By Ox Drover
Going through my family photos I came across one of my two oldest sons. We had gone on vacation to Montana to visit a friend for the summer in 1981. They were about 10 and 11 years old. My friend took us around to all the local sights and showed us some old gold mines dug back into the solid rock.
In the photo made that summer, I saw my sons, both kneeling on a huge rock about five feet from the edge of a stream of rapidly flowing water, with a gold pan in their hands. My friend had put a handful of sand from the edge of the creek into the wok-shaped pan and showed them how to swirl the sand in the bottom and let the rushing water wash away the lighter sand, and told them that the heavier gold dust would stay in the bottom of the pan.
They were so excited to be panning for real gold and before long they started to see flakes of glitter in the bottom of their pan. It shone like the sun and made them very excited and they were talking about all the things they would buy with the fruit of their efforts. GOLD!!! REAL GOLD!!!
When they had a teaspoon or so of golden dust in the bottom of their pans, they could come to the bank of the river and put it into a plastic container. Then they would scoop up more sand and go back out on the big rock in the river’s edge. They worked for hours digging and panning for gold dust, excitedly washing the sand they dug, and keeping the glittering dust in the bottom.
As my friend and I sat on the bank of the creek watching the boys enjoying their experience, he leaned over to me and said, “I don’t have the heart to tell them it is fool’s gold they are panning.”
I sort of chuckled that day, and never really did tell the boys that their work was for naught, or that what they thought was a treasure trove of real gold was nothing but pyrite, or “fool’s gold.” Eventually, I think they figured it out for themselves, and my oldest son still has a small jar with the fool’s gold in the bottom.
I was thinking about “fool’s gold,” in terms of false things that glitter and mimic “the real thing” but are, in truth, worthless. A psychopath’s claims of loving us, their claims that they care for us, are “fool’s gold,” because in fact, they don’t have the capacity to love or care.
The miner who came back to “Deadwood” with a big poke (bag) of fool’s gold would be the laughing stock of the town for a while. Sometimes we may feel that we are laughing stocks or fools for having accepted the “fool’s gold” of the psychopath’s “love” for us as real.
Just as my sons were unable to distinguish the fool’s gold from the real gold, we are sometimes unable to distinguish what is real and what is not.
Experience, however, is a good teacher if we will listen to it. Having seen real gold dust, it is easy enough to compare the different sparkle of fool’s gold from the real thing. Having been fooled once (or twice or more) by the fake glitter of false love, we can use this knowledge to protect us. As the old saying goes, and it is so true, “not everything that glitters is gold.” As we learn that everyone who says, “I love you” doesn’t really, we learn to pick the real from the false.
Oxy, welcome back.
I’m soooo sorry to hear about your tragic loss in the Liars’ Contest. If anyone is entitled to winning, it would be you.
Next year, you must remember not only to BELIEVE your own lies, but also to FALL IN LOVE with your lies. By following this advice you are sure to win next year. In the meantime, we will simply just tell everyone that you actually WON the contest, but since it is a LIARS’ contest, your win must include the lie that you lost. Right?
Oxy, good to hear you had such a nice weekend, but what a crushing defeat in the contest!! Yes, next year you must do WHATEVER possiblet to win!!!
Dear Skylar,
OF COURSE I REALLY WON!!! Who is their right mind would vote against the saintly person that I am!!!!??? LOL
In truth, I usually DO win that contest, as I usually have some really GOOD outrageous story, and I also “act out” the story line, using different voices for the different personages in the story, but the old man this year really did BEAT THE SOCKS OFF ME. He was a HOOT, though I did have several people come up and tell me they voted for me! It really was fun!!! I like to make people laugh! In another life I will be a stand up commediene! (is that how you spell it?) LOL
Actually today I am working on NOT FEELING GUILTY to send my son out to start unloading and unpacking (we took 4 tents,–I was offering 2 big ones for sale-) our clothing, cooking gear —all cast iron—blankets and so oon, so there is a big truck load of stuff to unload, but we did do well in our “living history yard sale” (we call it a “trade blanket” sale) and sold a ton of cast iron ware, dutch ovens etc. and then used that money to buy some leather we needed, and a Montana Peak hat for me from one of the hatmakers there. I have admired his hats for years but couldn’t afford one, so now I OWN ONE (it doesn’t take much to amuse me) a hand made to perfection unique, full beaver felt hat made just for me!!!! I spent a lot of time watching him make hats from a circle of felt through putting in the sweat band. He has done this for 30+ years, traveling around the country. I have known him for about 15 years and he always adds so much to an event. He is definitely a UNIQUE individual. That’s what I love about the living history reenactors though, the ones with great skills are always so bright and entertaining.
It was such a wonderful thing for me to “get out amonog them” and have such a good time and I NEEDED IT. Plus, I came home with a pocket full of money and only half as much stuff as we went with! I’m getting lazy and am no longer going to cook for 50-100 people at these events so I don’t need 10 dutch ovens. “Them there thangs is heaver-n-ell”
skylar, campfire…
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/13/nancy-garrido-alleged-kidnapper-and-rapist/
SC,
HOW did you find it? I can never find anything around here.
Dearest Oxy, I was wondering where you were. It sounds like a hoot, I love to camp. I have very special memorys of camping at Pacific Beach, and rising at the butt-crack of dawn, (low tide) to go out and dig razor clams. My mother then made the most incredable clam chowder over a coleman stove on top of a pic-nic table…………….:)
They told me my first camping trip was when I was 5 weeks old. No wonder it’s in my blood. But I digress. I still try to make clam chowder like my moms’, but with no access to razor clams, it’s just not the same. I’ll bet you don’t know what a gooey-duck is…..
I am making some super, super hot chili with three varieties of fresh peppers in it. It smells good. What do you put in yours that makes it special? How do you add your signiture?
Don’t feel too bad about losing your contest. Remember practice makes perfect, and if at first you don’t sucseid, try try again. (just like I did in try to spell suc…well, never mind. LOL.
google: lovefraud skylar campfire
Dear Kim,
Yea, I had a wonderful time and I sure did need it after a couple of weeks of dealing with our friend’s drama queen wife so that my sons could have fun with HIM. LOL They both know I “sacrificed” a lot for them and our friend by hanging out with her in order for them to have fun with him, and he is quite ill (heart problems) so we may not have too many more opportunities and I don’t want to let HER spoil his and their enjoyment of each other so I was upfront with the guys about what a “sacrifice” I was making for them. LOL So son C stayed home and farm-sat while son D went with me to be my “indentured servant” and another young man friend of his showed up as well to be my second young man to “boss around”—-lift that box, tote that bale! LOL Oh, the JOYS of old age and decrepitude! NOT!!!!
On top of everything else we ran into (unexpectedly) some of our favorite camp mates from the last 15 years and so it was a big “family reunion” as well as meeting new friends. I made contact with another woman (a bit younger but not much) who camps with her horse (we didn’t have livestock at this one) and we are making plans to do a horse-treck in one of the state parks that is equine friendly and even though we will not be demonstrating for the public, we will dress “period” and camp “period” etc. so it will be fun to refine our attire and accutrements and get our “act” together!
It is “funny” (in some ways and in others not) that in our living history group one of the “leaders” is a very N-ish and I believe Psychopathic man who is SO manipulative and because of his manipulations etc. he has driven away many of our even founding members, and many others as well. there has been some talk for years about splitting off another group and I heard more of that this weekend, as because this man is so controlling a great deal of the REAL history, such as “draft animals” are not welcomed at events where they would be very appropriate and instead of being the real history that we are SUPPOSED to be displaying, a “citified” pseudo-histroy that is not true is being displayed instead, and I realize that large animals are NOT appropriate at some events becausxe of the facilities available, but even in ones that it is MOST APPROPRIATE AT he is causing problems because of his specific and very apparent dislike for ME because I have never been one to knuckle down to his high-handed rule.
I shouldn’t chortle I guess (but I will anyway! You know me!) one of his “henchmen” that has been a problem for years with outlandish and even dangerous behavior (I had him prosecuted by the law for pointing a very REAL muzzle loader at me at a park event and threatening to shoot me—he was arrested and tried) anyway, this guy that was his “henchman” was arrested for being in the house with his mother’s body—and she had been DEAD at LEAST TWO WEEKS.
So anyway, I have been vindicated by this guy’s further outrageous behavior besides pointing a gun at me. LOL
In addition, after the gun incident with his henchman, I was elected to the board of directors for a two year term and so was a constant thorn in the side of Mr. Control, excuse me DOCTOR CONTROL, he does have a PhD you know—-piled higher and deeper! LOL
It is amazing how, like Kathleen said, when you recognize these people doing their “control dance” or what ever their agenda is, that you can DEAL with these people without getting your EMOTIONS involved and just go for whatever goal you have. I no longer even get mad about this PhD jerk, but just sort of do my own thing, and if he prevents me from being able to attend an event, no big deal. He informed me recently that I couldn’t bring “livestock” (goats and a dog to herd and milk the goats) to an event that I have gone to for YEARS with the oxen which were 2,000 pounds each and which the parkk people welcomed, vs the 100 pounds of the “dangerous” goats! LOL I simply e mailed him back and said “NO problem, I was just doing this because the kids always like the goats and dog herding, and the milking demo, but it was a FREEBIE and I DO have so many where they are PAYING me to come that losing a freebie is no big deal, I’ll just do the PAID ONES.”
I do several demos that I get paid pretty handsomely for that HE does for FREE and doesn’t get paid (the same shows) and it rankles his nerves that I am so well received and ALSO paid when he isn’t. so it is a tit-for-tat thing, except the difference is, he grinds his teeth over my success, and I could give a rat’s behind about the few events he manages to keep my critters out of. The shame of it all though, is that the kids don’t get to do a hands on thing with something most of them will never get a chance to see in RL.
One show I have done continually (except the year my husband died) has about 400 kids that we demo too, and there are about 15 different demonstrations, including Dr. Control, and each kid is required to write a letter to their FAVORITE demonstrator and I have never received less than 150 letters out of the 3-400 kids, usually I get a bit over 50%.
The ONLY thing that has changed, is that I NOW DO NOT GRIND MY TEETH AT THIS GUY’S CONTROL TACTICS….I can’t change that, but I CAN change my REACTION to it. And, I am MUCH happier since I have changed MY reactions.
Dear quest
Sorry I should have written it under hyperactivity which is under Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (sorry i was not infering you were suicidal). According to the site hyperactivity is a sympton of post traumatic stress disorder which is classified as a psychiatric injury on the site. Makes for some interesting reading.
Thanks Harmony I will check that out . Skylar , I think the thing that shows my hyper awareness is something to do with an aparent ability to see straight into a persons soul so to speak . I do this without really realising it . If I happen to be looking at a psychopath they get angry , if I am looking at what I believe is a normal person I detect an uneasiness in their expression . Its almost as if even normal people don’t want their inner self seen . Psychopaths on the other hand , realising that I can see inside go into attack mode . I have been able , on occasion , to freak out a psychopath as they are not use to people seeing straight through the mask in an instant . Of course the other thing that can happen is that I end up freaking myself out . It appears to be a two street . If I can see them they can also see me , seeing them .