By Ox Drover
Going through my family photos I came across one of my two oldest sons. We had gone on vacation to Montana to visit a friend for the summer in 1981. They were about 10 and 11 years old. My friend took us around to all the local sights and showed us some old gold mines dug back into the solid rock.
In the photo made that summer, I saw my sons, both kneeling on a huge rock about five feet from the edge of a stream of rapidly flowing water, with a gold pan in their hands. My friend had put a handful of sand from the edge of the creek into the wok-shaped pan and showed them how to swirl the sand in the bottom and let the rushing water wash away the lighter sand, and told them that the heavier gold dust would stay in the bottom of the pan.
They were so excited to be panning for real gold and before long they started to see flakes of glitter in the bottom of their pan. It shone like the sun and made them very excited and they were talking about all the things they would buy with the fruit of their efforts. GOLD!!! REAL GOLD!!!
When they had a teaspoon or so of golden dust in the bottom of their pans, they could come to the bank of the river and put it into a plastic container. Then they would scoop up more sand and go back out on the big rock in the river’s edge. They worked for hours digging and panning for gold dust, excitedly washing the sand they dug, and keeping the glittering dust in the bottom.
As my friend and I sat on the bank of the creek watching the boys enjoying their experience, he leaned over to me and said, “I don’t have the heart to tell them it is fool’s gold they are panning.”
I sort of chuckled that day, and never really did tell the boys that their work was for naught, or that what they thought was a treasure trove of real gold was nothing but pyrite, or “fool’s gold.” Eventually, I think they figured it out for themselves, and my oldest son still has a small jar with the fool’s gold in the bottom.
I was thinking about “fool’s gold,” in terms of false things that glitter and mimic “the real thing” but are, in truth, worthless. A psychopath’s claims of loving us, their claims that they care for us, are “fool’s gold,” because in fact, they don’t have the capacity to love or care.
The miner who came back to “Deadwood” with a big poke (bag) of fool’s gold would be the laughing stock of the town for a while. Sometimes we may feel that we are laughing stocks or fools for having accepted the “fool’s gold” of the psychopath’s “love” for us as real.
Just as my sons were unable to distinguish the fool’s gold from the real gold, we are sometimes unable to distinguish what is real and what is not.
Experience, however, is a good teacher if we will listen to it. Having seen real gold dust, it is easy enough to compare the different sparkle of fool’s gold from the real thing. Having been fooled once (or twice or more) by the fake glitter of false love, we can use this knowledge to protect us. As the old saying goes, and it is so true, “not everything that glitters is gold.” As we learn that everyone who says, “I love you” doesn’t really, we learn to pick the real from the false.
Quest,
What is it you are seeing? What does the P soul look like?
Also, you can throw them off by acting nice. They can’t tell when you are acting. Even the best of them are constantly looking for a cues to your emotions so they can mirror you. Just give them some fake emotions from your reservoir of real emotions. Real people might pick up on phoniness so unless you are sure it’s a P, don’t be fake, it will make you look like a P.
Hi Skylar ,
Faking is not something I do well . I cannot even brew up a fake smile for a photo that looks half genuine . The only photos of me that look any good are the ones where I don’t know they are happening . My best defense that I have discovered so far is to criticise them . That just drives them insane . My wit is not bad also so I can sometimes get them with that . Psychopaths may be very cunning but at the same time they can be quite stupid . It is this stupidity that is my defense against them . It is as if they have no common sense . This lack of common sense can give them away as they do not seem to be able to think things through like normal people . What else ?
Skylar , the psychopaths soul is dark . One time when I realised that my X was a Pschopath I told her so and also told her that she might as well quit with all the games and the confusing conversation as I now understood what it was all about . I had just read a book called “the psychopath next door” . She gave me a look I had never seen on a human being before . I don’t believe in God but I now know where the devil is hiding .
hi quest,
yeah I know the look. My xP gave it to me a couple of times. One time was when I told him his snoring sounded like something from the exorcist. LOL! the look was chilling. But now that I know what it was, (confusion and fear on a psychopath) it is no big deal. He actually believes that he has close ties to the devil.
In truth the devil wouldn’t bother with him because he has taken his own hand down the road to hell. The devil is looking for people that need to be tempted, not those who go willingly. 🙂 The sociopaths all go willingly and the devil is free to find an innocent victim. It cracks me up how delusional they are. They need to feel important because I think deep down they know they are just infants that need their diaper changed.
So skylar are psychopaths born or made . I think I am on the side of the genetic predisposition . And how come the women psychopaths seem to be all good looking , or is it just that, the male in me is attracked to the beautiful ones . Where I live I know of about 6 psychopathic women . If you lined them all up side by side you would think they were all sisters . The one that I lived with did not look anything like her actual sisters . The other thing that I have mentioned before is physical deformities . Two of the women above , the one I lived with and one that nearly got me into all kinds of trouble both had deformed feet . Their toes splayed outwards so that they did not line up with the rest of their feet . weird huh . Needless to say I am always looking at womens feet when ever I get a chance
quest,
My opinion is that the psycho is born with the ability to feel very intensely. Then something happens to them which hurts them and they can’t deal with it emotionally because they are children. So they choose to develop coping strategies for not feeling. Once they succeed with that strategy, they hang on to it for the rest of their lives. It’s old, childish and out of place but it becomes automatic until they can longer distinguish it from who they are.
I’ve never heard the foot theory. but I’ll keep my eyes open. LOL! But my xP did have bizarre claw-looking feet. I also agree with you that narcissists can appear quite attractive even if they are actually ugly. It’s possible that they just know how to present themselves better because they are more self-conscious of appearances.
The last 12 or so pics of my daughter on facebook, she has the same fixed phoney smile on her face which doesnt reach her eyes.She has very red lipstick on, and is always in black and red, ie, red dress,black jacket. She looks so “posey, and phoney. I NEVER saw her like this when she used to visit with her kids. She hardly spoke to me, spent her whole time in my home buried in a magazine, grungy clothes, no make up. Its like I wasnt worth dressing nice for, or worth talking to. I put up with it, so as to see my G.Kids, and basically waited on her, I actually felt sorry for her as I knew she worked hard. So, I felt the least I could do was to take over and give her a break, cook her a nice meal, bring her cups of coffee, etc.
She hardly spoketo me,, or smiled. Now when I see these facebook pics, I wonder if its the same person. The pics give me the chills, as they are so phoney and plastic looking . her ex husband says she looks like shes made out of wax, and they give him the shivers,too.She looks like what she is,–a vampire. we are all food for her, we are prey. She gives nothing back, no emotion, nothing. She still manages, so far, to reel in new victims.At 45, she still looks good, beautiful even,but no emotion in that face, it scares me. Love, Gem.
Dear Quests—“are psychopaths born or made?”
There is clear SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE that the answer is BOTH born and made.
There are several studies of the workings of the hormonal and chemical workings of the brain that they don’t have the recptors necessary for Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and identical twin studies (where the children are genetically identical) raised apart in two completely different environments are much more likely to be both psychopaths if one of them is. So there is great evidence that there are large genetic components, yet environment also plays a part in the “production” of a psychopath.
Testosterone also seems to play a large part in the condition as more men exhibit this than women, however, there are still researches going on about why men seem to be “diagnosed” more often than women.
There are many good scientific articles here and on the internet where GENUINE and VALID research projects are going on about this disorder.
Dr. Leedom has also done research and complied research information and her book “Just Like his Father” is available here in the LF store. If you are truly interested in this, you hve a wealth of scientific information available for you to study.
Dear Gem,
Can I make a suggestion to you my dear? Don’t even LOOK at her facebook page, that is a sort of “breaking NC” when you follow wht they are “up to” and how they are faring.
Cut out all thoughts of how they fare, what they are doing, I used to worry 24/7 about my P son’s physical and emotional welfare in prison, and how he was in danger from other criminals….and he took some bad beatings and received lilttle medical care etc. but you know what? I no longer worry, but part of it is because I don’t want to know about him. He is DEAD to me.
Except for here on LF I don’t even talk about him anymore, I don’t WONDER about him or how he fares.
Separating ourselves emotionally from them, like they are “dead to us” does help in decreasing the grief. I actually had a little “memorial service” for him, like I buried him. I even got rid of all photos of him after about 11 or 12 years old, back when he was my beloved son, before he morphed into satan himself. I don’t even want to remember that MAN that is a toxic stranger to me. I miss the young child, the bright funny and loving little boy, but that “man” who has his organs, that man is NOTHING TO ME.
Maybe that would help you if you could love and mourn that lovely little child, but disassociate youself from that evil woman who is a STRANGER to you. That lost child will always be prescious, but that woman who is so evil and toxic…she is a stranger to you. See if you can separate them, and hve good memories of the child who is now gone (we all “lose” our babies when they grow up, but we form different relationships with the adults they become. I still miss the little boy my wonderful adult son C WAS, but the man he has become is a good friend). (((hugs))))
My father refers to my X as persona non grada
“He is dead to you” he says.
Until he pulls another stunt or makes a scene.
Last week he said me as I said “goodbye, I love you” to my son. “No you don’t!”