Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
FlowerPower
My stbx was also admitted for treatment after a psychotic break. He was diagnosed (preliminary) as severe mood disorder with a psychotic break and probably bipolar.
He matches a good 95% of what I have read here and I wonder the same.
I do know when we were in marriage counseling that it was awful as he was just telling the therapist what he believed…and not what was really going on… he would even demean me, right there in front of the therapist.
He seems to have a knack for convincing people what he wants them to believe…
Erinb-I applaud you for doing that. I keep hoping that my ex will get something. I just hope he didn’t give me HIV-although I don’t have signs of having anything!
E72…
Get tested girl!!!!
erinb-I’m afraid of that!
Goodnight ya’ll. I’m falling asleep and tomorrow’s my early day!
Nighty Night…..
GET TESTED GIRL! DON”T BE AFRAID…..you can’t hide from some things…….
It’ll give you a bit of stress in the waiting for result period…..but 1000 percent relief when you get the results…..and then it’s DONE!!!!
Sabrina:
I have some materials you can use in your presentation. Please send me an e-mail to remind me to send them to you,
Donna
Dear My boys,
Bi-Polar has a long spectrum from “a little” to “very much” on each end of the spectrum of going from depressed to manic, and some of the patients who are bi-polar will be “psychotic” meaning that they are out of trouch with REALITY.
Even though it is sometimes difficult bi-polar can usually be treated if it is monitored closely and the patient is CO-OPERATIVE that is the important part. Some patients actually like that “high” of the mania and do not want treatment for it.
In some cases, the mania is difficult to tell from the grandiosity of the psychopath (ASPD).
I’m very glad that you informed teenage girls on sociopathic behavior. I am teenager as well and learned the hard way that my father was a sociopath from his x girlfriend. Before I had no idea why he constantly made me feel bad about myself. Why he pushed me around and told me I was a self-centered and selfish child. He nearly drove three women to suicide: my mother, my dad’s x girlfriend and my younger sister. I;m well on my way as well but I keep remembering to keep strong and that I deserve much better. My dad keeps lying to his family about me and behaving as if I misbehave. I just ignore him and keep to my studies. I;m told that sociopath’s hate being ignored and will do anything for attention. Its very hard living with a sociopath every day of my life. He puts on a show for everyone when they are at my house. Especially making it look like I was being disrespectful when I was just in my room quietly. He expects me to clean uo after him as if he’s a baby and to do his laundry. I feel like nothing around him and it hurts every day of my life. I’m told to stay away from him as best as I can but he keeps bothering me. But the sooner you warn people the safer it will be.
Dear Hurtnomore,
Living with him I am sure must be a trying thing for a teenager. Being a teenager is difficult enough but living in such hateful circumstances makes it worse.
How old are you? Do you have any other options for a place to live until you can get out on your own?
Recognizing that your father is a psychopath is the first step in stopping the emotional damage to you.
Howe you feel about yourself must not depend on how HE sees you. My mother did emotional abuse to me in a subtle way. It was constant disapproval and was emotional abuse because it undermined my soul.
The psychopath is almolst doomed to do this to people because it makes him feel “bigger” to be in CONTROL and to denigrate others, so he feels “bigger” and “better” by comparison.
Do you have a counselor at school or a teacher that you can confide in? Unfortunately there is no way you can “reason” with your father or get him to change his ways and if he knew you talked to anyone about the way he treats you I am sure he would be very angry and as long as you are under his control and living in his house, keeping as much under his radar is a good idea.
Is your sister still living there with you? What about your mom? Aunts? Grandparents?
The best thing about your living situation is that it is NOT FOREVER. (Though it may seem like it is right now!)
Once you are able to get away from him, your best bet is what we call NC here which stands for NOI CONTACT, and that means NONE…don’t ever speak to him again, or allow him to contact you or anyone to tell him where you are. He does not deserve the time of . I am no contact with my mother and was with my Psychopathic father for 40 years before he died.
The no contact gives you space and time to heal. It keeps them from REINJURING you or devalueing you. You do not deserve to be treated with disrespect. You deserve to be loved and cherished, but since your father is not doing this for you, you must VALUE yourself, and you must lNURTURE AND CHERISH yourself.
The trick to a good life is to be indepencdent, and not expect someone else to provide our happiness. He can’t make you feel like “nothing” if you say inside yourself—“I AM SOMETHING, I AM IMPORTANT AND THE FACT THAT HE TREATS ME LIKE THIS MEANS HE IS INCAPABLE OF , I’M GLAD I’M NOT LIKE THAT.”
Read the articles here and go back later and read the comments, but mainly the articles and LEARN ABOUT PSYCHOPOATHS, but also learn about HEALING and taking care of yourself. Learn to spot the red flags that psychopaths use to catch us into romantic relationships with a “love bomb” at first then start to devalue and abuse us physically or mentally jor emotionally.
You sound like a very smart young woman. Remember kNOWLEDGE=POWER! Don’t let him take away your power! LOVE YOURSELF and stay below the radar and make plans to get out of his house as soon as possible. Get your education and become an independent woman who will never again allow a person to abuse her in any way! God bless you! (((hugs))))