How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

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There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

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Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy Revisited

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Now that I've had my own life derailed by a sociopath, and now that I know up to 4% of the population is sociopathic, I see sociopaths often in everyday life. I also see sociopaths in literature and film.  Yet, before my own life was train wrecked by a sociopath, I viewed these stories and characters as entertaining aberrations, not as anything or anyone about which I really had to worry. Weren't sociopaths rare, and wouldn't I somehow know if such a person entered my life? I'm guessing I'm not that unusual.  Before it happened to you, did you know how high the odds were that your life could be profoundly scarred by a sociopath? Why Aren't We Warned? Why isn't every young adult repeatedly w …

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Collecting Alimony From A Sociopath–The Devil’s In The Details

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Divorcing my sociopathic husband was horrific. Hopefully, what I've learned can spare you some pain and aggravation, but by the very nature of interacting with any sociopath, there will still be pain and aggravation. Few Documents Can Stand Up to Intense, Constant, Malicious Scrutiny—But Do Your Best My book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) chronicles my corrosive marriage and my toxic divorce.  The book, however, does not delve into the specifics of my divorce agreement that provided the foundation for excessive post-divorce legal expense and litigation. Other lawyers who reviewed my divorce agreement felt m …

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 2

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Sociopaths have many tools in their deceptive toolkit. Last week, in Part 1, I explored three techniques "Paul," my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath, used the day after our honeymoon.  (This is taken from my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned , available via Amazon.com).  The three techniques were:  1) framing the conversation to blind me to what was in clear view, 2) creating cognitive dissonance that I would likely resolve in his favor, 3) deceiving without uttering a single word that was untrue.  A barrage of other deceptive techniques, likely common to other liars and sociopaths, followed. "Our Hon …

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 1

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Sociopaths dazzle and distract with brilliant linguistic gymnastics to obscure their lies.  In my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com), I examine several conversations to reveal specific techniques "Paul" (my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath), used to obscure the truth. These techniques are likely common to other liars and sociopaths as well. "Our Honeymoon Isn't Over Until I Say It's Over!”  The night we'd returned from our honeymoon, I needed to make a business-related call.  Paul was furious with me and snapped, "Our honeymoon isn't over until I say it's over!”  It was so out o …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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Sociopath Math

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 "It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied.  “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this!  Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began

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My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com  website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …

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