Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target. Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod's daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following: One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his …
Sociopaths and the journey into the self
When I came to the realization that I had been manipulated and defrauded by a sociopath, I felt anger and embarrassment about having been a fool. This is exactly what most people victimized by sociopaths feel. I now know that I was targeted, and that there is no excuse for my ex-husband's predatory behavior. Still, what was it in me that made me vulnerable to his lies and manipulation? Sometimes there are answers waiting to be discovered. The experience of being victimized by a sociopath, as painful as it is, can lead to a personal journey of understanding, and eventually healing. The Dandelion Spirit M. L. Gallagher wrote a book, called The Dandelion Spirit, about her fall into …
Fear and loathing when the sociopath returns
In August Lovefraud posted a story called One woman's experience of romantic manipulation. The information was submitted by “Survivor,” who had been targeted by someone whom she believes is a sociopath, and lists her observations of behaviors that, in hindsight, indicated how she was being manipulated. Survivor wrote to Lovefraud recently—the guy was back. Survivor had finally taken a step to be social again, joining a singles group. The guy found out and joined as well. I told her that No Contact is the best policy, and she might want to drop out of the group. To confront—or not What happened next illustrates three things: 1. The amount of psychological damage that sociopaths infli …
Sexually violent predators
One of Lovefraud's prime messages is that most sociopaths (or psychopaths) do not live up to their media hype. Most sociopaths are not sadistic, sexually violent serial killers. However, the hype is founded on truth, and there are some sociopaths who fit the descriptions you see in TV crime shows. These predators are the ones people think of when they hear the term “psychopath,” and they are truly scary. (I'll call them psychopaths for the rest of this post.) Sex crimes and sexual offenders get a lot of attention in the United States these days. This is certainly justified—there is no excuse for sexual violence. Some sex offenders are psychopaths, but not all of them. Child molesters, f …
Psychopaths on the loose
Much of the research about psychopaths had been conducted among prison populations. It's probably necessary to find a "captive" audience for this research—psychopaths (or sociopaths, but I'll call them psychopaths in this post) wouldn't come in for testing and treatment voluntarily, because they don't believe there is anything wrong with them. Dr. Robert Hare estimates that psychopaths (the term he uses) make up 1 percent of the general population of North America, but almost 25 percent of the prison population. Let's turn these figures around. Sometime in October the population of the United States will reach 300 million people. If 1 percent of all these people are psychopaths, that means …
Pop psychology doesn’t work with sociopaths
I remember the first time I had proof that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, was cheating on me. Montgomery had talked me into giving him a credit card to use. He charged things on the card, and I paid the bills (a good deal for him). One time the bill came and it listed a charge for the Berlin Motor Lodge. This is not Berlin, Germany. There's a small town called Berlin not far from where I live in New Jersey. It isn't much more than a blip on the highway. Now, my ex was always away on "business." But there was no possible business reason for him to stay at this budget motel that was only about 40 minutes away. The only realistic explanation was that he was there with another woman. …
Survey: psychopath, sociopath or antisocial?
A few weeks ago I posted a blog article entitled Confusion about sociopaths, psychopaths, and antisocials. The article provided background on the evolution of the terms used to describe people who have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. It also acknowledged that Lovefraud uses the definition of this disorder based on the work of Dr. Robert Hare, who uses the term "psychopath." However, I refer to these people as "sociopaths." My reason is that the term "psychopath" carries a lot of cultural baggage. Thanks to movies and media hype, it seems that people tend to associate "psychopath" with deranged individuals or serial killers. I've had many victims tell me, "I though a psychopath was …
Red flags for workplace sociopaths
Lovefraud readers continue to contribute their insights about spotting sociopaths. Last week a reader contributed her list of red flags to watch for when dating. Of course, sociopaths do not limit their victimizations to romantic relationships. They often create havoc in the workplace. So inspired by last week's post, Adrian Melia of Humane Resources Ltd, a UK company that helps employers recognize and prevent workplace bullying, adapted the red flags to help you spot a sociopathic boss or coworker. Here's what he wrote: Workplace habits of a career sociopath Chooses and sucks up to allies (not "friends") who are more powerful, or who he can use to further his aims, or who have …
One woman’s experience of romantic manipulation
A reader recently contacted Lovefraud about her experience with a sociopath. Although she does not want to be identified—she still fears the man—she is willing to share what she learned. Following is her e-mail. I am 41, newly divorced after a long marriage and new to dating. While my two-year separation was a healing period in my life, I was not prepared for the emotions and loneliness that followed the divorce being final. I met a man who is a stone-cold predator and struggled between what my gut knew to be lies and ongoing romantic manipulation and wanting to believe that I was wanted and adored by this new person in my life. I don't see myself as the village idiot . . . I am a suc …
My story in the newspaper
Last week, my picture was on the front page of the Press of Atlantic City. There I was in a teaser above the masthead. "The high cost of love," it said. "An area woman's story of how Internet love connections can breed impostors who take you for all you're worth." The story itself was on the front page of the "Life" section. There I was again, in a full-color close-up shot across the entire top of the page, with the headline, "Winning their hearts, taking their money." Another photo showed my computer, displaying the Lovefraud.com story about my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who I believe is a sociopath. Scattered on the keyboard was his collection of fake military ID cards—like Special F …