How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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BOOK REVIEW: Hi Gorgeous! The first words of sociopathic seduction

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Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, "Hi Gorgeous!" For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman's sympathies. Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It's a classic story of sociopathic victimization. Exotic dancer Dean tells h …

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Washed Out and Wrung Out: The Effects of Stress

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By Ox Drover Since I have been in the medical profession for many years as a Registered Nurse Practitioner (now retired) I have been interested in the reactions our bodies and our minds have from stress. Stress is a contributing factor to poor health and decreased immune response. Increases in the frequency of infection for individuals with a high level of stressful events in their lives have been well researched by many researchers. It is also well proven that our thinking and ideal mental responses are also diminished by high levels of stress. Stress is not just the negative things that happen to us, but according to researchers Holmes and Rahe, stress is the result of “life events.” I …

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When it comes to sociopaths, education is the key

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Lovefraud spent the weekend at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany, New York. Quite frankly, it was depressing. This was a conference of worst-case scenarios. I spoke to a woman whose story sounded like the Clark Rockefeller case, only worse. Her ex-husband was an illegal alien from Germany. He was also a doctor who had a hard time getting licensed because of "missing documents," but eventually did get licensed. Once he got his American residency and license, he dumped the woman and got their 5-year-old daughter in an emergency custody hearing—the woman believes he paid off the judge. The woman knows her daughter is being sexually abused—she screams when anyone touches her. B …

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“Emotional blindness” and the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who comments as "Pearl." By Pearl Someone on this blog once mentioned a book by Alice Miller and Andrew Jenkins, and it caught my attention. So now I'm reading The Truth Will Set You Free—Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self. Even though I'm only about halfway through the book, I wanted to share parts of it because it is so important to what a lot of us are working on—forgiving ourselves and trying to understand why this (fraud) happened to us. I know this won't apply or appeal to everyone, but it might help some of you as it has me. Miller's ideas help me understand why I was sus …

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Entanglements with sociopaths always have consequences

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At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system. Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She'd purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really …

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Finally, feeling the joy of Christmas

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On this Christmas Day, I am filled with joy, happiness and love. It has nothing to do with Santa Claus being good to me, or the gifts I offered to my husband and family—after all, there is a recession going on, and it has affected us. Rather, I am filled with joy, happiness and love because now, after the sociopath, life is good. In fact, life has never been better. This is a significant, even miraculous, change for me. In the years before I met my sociopathic ex—from age 20 to 40—I didn't feel joy, happiness or love. Instead, I was mostly numb. If anything broke through the wall of numbness, it was longing. Then the sociopath arrived, and promised me what I so desperately wanted—an end to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Criminal defense attorney falls for a sociopath

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader, who we'll call Matt. I am a gay man and a criminal defense attorney. After 22 years in my business I though I had seen it all, heard it all, and knew it all when it came to the bad side of human nature. That was until 15 months ago when I became romantically involved with a sociopath. Hook, Line and Sinker July. I met “S” when I was facing 50, flying solo and fearing my own mortality — I had just come from signing my will. I walked into a bar and S homed in on me like a heat-seeking missile. He had a beautiful smile, but I remember how it never reached his eyes — they were laser intense, but flat and unblinking. A few d …

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After the sociopath, learning to trust again

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A Lovefraud reader posted the following comment awhile back: I just have one question for everyone here. Does anyone trust people after these sick people did what they did to us? Unfortunately for me, I have run across a few of these sickos but NONE like my ex. Whoever I meet now I'm thinking to myself, who is this person really? Do they have a secret life like the Scott Petersons and Ted Bundys of this world? I don't let my children out of my sight and I'm already training my kids and they all know the signs of a sociopath especially my girls. I feel like I'm in a prison sometimes in my mind as I try so hard but just can't trust anyone. Yes, it is possible to trust again. Remember, …

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The Mask of a Sociopath

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By Peggywhoever All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on. This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration. And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up. And from that moment on, your relationship with …

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I am thankful

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By BloggerT7165 I am a survivor. And I am thankful for that. It's not something I take for granted because I know there are many who do not survive the abuse that is inflicted by their loved ones, trusted spouses or friends or parents. This is a hurtful experience that literally kills people. And if the wound itself doesn't kill, then the infection that follows from the collusion of friends, neighbors, confidants, professionals, and others will many times finish off the job. Every abuse story is a tragic one, but the stories of those who successfully commit suicide are among the most heart-wrenching of all. Many abuse victims survive in body, but are lost in other ways. Lost to the …

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