Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Rochelle." As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples: What you do or say and what the sociopath hears Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues. Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues. Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive. Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something. Crying because I am hurting = drama queen. Me asking him not to bring up a topic while …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …
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Towards a graduate degree in Workplace S&P&N-ology
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader PressEject. He previously wrote "Male and female sociopaths have remarkable similarities." Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It has been about 4 1/2 years since my absurd abuse at the hands of the sociopath, which your great site helped me to make sense of, and, to eventually overcome. I am writing today in gratitude, but also with a bit of an update and reminder (at least to myself) to remain vigilant. With your help, and with the help and support of your readers, I finally had a set of tools to work with to navigate the world should S's and P's and N's eventually fall right back in my pathway. …
Fear-based thinking no longer runs my life
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” According to my counseling therapist, I became involved with sociopaths as a result of their motivations and their abilities to note my strengths and vulnerabilities. My vulnerabilities were formed during my childhood and manifested as a crippling condition termed, “shame core.” This core was based upon my experiences in a dysfunctional family environment of alcoholism. For whatever reasons, I believed that I was responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone, and I mean everyone. This false sense of responsibility prepared me for a lifetime of fear-based decisions and choices that included marryi …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from a Sociopathic “friend” and business partner
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Brielle.” Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Three years ago I left someone whom I only recently understood displays all the classic symptoms of being a sociopath. I'm writing this now to help other people who have had a close relationship, but not a romantic relationship, with a sociopath. It is still just as devastating when you have made the person the centre of your world. Young, vulnerable, and naive; the perfect target I was very young when I met her, emotionally vulnerable and naïve. To me she seemed so clever and charismatic. She offered me love, seemingly solutions to my lack of self …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Why, why, why did I say yes to a sociopath?
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “IMarriedIt.” Names are changed. Thirteen years ago, I was an attractive, confident single woman. I owned a small house with 2 cats & a dog. I wasn't looking to date when I met a charsmatic man at work, Simon, or rather, he made a beeline for me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating. He then chose the words he knew would reassure me, that we could spend time together as just friends, but it wouldn't be dating. We did things together & had dinner as pals (so I thought). He amped up the charm and was likeable & witty, though I thought there was something a little strange about him. One night he rang my doo …
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Fact v. Feeling: “Disorder” in Divorce
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” Names have been changed. One of the most important undertaking in divorcing from a sociopath is to remain, at all times, factual during legal proceedings. When I first entered my attorney's office to tell her why I wanted a divorce, I was hysterical and incomprehensible. This was immediately after I had been arrested for Domestic Violence, and I was in a state of sheer panic and anxiety that I had never believed possible. I didn't unload my “feelings” so much as the ugly facts about my action I had discovered that Kerby had not only been living a double-life since before we ever even met, but that his inter …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am a sociopath
Lovefraud received the following email from a man who says he is a sociopath. It is published for educational purposes, to provide insight into how he thinks. Comments will not be allowed on this post. I'm a sociopath. I've known for a very long time that I'm a sociopath and that's that. I'm writing to you because I want your opinion. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a highly intelligent male with an IQ of 167. Everyone around me calls me a genius or prodigy; I just think I'm me. I am what I am and it's the only world I know. I am exceptionally good at deduction and reading people. The best example I give for myself would be Sherlock Holmes for the BBC TV series Sherlock. I can …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: On a healing path with my inner child
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” The first epiphany of my recovery from the exspath's damage was when my astute counselor identified my “shame-core.” In that same session, it was suggested that I read Healing The Shame That Binds You, by Bradshaw. Since I was grasping for any and every lifeline, I undertook this suggestion with a tenacity that, even in retrospect, still astounds me. I needed answers and my counselor rather shoved me in that direction, mercilessly. I use the term, “mercilessly,” because it seemed harsh at the time, but it was a truly caring and merciful shove. In a nutshell, my “shame-core” was a system of beliefs that caus …
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