Here is an e-mail exchange that recently took place between me and a Lovefraud reader: Arlene: I was married to a man for 23 years. I found out so much in the last few years. He murdered my soul, my spirit, and financially devastated me. He moved another woman ... brainwashed my children. My 18 yr old now is on cocaine...she was a nice girl...he has trashed her also and she is not living with me. The children now that were close to me are not empathetic and cold. He grew in power and is an intellectual. He spread vicious rumors about me to cover his tracks. I am just to move on. Even though I was such a devoted mother and this family was my life. I have tried everything to recover and I …
Divorce and marital misconduct
Editor's note: The following article, written by Laura Johnson, is reproduced from SmartDivorce.com. It offers tips that may help people who are divorcing a sociopath. Even though your state may be a no-fault divorce state, it doesn't mean that you or your spouse won't have to answer in some way for any misbehavior during the marriage. It's what divorce lawyers and courts refer to as marital misconduct and, in certain states, can affect the outcome of the division of property, an award of spousal support, or an award of attorney's fees for the victim-spouse. The legal definition of marital misconduct is any conduct that undermines the marital relationship. It becomes a …
Employee from hell sounds like a psychopath
The cover photo of Fortune Small Business magazine's March issue is a guy sitting on top of a water cooler. He's wearing a red striped shirt and a blue and red tie. He has red horns popping out of his bald head. The topic: “Employees from hell.” One of the cover stories is about The turncoat No. 2 who tries to take over the business. A woman who started a company hired a guy, called Benedict Arnold in the story, as her second-in-command. After about a year, she noticed that Arnold was inflating his expenses, taking two- and three-hour lunches, and showing up late for important meetings. She was about to discipline him when Arnold dropped his own bomb. He told her she had to resign from he …
Lying, cheating and online dating
Online dating was the topic of a research report released last year by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. Here are some of the findings: 10 million Internet-using adults are seeking romantic partners 37 percent of them—3.7 million people—have gone to a dating website 43 percent of online daters think the activity involves risk 52 percent of online daters agree that a lot of people on the sites lie about their marital status Online dating is big business. U.S. residents spent $469.5 million on online dating and personals in 2004, according to Wikipedia. So online dating sites don't want their product to get a bad reputation—like they are full of cheaters. Most people …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: answers to your questions about sociopaths
Lovefraud is pleased to announce a new service for our readers—ASK DR. LEEDOM. Liane J. Leedom, M.D., is a psychiatrist who knows exactly what it is like to be deceived by a sociopath. Even with the best training in psychiatry—USC, UCLA and Yale—she, herself, failed to recognize the symptoms. She married a sociopath, who is the father of her son. Does she understand what you're going through? You bet. If you have a question for Dr. Leedom, send your question directly to her at drleedom@lovefraud.com. Your question will be posted on the Lovefraud Blog, along with her answer. Not only will it help you, it will help others who are recovering from a run-in with a sociopath. Please note: all qu …
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Releasing the pain inflicted by a sociopath
Lovefraud recently heard from Janine in Florida. Here is what she wrote: In May it will be two years since I realized my ex-husband was a sociopath and every day I deal with the psychological nightmare that he has given me. I try so hard not to think about the destruction he has done to me...but every day it is there. Destroyed period. How can one put this behind them?? Yes I have moved on with my life but every day in my mind what he did to me is there and will be in my brain forever. I have been told to forgive him and I do in a way because I realize how sick he is but it is still there! Taken, abused, used, destroyed as a woman, as a human being and of course him shoving …
The high cost of sociopaths
Antisocial behavior in childhood is a major predictor of how much an individual will cost society. That's the conclusion of a study published by the British Medical Journal (BMJ) in 2001. It found that by age 28, individuals who as children had conduct disorder—kiddie sociopaths—cost public agencies 10 times more in services than children who did not have behavior problems. The study, Financial cost of social exclusion: follow up study of antisocial children into adulthood, by Stephen Scott, Martin Knapp, Juliet Henderson and Barbara Maughan (2001), measured the costs of crime, special education services, foster and residential care, state benefits and health care. It was based on a pre …
Unidentified psychopaths on Dateline TV
”˜Til Death Do Us Part is a series that began running in January on Dateline, NBC's true crime television show. It tells the stories of gruesome cases, recently in the news, in which husbands have murdered their wives, and at least one wife has murdered her husband. In the show Lady in the Lake, which aired January 2, Mark Unger was convicted of murdering his wife, Florence. She fell, or was pushed, off of a boathouse and fell onto a concrete dock 12 feet below. Although unconscious, she was still alive, until Unger pushed her into the lake and she drowned. In Body of Evidence, which aired January 9, Sean Goff, a former evangelical minister who claimed he found evidence in the Bible for “C …
Judge orders woman arrested for blog exposing ex-husband’s military fraud
Lovefraud has written extensively about Phil Haberman and the efforts of his ex-wife to expose his military fraud and crimes. Last week, his ex-wife was charged with contempt of court by a Florida judge for refusing to take down her blog. A warrant was issued for her arrest. Haberman had previously accused his ex-wife, of California, of domestic violence and cyberstalking because of her blog. On September 7, 2006, Judge Robert B. Bennett Jr., of the 12th Judicial Circuit for Sarasota County, Florida, ordered her to “remove or cause to be removed all blogs, e-mails or other web-based communications” about Haberman. The woman, believing her First Amendment rights were violated, has not com …
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Futility: trying to save a sociopath
Dorothy Hooks is a Christian woman who tries to live by the Bible. When she met Cedric Youngblood, she saw a man who never had a chance. His family life as a child had been abusive. He had been in and out of jail. Dorothy saw someone who just needed to get out of the ghetto and learn the meaning of love and family. In Dorothy, Cedric saw a giving, caring woman who wants to do the right thing and help people.In other words, Cedric saw a target. Last week, the Cedric Youngblood story was posted on Lovefraud.com. Dorothy courageously talks about her marriage to the man who she now realizes is a sociopath. But for more than three years, Dorothy focused on Cedric's potential, hoping he would …