Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, led a double life. He worked at the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Center, which required a security clearance. He had a wife, the result of an arranged marriage in his native India.
But for the past three weeks, Patel has been on trial, charged with sexually assaulting, or attempting to sexually assault, seven women in Atlantic City during the summer of 2012.
Some of the women were working as prostitutes. During the trial, Patel admitted that he was addicted to prostitutes, but he denied assaulting the women. Here’s some of the news coverage:
Accused rapist tells jury he’s paid 200 prostitutes for sex, not rape, on pressofatlanticcity.com.
This story in the Press included a sidebar a summary of what each of the seven women alleged, and what Patel said happened. Granted, with some of the women being prostitutes and some hooked on drugs, their stories may be less than accurate. Still, the versions weren’t even close
THE ALLEGATIONS
The following are the allegations made by seven women against sexual assault defendant Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, and his account of what occurred during the events during the summer of 2012.
M.D.
Allegation: The woman said Patel pulled a gun on her and tried to rape her June 27, 2012, but she ran. Her dress was torn off as she escaped and she ran to a nearby home, telling the man there she had been attacked. She reported the incident, and again called police about a month later, when she saw the same man again.
Patel: The woman had been paid $150 for sex, but got mad when Patel couldn’t get aroused, he testified. He said he showed her his fake gun after finding her in the front his minivan going through his wallet, still naked. She fled the car without the wallet or her clothes.
J.R.
Allegation: She testified that she was trying to get money to buy heroin because she was sick from withdrawal. After agreeing to have sex with Patel sometime in either June or July 2012, she said she was getting ready to undress when he pulled a gun and ordered her get naked and have sex with him.
Patel: Said he would see her walking down Pacific Avenue, but never solicited her because “she looked like a homeless person.”
K.G.
Allegation: A teenager visiting from Delaware with her older boyfriend, she was walking to the train station July 17, 2012, when Patel offered her a ride. But later, he pulled a gun and she jumped from the moving vehicle, hiding under cars in a nearby dealership.
Patel: The girl solicited him, and demanded money before they parked. He gave her the cash but she wouldn’t agree on a place to stop for sex, so he asked for his money back. She pulled a box cutter, he testified. That’s when Patel showed her the gun. She then opened the car door, “took a step and fell.”
I.S.
Allegation: During the attack sometime in the summer of 2012, Patel allegedly ripped her clothes off her and attacked her at gunpoint. I.S. didn’t report it because she was on probation. Later, she saw him at the jail after his arrest and recognized him.
Patel: He claims the first time he saw the woman was at the Atlantic County Justice Facility following his arrest. Due to the charges, many women said things to him at the jail, Patel testified.
L.C.
Allegation: Patel solicited her for sex sometime in July 2012, but then pulled a gun and his nice demeanor changed. As she tried to escape, he violently forced her back. She made eye contact with someone nearby, which allegedly ended the attack, and she was able to escape.
Patel: Testified only that L.C. “was very pretty” and he tried to kiss her because he was attracted. She didn’t like that, he said.
G.H.
Allegation: Said she accepted the solicitation in mid-July 2012, because she needed money for drugs. He said he was a detective and later pulled out the gun. He ripped her clothes and raped her. G.H. got a partial license plate when she got out of the car.
Patel: The plan was to pay her for sex, but she was coughing so much he felt she was sick and just wanted her out of his car. She kept asking for money and wouldn’t leave, so he pulled out the fake gun.
T.D.
Allegation: Said she approached Patel’s van when he tried to get her attention Aug. 2, 2012, and then ordered her into the car claiming to be a detective. Later, pulled out a gun and raped and choked her. Patel was under surveillance as a suspect in previous attacks, and was arrested shortly after dropping T.D. off.
Patel: T.D. saw the gun in the car, but Patel said he told her it was a toy and even had her hold it. He said the two didn’t have sex, but she did touch him.
Press of Atlantic City Staff Writer Lynda Cohen
The jury believed the women. Last week, Hiten Patel was found guilty in five of the cases.
Patel guilty in attacks on five of seven women in Atlantic City, on pressofatlanticcity.com.
The lies sociopaths tell
Patel’s motivation for lying is obvious he wanted to stay out of prison. Most sociopaths assume that they can talk themselves out of trouble. Unfortunately, they’re often right.
But lying is more than a tactic for sociopaths. Lying is central to their personalities. It’s who they are.
All sociopaths lie. They tell big lies. They tell little lies. They tell stupid lies. They lie when they’d be better off telling the truth. Here are some observations about sociopaths and their lies:
1. Lying for the fun of it
Sociopaths get a thrill out of lying. Some have admitted getting an adrenalin rush out of deceiving people. Dr. Paul Eckman, who studies lying and teaches people how to detect it, calls this “duping delight.”
2. Mixing truth and lies
Some sociopaths mix just enough truth with their lies to make their stories seem plausible. When you know that some of what they’re telling you is true, you tend to believe the rest of what they’re saying as well. Or, you may know that some of what they’re saying is false, but the truth and lies are so intertwined that you can’t pull them apart.
3. Sociopaths know they’re lying
Sociopaths are not delusional. Just because they sound so convincing when they lie, it doesn’t mean they believe their own stories.
Take my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. He claimed to have served in the Australian military for 35 years. He claimed to have won the Victoria Cross for his bravery in Vietnam. He’d been telling those stories since the 1980s, and I met him in 1996.
He was still telling the stories in 2005, when I exposed him. Then, when confronted by a journalist, he admitted that he was never in the military, but that his stories were part of a secret government program to prove how easy it was to impersonate a war hero.
4. Outrageous lies
Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.
That’s why it never occurred to me that Montgomery might be lying about his military service. Montgomery was a member of the Vietnam Veterans Organization. He was the keynote speaker at a Veteran’s Day ceremony. I accompanied him twice when he spoke to schoolchildren about what it was like to serve in the military.
Who has the nerve to do that when none of it is true? Sociopaths.
5. Eye contact
Most people think that if someone can look you in the eye as they’re talking to you, then they’re telling you the truth. Common wisdom is that when someone is lying, as the words come out of their mouths, they look away.
These guidelines may work with normal people. But sociopaths are perfectly capable of looking deep into your eyes and lying to your face.
Dr. Liane Leedom once wrote on the Lovefraud Blog, “If you are astounded by another person’s capacity to lie and misrepresent reality, you can be sure you have encountered a sociopath.”
I know that the extent of my ex-husband’s lies was simply staggering.
How about you? What outrageous lies have you heard from sociopaths?
The sociopath I was with for almost four years lied very early on in our relationship. I caught him in the lie and he said, ‘that’s not who he is…it was like someone outside of himself’. I wanted to believe him because I thought he was a much better person than that. I loved him, or so I thought. We all know how that goes.
About the last year of our relationship things started getting very strange. He would be gone on long weekends and had elaborate stories of where he was….stories that just flowed off the end of his tongue effortlessly. He mixed those lies with some truth to keep me confused. Turns out he was off seeing someone else. Yet whenever I would ask if he was seeing someone, he’d look me straight in the eyes and say “no”.
About a year after I left I found out who she was and tried to warn her about him. When he found out he called me. I then decided to email him to get answers to some of what I suspected were lies he had told to me. His email response was…’I lied to you so much that chances are anything that you suspect was a lie probably was’. Last I knew, she stayed with him.
To this day I have no idea if there was much of any truth involved in our entire relationship.
cannh – wow – a admission of lying! Usually they just make up another lie.
Donna….
I think he said that because I was asking questions and I could recall in detail what he said to me when he was lying. He knew then that I caught him. He even lied to her about being with me twice after I moved out…all while he was seeing her. She called me and I explained everything. When she confronted him he told her I wasn’t with him and was just trying to get back at him. She was devastated to learn he had cheated on her with me (btw…all this time I had no idea he was still seeing her as he said he was only dating casually). All of this information about his relationship with her didn’t surface until a year after we were apart. So, because she was so hurt by the news, she left his house. He then chose to call me. Not sure what he was looking for from me except to try and cover his lies…And he said he wanted to give her some relief from her pain. Without allowing him to get a word in edgewise, I got him to admit to his lies of being with me. How could he not, I was there, for god’s sake. He admitted he lied to her and said he sent her an email to come clean…oh boy, what a guy!
So, the next day he called me to apologize for his lies (just those two lies) and for making me seem like a crazy person. This, however, was only a ploy to let her know he apologized and is a “good guy”. I almost bought it for a moment, then realized what he was doing. It was after that when I sent an email asking about some of his lies to me so I could get some clarity. He admitted to a few of them and then made his statement in the above post and wanted to have no further communication with me. Now keep in mind, he knows I’m on to him now. There is nothing that he could do to make me believe anything anymore.
There’s lots more detail, but in a nutshell, this is it. As I said, I believe she is still with him to this day. There has been no further communication at all between he and myself.
Dr Leedom I am definitely guilty as charged!!!!! Not only encountered him but lived with him….. I fortunately had a really kind lawyer and during the mediation we would laugh so hard at the blatant lies that even the mediator soon understood what we were working with. Every time I complained about his lies and got upset my daughter would say “not interested mother ….liars lie!!!!”
cannh…I’m surprised you got that much from him. The one I was with used to tell me his lies and whom he was seeing behind my back was “none of my business”. And, he truly felt that way. You are right to think that most of what he said was a lie. I really couldn’t believe anything that came out of the sociopaths mouth. I also had another realization. Since I am currently reading Women Who Love Psychopaths, I have the distinct impression he has read some of the books about psychopathy. He knows a lot about the bonding and some of the techniques they use to bond. So he literally studied up on how to bond the woman to him. Plus, he was never “over the top” when he talked about himself. I have to wonder how many of them are getting tips from all the literature.
kmillercats…
I think he admitted to some of his lies because he got caught. I remember the details of what he said…they’re etched in my brain. I can be very tenacious and was not going to let him get away with everything.
The sad thing is that I think she is still with him. To think that he admitted to have lied as much as he did to me…and then to know she is with that kind of guy. That’s why I tried to warn her, but it fell on deaf ears.
By the way, I just finished reading “Women Who Love Psychopaths”. Certainly lends a lot of clarity.
cannh…As far as warning her, you did what you could. Most women (and men) don’t know about sociopaths. If I was dating someone and a former flame told me he was a sociopath I would be doing some serious investigating and being very observant. Although, I would hope I would be able to pick one out very quickly at this point. Like I said, the one I was with was very good. He was never too over the top. He lovebombed just enough to hook me. She will learn the hard way and ask herself, “Why didn’t I listen?”. Then she will go on to learn about sociopaths/psychopaths.
Another lesson here. When will we all realize that when these men are gone for long weekends…not available…blow hot and cold…they are here and then they are not…that this all means that of course there is another woman!! Of course! At least we will all know in the future when/if we see these signs again what is REALLY going on (hopefully). I know I, for one, will never, ever be that stupid again. Anytime we get dropped suddenly, it’s another woman. No one just does that without being involved with someone else. That is WHY they disappear. Let’s not fool ourselves.
SER…you’re right and that’s what I suspected all along. I think I just didn’t want to think he’d ever do that to me. Believe me when I say I know better now.
This is the reason I knew that guy I dated in 2008 was a sociopath. His lies were so convincing that I was shocked to find out they were lies. If I didn’t know what a sociopath was, I would say at the very least he is a pathological liar. I don’t know if there are any pathological liars who aren’t sociopaths?
one time while busting mine in a lie talking to an ex (yet again) she had left her phone at home and took mine to the grocery, I went through it and noticed an odd number in there on occasion and called it, it was him again, he had changed the number and she didn’t log it as a contact this time and was speaking to him on her lunch break at work then erasing the calls but hadn’t erased these. when she got home I asked her if she had anything to tell me she said no and what kind of game was I playing, I said let me rephrase this “have you done anything lately you know I would be upset by” she still said no and became very angry, then I said have you spoke to anyone lately I would be upset by, at this point she was yelling at me and I told her I was giving her a chance to come clean, so I grabbed her phone and opened it to that guys number and said whos number is this. she sat there silent not giving an answer, finally I said I know who it is I called him and left a message, only then did she admit it was him, then 5 mins later attempted to blame me for the reason she was talking to him again. with mine you had to practically have DNA evidence as proof before she would admit to the lie.
My ex lied about some really stupid things, like his father had been a police officer. His dad died when he was 12 years old. No reason to lie about that. He also lied about things he knew he had to lie about or he would not have been able to reel me in. During a conversation I had asked him if he had a criminal record, he told me the only thing on his record was that he threw an iced coffee at his ex wifes car and was charged with malicious destruction of a motor vehicle. That was true I found out but that was not the only charge on his criminal record. When I had to apply for a restraining order against him after some physical abuse I was able to see his criminal record. He had been arrested numerous times and had been charged with over 120 crimes. These charges ranged from hiding mortaged property, to assault and battery with a deadly weapon and without, attempted murder, intimidating a witness, threatening to commit murder, threatening to commit rape. I also found out that he has had 13 restrainging orders against him by 10 diffrent people. With all of the lies I just wonder if there was ever any truth in things he told me. One thing in particular, he has told me on several occasions that he has killed people. At that time I was horrified and did not know what he was, what I was dealing with. A couple years later his sons made it onto the front page of the local paper for their criminal activities and on line people were posting comments. One person who claimed to know my ex and his family posted a list of things that according to this person were facts about my ex and his behavior and I got a little nervous because one of these facts was that my ex had literally gotten away with murder because of his friends in the police dept and the court. Do you think he told me the truth, has he really killed or is it just to intimidate me or other people?
I was fooled for many, many years but in the last 10 yrs of our 25 yr relationship I started to see huge flaws. To begin with it was the way my ex would twist and turn the story when he had fallen out with someone else – which was extremely frequent! On the day he would come home and tell me all about it – that would be the closest to the truth I would get. An hour later I would hear him regailing the story to someone else but with a slight tweak, a day later to the neighbour, again altered even more and this would continue. It was like his very own Chinese whispers. His adversory would be totally and utterly demonised whether it be his best friend, work associate, mum, dad, sister – he has fallen out with all of them and then some (he’s not spoken to his dad since 1989, mum and sister for over 12 years.) Anyone who disagreed with him would lose their use and puff! They’d be gone!
As years went on I began to realise that he used the same tactic on me everytime we fell out over something. We would argue. He would shout and scream, become frighteningly aggressive, throw vile insults at me and then storm off. He would ignore me for as long as it took for me to go to him and try and talk. This I would do purely because the atmosphere at home was so unhealthy for the children and then he would tell me how I did this or that and how I was wrong to do this. But it was so far from what actually happened it was ludicrous. When we had our last big row, I finally stood up to him and told him. “That isn’t what happened! You know it isn’t.” and he flared up again and said “so you’ve come in here just to tell me I’m a liar have yo?! Go away, F**k off I’m not speaking to you if you’re going to accuse me of lying!” But of course he was and he knew it. I realise now, that day was the beginning of the end.
After that he started acting very strange. Totally changed and it became obvious he was constantly lying and I guessed (rightly) he was having an affair. After several months of desperately needing the truth, considering hiring a PI and all sorts I thought, if only I could read his Facebook – he was on in 24/7 at that stage. And then one evening, I guessed his Facebook password and that’s when I really found out who I was married to.
It was a horrendous couple of months but at the same time I had to do it. I would log in as him when ever I could. From work, at home on the second lap top while he was sitting in the same room. It became obsessive for a while.
He would be sitting ‘chatting’ to four or five people at once, telling each of them different versions of what he was up to. It took me a long while to work out who were the people he tended to tell mostly the truth to!
One day he was telling one mate that he “got back from holiday, went round to xxxx’s house, watched a film, had fish n chips and f**ked her” – Later, just before I was going to tell him I knew about his affairs and that the marriage was over, I realised that this particular lady was just a friend and nothing else. But I still used the quote when we had our big discussion. I wasn’t ready to give up my secret spying so I told him he’d left his FB open on a couple of ocassions (which was true) and I’d seen that.
His response was – “well there are some people I tell lies to.” REALLY???
Another time my son and I were watching our home movies of when the kids were small. My ex came in and joined us but got straight on the laptop. I follwed suit and logged in as him. This time he had his Thai masseuse on and she asked if I was around. He said, no, she’s never here but that’s good for me and the kids as they hate it when she’s around. They hate it when I’m not here (that couldn’t be further from the truth!) She asked what he was doing and he said – watching home videos with my son. “Oh” she said, “you are such a good father”!! (I nearly threw up!)
This is the same father that assaulted his 16 year old son in Sept 2011, witnessed by his daughter and who hasn’t spoken to either of them since. This is the same father who has told anyone who would care to listen that his son ‘attacked’ him!
This is the same father who lied in court saying his housing needs were the same as mine as he would have shared custody of the children – even though he wasn’t and still isn’t speaking to them.
Its hard to imagine now that any of what he ever said was true but it really doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve thought of warning his new girlfriend but I know he would just lie his way out of it!
Mine was so good at the lies and vagueness that the blatant lying only came out after the separation. He also hid behind a personality disorder so his “re framing” history to make himself always look like the good guy. Once people started calling me about things we supposedly were doing and how much he twisted the truth with that married with the symptoms of an abuser/spath I could put two and two together. So I was able to look back on the stories he told me while we were married and throw a lot out as a lie, like his first son is not his because his wife cheated on him. Trouble is, she cheated before the marriage and the son was born 10 months after the wedding. What a tangled web he lives. Really? Is this the best you can do with your life? A waste really.
Where do I start?
He told so many stories. He was a good raconteur but I got so bored with the same stories year after year, especially when we met new people.
We (my friends and I) began to really realise something was wrong when he told a story about a particular event that he claimed happened to him. My friend said that was actually her story and that it happened to her. he had just ‘stolen’ her story and made it his. We laughed after that
Yes, the repeated lies to others (with him usually strangers in bars) gets very old very quickly. I wish I had listened to my family and friends before I moved 1800 miles away with this spath. I am working on a “freedom” plan, and I cannot wait to get 1800 miles away from him.