When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.
Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.
Duped,
It is just a fact of life that most of the men that ARE worth having in our age range (I’m 64) are married. In addition to that a nice looking guy of 62-5 can find a hot “chick” of 45 or 50 that probably looks a lot sexier than I do, so there is the competition aspect, and there are like many many more single women over 35 than there are single men over 35 so the guys have the choice unless you want to move somewhere where there is a higher number of single guys than women.
But in the meantime, I am CONTENT and satisfied just by myself.
I found taking a hammer to the ‘matrimonial’ bed was extremely therapeutic :-). Got out a lot of the anger lol
Duped – loved the way you call him IT, I used to call mine The Slug or IT as well at one point lol
I survived The Bastard: thanks…”IT” was the finishing term I had for “IT” but have had several along the way that I became quite comfortable using to speak of him. “Idiot Box” was one of my all time favorites until I came to the decision that this being isn’t a person at all but an “IT”. Without emotion; without conscious and/or care nor concern…
I have several others but Donna probably wouldn’t appreciate me leaving them on her site. hahahaha
Blessings of peace and joy to you I survived…
Dupey
I called mine The Slug because he had let himself go to such a point that he looked disgusting, never showered and was really sweaty, didn’t brush his teeth (what teeth were left that he hadn’t broken through opening beer bottles with them), had put on so much weight & had let his hair go rank and unwashed. He also picked up headlice at one point and was riddled with them :-(. Disgusting :-(. Anything he didn’t take with him when he left I binned straight away!
And then he wondered why I wouldn’t kiss him!!!! Yuk! lol
I_survived, “yuk!” is RIGHT! I have a LOT of issues to manage before I ever even fantasize about even casual dating, again. And…..I can swear to this: if there ever WERE an interest in someone, I would conduct a criminal, civil, and credit check on them.
Funny thing about spaths and their operations – they go on and on about what a horrible ex they had and they go above/beyond to make certain that the New Target never meets the discarded one, under any circumstances. In fact, they don’t get all of their “friends” together just in case anyone starts comparing notes….
Background checks, in this day and age, are an imperative.
Truthspeak, the weird thing was that he had several friends who knew each other, myself, his ex girlfriend & another female friend. Each person seem to know a different story, but we didn’t compare notes until after. Both the others knew his mother was alive, but I had been told she’d died. However, despite being with him for 10 years & knowing them throughout, the conversation never really came up, so I didn’t find out until after. Very weird
I_survived, I jumped onto this article for another reason and saw your response. ACK!!! Enablers, all of them. The “conversation never really came up” because “mum” was the word in the spath’s social circle.
With regard to the article, I just read an email from a dear friend of mine and I’m very concerned, so I sent him the LoveFraud website address so he can arm himself with some valuable information before he gets involved in a possible “situation.”
My friend is a warm, loving, and giving fellow that has been lonely for a long, long time. He’s gay in a very rural (and, conservative) region and has had a difficult time meeting potential partners. About a year ago, he purchased his first computer (yep, first one, ever) and got involved with online dating sites.
In this recent email, he mentioned that he finally “found someone” that fits his bill of what would make a suitable partner, and I’m very suspicious. The person lives several States away and seems to be involved in everything that interests my friend – I don’t know how long he’s been “talking” to him, but they apparently exchange conversation a couple of times a day. He was suposed to go meet this person and the person canceled due to a “sudden death in the family,” and blah…blah…blah. When I read the words, my hackles went up and I felt a horrid chill run down my spine.
My friend is a dear, kind, and gentle soul and doesn’t have very much “experience” with online predators via dating sites. I hope to GODALMIGHTY that he visits LoveFraud and reads a bit before he gets REALLY involved and runs a check on this potential partner.
Quite frankly, I am completely okay with background checks – criminal, civil, and credit checks. If there ever came a point where I was considering dating, again, I would most certainly pay for the reports. The $40 spent on all reports could potentially prevent hundreds of thousands lost in a fraud.
Brightest blessings
Truthspeak, even a professional back ground check may NOT turn up psychopathy—look at John Edwards and JErry Sandusky, these peole were vetted by the darned media hounds and still didn’t turn up the TRUTH until it was too late.
The BEST way to get to know someone is in their NATURAL ENVIRONMENT…where they work, their friends, their family, and even then you may get burned. I thought I had “known” my x BF for about 10 years but I only saw this superficial mask that he wore not what was really beneath it.
Tell your friend if he will listen, IF HE WILL LISTEN….that he needs to find another way to meet people, and yes, I agree with you the “sudden death in the family” is a BIG TELL. Buy him a copy of Donna’s book and give it to him. Hope hhe will read it.
OxD, you’ve made a very good point about seeing a person in their “natural” environment.
I was thinking that a thorough background check might raise some valid concerns: past lawsuits or many suit actions that THEY filed; numerous outstanding loans, etc….Sometimes, spaths aren’t arrested for what they do as in the case of the exspath. But, his credit history would (today, finally) cause me to think that this person makes a HUGE income and there’s no reason that he should have this many loans out.
Yeah….sudden death in the family being a big tell AND that this potential partner seems to be everything that my friend has ever dreamed of in a partner. Farm, self-sufficiency, crafty, nature-loving, etc….just TOO good to be true.
Brightest blessings