How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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I was one day away from sending money to the scammer

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clara19."  I was contacted through Pinterest. The thumbnail picture was a military man...seemed safe enough to chat. Went very interested in a romantic relationship too quickly. I got daily texted graphics proclaiming his love for me. This started to break my caution down. After a few weeks he started mentioning he needed money. He was on an oil rig and ran short of funds to pay shipping costs and I should sent 12,800 dollars to him. He gave me 3 different places to sent money over the course of a week. My bank thought it was fraudulent. I did further online research and found the scammers had …

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Dating apps lead to stronger marriages — really?

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In the most recent issue of the Wall Street Journal (August 31, 2019), an essay extolls the miracle of dating apps. I read it with skepticism. Dating apps are making marriages stronger, by Dr. Peggy Drexler, on WSJ.com. To read the full article, you need to be a Wall Street Journal subscriber. So if you're not a subscriber, here's a summary: Research shows, according to the author, that online dating leads to better romantic compatibility and stronger marriages. In 2013, a University of Chicago study found that couples who met online had a higher "relationship quality" and a 25% lower rate of separation and divorce. The study also found that anonymous online communication …

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Understanding the Sociopath — a new book by Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud

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If you've been deceived and abused by a sociopath, you've probably asked yourself, "Why is he (or she) doing this?" I answer that question, and many more, in my new book, Understanding the Sociopath — Why antisocials, narcissists and psychopaths break the rules of life. The book goes on sale on October 1, 2019. This book is a curated collection of my Lovefraud blog articles that explains, in bite-sized pieces, how sociopaths behave, what motivates their behavior, and why they do what they do. Approximately 12% of the population — 30 million adults in the U.S. —are sociopaths — people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic persona …

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BOOK REVIEW: ‘The Batterer’ describes three types of male abusers

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Editor's note: Lovefraud recognizes that sociopaths are both male and female. This article, however, is about male sociopaths. Updated for 2019 Often, the stories told here on Lovefraud about abusive relationships have so much in common that readers jokingly ask each other if they were involved with the same man. Still, there can be profound differences in the stories. For example, quite a few people have said that the men who abused them sometimes exhibited great shame. I was always mystified by this, because I never saw an ounce of shame in my psychopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. I assumed that those who were exhibiting shame were playacting. Maybe they weren't. A few …

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Feds break up $46 million romance scam and business fraud ring based in California and Nigeria

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Last week the FBI charged 80 people, mostly Nigerian con artists,  with allegedly running a massive fraud ring that targeted businesses, the elderly and people looking for love online. Fourteen people were arrested in the United States. Eleven were in the Los Angeles area, including the ringleaders, Valentine Iro, 31, and Chukwudi Christogunus Igbokwe, 38, who are Nigerian nationals residing in California. Most of the other people named in the indictment are in Nigeria. The suspects allegedly perpetrated both romance scams and business fraud. Many of the romance scam victims were elderly. One Japanese woman believed she was sending money to a U.S. Army captain stationed in Syria. …

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New webinar Sept. 19: How to Start Your Recovery from Emotional and Psychological Abuse

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By the time it sinks in that you're involved with a sociopath, you're a mess. You've been betrayed, beaten down and abused. You know you need to make a change, but you don't know where you'll find the strength. Lovefraud's new webinar can help. Mandy Friedman, LPCC, is the instructor in one of Lovefraud's most popular courses, Self-Care for Complex PTSD. In her new course, she's taking a broader look at how to move forward. Start your new life by joining her! How to Start Your Recovery from Emotional and Psychological Abuse Instructor — Mandy Friedman, LPCC, CCDVC Thursday, September 19, 2019 • 8 pm ET $37.50 for 90 minutes of instruction Sign up today! …

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50 classic warning signs of sociopathic behavior in one BBC story

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A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a story from the BBC about a relationship with a sociopath, although the article never comes out and says it. Here's the summary: When Anna, an actress, fell in love with an older and more successful actor he seemed like the perfect man. They quickly became engaged - but then he began to change. It took time for her to realise that her fairytale romance had become an abusive relationship. The article highlights typical behavior of a predatory sociopath, and the typical responses of his unsuspecting target. I point out 50 warning signs below. But first, I invite you to read the article. Emotional abuse: 'My fiancé seemed perfect - but he wanted to …

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Deception: the sociopath’s key strategy

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My blog article last week was entitled, Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I related several stories of people who thought they were in romantic relationships, but everything their so-called partners told them was a lie. One woman lost $100,000. Another lost her life. In response to the article, I received the following comment from a reader: I’ve figured out that the common denominator with all these love scams, is lack of SELF love! Why are there so many ppl that don’t love themselves enough to not place themselves in these crazy scenarios? In some cases, there may be truth to this observation — yes, some people do not think highly of themselves. But I do …

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Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid

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A woman from Queensland, Australia, trying to help her online lover, found herself in the middle of a $6 million romance scam. The 60-year-old woman met the man, who claimed to be American, 18 months ago. He convinced her to send him $100,000 of her own money. Then she gave the man her bank details, and he deposited $6 million into her account — money that had been swindled from a South Korean business. In a news article on ABC.net.au, Detective Senior Sergeant Daren Edwards gave his opinion of the woman's actions in the romance scam: "I think it's just blatant stupidity — there's no other word for it." Those of us who've lost money to sociopathic love interests usually do feel stu …

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3 vital concepts about sociopaths that are key to our survival

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Two Lovefraud readers recently sent in articles explaining their views regarding their experiences with sociopaths. Their opinions are almost completely opposite from each other. In The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships, the reader “Andrea19” suggests a nuanced way of looking at our experiences with sociopaths. Yes, her ex-husband is manipulative and deceptive, she writes, but she acknowledges that she has her own mental health issues that contributed to the dysfunctional relationship. The Lovefraud reader “Lanie19” takes a different view. In her article, I lived among sociopathic monsters all of my life, she comes out and says, “They are all monsters.” H …

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