by this blatant lie and the way it was presented. It was repulsive and appalling. I left the room. However, I was so tied up in his sh*t by that time, I sent him a note later apologizing!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that??

Months later, I googled his behavior and that’s when pages and pages about sociopaths came up. I was *shocked*, freaked, and relieved. It has taken 2 1/2 yrs to believe and understand. I am completely over him as I now realize what I knew but couldn’t internalize before. He doesn’t exist. He was an Imaginary Lover, he was a place to go to in my head when I needed to stop worrying, slow down, take a break from reality. I used him to make me feel like I was appreciated and that I mattered. In all honesty, I would never have slept with or even gone out with him. Since I was a young kid, I did not share my body with people I did not trust so my sex life was not very active until marriage. I was pretty, so I had a lot of guys around me all the time, lookin’ for lovin’. If I wasn’t in a committed, mature relationship with a quality, upstanding man, there was no sex and no cheating. So my monster had nothing to fear. I would never have done anything with him. In fact, physically he turned me off.


I just remembered my ex P talking about ‘compartmentalizing’ too. I’d never really heard that word used much before. It really didn’t make sense, just word salad to excuse them not taking responsibility for their actions.

There must be a psychopath guidebook they all learned their BS from!

still reeling

Hahaha, Annette. I’m sure there is some kind of underground Handbook for the Horrible. I sure don’t want to see it. Compartmentalizing…..yes, the path in my life told me that the therapist he and the wife were seeing (thankfully she dumped his sorry a**) told him that he needed to learn how to compartmentalize so he could handle all the problems in his life including his wife who was emotionally ill. WOW. I knew he was lying even tho I was stuck on him at the time. I felt like laughing even tho it wasn’t funny and saying, “Uh, I think we know who *really* received a diagnosis. But who knows? They charm the best of therapists. Thanks for your kind words below as well, Annette and same to you!


My ex Psychopath ‘Husband’ used to say that EXACT SAME THING in the same tone you describe: “I did NAWWWWWWWT!” He said it a LOT, since I was always coming across evil lying stuff he was doing. I had forgotten until I read your story. My young teen son used to imitate it as a joke if I caught him at something; son would say in the same tone of voice as the Psychopath, “I did nawwwwwt!” and we’d have a good laugh.

I’m wondering whether the comments your Socio made when flirting with you that you call ‘outrageous’ could also be considered sexual harrasment? You don’t mention if they were sexual in nature, but I wondered.

still reeling

Annette, thank you for your comment. I think maybe there are others who experienced that phrase because it’s the speak of a child and as I said above, I do firmly believe that these sick monsters stop maturing emotionally around age 3-5. I did read that somewhere and it was one of those pieces of info that really resonated with me. I think there is a lot of truth in that. They don’t develop empathy or a true conscience and experience a stunted emotional response that is all about me, me, me and no impulse control. Then as they get older, esp if men, and their sex drive develops (G-d if only that were stunted too!!!!) they just see it as something else they want to attack and claim for themselves when they want it, hedonistic, and no remorse.

Oh definitely, the comments the path made were definitely by any and all definition, sexual harassment. The *first* time I met him, (job interview) he said something that was beyond belief for a hiring manager to say on my way out the door. I remember saying out loud “Ew, smarmy,” but I figured he’s a disgusting player and a cheat as I believe I said above. The 2nd time I met him (desperate for a job) I got the wife doesn’t understand me story. But the weird thing is, the true socio came out in that story, I think because my response was, “OH I’m so sorry, I hope things get better for you two!” Perhaps not what he thought he’d hear. So he said, “Oh we’re very committed,” then winked and said, “Plus, we made up!” I wanted to vomit in the trash can. G-d I was so turned off. I didn’t want to take the job at all. I pushed out the start date.

He was very quiet for weeks after I began working there. I didn’t want to be there, bad feeling about him, the job, the organization, everything. I job hunted every day. As time went on, he did make more and more comments and they could all be considered sexual harassment. However, the way he phrased them and many times bringing in spiritual or religious phrases, he could have found a way out of it if I ratted him out.

One of the comments he made was so blatant, that that was when I began to think, “Wait, maybe he really does care for me. OMG – he’s willing to put himself out there like that and so much to lose. He cares!” That was the beginning of a bad and a rough ride. I’m glad though that I realize now he did not care and was prob boinking everyone that would let him while I thought he was in love with me. In fact, in my insane state, I recall feeling that he was having sex with everyone even then. Yet I didn’t let it affect me. G-d the manipulation and takeover of your emotions is so frightening. Thanks to him, my trust level will never be the same. I don’t trust my boss right now and it’s definitely affecting my job. He’s a bit of a narcissist and overall, it’s just hard to deal with. Thank heavens for LF!

Annette, sorry I went on so long!! Let me say it sounds as if you are over your ex. That’s awesome! I hope things are good for you and your family.


I’m a few years out. It was hell, as it is for all of us victims. I’m on the way to recovery.

Yours sounds like a skilled manipulator and total predator. It also sounds like you were clear headed enough to get free, and that it could have been a lot worse.

I wish you happiness and good people in your life.


Had court yesterday for the protection order.

I decided not to fight it or bother paying an attorney, so I cut a deal with her lawyer for 2 year order but I still get to call and talk to the kids with visitation which was the most important thing. However im second guessing my decision to not go in and defend myself from false allegations, but im just so tired from all this, I feel like a beaten down shell of myself. To make it worse she brought that damn ex boyfriend with her and I believe she did it just to upset me, I seen her twice walk past me from about 12 feet away, both times she looked right at me for several seconds but the look in her eyes was odd, it didn’t look like anger or happiness. It looked like confusion and guilt.

I spent an hour crying like a child in front of my best friend lastnight. I feel like a failure, after I committed those felonies when I was 19 I have strived to kill that person and become someone else and stay out of trouble and raise a family, nothing I do seems to work, and it seems like every situation im in, something always happens where I cannot do anything about it.

I found out from my kids lastnight that my daughter is now going to this place after school with my son cause shes old enough now, its basically free babysitting (as my ex always tries to get stuff free or discounted because she feels entitled) they bus the kids there after school, problem is they can stay until 8 pm, my ex gets off at 5 and the place is on the way home to her house and she leaves them there until 8 anyway, she now has them gone from 8 am to 8 pm and doesn’t pay a dime, and I wonder how long it will be before my kids start thinking they are not wanted or being pawned off, bad thing is that this happened to my ex as a child, she was constantly getting pawned off on other family members, she lived with her mother, then her father, then her aunt, then her grandmother, then her father again, then her mother again until she dropped out of high school and left the area for good.

She told me once that im pathetic and haven’t accomplished nothing in my life and now I feel like that is true, of course nothing I did to help our family counted as to her, she was the only one contributing and I was just using her for a meal ticket. I have not seen my children in 2 months, my father is sick with cancer, this woman keeps dragging me into court, yesterday made the 2nd time and now I have to go for child support next week and its a 100 miles away, ive had to borrow a car and gas money both times now as she left my car on the verge of blowing up and refused to pay for it to be fixed. My income was from running our (well her) business, she threw me out with no job, no money, a broken car then immediately filed for child support knowing I couldn’t pay it. I will pay it when I can but she doesn’t need the money and I think that is messed up to do that to someone when you don’t need it and they don’t have it.

I would just assume build a cabin in the forest and remain a hermit the rest of my life, ive just about had my fill with dealing with the human race. No offense to anybody here im sure some of you have fealt like that too.


Sorry things are going so badly. When you get feeling a little better, perhaps you will get a job, and a car, and begin building a new life.


Dave.. Your post is very sad. You need to think further out in the future instead of the chaos thats going on now. In a few years your children can make decisions and live with you if thats what they want. Start putting your life back together now, so you can be there for them when they need you.



They need me now before it is too late, but even with a job there is no way in hell ill get custody right now unless I could prove she was mentally ill or physically abusing them. They have practically no home/family life now, dad is gone, and mom dumps them off from 8-8 m-f, then spends most her time on the weekend running errands or working on that business. It saddens me that both of them now go to school, then to that club and by the time they get home eat/brush teeth, maybe some homework and bedtime. But yes job is first, well im trying to get my car fixed first, I cant risk driving it lest it blow up, and I have yet to find anyones car I can borrow m-f for a job. Something will work out eventually, and I have a phone consultation next week with child support to figure what ill be paying, and not to my surprise they were unaware of my ex having a private business on the side of her day job, of course I let them know 🙂


Hey Dave,

I just wanted to mention this to you in case it helps. If she has a protection order against you and she’s a sociopath, there’s a really good chance she is going to try her best to get you to violate it. I was told that the communication has to stop BOTH ways, not just one way. If she contacts you AT ALL, keep a record of it and show the police (if your order is police enforceable) and don’t respond.

Also, give yourself a break. This split is still fairly new for you and you’re still reeling. As for proving she’s nuts, I wouldn’t go there. That is a lot harder than it should be. It might just make you come out looking like a vindictive ex. (I know this from Just bide your time, follow the rules and let her do herself in…because they all eventually do. 🙂 and they’re actually better at outing themselves than we are sometimes! lol Chin up!


Dave – I just wanted to add my support for you in your situation. My mother was a sociopath and my father could not fix her either. But having him in my life provided a model of living that was different from her. You may not see how you are helping your children – but trust me – you are – even talking to them on the phone is a breath of fresh air for them.

I hope you get some rest and it’s good that you are having your feelings even if it is crying a lot right now. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.


TY Opal,

I couldn’t imagine having a parent like that, but I think my exs parents were, at least her mother anyway, her father is kinda hard to figure out, real quiet, but I never got a good vibe from him, he didn’t seem very trustworthy, almost like hes hiding something.

Yeah I hope just talking to me helps the kids, I have to set up some time to see them soon.



I will write the story sometime and post him to your site. The problem is that the story is so long and convoluted it is going to take me a while. He is so good at what he does and I want people to get the full extent of the manipulation, lies and conning these people do rather than thinking I should just “get over it”. Almost every word that came out of his mouth was for manipulation and head games. He did it all. Everything out of all the books but, very subtly. It’s been 6 years and I have backslid many times. He couldn’t have picked a better target than me.

Enlightenment is empowering. Recognizing it was just a head game is a huge step toward recovery! When you feel up to it, listing his data might help prevent someone else from falling prey.

And if you’d like to be “in the loop” regarding legislation changes on rape by fraud in your area, contact me at

All the best!

Lovefraud is being upgraded. Comments and forum posts are temporarily disabled. Dismiss

Send this to a friend