Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women’s History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they’ve overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls.
I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths.
First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian.
Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women during out two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child, committing bigamy for the second time.
I had the girls’ attention.
Then I told them that my husband began his career as a liar and a cheater in high school. One of the women that I interviewed for my upcoming book relayed to me a story that James Montgomery told her: While he was in high school, Montgomery picked up a girl for a date. As they were on their way to wherever they were going, she said she forgot something and had to go back home. The girl and James walk into the house, and sitting there were six other girls—he’d told each one that she was his girlfriend. He was busted.
Now I really had the girls’ attention.
What was this guy’s problem? James Montgomery was a sociopath. I explained what a sociopath usually wasn’t—a delusional serial killer. I explained what it was—someone with no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
Then I read a shortened version of the letter that Lovefraud posted last year from a 15-year-old girl, I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me. The girl described her involvement with a guy who was two years older than her. It was mostly a phone relationship—he couldn’t be bothered to actually see her. But if she went out, he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Then I read the part of the letter where he tries to get the girl to go along with his sick sexual fantasies.
By now, the girls in my high school audience were shocked.
I concluded my presentation with points on how they could protect themselves from sociopaths: First, know they exist. Second, know the warning signs. Third, trust your intuition.
The girls asked a lot of questions: How did I recover from my marriage to my ex-husband? (Good therapy.) The guy in the letter was verbally abusive—are sociopaths violent? (Sometimes.) Is there any treatment for sociopaths? (Once they are adults, no.)
I hope that I’ve warned 50 girls to be on the lookout for sociopaths.
hens
nothin wrong with being a lesbo ~!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
not at all – but if she who will not be named ever shows up, i need to sweep the trail of crumbs up. 🙂
kim frederick
Okay, I get it. But I’m still not healed. Now I’m 51, fat in the tummy, have sagging jowels…I feel okay without a soul-mate, but I wish I could have fised myself earlier….I wish I could have VALUED myself!
I always thought sex was love. SUCKS.
erin1972
I am not going to be with ANYONE right now. The only thing I care about is NOT falling prey to these people anymore and getting back into the police academy. I have already decided that there will be NO dating or relationships until I graduate. I lost that once, due to my ex and there is NO WAY IN HELL I AM LOSING IT AGAIN!!!!!!!
tobehappy
I agree. Sex is sex….not love.
Socios have high sex drives because of their brain makeup.
They don’t need alot of sleep.
They have lots of energy.
They aren’t “normal”.
They suck us in through the sex bond.
Its all trickery. Its all manipulation.
Funny, but I had a thought today about something. When I had a ‘boil” and my xS was squeezing it …to try to help me drain it…(which I ended up in surgery with)..he said…
“Wow, this is true love…”
He really thought he loved me. He told people…I don’t only love her…I’m “in love” with her.
Yet, he was sneaking around behind my back..doing “who knows what” …I’ll never know.
It doesn’ t matter now. He was dishonest about so many things.
Just wondering if they believe their own lies…he really believes he “loved” me?
ErinBrock
I think being celebate is the best choice we can make for ourselves…..after a toxic relationship…..
It’s not as bad as we think……and we learn to cherish ourselves without clouding our minds with the sexual chit that goes on…..
I’ve watched my GF jump into this nasty relationship with an old dude…..she liked him at first…..but soon, SOON it became sex……and she was enamoured by the sex….and that’s all it’s been for 1 year….SEX, SEX, SEX…..she hasn’t given herself the time to ‘work’ on herself….in order to avoid getting involved in another toxic relationship…..this old dude is an asshole…..has much similarities to the S, is controlling and manipulative…..
It’s offered me much study and insight….but done her no good!!!!
Today….she broke up with him…..the sex became not worth the price of his assholeness and control.
It’s OUR TIME…..Us…meet US……
kim frederick
EB, AMEN. CAN I GET A WITNESS?
erin1972
Erinb is right but it’s hard sometime because I really miss the quality of sex with my ex. I had never had quality like that before.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
EB – i was alone for 18 years before i met the N girlfriend, then the spath.
i was so starved for touch and companionship and play – I am trying to play with many now – one of the reasons i love our late night parties here, it is so important to my not missing the spath late at night. the spath was very good at play. so was the N, but the spath was better…i digress.
there are things i want – i need depth and companionship. i don’t need a partner for that. i used to have these things in my friendships, years ago. now i have to meet new people – who i can have those things with. i also need more huggy friends. people who are more comfortable sitting close to a friend, and touching.
gets harder as we get older to meet lots of people – but it is SO important to fill these social// soul needs
i am very glad your friend dumped him.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
…and a girl 😉