Donna Andersen

"I could smell the smoke, but I could never find the fire." That's how one Lovefraud reader explained her experience with a sociopath. She sensed that something was terribly wrong, but could never figure out what it was. Other Lovefraud readers described the same situation this way, "I knew something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Why is this? Why can't we see what later turns out to be massive lying, exploitation and betrayal? Following are eight reasons why we may suspect that something about the sociopath isn't right, but we don't identify it. We don't know sociopaths exist. No one tells us that 12% of women and 16% of men — 47 million people in the U.S. — a …

8 reasons why we can’t see what’s wrong with the sociopathRead More

I receive a lot of email from readers, and over the years many have asked some variation of the question: Do sociopaths know what they are? Do they realize that something is wrong with them? The answer varies with the individual sociopath, because they aren't all the same. Generally, though, I believe sociopaths know that they are different from the rest of the human race. However, most are not bothered by their difference. They view themselves as superior. It's easy to see where this attitude comes from. Because sociopathy is highly genetic, and is influenced by the early childhood environment, sociopaths usually never were anything but sociopaths. They never experienced a true …

Do sociopaths actually know what they are?Read More

Psychopaths can understand what their victims are thinking, but they just don't care. New research cited in The Atlantic has looked into the psychopathic "theory of mind" — the human skill through which we consider the perspective of someone else. It turns out most of us have the ability to do this automatically. Psychopaths, however, do it when it will help them achieve their goals — and otherwise switch the ability off. How psychopaths see the world, on TheAtlantic.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

Psychopaths can consider another’s perspective — if they want toRead More

Lovefraud received the following question from a reader: When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him?  How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the "little" things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster? When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human interaction. Sociopaths—both male and …

Sociopathic deception: A plan or second nature?Read More

Editors note: Here's a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we'll call "Charlotte18." Donna Andersen's response follows the letter. About a year ago, my husband was arrested for kidnapping a couple of friends of ours. Since then, I have been discovering so many other nefarious things he was doing behind my back, such as stealing money for a living, having relations with other men, committing tax fraud, and the list goes on. As I look back on our relationship, nearly every one of the items you listed on your checklist ring true for our relationship, but I was very blind to them before his arrest, except for the gaslighting. I called him out on that about three months before his …

How could such a wonderful young man turn into an evil sociopath?Read More