Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
erin – you said there were red flags in your dream, but what you have said so far is about your real life experiences, right?
how did you feel in the dream?
erin1972
ErinB-I was bothered by the fact that she turned kind of cold to me after I turned her down. Sometimes afterward she would still flirt with me. She became very hot and cold with me. Sometimes she would flirt and then she’d get real standoffish with me. She used to get stressed at work sometimes and she would cry. She was always hugging on me then and wanting to cry on my shoulder. I just didn’t know what to do with her. I even told my ex spath about it because he was her mentor and he laughed. She also now knows about my relationship with him and I think he trashed my rep with her as well.
erin1972
onestep-by red flags- I meant the fact that she was married cuz my ex spath was too and he lied to me to keep me in the relationship
hens
I think EB may be right. When I was twelve I had a dream about this older guy (maybe 15) who I had skated with earlier that evening, he held my hand in a line skate, I instantly fell in love with him…Anyway in the dream he was holding me very tenderly and i woke up with a you know what..That was when I knew I was gay and that is when I began denying who I was, hiding in shame, so sad that such a wonderful dream could not of been a positive for me…my advice to ernin72 is ‘ to thy own self be true ‘ but if you like men and women you are bi sexual and I have my own opinions about that..
erin1972
hens-what are your opinions about that?
tobehappy
Oh, I agree with you…it is in your DNA. I know many people who are gay and they have been since they can remember.
I agree with ErinB…. Having sex might represent that you want to be close with her, not necessarily physically. And, its also that you are processing your r/s’s now with everyone.
You are seeing people differently, after this last r/s. YOU are changed now.
My dream was weird. I moved back to the house I lived in when I was married and having children. (Second dream like this in the past month). Only, this time, there were alot of people living there and we all were sharing the place…IDK.
It was strange. There was even a class being held there, in the huge living room. (I am a teacher)
The woman who used to live upstairs from us…was living on the same floor now. So, I went back to live in this house..a two family. But, across the hall was a man who was creepy. I didn’t trust him. He was trying to be friendly when I moved in.
Then, Childrens Protective Service came and took a little boy away from him. THe child was crying. He didn’t say what was going on.
It was a strange dream…can’t figure it out. Hmmm…
hens
not good
one/joy_step_at_a_time
erin1972 – that’s real life – how did you feel in the dream?
erin1972
hens-I think I know why you feel that way? What is it?
erin1972
onestep-I don’t know how to answer that. I woke up saying -wow, I just had sex with G******. Why? The dream was very real.