Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
Kim!!!
Don’t make me come get you with the SKILLET! (grate–that’s the sound of my oven door squeeking open, so it’s in reach!) You get out and do some walking (good idea) and you go on a SENSIBLE low cal diet and you quuit BOINKING yourself! I do a much better job of it and I don’t boink you if you don’t deserve it—but yhou know darned well if you get that NEGATIVE CRAP going I will GET YA!!!!
Silvermoon is soooo right! Besides, there is a good will store somewhere near you, and that’s where I do ALL my shopping and I am the best dressed jackass rider in the county! On a very reasonable budget! ((((Hugs))) and BTW I worked my way through college with a spatula and a toilet brush! If I can do it so can you! I know you are educated, but you know, that means you can use a toilet brush with the best of them!!!! Love Oxy
Hmmmm.
A couple of years ago I met some women at a farmer’s market who sold hand creams and stuff made with lavender oil. They wanted distributors to sell their stuff at other farmers markets. They would even private label.
Counseling other women with their backs to the wall? Everybody needs a you. Your problem is marketing!
House cleaning is not a lightweight business at the rate nowadays. It depends on where you are, but I’ve made good money doing it when I had to.
Babysitting rocks.
Pet sitting for summer vacations? Kennels are EXPENSIVE at $30/day. YOu could make money at less.
Sprinkler testing can be really lucrative in the spring! Its a big deal when folks get ready to turn them on and they are all fubar from the winter!
C’mon Show me that creative part that is hiding… You are in a funk and I do care. You are a good friend to me and I’m very happy about that.
If you looked at the wanted ads in the paper tomorrow and your life depended on it, what job would you take?
Its not about what is your fault, its about how you get a job. And you may have to work for it. You are not alone.
What about ushering at a concert venue just to get to see the shows?
What about a hot dog cart in a busy intersection- just for fun and some money.
If you are well educated, you are competative. Get on your broomstick and FLY!
If you are good with a spatula you might find somewhere really fun to work. Not a bad start if you have a blast. The resturant business is not all bad.
Where do YOU want to be. What is YOUR vision? How is that going to happen?
We get in this funk where if we think something is hard walking toward it it like wading through molasses up to our knees. But, if its a really cool idea about something that we want to make happen, the energy gets unstoppable.
You will feel a hell of a lot better after you go to the dentist. You have no idea how much energy that is zapping you for.
Yeah, I care. And so do you. You can. You will and its all for good.
‘nite
Did anyone ever hear of soy candles? Miabella …omg..they are awesome and clean!
I was selling them for while. I made really good money…and I LOVE the product.
People have become millionaires selling them!
Check out the website!
The soap is the cure for eczema!
Sweet orange chili pepper…aromatherapy!!!!
Just a thought to make extra money………
Oxy and Silver, Thanks for being here. I do appreciate it. I have to admit I’m more comfortable being funny, than needy.
I’m not at the top of my game, tonight. Think I’m gonna soak in a hot bath with bubbles and candelight, and hit the hey early. Thanks, again.
Dear Kim,
Silver motivates you with great inspiration and I motivate you with fear of my skillet! You have got the best of both sides, the carrot and the skillet! ((((Hugs))))
BTW some great ideas Silver!
Thanks for believing in me and for listening to my pleads. My mom knows my dad’s character and if she had her way I would live with her in another country. But I’m a senior in high school and I have only three months til I get to college. Right now my mom’s best advice is to try to stay out of his way. He thinks he can control me when I’m eighteen in two weeks. I’m no longer a child. I’m almost an adult in two weeks. I have to make a lot of decisions and he still thinks I’m a young child. My mother has accepted that and started to let go. but him he makes unreasonable limits on what I can do. I can’t barely go out with my friends nor stay after school unless he’s out of town. My therapist believes me but she says I can’t do anything until college. All his friends and family are like Dude, she’s an adult now. You have to let go. But I’m glad to have spoken up in this blog. All he does is act and lie to everybody. I keep it real and be honest. But he needs to leave me alone.
Dear Hurtnomore,
I’m glad that you will be 18 in only a few days, and yes, he should treat you with respect and so on, but you cannot make him do this. I am glad that your mother knows how he is, and even though she is not close physically to you, you at least can communicate with her. I’m also glad that you have a therapist to confide in.
It probably seems like “forevever” until you will be leaving for college, but in real terms of how “long” it is not long. Time seems LONNNNNG when you are younger than when you are older. I remember when I felt that one Christmas to the next was FOREVER, but now it is only one “snap” from one Christmas to the next.
Someone told me once that “the days go slowly, and the years go fast!” Marking the calendar off one day at a time, or one week at a time, and when you feel like it will “never end” then just say to yourself silently, “It is only x number of days until I can leave for college and be away from him!”
YOu can do it! And, remember that you will soon have adult responsibilities and adult consequences, so be mindful of yourself and that only YOU can love yourself completely!
Good luck, you are a bright young woman on the verge of adulthood and an independent life! Godspeed!~
Goodnight everyone-I feel crappy and I’m having to go to bed now!
This is a great article. I work with teens and I hear a lot of dysfunctional relationship drama. But… one girl in particular snagged a real loser.
I recall that he was controlling, moved way too fast and also that he was testing her boundaries and pushing them farther and farther toward perversion.
She asked me, “Do you really think he’s an abuser?” Yes dear, he is.
silver and kim – be careful with bouillon cubes, many of them contain MSG and dyes.
I had a hot dog cart. 🙂 it was a great business and a HELL OF A LOT OF WORK.