When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.
Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.
Hahaha: thanks Constantine, perspective is JUST what we needed and from a “male” no less. Your insight is deeply appreciated and although I am not a ‘male basher’, I quite agree with you.
There is something most pleasant about living alone and becoming ‘virgin-like’ all over again. I think that after you have not had sex for a very long time, you should be able to ‘regain’ your virginity status in life. 🙂 hahahahaha
Yah, just another psychotic delusion….
I so totally agree with you Constantine.
It’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.
That’s why “I” have chosen to invest in MYSELF for a while.
I just spent my entire lifetime being something that every one else wanted or needed…it’s my turn. 🙂 How’s that for an attitude?
hahaha: “you realized that we weren’t speaking anything of the sort”, hmmmm? 🙂 No, we really weren’t, were we? xxoo
Happy week to you Constantine…*BLESSINGS*
DUPED
Duped,
No, it isn’t all it’s “cracked up to be” – the whole stupid relationship thing! Besides, the world is so rich and vast and interesting, that it’s almost like having blinders on to always be thinking, “I need someone else to make me whole and happy”. Don’t get me wrong, friendship is one of the great joys of life, but that’s a different matter altogether. Nevertheless, even that isn’t close to the ONLY joy in life. Personally, I don’t think I could ever become bored with living so long as there are stars and books and animals, and all those other “little” things that make getting up in the morning worth the effort. Yes, Duped, I think that at least eighty percent of the world’s unhappiness can be fairly attributed to the whole “finding one’s soulmate” BS.
I’m sorry about your heart issue. However, your posts radiate goodness, courage and strength, and I think that you will be able to face whatever cards life may happen to deal you. And the plucky way in which you seem to face up to adversity reminds me of that line from Emily Bronte: “No coward soul is mine!”
Anyhow, lots of blessings to you as well.
Sade said it best……..
I’ve lost the use of my heart
But I’m still alive.
Still looking for the life,
The endless pool on the other side.
It’ s a wild wild west
I’m still doing my best.
I’m at the borderline of my faith,
I’m at the Hinterland of my devotion
In the frontline of this battle of mine, But I’m still alive.
I’m a soldier of love…..
Louise: QUOTE “I know if I could find someone else who I could be smitten with, it would take it all away,”
Sugar the above quote a MYTH, finding someone4 else to be smitten with does NOT help you heal, it only delays it. Believe me, darling I KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE. LOL
When we are focused on the new love, true, we don’t feel the pain of our previous loss quite so much, but at the same time, we don’t resolve any of that previous loss/grief either, we just DELAY IT.
Grief is like a ring of fire that encircles us, we have to go out THROUGH the flames in order to “escape” its clutches.
Become WHOLE first and THEN find a new crush or a new soul mate, but if you try to do it before you are WHOLE you will pick a loser I can tell you that ! Again, from experience.
Constantine:
Oh, my…you took everything I had always thought about relationships with men and put it into words! THANK YOU!! I am speechless! 🙂
Oxy:
Oh, don’t worry…I am NOT getting into a new relationship. This is the type of woman I am…the X spath had been the first dating relationship I had in 20 years!!! Very few women can say that…very few. So there is no threat of me going out and getting someone new…remember, past behavior predicts future behavior. I think that is truly one of the reasons I went nuts over him. I hadn’t “dated” in so long and then along comes the man of my dreams (or so I thought). Of course he was not. I only said that about finding someone new because some friends will say, oh, you just need to find someone new and you’ll forget all about him. And like you said, to a certain extent that would be true on the surface. But it doesn’t help the deeper wounds. It only masks them I think with a new warm body around. Constantine said it all so perfectly!!!
I agree about finding somebody else to be smitten with. That makes you highly vulnerable to meeting a sociopath, which is exactly what happened to me.
Yah, that old ’ugly spot’ just doesn’t want to go away even though we KNOW we need to keep it away”.
As far as pathological lying: hahahahahaha
Is THAT what that was? More like a demon from hell is what it is!
“Your picker is broke”: hahahaha, that’s one way to put it, Ox! 😉
As far as ’picking a better specimen in the future’”well, after a fashion a person becomes a little ’gun shy’”I am surprised to hear women talking about filling up that ’ugly spot’ with another ordeal so soon! Without allowing themselves the opportunity to find their own selves first. I am not a ’serial dater’, always thinking that if I just keep looking, I will find what I am looking for, although I don’t know what I am looking for but I will know it when I find it. Hmmm”.that’s what I thought with x sp”.
VULNERABLE is the word. Think about that.
I am not trying to discourage anyone from finding happiness in their lives. I am soooooooooooo happy for those couples who find peace and love and joy and happiness but I also believe there are some people who are meant to walk alone in this life. It has taken me 60 years to learn that I just may be one of those people and it isn’t a ’sad state of affairs’, actually, it’s very liberating, especially after I just spent a whole lifetime of taking care of and supporting others.
I don’t care WHAT their symptoms or medical terminology actually “IS” ”“ all “I” know is that “IT” is NOT going to take my breath from me. Period. I am not a person to create nor make waves for “IT” but I DO mean every single word I said to “IT” and “IT” knows it. That’s all there is to it.
Unlike “IT”, I don’t speak shallow words nor make idle promises.
I just don’t need to deal with this anymore. It was a nightmare I just wish to put away in the ANALS of history and only regard it with the education, awareness and insight that it has afforded me. I don’t wish to smash and destroy him but I DO intend to make sure that he will ALWAYS remember me and the injustice he has wreaked. That is not an empty threat, that is an absolute PROMISE. And “IT” knows it.
I KNOW I can trust myself! I KNOW I can rely upon MYSELF.
I have for many years and there has been many men who thought they could ’push’ their way into my life by either the ’bums rush’ or ’purchasing’ me with their wealth. I am not about any of that. What a person has or does not have, materialistically, means absolutely nothing to me. It is the PERSON that matters to me most.
I have tried dating during this little escapade and it isn’t fair to your ’date’ nor yourself, in the long run, until you settle this battle raging within yourself. I know from experience.
Although my experience has been a tremendous nightmare, I have been forcing myself to glean whatever I can and try making something good out of it. I don’t want to be stuck in the ’victim’ slot for very long because I have always said:
“I stop being the victim the minute I realize I AM BEING MADE A VICTIM.” 🙂
I have never been one to lower my moral standards nor virtues for anyone else and yet, here I did it for “IT” and all “IT” did was consume it and spit it back out, laughing”.
WELL, WHO IS LAUGHING NOW? Hmm?
I MEAN WHAT I SAY TO “IT” and I DO NOT BACK UP NOR DOWN.
I will NOT change my morals nor value system for something that is so grotesquely ABNORMAL just to have “IT” there because I have loved it. I have chose to care ’from afar’ and THAT didn’t last for long, let me tell ya.
I just want it completely gone from my collection of memories.
If I could go through one of those ’mind zapping machines’ out of a sci-fi movie, just to eradicate any thoughts or memories of “IT”, I would definitely pay the cash to do it. Definitely.
Which reminds me, I am going to be attending a hypnotherapy session sometime during this month. I don’t know ’how’ it works but I have to admit that THAT along with EMDR therapy has helped me tremendously but the one thing that has helped the absolute most is LEARNING THE TRUTH about “WHAT” “IT” was! AND ACCEPTING IT COMPLETELY WITH NO DENIAL.
As educated as I am, I can’t believe I allowed myself to be DUPED the way I was but it started out by trying to save his life, , which I will always believe I have done. Even HE knows I have”.that is undeniable.
Anyways, cheaters, beaters, liars, it’s all the same”
they make us hurt and feel miserable and we don’t have to tolerate that. We know “WHO” we are and now we know who “THEY” are”I try to educate people as much as I possibly can about all this. It’s one thing that makes me ’feel better’ and helps me by sharing my journey with others who are walking the same paths. Never stop learning and educating yourself”
Love and blessings to all”.
Oh, by the way, Ox, I will NEVER believe that “not all men cheat..” It is inherent in the reproductive gene cycle”mating and multiplying”I think when they were created, they got an extra gene called: “OVERDRIVE SEXUAL LIBIDO—
Have a great day everyone”
DUPED
Dear Duped,
I’ll stand by my statement, NOT ALL men cheat…there are some who do not, and you are right that the VAST majority of men do cheat at least once on a spouse….but NOT ALL. There is a high percentage of women who cheat as well, but NOT ALL women cheat.
So, there are some folks out there who are worth having a relationship with. Worth loving. Who love you back.
Oh yes, Ox: I completely agree with you: women can be even worse than the men, at times. I have seen it.
Are there folks out there who are worth having a relationship with? Worth loving? Who love you back? The only relationship I have found like that is the relationship I have with my children. My children and I have always been loving and respectful and polite to one another, having come through A LOT together. They are all grown now; I raised them primarily, as a single mother who was mom and dad BOTH, at times. Working a full time job and juggling 2-3 different part times. I have never taken ANYTHING from ANYONE as long as I could get it for myself.
I just have never found a person UNSELFISH enough to be in a relationship with. And the more I see society bloom and flourish, the less compassionate and respectful it becomes. I find dating and putting myself out there, at age 60, an insult to myself, actually. I am not about being MAULED. And, that’s pretty much what it comes down to.
Nope; not for me. I am not gay but I sure can completely understand it. Trust me. I am about sworn off to MEN!
DUPED