Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
ErinBrock
If you feel comfortable sharing, we are here to give you input darlen.
erin1972
I am kind of freaked about it because I have been making SO much progress but my dream had red flags in it.
I dreamt that I had sex with a woman. This woman is a young surgeon that I worked with who was mentored by my ex s’path. We all worked together. She is 4 years younger than me and married to a police officer who works for the same PD where I am going to be-hopefully. She and I were buds when we worked together but she appears to be confused about her sexuality and wanted to try out a woman. She wanted ME to be that woman. She hit on me when the ex and I first got together and I turned her down. There was NO way I was going to hook up with this girl who was married to an officer-since I was in love with my ex and I was trying to become a police officer.
I won’t lie and say that I didn’t have chemistry with her because I did. We had a lot of chemistry but I DID NOT want to go there. It changed my relationship with her when I turned her down-maybe damaged her ego. I have seen her twice since January because she is working at my hospital and we aren’t friends. I don’t know why I had this dream.
tobehappy
Hey Erin…are you still up ? I was at my neighbors and didn’t bring my laptop….Home now.
hens
Erin1972 I am gay are you? That would help me analyze the dream.
erin1972
hens-I don’t think so. I did have a brief relationship with a woman-mainly because I was so tired of being with these BAD mean that I was drawn to. It was like an experiment for me. It’s weird but she turned out to be a s’path too-just like the guys and terribly narcissistic. She tried to rope me back in and I refused.
It’s weird. There are some females that I find attractive. I could kiss one or touch one but the actual act of sex was not good for me. It’s really strange. This particular gal in the dream and I DID have serious chemistry. I was attracted to her, even though I was in love with my man. She tried to kiss me one night when we were out and I wouldn’t kiss her but I could have. Is this weird? I like men.
erin1972
tobe-I’m up-I’m on call and I don’t sleep well then. I guess I anticipate waking up to the beeper going off.
tobehappy
Hmmm…when you say you had a r/s with a woman…she was gay, I assume?
I’m not sure what that dream meant. But, I heard that everyone in a dream is YOU.
I had a strange dream last night too…and I was asking everyone today what it meant. Its still on my mind….you know how some dreams just stay with you all day?? Like if it was real???
Maybe you are bisexual? I don’t know. I often wish I was attracted to women…because I like women, in general, better than men. Its hard to find a “good man”.
ErinBrock
If you’ve seen her recently (Jan), I suspect it has something to do with your processing the ‘loss’ of your friendship in another way…..(having sex), rather than the way it went down in ‘real life’. You satisfied her ‘request’ and the friendship remained in tact.
You don’t sound comfortable with being rejected as her friend, after turnign down her advances…..
I think your psychie is processing the ‘end’ of your relationship.
My 2cents…..
erin1972
tobe-yes she was openly gay. It’s weird-I have only had this kind of chemistry with two women in my life. One was a good friend of mine who was in a long term relationship with a woman and this doctor in my dream. I just feel that for the most part, you don’t choose to be gay. I think most people are born that way. My friend was definitely born that way. I ended up telling her later that I had a crush on her and we laughed about it. I just told her not to tell her girlfriend.
erin1972
tobe- I want to know about your dream too-if you want to tell me about it.