A few weeks ago I posted a blog article entitled Confusion about sociopaths, psychopaths, and antisocials. The article provided background on the evolution of the terms used to describe people who have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. It also acknowledged that Lovefraud uses the definition of this disorder based on the work of Dr. Robert Hare, who uses the term "psychopath." However, I refer to these people as "sociopaths." My reason is that the term "psychopath" carries a lot of cultural baggage. Thanks to movies and media hype, it seems that people tend to associate "psychopath" with deranged individuals or serial killers. I've had many victims tell me, "I though a psychopath was …
Red flags for workplace sociopaths
Lovefraud readers continue to contribute their insights about spotting sociopaths. Last week a reader contributed her list of red flags to watch for when dating. Of course, sociopaths do not limit their victimizations to romantic relationships. They often create havoc in the workplace. So inspired by last week's post, Adrian Melia of Humane Resources Ltd, a UK company that helps employers recognize and prevent workplace bullying, adapted the red flags to help you spot a sociopathic boss or coworker. Here's what he wrote: Workplace habits of a career sociopath Chooses and sucks up to allies (not "friends") who are more powerful, or who he can use to further his aims, or who have …
One woman’s experience of romantic manipulation
A reader recently contacted Lovefraud about her experience with a sociopath. Although she does not want to be identified—she still fears the man—she is willing to share what she learned. Following is her e-mail. I am 41, newly divorced after a long marriage and new to dating. While my two-year separation was a healing period in my life, I was not prepared for the emotions and loneliness that followed the divorce being final. I met a man who is a stone-cold predator and struggled between what my gut knew to be lies and ongoing romantic manipulation and wanting to believe that I was wanted and adored by this new person in my life. I don't see myself as the village idiot . . . I am a suc …
My story in the newspaper
Last week, my picture was on the front page of the Press of Atlantic City. There I was in a teaser above the masthead. "The high cost of love," it said. "An area woman's story of how Internet love connections can breed impostors who take you for all you're worth." The story itself was on the front page of the "Life" section. There I was again, in a full-color close-up shot across the entire top of the page, with the headline, "Winning their hearts, taking their money." Another photo showed my computer, displaying the Lovefraud.com story about my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who I believe is a sociopath. Scattered on the keyboard was his collection of fake military ID cards—like Special F …
Sociopaths and sex
Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the "amazing sex." Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this. First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes. Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty o …
Confusion about sociopaths, psychopaths and antisocials
The Lovefraud website and blog describe people who have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. This personality disorder is shrouded in confusion. What exactly are these people? And what do you call them? Lovefraud calls them "sociopaths." However, the description Lovefraud uses of their traits and behaviors is based upon the work of Dr. Robert Hare, author of Without Conscience. He calls them "psychopaths," and has requested that the term be used in reference to his work. The confusion about the terms—another is antisocial personality disorder—makes it difficult for people to learn about the condition. Consequently, there are millions of unaware potential victims walking the pla …
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Divorce, custody and personality disorders
Lovefraud frequently receives e-mails and phone calls from people who are divorcing a sociopath and are afraid they're going to get trashed in court. They know the sociopaths will lie—smoothly and convincingly—and are terrified that the manipulator will end up winning the money, the house, and custody of the kids. If you're facing family court battles with a sociopath, I recommend that you buy and read Splitting—Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist, by William A. Eddy. It may be the best $25 you ever spend. Eddy, the author, is both a therapist (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and an attorney. He understands the law, the courts and how people with personality diso …
How do you help someone snared by a sociopath?
Lovefraud recently heard from a woman who was concerned for her daughter. Here is her e-mail: Currently, our daughter is married to a sociopath. He has taken us (her parents) for thousands and thousands of dollars, then turned her against us. These people victimize people and are somehow able to make themselves look like the victim. They have 2 small children. He has completely isolated her from her family, including her sister. He completely hates me and has made me the enemy, for I started seeing through him. Do you have any idea how I can possibly reach her to make her see the pattern? This man has felonies on his record for scheming to defraud; he has cheated people all his adult …
Psychopaths in the executive suite
If you're one of those people who still thinks anyone should be able to recognize a psychopath, wake up: Not all psychopaths are beady-eyed serial killers. The psychopath you see every day could be your boss. Snakes in Suits is the new book by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. (I wrote about the book last Sunday as well.) Buried on page 193 is a shocking statistic: 3.5% of business executives are psychopaths. Hare and Babiak conducted original research with 200 high-potential executives. The 3.5% who scored as psychopaths were "superficial, grandiose, deceitful, impulsive, irresponsible, not taking …
How psychopaths manipulate their victims
Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators. Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it's absolutely chilling. Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn't a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here's how it goes, according to the authors: First, they assess the …