How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Donna Andersen

A close encounter with a sociopath changes everything

//  by //  8 Comments

O.J. Simpson is in the news again. On Friday, Las Vegas police named him as a suspect in an armed robbery. The fallen football star was allegedly part of a group of men who entered a hotel room and took sports memorabilia that once belonged to Simpson. The facts of the incident—including whether or not weapons were involved—are currently being investigated by the police. So here's Simpson's version of the story: He was running a sting operation to retrieve items that were stolen from him. He was in Las Vegas to attend a friend's wedding, and got some guys he met at a cocktail party to go with him to the hotel room. He says there was no gun and nobody got "roughed up." According to a vid …

A close encounter with a sociopath changes everythingRead More

Psychopaths use our best qualities against us

//  by //  25 Comments

I am a person with a very strong sense of responsibility. If I make a commitment to do something, I honor my commitment. Generally, being responsible is considered a positive quality. But it is the quality that made me stay with my psychopathic ex-husband far longer than I should have. I knew he was taking money from me. I knew he was lying to me (although I vastly underestimated the extent of his deception). I didn't love him anymore. So why did I stay? I had married him, and to me, marriage was a commitment. I've written before about how psychopaths find our weaknesses and exploit them. The scary truth is that they also exploit our strengths. Nurturing qualities It takes a special …

Psychopaths use our best qualities against usRead More

What is a sociopath feeling?

//  by //  227 Comments

Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: "I am trying to understand what the sociopath is feeling. Do they feel love? Do they love? What hurts a sociopath? How can you communicate with a sociopath?" The problem in dealing with a sociopath, or psychopath, is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. The extent of their difference is truly difficult to comprehend—until you've had a close encounter with one of them. Let's look at these questions individually. Do they feel love? The short answer is no. In order to feel love, a person must be able to feel empathy. Sociopaths do not feel empathy for other people. Those of us who are c …

What is a sociopath feeling?Read More

Sociopaths, at first, don’t act like jerks

//  by //  24 Comments

When I first met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, whom I now believe is a sociopath, he treated me like gold. His attentiveness started with our initial e-mail correspondence. Yes, we met via the Internet, but he lived nearby—I wasn't worried about the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. During our three weeks of preliminary correspondence—his notes were clever and well-written—he made it clear that he was interested in me. When we did meet, Montgomery was attentive, charming and entertaining. He asked questions and listened to my answers. He was quick to pay me compliments. Yes, he talked about himself a lot, but he was intelligent and intriguing, so I didn't mind—I felt like I was g …

Sociopaths, at first, don’t act like jerksRead More

The right question in Newark killings: Is he a psychopath?

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Three college students were brutally murdered, and a fourth left for dead, in Newark, New Jersey on August 4. The three students were forced to kneel in front of a brick wall in a school playground, then shot, execution-style, in the back of the head. The three young victims, Terrance Aeriel, 18; Iofemi Hightower, 20; and Dashon Harvey, 20; as well as the lone survivor, Natasha Aeriel, 19; were universally described as "good kids." None had police records. Terrance Aeriel was an ordained minister. New Jersey news commentator Steve Adubato wrote about Terrance in his column today. Adubato personally knew the young man. Adubato is a mentor in a program called "Stand and Deliver: …

The right question in Newark killings: Is he a psychopath?Read More

GPS tracking of sex offenders and batterers

//  by //  27 Comments

Last week, the state of New Jersey established a permanent program to monitor convicted sex offenders with GPS (global positioning system) technology. For the past two years, New Jersey has had a pilot program in which 156 "high-risk" sex offenders were tracked with GPS devices. The program was set to expire, but the legislators passed a law, which the governor signed, to make it permanent. In a previous post, Sexually violent predators, Lovefraud noted that sex offenders who are diagnosed as psychopaths are likely to offend again. One study found that within six years of release from prison, 80% of psychopathic sex offenders committed additional offenses, compared to only 20% of …

GPS tracking of sex offenders and batterersRead More

7 points to remember about dating and predators

//  by //  386 Comments

As human beings, we all want love and companionship in our lives. It's a basic human need, right up there with the needs for food, water and shelter. When we are lacking an intimate relationship, most of us try to fill the empty space. That leads to dating. Here is what you need to know about dating and predators. 1. Evil exists. What the evil is called—psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist—really doesn't matter. There are evil people out there, and they can be found in all segments of society—rich, poor, male, female, all races, all religions, all communities. They look like everyone else, but they are predators. 2. If you are dating, you are a targe …

7 points to remember about dating and predatorsRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFAUD: How do you fight against this type of person?

//  by //  37 Comments

Many people write to Lovefraud seeking advice for the situations they find themselves in due to a sociopath. I do my best to help, but sometimes the sociopath has created so much trauma that I feel like my suggestions are inadequate. Reproduced below is an e-mail exchange between a woman who faces a nearly impossible situation—we'll call her Theresa—and myself. If you have any suggestions that may help her, please post them in a comment. Theresa's first letter When I met my husband he was divorced (three times) and had joint custody of his biological son and stepdaughter. At the time it appeared as though he was this loving and caring dad, and he was so convincing that I was the one per …

LETTERS TO LOVEFAUD: How do you fight against this type of person?Read More

Fred Brito claims he’s “The Benevolent Con”

//  by //  24 Comments

Last month Dr. Liane Leedom wrote an article called Fred Brito: A con artist profiled by Dateline. Dr. Leedom's observations about the Dateline story were: Fred fooled many people who should have known better Fred fits the profile of a sociopath Fred projects positive energy that is nearly euphoric Fred has an enormous sense of entitlement Fred sought the company of high-status individuals Fred doesn't appear to have a love life Dr. Leedom's comments about Fred strike me as being fairly mild. They aren't the type of comments that a man who agreed to be interviewed by a national investigative television show, or someone who is running for state senator in New Mexico, …

Fred Brito claims he’s “The Benevolent Con”Read More

Book review: Win Your Child Custody War

//  by //  17 Comments

Lovefraud receives many e-mails and phone calls from parents who are in child custody disputes with sociopathic ex-partners. If this is you, you are desperate for help and advice. Personally, I think these are the most tragic cases involving sociopaths. Sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children. Children, therefore, are pawns in their game, and the game is to torture you. In the worst cases, the game is also to turn your child into a Mini Me, a budding sociopath. To make matters worse, sociopaths are capable of putting on such convincing appearances—smoothly blending partial truth with lies and accusations—that judges frequently believe them. Sociopaths also ma …

Book review: Win Your Child Custody WarRead More