O.N.Ward

By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 5: Make Your Own Damn Sandwich! I did not extrapolate or act upon these seemingly small moments of dissonance, but I had a friend who did exactly that in one of her relationships. Her decision to trust her instincts and to generalize from one small selfish act to what married life with her fiancé would be like may have saved her from a disastrous marriage, perhaps to a soc …

Subtle Sociopath “Tells”– Lacking Empathy Even When You’re IllRead More

By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 3: Sociopath Math  I can almost hear the collective cacophony. “Onna! That can't be the whole story. There has to be something more to it. There are always two sides.” In an attempt to be fair and to give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt, we tend to discount and dismiss malicious, destructive behavior. Sociopaths count on this. Contrary to the popular saying, there …

Sociopaths Count On Getting The Benefit Of The DoubtRead More

By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the link at the bottom of the post. Chapter 2: Please Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain This probably sounds like the beginning of a love story, a second chance for two people moving on after unsuccessful first marriages. That is how I viewed it at the time, but I was wrong. I would not figure it out for twenty years, but the man to whom I was so attracted was, and is, a sociopath. Already, he was us …

Sociopaths and forced teaming – ‘we’re in this together’Read More

Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …

Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde BehaviorRead More

A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?”   Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …

On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word SaladRead More

Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate.  Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …

Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A SociopathRead More