Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, led a double life. He worked at the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Center, which required a security clearance. He had a wife, the result of an arranged marriage in his native India.
But for the past three weeks, Patel has been on trial, charged with sexually assaulting, or attempting to sexually assault, seven women in Atlantic City during the summer of 2012.
Some of the women were working as prostitutes. During the trial, Patel admitted that he was addicted to prostitutes, but he denied assaulting the women. Here’s some of the news coverage:
Accused rapist tells jury he’s paid 200 prostitutes for sex, not rape, on pressofatlanticcity.com.
This story in the Press included a sidebar a summary of what each of the seven women alleged, and what Patel said happened. Granted, with some of the women being prostitutes and some hooked on drugs, their stories may be less than accurate. Still, the versions weren’t even close
THE ALLEGATIONS
The following are the allegations made by seven women against sexual assault defendant Hiten Patel, of Egg Harbor Township, and his account of what occurred during the events during the summer of 2012.
M.D.
Allegation: The woman said Patel pulled a gun on her and tried to rape her June 27, 2012, but she ran. Her dress was torn off as she escaped and she ran to a nearby home, telling the man there she had been attacked. She reported the incident, and again called police about a month later, when she saw the same man again.
Patel: The woman had been paid $150 for sex, but got mad when Patel couldn’t get aroused, he testified. He said he showed her his fake gun after finding her in the front his minivan going through his wallet, still naked. She fled the car without the wallet or her clothes.
J.R.
Allegation: She testified that she was trying to get money to buy heroin because she was sick from withdrawal. After agreeing to have sex with Patel sometime in either June or July 2012, she said she was getting ready to undress when he pulled a gun and ordered her get naked and have sex with him.
Patel: Said he would see her walking down Pacific Avenue, but never solicited her because “she looked like a homeless person.”
K.G.
Allegation: A teenager visiting from Delaware with her older boyfriend, she was walking to the train station July 17, 2012, when Patel offered her a ride. But later, he pulled a gun and she jumped from the moving vehicle, hiding under cars in a nearby dealership.
Patel: The girl solicited him, and demanded money before they parked. He gave her the cash but she wouldn’t agree on a place to stop for sex, so he asked for his money back. She pulled a box cutter, he testified. That’s when Patel showed her the gun. She then opened the car door, “took a step and fell.”
I.S.
Allegation: During the attack sometime in the summer of 2012, Patel allegedly ripped her clothes off her and attacked her at gunpoint. I.S. didn’t report it because she was on probation. Later, she saw him at the jail after his arrest and recognized him.
Patel: He claims the first time he saw the woman was at the Atlantic County Justice Facility following his arrest. Due to the charges, many women said things to him at the jail, Patel testified.
L.C.
Allegation: Patel solicited her for sex sometime in July 2012, but then pulled a gun and his nice demeanor changed. As she tried to escape, he violently forced her back. She made eye contact with someone nearby, which allegedly ended the attack, and she was able to escape.
Patel: Testified only that L.C. “was very pretty” and he tried to kiss her because he was attracted. She didn’t like that, he said.
G.H.
Allegation: Said she accepted the solicitation in mid-July 2012, because she needed money for drugs. He said he was a detective and later pulled out the gun. He ripped her clothes and raped her. G.H. got a partial license plate when she got out of the car.
Patel: The plan was to pay her for sex, but she was coughing so much he felt she was sick and just wanted her out of his car. She kept asking for money and wouldn’t leave, so he pulled out the fake gun.
T.D.
Allegation: Said she approached Patel’s van when he tried to get her attention Aug. 2, 2012, and then ordered her into the car claiming to be a detective. Later, pulled out a gun and raped and choked her. Patel was under surveillance as a suspect in previous attacks, and was arrested shortly after dropping T.D. off.
Patel: T.D. saw the gun in the car, but Patel said he told her it was a toy and even had her hold it. He said the two didn’t have sex, but she did touch him.
Press of Atlantic City Staff Writer Lynda Cohen
The jury believed the women. Last week, Hiten Patel was found guilty in five of the cases.
Patel guilty in attacks on five of seven women in Atlantic City, on pressofatlanticcity.com.
The lies sociopaths tell
Patel’s motivation for lying is obvious he wanted to stay out of prison. Most sociopaths assume that they can talk themselves out of trouble. Unfortunately, they’re often right.
But lying is more than a tactic for sociopaths. Lying is central to their personalities. It’s who they are.
All sociopaths lie. They tell big lies. They tell little lies. They tell stupid lies. They lie when they’d be better off telling the truth. Here are some observations about sociopaths and their lies:
1. Lying for the fun of it
Sociopaths get a thrill out of lying. Some have admitted getting an adrenalin rush out of deceiving people. Dr. Paul Eckman, who studies lying and teaches people how to detect it, calls this “duping delight.”
2. Mixing truth and lies
Some sociopaths mix just enough truth with their lies to make their stories seem plausible. When you know that some of what they’re telling you is true, you tend to believe the rest of what they’re saying as well. Or, you may know that some of what they’re saying is false, but the truth and lies are so intertwined that you can’t pull them apart.
3. Sociopaths know they’re lying
Sociopaths are not delusional. Just because they sound so convincing when they lie, it doesn’t mean they believe their own stories.
Take my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. He claimed to have served in the Australian military for 35 years. He claimed to have won the Victoria Cross for his bravery in Vietnam. He’d been telling those stories since the 1980s, and I met him in 1996.
He was still telling the stories in 2005, when I exposed him. Then, when confronted by a journalist, he admitted that he was never in the military, but that his stories were part of a secret government program to prove how easy it was to impersonate a war hero.
4. Outrageous lies
Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.
That’s why it never occurred to me that Montgomery might be lying about his military service. Montgomery was a member of the Vietnam Veterans Organization. He was the keynote speaker at a Veteran’s Day ceremony. I accompanied him twice when he spoke to schoolchildren about what it was like to serve in the military.
Who has the nerve to do that when none of it is true? Sociopaths.
5. Eye contact
Most people think that if someone can look you in the eye as they’re talking to you, then they’re telling you the truth. Common wisdom is that when someone is lying, as the words come out of their mouths, they look away.
These guidelines may work with normal people. But sociopaths are perfectly capable of looking deep into your eyes and lying to your face.
Dr. Liane Leedom once wrote on the Lovefraud Blog, “If you are astounded by another person’s capacity to lie and misrepresent reality, you can be sure you have encountered a sociopath.”
I know that the extent of my ex-husband’s lies was simply staggering.
How about you? What outrageous lies have you heard from sociopaths?
You could simply not make it up with these dysfunctional low lifes.
This toxic individual was already married. Wife 1 thought he was working in Indonesia. Wife-to-be 2, living with him in Inverness, Scotland finds marriage certificate.. Small detail. Cue 1st high speed exit opportunity missed.
Forgives him… sorts out his massive debt problems.. Divorce and marriage. 11th hour avoidance of Bigamy..
Wife 2 home with babies, post natal depression only to be called soon after by his 19 year old mistress that they had been having a passionate affair. He had promised the teenager marriage, the world…(40 year old twice married father of 2. Really?) Psycho subsequently stopped communicating- Ah! we know that old chestnut!
Her first experience of ‘love’? Did she survive?
As far as we know, he continued his filthy modus operandi… ‘internet women’ he called them… Wife 2 continues to find texts and emails from women. He is morally outraged of course and vows to have his company investigate this hacking of his e-mails etc.(Dear God. They are ALL the bloody same!!)
Unhappy wife 2 sends him for regular anger management therapy as his kids are terrified of his black rages.
She finally kicks him out in 2010 .. HURRAH!!!… only to be given diagnosis of terminal cancer soon after. Thinks it is caused by his sex life…. more likely to be the stress of 15+ years living with Psycho boy.
Tragedy. At this point (blissfully unaware of sociopathy, his past, his devastation of lives) I succumb to the charms and love bombing, the plays for pity… His dying wife, his devotion to his ‘beautiful children’… I was in unhappy job/ marriage situation. Bingo!
Wow! The charisma, the smooth, glib, cut and paste lines.
Target capitulates..
A year later, underweight, neurotic, insomniac, suicidal, borderline alcoholic…You all know the score.
I discover he has lied about his age… Told my simultaneous target (One is never enough ladies, don’t you know!) he was 47 – try 52. Said he looked forward to her leading the way to his 50s. What was it like to have a younger toy boy..
Told me he had a 1st class Honours degree from Glasgow University. Priceless. In fact a certificate from a technical college.
No doubt the very tip of the iceberg of his staggering, self-serving lies.
2 years on… life is good again. Forever changed but healing.
What a world of literature, information, support groups.
Love you all.
This was a lesson. Bitter, evil, horrific.. but a lesson nonetheless.
Perhaps one we all needed in some strange way?
Mo MAc
I often think the same thing – your last line. I remarried him AFTER I understood his psychopathy. I had my reason all financial. But the ensuing yr, the tremendous loss of material wealth. tens of thousands to lawyers (more his than mine) But throughout he wanted us to stay best friends – which I had been doing (keep you enemies close…) but if hadn’t remarried him, if that last year didn’t play out the way it did , I would never learned he was raping the children. I shudder to think that I would have allowed this animal to have a continued presence in my life. I needed things to happen the way they did- but my children DID NOT.
The lie he is telling right now on his “new” dating site is that he is 26 years old. He just turned 59. I frankly find that hilarious.
He lied to me for years about his finances and how he struggled with low income since he was in his own business – then I found out he had a separate bank account that he padded. All this while the “joint account” which I filled paid all the bills. I paid *every* mortgage check for the house – 15 years. When I busted him on the private bank account, he said I “hurt his feelings” to think so low of him. Right then.
He also lies about his whereabouts constantly. Still sends me texts to let me know he is “out running errands.” What a guy to run errands for me all the time. ;-0
He lies to me, he lies to others, he rewrites history (the stories get better with each telling as you can imagine). He says he is addicted to porn because I am so awful. No – he was addicted to porn long before I met him. And he hid it from me so well for so long. He finds it easy to lie with texting and FaceBook and dating sites – so it’s actually getting worse – like it’s a progressive disease. His “playground” is much easier with the internet services out there. He has so many aliases I wonder how he has time to do anything else.
He is quite charming (superficial) and enjoys lying to strangers especially. You would recognize the smirk on his face after he has duped people he just met……
Oh wow, same song different lyrics… Mine would close computer a red a whenever I walked into the home office and would always have “just finished” turns out he was not only visiting and erasing visits to porn sites, he also had fetish sex he had hidden on ancient floppy discs that he would watch via Zip drive. I found this out after he was taken to jail for severely injuring me, almost killing me with kick, door slam on my spine and finally throwing me from our kitchen through to our back deck. Then threatened more harm if i didnt stop crying while he watched me laying there unable to move. He had cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, in luring his beautiful, sweet and smart ex fiancé…
This was classic… He told me that his ex fiancé had had cervical cancer from job, and she was such a trooper during her treatment… Blah blah blah… Lie. She never had it, he was coming up with a way to place blame on someone else if I ever turned up positive. The hidden msg there that I missed was an ex had hob and that means he had it, or was a carrier and I will get it it if we have unprotected sex enough, so don’t be alarmed if I get positive result. He couldn’t even have an adult responsible conversation with me about an std.
He said that I was never really injured and I was simply trying to have his clearances taken away… He accused me of sleeping with my ex husband… He even brought a copy of one of my divorce docs from my first marriage to try and say I was setting him up… I gave everything and settled my first narrative, there was no interest in money or greed… It was so silly, but I guess the defense lawyer for the protective order had to try anything and everything g bc of what he had done to me….
Now I’m getting ready to renew my protective order and will not know what lies he will come to court with so there is no way to prepare except the truth and hard provable facts. Wish me luck!
Auto correct errors from iPhone… Will correct when I get to computer. I hope you can get the gist for now. Sorry for now 🙂
I have HPV also (since early 20s), I have had it progress to the stage JUST below cancer, now my pap tests are completely clear. It is not really something u have to stress about. A) its absolutely rampant, like if u’ve been sexually active in the last 30 yrs, you have it, so dont feel bad and B) easily caught very early and treated well.
in fact it’s one STD I wudnt even use as evidence that my partner gave me an STD.
The fact he’s a lying scum still stands of course, salvation 2012. I just wanted u not to fret 🙂
Yes, the lies. Mine lied about where he was actually born – he said NYC, but it was actually Oklahoma City. He lied about going to college . . . he never even actually graduated from high school. I found this out after marrying him and wanting to frame his diploma for the office. (Yet, now he has an MBA from “Harvard”.) He lied about where he was, who he was with, that he had been in a movie as a “Ninja”. (You couldn’t see his face because he was in costume.) He lied about going to work everyday and about paying the house payment (it was foreclosed). I never even knew til they put the notice on the door. He charged all my credit cards to the limit and extended the credit limit even more. It was a crazy-making chaotic world. I haven’t had a single yeast infection since I left him even after remarriage. He played his “girlfriends” against me (some underage) and always got by somehow committing these horrible moral turpitudes and coming out looking like the winner. After I left, he found another naive virgin to play the part of “wife”. I am glad to be out of the “Twilight Zone”!
I hate to admit it, but I’m still being suckered. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year. We’ve been in couples counseling after his disclosure that he is a sex addict. For months, I tried to get clarity and understand addiction but always felt as though there was some much deeper issue.
Only recently did I read Donna’s book LOVE FRAUD and find this web site. I’ve been shocked at how apparent his sociopathic ways are, and how blind our therapist must be to not have recognized his manipulation.
My problem is that while my head is understanding the issue, my heart is still believing his lies. I try to stay away from him and not talk to him but when I do, he love bombs me and I fall back into his spell. He begs to see me and I relent. Of course, when I finally let my guard down and show him ANY attention, he sabotages the moment with some drama and causes an argument, then blames it on me.
On my birthday, he made a big deal of asking me to dinner. He mentioned several times that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me. After a contentious dinner, he came back to the house to see our daughter and ended up staying. The next morning when we woke up, he hugged me and kissed and patted my head while telling me that he loves me with all his heart and wants to grow old with me.
Ten minutes later, he states that he doesn’t want to be in our marriage anymore. He said that his life is good right now the way it is. My head was spinning and I admit that tears flowed. How could he say this after just stating that he wants to grow old with me?
Then as he left for work, he hugged and kissed me and told me that we need to have no communication for two weeks and then we would see “where we are” and maybe plan for him to start moving back in before the summer.
I’m so new to this revelation of his probable PD that I can’t recognize the manipulation when it is happening. After two days of no contact! I can’t decide what his angle was, what he wants to achieve or what to expect next. I feel like a fool for not being able to see that he is such a bad person. My heart still wants to believe he’s the guy who gave me the beautiful card declaring how wonderful he thinks I am and how very fortunate he is to love me. I feel like a yo-yo. He’s constantly pulling me in only to push me away.
I know that no contact must be the answer. When I hear his voice, I want him. When I don’t talk to him, the HORRIBLE things he’s done to me begin to work their way to the surface and I begin to remember the last 23 years of pain. I remember the hateful words that have depleted my self esteem, the MANY other women, the lies, the of anguish from his drug use and exposure to hep B.
Then I miss him, the fear of the future sets in and the cycle starts over.
It’s like drowning and then someone pulls you to the shore and saves you, but as soon as you reach the shore, you turn around and dive back into the water only to drown again. How long does it take to break free?
I went out tonite on a real date. He paid. wow, out not sitting on the couch lol
Towards the end i was saddened to realize i missed the NPD. i knew him, he knew me. my future was set with him, yadayadayada. this man is 10 yrs older than i so he’s a little out of my music tastes, etc. the NPD and i were perfectly matched in things like that. its what made it so hard to leave and stay away. i often felt like he “got” me. he often said he loved that i got him.
SIGH
yet the hell was still there.
it makes me sad to think of him and miss him or my life. i dont want to miss it or him, blech.
sometimes im just angry he wudnt and will not admit hes a whackjob and get help.
just ANGRY.
this guy who took me out tonite is a nice guy. but i can tell he’s an enabler. i can always trust my BS meter and know wen a guy is lying about his ex(s) thru verbal clues that somehow ppl miss. ive never been wrong in 35 yrs (i cud always tell wen someone was high too and ppl never knew). This guy wasnt telling lies. refreshing lol
but maddening the NPD has ANY input into my life!!!
i dont want to compare men to HIM. SIGH
Aintgonna,
Consider that the connection you felt with your ex NPD with respect to taste in music, and him ‘getting you’ was faked and manipulated, especially if it happened fast. Real connections and understanding another person take time to develop.
Dating can be enjoyable for its own sake, whether it leads to a long term relationship or not.
I compared mine to an insidious Lucy to Charlie Brown with the football – always promising not to pull it away. In fact, my ex even got a football out and told me to kick it. He promptly pulled it away, laughing. Your drowning analogy is right on. That is the sickness of it. No sane person would treat the one they love that way. You can waste your life waiting for him to change, admit to lies, stop his sexual addiction, to love you the way he should, the way you love him. My only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner. I kept justifying the hideous things he did. He would do what it took to get me to try again, then it would start all over again–. I told him he was like the Nazi doctor who “experimented” breaking bones to see how many times they would break before they wouldn’t heal anymore. Only it was my heart he was breaking. “Does not compute” kept going around in my head. It just didn’t make sense. That is not love. The problem is your low self esteem that got you sucked in, in the first place. I can tell you now, I have peace now through Christ, and my ex is not bankrupting me anymore. I’d rather be alone than go back and live in that constant hell and chaos. He is the devil with blue eyes and blue jeans. Two books that helped me get through were “Women Who Love Too Much” and “Cognitive Therapy”. ~Take care~
H2H,
Your husband sounds like my now ex, except you were with him twice as long, I couldn’t imagine another 10 years with this woman, I would probly be dead or in a mental ward.
Its like a drug, you think you will never find nobody like them again, they do you wrong, and you jump at the first chance to get back together with them because you are miserable without them (even though we are miserable with them too) once back with them an ease/calm comes over you, a big relief, cause you just got your first hit of the drug after having withdraws. That is how I was with my wife, I couldn’t function during breakups, would lose weight, only thought about her and my kids, when I finally got back together with her it fealt like a boulder was lifted off of me and I was able to function and be me again.
She too said things like yours,,things like never leave me, or we just cant be apart, nobody makes me feel like you do, only to kick me out a month or so later telling me how horrible I am. They have an uncanny knack for making you feel at fault and twisting reality no matter how badly they behaved, fact is this is toxic and like with drugs you must de-tox yourself and stay away or you will become a user again. Im only 3 months split up with mine, so I still feel vulnerable, but the longer im away the more things I remember she did and the more I realize how messed up she is.
Always remember the definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results, all of us here did that with our ex and got the same result each time.
Hey there,
I recently met someone and a friend sent me a link to this site. Some of your stories just sound too familiar. Is there not a way to post the pictures of these guys/ladies … to make sure we are not dating one of them? He’s not asked for money or anything of the sort, he’s had access to my house without any problems …
But he claims he’s some sort of secret agent, use to be in the army, which is why I cannot see where he lives, he cannot tell me where he goes when he travels for work for weeks on end … after reading your stories … I’m starting to feel suspicious!
I wish there were a directory of these toxic men! But as it’s not a crime to defraud in love, there is no listing even.
Be assured, you’re suspicions are right. But they all seem to follow the same behaviors and patterns; even their speech is similar. They aren’t the same men tho lol
Just the same brain-damaged, emotional vampires in different bodies.
RUN
Pannick…
Welcome to LF. If in your gut you’re feeling suspicious, then you’re probably right to feel that way. From my perspective, I wouldn’t even go further with this guy. He can’t even tell you where he lives? Hmmm…a red flag to me.
Pannick
You may not know if there was a problem with him having access to your house. I have read that sociopaths steal because it gives them the feeling of power and control over their environment. The one I was with stole stupid things from me that weren’t worth much if anything. He stole a snorkel set, a piece of petrified wood I had found, etc. He tried to steal an old bike under the pretext of he thought I said he could have it along with 2 others I actually said he could have. My garage is pretty messy so I don’t know exactly what he has stolen. Also, I posted him to 2 different websites along with his name and a short description of what he did, warning women to steer clear. At the very least I would google a man and if anything came up I would then start doing some serious checking on him. As far as him not telling you where he lives…I agree with everyone else. RUN VERY FAST! Big red flag.
Kmiller-
Good idea to post his info at CAD alert. Here’s the URL. http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com. Please follow the posting instructions.
You can also write the story there, but they’re separate inclusions to protect your identity. When you write the story, change the name of the characters.
Joyce
Pannick, it’s ”secret agent”, not ”look at me, I’m a secret agent”
So my suggestion would be, you should consider reporting him to the authorities for endangering national security, or alternatively, dump him.
ROFL LMAO
Hell — do both!
~singing~ Secret Agent Man, Secret Agent Man… :p
i swear spaths are soooo dumb sometimes; like seriously, dude??
Life really is way more stranger than fiction, eh?
hahahaha funny!! my ex-spath claimed he was in the ‘witness protection program’ a couple of times. Funny thing is he didn’t think anyone noticed that he still uses his birth name! HELLOOOOOO!! DUMB DUMB DUMB! lol
They make up these stories so that when their potential victims find out information about them, they have established a basis to tell the victim that whatever they found out abut them is not true.
Dear Pannick,, If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then it’s a duck. Your friend that gave you this website knows all about ducks,,so get him out of your life yesterday…been there done that…
As Donna knows, my ex husband’s lies are well documented in “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” But what I want to make clear here is that when a person carries on a sexual relationship under the guise of “impersonation” they are not seducing, they are conducting rape against their victim.
I’m sincerely hoping that many of you who have been victimized in this way will join me in my attempt to enlighten society and change the laws about what constitutes “rape” throughout the penal system of the US. You can contact me through my blog at http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com.
Assault is one means that a predator can use to rape a victim. Date rape, statutory rape, rape by coercion, and RAPE BY FRAUD (or deceit) are others.
We need to speak up in order to stem this growing dynamic!
Joyce
JM,
“when a person carries on a sexual relationship under the guise of “impersonation” they are not seducing, they are conducting rape against their victim.”
Making sure I am getting this right, are you saying that we are only having sex with the person consentually because we think they are someone else and that the monster they really are we would never have sex with?
I think that is what you meant, if so I tend to agree with you, even being a man I think that holds true for many men too, ive always been kinda picky, but after going through this I know now I will be extremely picky about who I share my bed with from now on.
“Some sociopaths tell lies so outrageous, and so massive, that the rest of us can’t imagine anyone saying the words if they aren’t true.”
Yes, this was my experience and exactly what caught my attention about the monster in my life. I couldn’t fathom how or why someone with a job of enormous visibility, married w/children, making a ton of dough, would flirt around w/*me,* a much older, new employee that he hired, about whom he knew absolutely nothing, ergo, I could have told anyone including his boss. I suppose his thinking was that he’d get out of it by stating that I was delusional and he would never waste his time w/some older woman if he was going to cheat which of course was ridiculous because….why would he put all that he had on the line for her????? Preposterous!
My initial response to his flirtatiousness was plain old denial, didn’t even register on my radar screen. At most, I thought him to be a player, cheat and not someone I trusted or respected. And his flirting was so very sporadic, as well as alternated between mild and mind-blowing comments. And he also mixed truth with lies as was also stated in the article, just adding more smoke and mirrors when I didn’t even realize I was in the non-FunHouse.
When he was about to be fired, and G-d knows what he did (I tried but could never find out) we spoke a couple of times. The last time we spoke, I was not at all sorry for him. I was angry. I didn’t care one ounce what happened to him. I just hoped he’d go to a mental institution for life. I knew he was beyond frazzled and upset as his insane behavior had finally caught up with him. (I used to ask him how he could kid with me and talk music and movies when he was on the way to losing his job, family, everything. He said he had no choice but to “compartmentalize.” I believed him!) However, at this last meeting between us, he was noticeably frayed but instead of trying to help which was my role, I told him he had hurt me, I hurt, it wasn’t all about him, he had worked his way into my heart and life and made a mess of it. Of course, I didn’t realize he was socio, so thought he might react to that. He didn’t, of course. He was only reacting to *his* losses. Because he is a hedonist, as they all are, and emotionally 3 yrs old, he was not able to feel the pain till the branding iron was actually 1000 degrees and directly on his a**.
I reminded him of the day he did something so flagrantly outrageous to me because he was desperate and needed to keep me “on his side”. I said “remember the day you…..” He said, and I mean he sounded like a first grader, his voice literally changed, his diction, the way he spread his words apart, all as if he were 5 yrs old, “I — DID —- NAWWWWWWWWWWWWT!”
I was completely taken aback and disgusted by this blatant lie and the way it was presented. It was repulsive and appalling. I left the room. However, I was so tied up in his sh*t by that time, I sent him a note later apologizing!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that??
Months later, I googled his behavior and that’s when pages and pages about sociopaths came up. I was *shocked*, freaked, and relieved. It has taken 2 1/2 yrs to believe and understand. I am completely over him as I now realize what I knew but couldn’t internalize before. He doesn’t exist. He was an Imaginary Lover, he was a place to go to in my head when I needed to stop worrying, slow down, take a break from reality. I used him to make me feel like I was appreciated and that I mattered. In all honesty, I would never have slept with or even gone out with him. Since I was a young kid, I did not share my body with people I did not trust so my sex life was not very active until marriage. I was pretty, so I had a lot of guys around me all the time, lookin’ for lovin’. If I wasn’t in a committed, mature relationship with a quality, upstanding man, there was no sex and no cheating. So my monster had nothing to fear. I would never have done anything with him. In fact, physically he turned me off.
I just remembered my ex P talking about ‘compartmentalizing’ too. I’d never really heard that word used much before. It really didn’t make sense, just word salad to excuse them not taking responsibility for their actions.
There must be a psychopath guidebook they all learned their BS from!
Hahaha, Annette. I’m sure there is some kind of underground Handbook for the Horrible. I sure don’t want to see it. Compartmentalizing…..yes, the path in my life told me that the therapist he and the wife were seeing (thankfully she dumped his sorry a**) told him that he needed to learn how to compartmentalize so he could handle all the problems in his life including his wife who was emotionally ill. WOW. I knew he was lying even tho I was stuck on him at the time. I felt like laughing even tho it wasn’t funny and saying, “Uh, I think we know who *really* received a diagnosis. But who knows? They charm the best of therapists. Thanks for your kind words below as well, Annette and same to you!