Liane Leedom, M.D., Author at Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths - narcissists in relationships

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there any new research on sociopaths and parenting?

November 15, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 90 Comments

I recently received this note from a reader in Ireland: The reason I'm writing today is I have a friend who is in the same position has just recently had contact from her 2.5yr old son's sociopathic father, looking for access. She is learning all about what having a sociopathic father actually means, has read the book (Just Like His Father?), but is still unsure whether to allow it or not. What do you think? Any new research? Anything that shows clearly kids do better without contact? I do not know of any new research on this topic. We previously discussed two papers parents should be aware of; one concerns antisocial fathers and the other concerns antisocial mothers. Antisocial …

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When does bitterness become a disorder?

November 8, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 250 Comments

The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way. The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can't ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person's present to be occupied by that loss. The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself It is my observation that for many …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why has my husband cut our daughters out of his life?

October 25, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 92 Comments

This week we received the following letter from a reader of the blog. I wanted to share both the letter and my reaction to it with you: After 30 yrs of marriage and abuse, I have finally left my passive aggressive sociopathic narcissist husband. I have managed the No Contact fairly well, of course he is the KING of the silent treatment so it doesn't seem to bother him. What I simply do not understand is this: We have two daughters, ages 22 and 24. We USED to have a close family, the girls were close to their dad. However after they have witnessed him abusing me, they have had a few 'spats' with him lately. What completely baffles me, is that when I started the No Contact …

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How can I control my thoughts?

October 17, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 403 Comments

We recently received the following letter that expresses very well what many victims tell us they feel. Although I have written on this subject before, this week I would like to share new insights on healing and recovery. I spent two years in a relationship with an antisocial psychopath. In the last four months, since I last saw him, I have built a new life, I get on with my life, I am successful in my job, I am a good mother, I am comfortable in my own skin, and, for the first time in my life, am content to live a single life. This sounds like a success story, but in every minute that my mind is not occupied by the routine of daily life, I am totally consumed by thoughts of my …

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Phillip Garrido: Father?

September 19, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 70 Comments

Phillip Garrido is technically “a father.” He allegedly kidnapped Jaycee Dugard when she was 11, sexually assaulted her, so that she subsequently gave birth to two children. Some have had difficulty attaching the term “father” to Garrido. One news report I saw said, “He allegedly “sired” two children.” These children (both girls), are reportedly 11 and 14. We do not know if Garrido also sexually assaulted the children. This week I would like to discuss a difficult subject and ask some difficult questions. Because I am using the case of Phillip Garrido to guide this discussion, we are considering fatherhood. However, I believe the same points can be raised regarding motherhood. Here are …

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Nancy Garrido: alleged kidnapper and rapist

September 13, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 135 Comments

Last week I discussed Philip Garrido, a psychotic and psychopathic individual who allegedly with the help of his wife kidnapped Jaycee Dugard at age 11 and held her 18 years. This week I would like to discuss the some of the details of Nancy Garrido's life that have been reported by reliable news sources. The Details Nancy Garrido is 54, her maiden name is Bocanegra. She was born born in Texas, the second child of a family of five or six children. She has been married to Phillip 28 years. According to the New York Times, “Gail Powell, a spokeswoman for the Nevada Department of Public Safety, said Nancy Bocanegra was visiting an incarcerated uncle when she met Mr. Garrido, a tall, lanky …

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Garrido and Mitchell: two sociopaths who are also delusional

September 5, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 218 Comments

“Suddenly, everything made sense, I was not crazy, I had been dealing with a psychopath!” explained a woman this week as she told the story of how she discovered “psychopathy” and Dr. Hare's diagnostic symptoms. With this discovery, she learned that a personality disorder is behind the behavior of people who manipulate and harm others without guilt or remorse. Prior to learning about psychopathy, the woman said she held the view that all people were basically good and needed the same things. Understanding psychopathy/sociopathy gave her the ability to make sense of a world where a small fraction of individuals do a tremendous amount of harm- AND YET THESE INDIVIDUALS ON THE SURFACE SEEM PERF …

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The love scripts of sociopaths

August 30, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 316 Comments

It is likely you are reading this because a sociopath said “I love you” and you believed him/her. You also probably thought that when the sociopath said “I love you” he/she used these words as you do, to express a sense of intimacy, passion and commitment. However, what a sociopath says and what a sociopath does are so different it can be crazy making. In the aftermath of a relationship with a sociopath, former romantic partners are left to wonder, “Just what was going on in that person's mind?” "What was he/she thinking?" Many people have written in asking, “Did he/she really love me?” and “Do you think he/she loves that other person now?” It is the second question many find most disturbi …

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Develop your wise mind

August 15, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 131 Comments

In response to my blog last week a reader commented: I am a (borderline personality) BPD in love with a sociopath, I want to share the depth of sadness and emptiness that occurs in my soul knowing, I will never know the love and security that regular people have, Imagine how long life would be knowing you are not equipped with the same emotion's as everyone else. I have never understood why there is no compassion for those of us who were abused when we should've bonded. I did not ask to be this way and every day watch and listen to what others do in their relationships so I can do it too ( not that I have been successful , but I try). It is not that I can't love, it's the …

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Empty, bored chameleons

August 7, 2009 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 175 Comments

Like many of you, I am very grateful for a few friends who acted as sounding boards as I processed my experience with a sociopath. The best talks have been with my exercise partner who is also a former Federal agent. About 2 years ago on one of our walks we discussed what it must be like to be inside the skin of a sociopath. Both of us tried to imagine what their inner world is like. On that walk we both connected with ourselves and each other in a way we hadn't before. The connection happened as we reflected on what it must be like to live a life without love. I realized that my sense of myself as a continuous person over time is based on the people I love and the values I have a …

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