When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.
Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.
ErinBrock
ALL dating sites are cesspools!
I can’t imagine the ratio of con vs desperate people is…..
steer clear….unless ofcourse, your looking for taking a chance!
czarinamom
Very true, the internet dating sites lure dangerous people. My ex s/p is on Plenty of Fish – he says he likes dancing (we did not dance for years) has black hair (he dyes it and once when I saw him with the black hair and commented about the dye job, he denied it and said I was crazy). He is desperate to get someone, his house (which he co-owns with his ex wife) is being sold next year, he needs a place to live, and he probably will lose his job next year do to his inability to pass the company medical exam. He is on the prowl. Compounding everything is his friend who hooked him up with a neighbor even though he knows this guy is into internet pornography (has/had his own profile) and cheated on his wife (not with me, I got involved later).
The problem is anyone can do a background check (example is Intellius.Com), however, they only indicate if there is a rap sheet on them and only in certain states will it show if they are divorced.
My ex was actually still married when I met him – however, 4 months away from his divorce. He told me he was divorced for 2 years (a lie), I actually called NJ state and got a hold of someone in the department that said the divorce was in process but not legalized. That was my mistake, I should have ran at that point. When it finally came up months later as we were going on a cruise I asked if he really was divorced and he said no – in the process. I asked why did you lie? His answer, if I told you the truth you would not have gone out with me.
To all, go with your gut feelings.
There is a story about a little girl walking in the woods and sees a snake on the ground asking for help. When she approaches the snake she tells the snake that it is poisonous and she should not help. The snake says, if you help me I promise not to hurt you. The girl feels the snake is telling the truth and picks it up and immediately gets bit. She says – you promised not to hurt me, and the snakes answer? You knew what I was when you picked me up.
They never change.
Happy New Year to everyone.
lesson learned
cz,
Interesting that you brought up the checks again. Ispent some time last night googling ex Spath left and right. emails, addresses, first middle last name. The ONLY thing that came up was his facebook. THAT”S ALL!!!
And yet he is one of the MOST dangerous spaths around. Would LOVE to see the divorce papers though. I think he has a court mandated therapist. Not sure. I think that would tell me a lot, but I can’t get that information.
He’s trolling chemistry right now. But probably a lot more than that. There are several women on the hook. When I looked over his shoulder and saw the women that were responding, they were ALL vulnerable in some way or another, and most were VERY overweight…the reason I say this, and I have NOTHING against overweight women, was the ironic way in which he said, “See? They’re all fat. I’m not attracted to that, you know that, and all of them are freaks anyway”.
However, about ten minutes later he said, “My men friends say fat chicks are great in bed” WTF????
When I found out he was trolling and love bombing a woman from his reunion, guess what? His “needs” had changed LOL! She was heavy set, and owned her own business. She had money. She had status. A credit consultant. PERFECT target for Spath. So I contacted her. I’m so glad I did!!! I found out A LOT of shit I didn’t know and many many lies and lines that were said to her that were said to me, almost word for word as well as love bombing tactics. AMAZING! Even when faced with those suspicions and finding out they were true, he STILL told me it was my imagination! When he couldn’t deny it anymore, he got cold and said, “What do you want?” Then came the blame…”Well if you hadn’t beat the shit out of me our entire relationship, things might have been different, missed opportunities…”.
Asshole. That’s when I had my wake up call. BIG TIME. It wasn’t about what I was or wasn’t doing. It was about the purposes I served, his wife served (trophy, public presentation of stability), and what this woman would have served. She was involved with someone else, new target, and after all she heard from me, her thoughts were she knew something was wrong and that THANK GOD she was involved with someone already, but that didn’t stop him from crossing her boundaries!!
FREAK!
czarinamom
Hi Lesson Learned:
Also try Dog Pile, Scour, Magic Brain and Bing for searches.
Something may not be on Google but on other search engines.
In addition, try his cell phone number and any possible blog names, nothing is sacred in the internet anymore. It will pop up at some point.
Back_from_the_edge
Oh yes, predators abound in the form of spath’s on the internet. Trust me. I know firsthand. My spath trolls for ‘older, disillusioned, lonely’ women who have a need in their lives and he isn’t about the money; he is about the control. The control and the sex. He sleeps with anyone and anything he can ‘charm’ into doing so.
BE CAREFUL::::BE VERY CAREFUL MY FRIENDS ON THE INTERNET::::THE TROLLS ARE TRYING TO FIND YOU.
Searches do nothing. They fly under the radar and are always so charming and tell you everything you want to hear.
MY SEARCHES came AFTER THE FACT and not necessarily ON HIM…I already KNEW everything I needed to when the lies and deceit began. MY SEARCHES came when all the other women he has duped started contacting me and harrassing me at his instruction because he made them DUPED too.
And the HUSBANDS of the women he has DUPED.
And the webs go on and on and on, My Friends.
The internet can be an unforgiving beast.
::::CAUTION::::: CAUTION::::: CAUTION:::::
SELF PRESERVATION IS THE KEY!!!
DUPED
Louise
Sorry, I don’t do the online dating thing. Never have, never will. Not that I think I am better, just for all the reasons above. Hell, I found all that at work…why would I need to go online?? 🙂
Hope to heal
I feel the need to comment here, due to the fact that I am very happily married to a man that I have been with for the better part of the past 11 years.
That being said, here’s how it happened: For about 2 years prior to the time my husband and I met, I virtually did not have a social life at all. I worked full-time, went home and helped my parents around the house. Dad was sick, started with heart issues and then lung cancer was found. Mom and I ended up buying a computer during one of Dad’s longer chemo sessions. He had insisted that we leave and go have lunch or something, so we did and then a bit of shopping.
That’s how I ended up getting the e-mail offering me a free membership to an online dating site. I thought, what the heck, it can’t hurt to see what’s out there. I thought it would be an easy way to separate the “wheat from the chaff” so to speak, and it was. I didn’t want to know what they looked like until after I had a sense of what their personality was like.
For the most part, I met some very decent folks. Not that I didn’t meet any toads, there were some of those too. The point is, if a person really pays attention to not only, what is being said, but HOW it is being said. It’s pretty easy to see what’s crap, and what’s real.
The free period lasted 3 months. As that time was coming to an end, I made a post on my profile stating that I had enjoyed “meeting” the folks that I had been in contact with, but that my membership was ending on …, and that I would not be renewing.
That’s when my husband contacted me for the very first time.
We had both been looking at each other’s profile for a couple of months, but neither one contacted the other because of the distance between us. He wrote me the most endearing, heartfelt letter that I had ever read. It rang so true that I had no choice but to respond. Later the same day, we ended up on the phone for about 2 hours. Needless to say, we made a connection that neither of us had ever experienced in our lives. We met in person 1 1/2 months later, after talking to each other everyday for at least an hour. It was wonderful!
Now, I’m not saying that we don’t have our ups and downs. We have some good disputes and work them out. I’m saying that love can be found, and it seems to happen when you’re not looking anymore. Sometimes, as in my case, the last place in the world that you would’ve expected.
H2H
Ox Drover
Dear H2H,
You were fortunate….there are more trolls than good guys out there. I would never online date….way too risky, and no long distance relationships either. Don’t get to know the person in their “natural setting.” Sort of like studying a wild animal in a zoo, you don’t know how they behave in the “real world.”
hens
Ox, Do you go to the zoo lookin for a date? Dont let the monkeys pee on you…
Well the wiener’s and I survived the latest tornado outbreak, it has been a hell of a bad weather day here, lot’s of folks killed and hurt and homeless. I am still hyper alert, have more on the way….
Ox Drover
Dear Hens,
Glad you are okay….son D and I have decided wea re going to build us a fraidy hole. He spent a lot of time in Kansas and SAW some of the BIGGEST tornadoes that killed hundreds, but up there you can see them from 10 miles away—not here. But we are going to put us in a fraidy hole behind the house.
This has been a really bad year for weather all over the world, and storms, earthquakes and volcanoes–there’s a new one in Iceland going off again…I kind of think maybe God is fed up with us humans again….so maybe there’s one to many Ps out there!
Keep safe! We got 3 inches of rain last night and the thunder boomers were terrible, but today is 80% humidity and 80 degrees so feels like a steam bath!
Got little baby jalapeno peppers on the plants, they’re so cute! and Maters blooming—I’m leaving town Thursday for a week or 10 days to help out some family that is sick so may not be around much after tomorrow for a while so you guys don’t worry about me.
Stay safe Hens! (((hugs)))