Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
sabrina
Donna, A standing LF ovation for you!Much applause!!
I would like to do my part in helping to educate others in domestic violence prevention, and sociopathy. I am going to be attending a womens meeting at the end of the month and would like to bring this subject to the table in hopes to raise awareness- CAN ANYONE HELP WITH THIS….
***Does anyone know of or have any kind of handouts, educational material, etc. that could be used for information for training purposes?(Either in DV and/or sociopathy)
Any suggestions for this would be appreciated. Thanks.
hens
erin you may not know but I was married to a woman for 10 years – the only woman I ever slept with – she is the mother of my sons and a good friend now – but she has a hetero man in her life and i am happy for her..there are bi-sexuals that are very good people i am sure – and my opinions about that are mine and prolly a little jaded, dont straddle the fence, pic a side and go with it
hens
Donna I beamed with pride when I read your article..
erin1972
hens-that’s how I always felt about it too. Don’t straddle the fence-pick a side and go with it. I picked my side because as a whole, the men are who I’m attracted to. I just don’t know what it is about this PARTICULAR woman.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
because dream reality is to some extent separate from waking reality in as much as the ‘rules’ are different.
we may fly in dream states – which we can’t do in real life. i like flying in my dreams – never scares me. if i thought about the fact that I would FALL if i tried this in real life, it might colour my perception of flying in dreams.
so, i am asking what your FEELINGS were IN the dream, and how you FELT about what you were doing while IN the dream.
hens
perhaps this dream is trying to tell you something dont ignore it – but I may be wrong and boink me good if i am but i think alot of hetero women settle with lesbians because of all the horrific things men have done to them – i think it is a security thing..
erin1972
onestep-I was into it in the dream. I was a willing participant and it was positive. I just don’t know what it is about THIS woman.
erin1972
hens- I just don’t understand because I am attracted to men and I want to get married and have a child. I just don’t know what the issue is with THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN.
ErinBrock
It sounds as if you ‘were’ the go to girl for ‘fix it tickets’…..
By fix it tickets I mean….peeps who are not so stable, or unemotional…..
I would suggest (if you havent’ figured this out already) to remove yourself from that position.
I was the fixitticket girl too…..I put others before myself….I was always there to cry on and fix other peeps issues…..
Now….when people always come to me with the same issues of instablility, I need to set my boundaries…..I offer my advice, then it’s up to them to ‘fix it’…..
This woman was either embarrased at times….or maybe she was testing you with the S…..and trying to stir something up….
If she was married too…..and NOT in an open relationship…..(I won’t judge), then she was acting sly and trying to drag you into it.
But, like tobe said……you are processing ALL relationships….this is what we do after being S’ed…..we delve into ALL relationships…..it’s just part of the deal…..
Very logical.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
erin1972 – i would take a nice time with anyone in a dream as a blessing.
and as it is THIS woman, i would use your confusion about her to remind you to stay the hell away from her. she sounds like a nightmare.
you have been right not to trust her.
some of the most disordered peeps are the sexiest. sad but true. “cause they are MANIPULATIVE. and she seems to fit that bill.
don’t get caught up on her being a girl – i don’t think it means a darned thing.
one step