Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader: I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two when he openly cheated and decided to leave me, then played games of false reconciliation, which in hindsight were so he could have two sex partners. The short end of my question is ”¦ How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage, the illusion of a man you married with the horrible monster he has become in trying to create turmoil in your life and use your greatest love (your child) to hurt you? Range of behavior One reason why it's so difficult to spot sociopaths is because they are not all the same. So …
Study says kids do better with fathers in the home – but doesn’t mention sociopathic fathers
Researchers at the London School of Economics say that children born to a single mother have better health, intelligence and social skills when their biological father lives with them. Kids fare no better if a stepfather joins the family than they would if their mother stayed alone. Many studies claim to "prove" that kids are better off when they live with both their mother and father. Unfortunately, these studies rarely determine if the father is disordered. As Dr. Liane Leedom explains, living with a disordered parent is not good for kids at all. In fact, these kids can be seriously damaged. But because of the cultural belief that "all kids should have two parents," many well-meaning …
Making meaning of your betrayal by a sociopath
When we realize that we've been involved with a sociopath, and that person has callously betrayed us, we inevitably ask, “Why? Why did this happen to me?” To help find the answer, one of the books that Lovefraud recommends is The Betrayal Bond—Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. The book explains the deep psychological wounds caused by trauma, and offers a way for us to identify and overcome abusive relationships that we may have experienced. When I read the book, I was struck by what Carnes wrote on page 68: My experience with survivors of trauma is that every journey of recovery depends on the survivor coming to a point where all that person has gon …
How to attract a new relationship after the sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: I have a question for you. I've been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I've tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I'm so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. If you've had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you're feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet healed. I …
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Chaos, destruction and murder – the philosophy of a sociopath
Lovefraud received a letter from a woman who we'll call Valerie. She met her husband, whom we'll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets. Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn't want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn't tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie's intuition told her to check her husband's Facebook page, where she found Dylan's love letters to another woman. Then Valerie found how Dylan described …
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14 tactics used by coercive controllers in abusive relationships
"Coercive control feels like being trapped in a cage and you can't get out and you don't know where to turn." That's how Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes described this insidious form of domestic violence. She was one of several experts who spoke at a conference on coercive control in Suffolk, England on March 6, 2017. Another expert, Dr. Evan Stark, said that around 25 percent of women in abusive relationships are never assaulted. The program described 14 ways that abusers control their victims, from limiting contact with family and friends to constant phone calls, texts and emails. 'It's like being in a cult for one': Read 14 tactics used by coercive controllers, on EADT.co.uk. …
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9 control tactics in a classic story of sociopathic manipulation
The following letter, written by a young woman whom we'll call Chloe, is one of the most complete stories of psychological manipulation that I've ever seen yet. Chloe wrote this letter secretly while the sociopath she is living with was at the gym. I met my boyfriend two years ago. I was 18; he was 33. He's a photographer; we live on an island that is very small. He has lived here forever (10 years) and I had only been here a few months when I met him. Everybody, especially women on the island, adore him, he is THE BIGGEST charmer. He told me that he had moved here with his fiancée, that she had said she was going home for a week, and then never came back. He said she'd gone to therapy b …
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Psychopaths are naturally skilled at spotting potential victims
When I was married to James Montgomery, who was later diagnosed as a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn't know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on. “What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way. “What?” “Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.” “Do you know who she's married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans. Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published by Canadian researchers …
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Learn to use EFT Tapping to heal your life – FREE 10-day online summit starts 2/27
If after dealing with a sociopath you're feeling stuck, even trapped, in your life, EFT Tapping can help you break free and move forward. It's an amazing technique that can heal deep emotional wounds, calm PTSD, and overcome health problems. I'm not kidding. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping is what you do with your fingers, you tap specific accupressure points, mostly on your face, while bringing to mind the situation that you want to address. This changes the energetic connection between your memory or perception of the situation and specific structures in your brain. When the energy changes, your life changes. This stuff works. I've used it myself, and I've …
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Identifying and recovering from psychological abuse
Book Review: Healing from Hidden Abuse, by Shannon Thomas, LCSW Review by Donna Andersen Mind games everyone who has tangled with a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or other exploiter knows them. The sociopath makes a statement, and then denies ever saying the words. You call out the sociopath's bad behavior, and it's all turned around on you. And the lies well, the objective of lies is to poison your perceptions. The more formal term for this destructive behavior is psychological abuse. And now there's a book that explains exactly what psychological abuse is, why perpetrators engage in it, and the steps of recovery. Healing from Hidden Abuse —A Journey Through the Stages of R …
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