By Ox Drover
Going through my family photos I came across one of my two oldest sons. We had gone on vacation to Montana to visit a friend for the summer in 1981. They were about 10 and 11 years old. My friend took us around to all the local sights and showed us some old gold mines dug back into the solid rock.
In the photo made that summer, I saw my sons, both kneeling on a huge rock about five feet from the edge of a stream of rapidly flowing water, with a gold pan in their hands. My friend had put a handful of sand from the edge of the creek into the wok-shaped pan and showed them how to swirl the sand in the bottom and let the rushing water wash away the lighter sand, and told them that the heavier gold dust would stay in the bottom of the pan.
They were so excited to be panning for real gold and before long they started to see flakes of glitter in the bottom of their pan. It shone like the sun and made them very excited and they were talking about all the things they would buy with the fruit of their efforts. GOLD!!! REAL GOLD!!!
When they had a teaspoon or so of golden dust in the bottom of their pans, they could come to the bank of the river and put it into a plastic container. Then they would scoop up more sand and go back out on the big rock in the river’s edge. They worked for hours digging and panning for gold dust, excitedly washing the sand they dug, and keeping the glittering dust in the bottom.
As my friend and I sat on the bank of the creek watching the boys enjoying their experience, he leaned over to me and said, “I don’t have the heart to tell them it is fool’s gold they are panning.”
I sort of chuckled that day, and never really did tell the boys that their work was for naught, or that what they thought was a treasure trove of real gold was nothing but pyrite, or “fool’s gold.” Eventually, I think they figured it out for themselves, and my oldest son still has a small jar with the fool’s gold in the bottom.
I was thinking about “fool’s gold,” in terms of false things that glitter and mimic “the real thing” but are, in truth, worthless. A psychopath’s claims of loving us, their claims that they care for us, are “fool’s gold,” because in fact, they don’t have the capacity to love or care.
The miner who came back to “Deadwood” with a big poke (bag) of fool’s gold would be the laughing stock of the town for a while. Sometimes we may feel that we are laughing stocks or fools for having accepted the “fool’s gold” of the psychopath’s “love” for us as real.
Just as my sons were unable to distinguish the fool’s gold from the real gold, we are sometimes unable to distinguish what is real and what is not.
Experience, however, is a good teacher if we will listen to it. Having seen real gold dust, it is easy enough to compare the different sparkle of fool’s gold from the real thing. Having been fooled once (or twice or more) by the fake glitter of false love, we can use this knowledge to protect us. As the old saying goes, and it is so true, “not everything that glitters is gold.” As we learn that everyone who says, “I love you” doesn’t really, we learn to pick the real from the false.
This reminds me of a song by ” the Only ones”
All that glitters is not gold and even serpents shine….
Quest, words are the red flags for me. I would love to sit around with you and play “spot the sociopath” LOL, we could have a great time! I feel like I can smell narcissism from miles away. I knew the balloon boy was a hoax from the first moment I heard about it.
But I hope that you aren’t confusing the N-supplies with the N’s since we have some similarities: we like excitement and are gregarious and emotional. A true sociopath is a liar, everything about them is like the serpent in the garden of eden. They will mirror you. They are hard to resist. They illicit emotion just like infants do. They do it without even trying.
My policy with suspected sociopaths is to give them rope and let them hang themselves. This means simply letting things follow their natural course while being fully aware to watch for signs. Definitely not letting your emotions get involved but don’t be standoffish either. I think that this will allow you to interact with all people in the same way, until the point where the P reveals him/her self.
I attract sociopath’s like bees to honey too. So, usually, if they are attracted to me, I KNOW, it’s a sociopath! LOL!
What is it about your mannerisms that you think is making everyone nervous around you. Do u have shifty eyes?
🙂
Dear quest
suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org/commptsdsym2.html
this link may help you understand your hyperawareness. I have found that understanding something actually helps me to deal with the matter at hand.
I just want to say that finding this site has saved my life. I know that I am not mad, and that I am not alone and that means everything to me.
Thank you.
Agnezz
agnezz, hi, glad you found the site and hope you post again!!
Hi skylar
can you tell me more about the mirroring thing and Harmony thanks for the link . I am not suicidal but there was some interesting observations on the site and explanations that I will have to think about . And Skylar I do not have shifty eyes that I am aware of . Being hyper alert does have its advantages however it can also be a bit of a pain as sometimes I find myself getting sick of it . I sometimes go hiking in areas where I know there could be grizzily bears and actually the concept of running into one of them hardly bothers me at all . Running into a psychopath is a different story . When I do part of my consciousness seems to kick into high gear . I guess its a kind of defense mechanism of some kind . I also find psychopaths quite fascinating as well so when I do run into one I find myself studying them. I guess what that is , is the desire to understand what makes them tick and to figure out what their origin is . Are they really human at all or are there perhaps 2 human species inhabiting this planet and interbreeding .
Quest
I think the fascination with P’s is the hallmark of intelligence and also it forces enlightenment as you dance with the devil in an almost hypnotic trance, much like a mouse under the gaze of a cat, or a rabbit frozen in the glare of headlights!
I love my cats. They are cold and ruthless when it comes to a mouse. Their usual kindhearted loving natures turns into an innocent glee as they play with the mouse (torture and conscience less joy at inflicting pain) No matter how much I scold them, take the mouse off them, scream and shout at them…they just look at me like the P that used to shadow my life, a look of ‘what is wrong with you? I’m only torturing something…you are crazy’
Psychopathy is interwoven intricately throughout nature yet when it comes to a human being displaying these traits we get terribly hurt. As a mouse to the cat…you have to get away, and stay away or end up torured and played with by a conscience free disordered person who really hasn’t a notion he/she is doing anything wrong and is puzzled what all the fuss is about.
Skylar,
I love this:
“my policy with suspected sociopaths is to give them rope and let them hang themselves. This means simply letting things follow their natural course until the point where the P reveals him/her self”
The best strategy to let them finish with themselves….
I have done that not aware of what I was doing…but it worked…
I did not have to open my mounth or to lift a finger….just gave him the rope and let him go…..when the rope became tight around his neck he tried to use the elastic (to come back to me) but I was no longer there…I had climbed to a higher ground of self protection by pretending to be content and not interested on his activities.
Hi Quest,
Mirroring is when they take on your values, your habits, your preferences. They become like you so that you think they are your soulmate. They do this to someone who has a very strong sense of self.
My subconscience picks up on a P faster than I do. Sometimes, I’ll realize later that I’d seen a P, but did not realize it at the time. I was hypervigilent BEFORE I knew I was with a P, now that I know what to look for and what they are, I guess I’m not quite as hypervigilent, but I’m not sure.
To spot a P, just look for the person with infantile characteristics: needs lots of attention, selfish, selfcentered, envious, lies a lot.
But you still haven’t told me what is it about you that makes people aware of your hyperalertness? How does it show?
As far as what makes them tick: it is fear. an overwhelming fear from their childhood, that they learned to suppress by being fearless. Shame that they learned to suppress by being shameless. They feel that they aren’t loveable unless they trick you into loving them, but then they hate you for forcing them to trick you into loving them. You should have loved them unconditionally for themselves – except that they never gave you the chance because they never showed their true self, since they were too ashamed of it. And they feel this way toward all people, not just their “mark”. They envy everyone because they don’t have an identity, just a veneer. Therefore mimetic desire is still at work: they want what everyone else has and they want to be what everyone else is.
These are all infantile characteristics.
Hi, guys, thanks to all of you for your responses to my little story!
I read with interest all your comments, but just got back from a 3 day camp out with my living history group on the bank of the Arkansas river in Ft. Smith, AR and I am so bone-weary tried I have declared a HOLIDAY today to recover from all my FUN!
The past two weekends (prior to this) ahve been stressful for me and this weekend was a wonderful change and a chance to see some really great long-term living-history friends, explain history to children and adults who were interested in seeing “real” history —-
but I had one TERRIBLE thing haoppen—I LOST THE LIARS’ CONTEST for the FIRST time ever, and I told one of my most wonderful stories! The man who beat me was a 75 or 80 year old man (I am sure he cheated and there wasn’t a word of falsehood in his story!) but I was gracious to him about it—and even though I had PAID THE JUDGE and then I still lost, I think the whole thing was RIGGEd, otherwise I would have WON as I usually do, sooooo I am going to pay TWO of the judges next time to make sure I WIN, as I am ENTITLED to do! LOL
Looks like cherrie is doing well on starting NC–CONGRATULATIONS, but next time, I recommend you do NOT READ his communications and whatever–DO NOT RESPOND!!! YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY!!!!! ((((HUGS))))