Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
Dear Silvermoon,
Thanks for the support and encouragement. I hope to get stronger and I hope you got stronger too! No one deserves a person like this in his or her life but it teaches us that they do exist. Once we get that knowledge we can help others become more aware. We also learn more strategies with dealing with them.
Silver-thanks a bunch. You have a great weekend too. I am concentrating on me. I hope your doing well!
Gulmph….I;m munching on greens and doing really fine.
Its going to be fantastic. My son is coming for a visit and I am so excited to see him. Its been months and we have a whole week to tour and ride mountain bikes and more.
Can’t wait to try that truffle recipe. That will be the big event! Sweets like that don’t happen casually!
Thanks Erin.
Hey guys….resting up for my treck to Brooklyn tomorrow with my daughter to do her student film. Going to pick up a friend to take to Columbia Presb. Hospital on route. He had a stent put into his heart after bypass and its too big. He may need another bypass. Ugh!
Anyway, I am feeling so much better living in the PRESENT. I am not worrying about the future…going to bankcruptcy court this week. Its all good. Then, mediation this summer to see if I can keep myhouse. Whatever is meant to be will be. No worry.
I went to the library and picked up some good books to read while my daughter is filiming. Buddha in your Backpack..for teens…lol..simplified for me. Boundaries…The Power of Intention…and a Deepak Chopra book. Also, The Vortex…by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
So, I will be busy on a reading marathon.
Bought Cardamon today! It smelled so familiar. I realized that when I was in my twenties…I was with a Mideastern guy…and his mom used it in her cooking and coffee!
The fragrance brings back such good memories. They were a very wealthy and giving family…had a business in town.. They were like my family. I didn’t even see my mom for 8 months at that time. She was divorced from my Dad and busy with her new boyfriend. I spent 2 yrs with this guy and his family and broke up with him to “find myself”. I was not ready for a relationship at the time…had to resolve my issues…(which I never did ..lol) . I broke up with him and bought my own home..I was 26 yrs old…teaching High School.
He was probably the only NON sociopath I dated in my life! But, I was starting to act like my MOM toward him and alot of my fears came up in that relationship. He was a good man.
He is divorced now and I am in touch with the family via FB!
I plan to visit them this summer…they live about an hour away…where I used to live.
Anyway….funny how a “fragrance” can bring back old feelings. They were positive…so its ok.
Actually smell is one of our stongest senses and connects very specifically to memory.
I was thinking about cardamon and some other fragrances mixed together -like sweet orange and bergamot.
It would be interesting to mix some of the oils together and see how they come out before getting candles made.
Aromatherapy for spath recovery. Hmm Could be fun to explore. I wonder if garlic arount the neck works for them like it does for vampires?
The cardamon smells better……
LOL! I like the garlic idea…can ward off A LOT of people! lol
If you want to fill your house with a great scent…its Sweet Orange Chili Pepper candle from Mia Bella….you can order one online. They burn everytime like its the first time! I could smell it pulling into my driveway! (Gee…I really should go back into selling them!)
Aromatherapy is a big thing. They actually pump Cumin into the casinos to keep people there! I have the bottle on my windowsill…to sniff. I figure it’ll keep me in a “winning” mood. lol
Its amazing how we seek things to feel good. lol
I’m becoming a hedonist.
Ever since I am learning to live in the NOW and control my mind…I am so calm and easygoing. Everything I do…just seems to go so smoothly.
I was cleaning out some stuff from the side of my house that I’ve been avoiding …and it took so little time..just relaxed and did it…enjoying the sunshine on my back!
I have to say that I am feeling so much better. The kids getting loud..giggling…doesn’t even phase me now. I am calm and peaceful lately.
I feel like the past was just a dream. But, my friend/life coach says…EVERYTHING is just a dream…
Row,row,row your boat…………life is just a dream…
TOBE – Why do they use cumin? (i use a lot of cumin in cooking- i use a lot of indian spices in general)
what are its properties as an essential oil?
actually – about scent –
sight, sound, smell, muscle relaxation – all used in cognitive therapy to reduce anxiety – it’s all very important.
I just do not feel like doing anything at all. Nothing appeals to me.
Cumin’s Effect on Health
Cumin is a seed that has been used since antiquity. It’s health benefits and medicinal uses were well known even then. Today, this seed of a small flowering herb of the parsley family might not be used quite as much in food preparation as it was 5000 years ago, but it’s healing properties are still valued and used in natural and Ayurvedic healing.
This traditional herbal remedy has many uses. I is a stimulant as well as a great herb for digestive disorders and even as a antiseptic of sorts. The seeds themselves are rich in iron and are thought to help stimulate the secretion of enzymes from the pancreas which can help absorb nutrients into the system. It has also been shown to boost the power of the liver’s ability to detoxify the human body.
Recent studies have revealed that cumin seeds might also have anti-carcinogenic properties1. In laboratory tests, this powerful little seed was shown to reduce the risk of stomach and liver tumors in animals.
The health benefits of cumin for digestive disorders has been well known throughout history. It can help with flatulence, indigestion, diarrhea, nausea, morning sickness, and atonic dyspepsia. In this case, the seeds are boiled in water to make a tea of sorts – 1 teaspoon seeds to 1 glass water. Mix with salt and a teaspoon of coriander leaf juice.
Cumin is also said to help relieve symptoms of the common cold due to it’s antiseptic properties. Again, you’ll want to boil the seeds in a tea and then drink a couple of times a day. If you also have a sore throat then try adding some dry ginger to help soothe it.
Cumin can also be applied topically and is said to be a good salve for boils. Make a black cumin paste by grinding seeds with water and apply to the affected area.
Cumin makes a great tonic for the body even if you don’t have a specific ailment to cure. It is said to increase the heat in the body thus making metabolism more efficient. It is also thought to be a powerful kidney and liver herb and can help boost your immune system. Though the appropriate studies have yet to be conducted, some believe black cumin seeds may even be able to help treat asthma and arthritis.
So the next time you are offered a bowl of chili – go ahead and eat it. You may get something that tastes great along with the many health benefits of cumin