Editor's Note: This is another email from the Lovefraud reader whom we're calling “Adelle.” She previously contributed, Are you seeing someone else? I finally left my SP and like the alka-seltzer commercial used to say, “Oh what a relief it is.” My decision to leave was made a long time ago. Today I thought to myself, “Why didn't I do this sooner?” I didn't do it sooner because of fear, of course. I had so many “What Ifs?” I never questioned whether it was in my best interest, I knew it was. The “What Ifs?” were in reference to him. What if he contacts my friends and tries to make me look bad? What if he does damage to my car so that I can't get around? What if he hacks my email and st …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Are you seeing someone else?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we'll call “Adelle.” A little over a month after leaving an abusive relationship and refusing to have any type of communication with him, he asks if I'm seeing someone else, as if that would be the only way I could get over him, or as if after such a hurricane of a relationship anyone would be inspired to move right into another. Could it be that I finally opened my eyes, that I finally picked myself up from the floor along with my self-esteem? As I walked the other day, I pondered on that question, “Are you seeing someone else?” I'd like to answer that if I may! Yes, indeed, I am seeing someone else. I am seeing …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Male and female sociopaths have remarkable similarities
Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader “PressEject” has written several insightful Letters to Lovefraud about his involvements with sociopathic men. You can read them here: Finding sanity after the sociopath (part 1) Finding sanity after the sociopath (part 2) Pulled in by the child in the sociopath As a bisexual person, PressEject was most recently romantically involved with a woman who also turned out to be disordered. In this post, he compares the two experiences. By PressEject There was absolutely NOTHING in her emails that asked me to find with her (together) some kind of understanding or resolution. Instead it was like she was writing the script for everything, for …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Raped-unzel
Editor's note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence. She previously submitted a piece called All Alone. Raped-unzel let her hair down and a batterer climbed up. Mr. No-Longer-Charming had seduced her with lying words and false promises, and now she lay married to a man that called her a whore. Oh—and said he loved her, too, usually soon after he called her a whore. Raped-unzel said to Mr. No-Longer-Charming: "Don't confuse me with comatose Sleeping Beauty over there, in that fairy tale. I can see through your lies, straight down to your true colors." So, she is in The Flip Side of the Fairy …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Pornography Effect 101
By Marilisa Walker Following a heart wrenching break up of our nearly 11-year marriage, and after he ran our Chamber of Commerce award-winning businesses into the ground, stole all my money and drove off in our only car on a sizzling hot summer afternoon in August while I was taking a nap, I experienced "an overwhelming and overpowering feeling of not being able to make sense of it"—which is what I logged in my journal four months later. Throwing myself on the kitchen floor and sobbing uncontrollably, while these antics provided some emotional relief but horrified my dog—yet was I still left with an irreconcilable quandary. If I could only make sense of what happened between my hus …
RESOURCES PERSPECTIVES: Judges are practicing mental health without a license
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Rebecca Potter works as a licensed mental health counselor in West Palm Beach, Florida. She can be reached at: tlc211@gmail.com. Judge William Adams shown beating his daughter with a belt on YouTube By Rebecca Potter Rebecca Potter profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide As I saw the following video and commentary on CNN last night, I could not sleep. It appears that the sheriff in the town of Rockport, Texas has received countless calls of concern about Judge William Adams, who was shown beating his daughter with a belt on YouTube. Judge Adams …
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Online Dating Scams: Don’t Get Caught
By Brittany Lyons For many busy people, online dating has become a normal or even preferred method for meeting potential love matches, and it's easy to see why it's so popular. Singles are often bombarded with stories of success featuring married couples who met online, and continue to live happily ever after, so they don't see the possible harm. However, because of the anonymity offered by the Internet, it's easy for predators and scammers alike to misrepresent themselves. Both are impossible to identify 100% of the time, which is why it's best to avoid online dating. But if you do choose to try it out, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself from scammers. If you aren't …
Woman gets caught in dating scam
If you think real people don't get caught in dating scams, think again. Lovefraud heard from a woman who thought she met the soldier pictured above online. Actually, she met a group of scammers from Ghana. Here's what she wrote: According to a USAA Fraud Investigator 15 women scattered across the US (I was one of them) were recently scammed by a group from Ghana. I am not trying to get my money back, etc. In fact, I am being forced to file for bankruptcy. What I am trying to do is help the Active Duty Army Master Sergeant who is in ALL the pictures these scammers still use! I saw a recent one posted under two i had added to one scam website. In fact, it could have been his recent re …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Winning a court battle with a sociopath
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we'll call “Juliet.” Juliet negotiated a settlement with her ex, the father of her daughter. Names and locations have been changed. In the final papers, I am moving to Delaware and he gets supervised visits in Delaware (until age eight) for much longer than I would have if I were forced to fight in court and let the judge decide. Plus I am not paying for him to visit in Delaware. He agreed to pay child support of $450 once he gets a job. My daughter won't leave Delaware with him until age 10, and she won't fly alone to California until age 12. And she only can leave for California over spring break and summer vacat …
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RESOURCES PERSPECTIVES: Dealing with betrayal bonds
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Rebecca Potter works as a licensed mental health counselor in West Palm Beach, Florida. She can be reached at: tlc211@gmail.com. Surviving betrayal and trauma By Rebecca Potter Rebecca Potter profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide I recently attended a workshop by Dr. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., author of The Betrayal Bond. I was shocked by the denial of the psychological community regarding the trauma experienced by survivors of emotional and sexual trauma. I took my worn and used copy of The Betrayal Bond to Dr. Carnes for his signature. He signed …
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