How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Donna Andersen

Healthy relationships after the sociopath or narcissist

//  by //  Leave a Comment

“I’ll never date again.” I can’t tell you how many times Lovefraud readers have said this after being betrayed by a sociopath or narcissist. I get it — the soul-crushing experience of lies, manipulation, exploitation and perhaps physical assault leaves you wanting to do nothing but crawl into a cave. But I assure you, you can recover, and healthy relationships after the sociopath or narcissist are possible. The key, as I’ve said many times here on Lovefraud, is emotional recovery. That means allowing yourself to feel and process the emotional wounds inflicted by the sociopath, and probably by other people in your life as well. The work of recovery is messy and takes time, but it is truly w …

Healthy relationships after the sociopath or narcissistRead More

Story of the abusive ex-husband, now dead, cites Lovefraud’s Senior Sociopath research

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Forty years ago, Sherry Amatenstein was married to an abuser. Lovefraud readers will recognize her story. After sucking her into a relationship with lies and plagiarized poetry, they married, and soon he isolated her from her family and became emotionally and psychologically abusive. Sherry also experienced two incidents of physical abuse. Sherry was miserable but felt trapped — until her husband decided that he was done. Still, she was attached to the relationship — can anyone say trauma bond? Finally, she escaped. After her abusive ex-husband, she eventually left her career as a magazine editor, became a social worker, and found a happy relationship. You can read her story here: I found …

Story of the abusive ex-husband, now dead, cites Lovefraud’s Senior Sociopath researchRead More

Power imbalances in relationships with sociopaths

//  by //  Leave a Comment

In sociology, there’s a concept called the “Principle of the Least Interest.” It’s an idea that starts to explain the power imbalances in relationships with sociopaths. The theory was developed in 1938 by a sociologist named Willard Waller. He said that when one relationship partner is more emotionally invested in the relationship than the other, the less involved partner has more power in the relationship. That less-interested person can make demands on the more-interested person, with the threat — either implicit or overt — that if the demands are not met, the relationship will end. That’s the basic idea. But it seems to me that when you’re dealing with a sociopath, it can get more compli …

Power imbalances in relationships with sociopathsRead More

Why psychopaths don’t change

//  by //  29 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received an important question from a reader who wanted to know why psychopaths don't change. She asked: I've read in multiple places, written by multiple specialists that psychopaths/sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated or changed. Surely I'm not the only person to have asked this:  Why not? The short answer to this question is simple: Psychopaths don't change because they don't want to. The key to any kind of behavioral change is desire. It's hard work to change the way we relate to other people, the world or even ourselves. The reason any of us embark on a self-improvement project is because we are not happy. Our relationships are not fulfilling, we …

Why psychopaths don’t changeRead More

When everybody yawns, psychopaths don’t

//  by //  22 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. So you're out with friends, or worse, at a business meeting, when you see someone yawn. Soon, you're yawning too. Why does this happen? Researchers believe that yawning is contagious because it is linked to empathy, and most humans have lots of empathy. This behavior is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history. Many mammals yawn. And yawning by one member of a group often begets yawning by another member of the group. This happens among people — and also among dogs and chimpanzees. But it doesn't happen among psychopaths. Research on yawning Brian K. Rundle and colleagues at Baylor University in Texas published a paper entitled, Contagious yawning and ps …

When everybody yawns, psychopaths don’tRead More

If lawmakers understood sociopaths, maybe Keaira Bennefield would still be alive

//  by //  2 Comments

The tragic story of Keaira Bennefield might never have happened if lawmakers had a clear understanding of sociopaths. Perhaps you’ve seen the story in the news. Keaira Bennefield, of Cheektowaga, New York, near Buffalo, was estranged from her husband, Adam Bennefield. On September 28, 2022, he allegedly showed up at her apartment and beat her, punching her at least 28 times. Keaira had security cameras inside her home and the whole episode was captured on video. Keaira screamed for Adam’s sister, Rachel, who lived in the apartment upstairs. Rachel came down and Adam told her that Keaira wasn’t getting out of there alive. Rachel called the police. When the police arrived, they found A …

If lawmakers understood sociopaths, maybe Keaira Bennefield would still be aliveRead More

Explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency

//  by //  Leave a Comment

When we face difficulties and hardship in life, we try to find meaning in the experience. This is certainly the case with all of us who have tangled with sociopaths. We ask, how did this happen? More importantly, why did this happen? Many people have answered the questions by explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency. In fact, for some people, explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency is comforting. This is the point of a study entitled, The lived experience of codependency: an interpretative phenomenological analysis, by Ingrid Bacon and colleagues. The research was based on in-depth interviews with eight people who identified themselves as codependent and coped …

Explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependencyRead More

Why sociopaths cheat

//  by //  105 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received an email from a reader whom we'll call "Ingrid." She brought up a question that I've heard over and over. Ingrid asked me why sociopaths cheat. Just wondering if you could tell me why sometimes they stay with others longer as I feel he wants this new woman for his main supply even though he was trying for a baby with me. What does a main supply have that I didn't? He seems settled with her. Ingrid, most sociopaths cheat on their romantic partners. In fact, they are often cheating throughout the entire relationship, but it may take you a while to find out about it. Or you may have caught hints that the sociopaths were cheating, but they were able …

Why sociopaths cheatRead More

The myth of codependency in sociopathic relationships

//  by //  4 Comments

I talk to a lot of Lovefraud readers. Many times, they’ve told me that they were stuck in relationships with sociopaths because of their own codependent personalities. Really? I’m not so sure that the presumption of codependency in sociopathic relationships is true. First of all, what is codependency? Psychology Today explains, “Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of ‘the giver,’ sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, ‘the taker.’” The website quickly notes, however, that “Codependency is not a clinical diagnosis or a personality disorder and has sparked much debate and controversy among psychology experts.” C …

The myth of codependency in sociopathic relationshipsRead More

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies

//  by //  30 Comments

  UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received the following question from a reader. She was unknowingly asking about sociopathic manipulation strategies. Here is what she wrote: My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one — a psychopath. I just had this question — Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them — making you feel like you failed them somehow — never do enough — and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them? I am sure the answer is yes — but I guess I just need confirmation. This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation s …

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategiesRead More