When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.
Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.
I hate to say it but the dating clubs and online sites do attract predators. That’s how I met my spath 30 years ago through a
dating agency. Once in a while you meet a prince but in my opinion there are more toads!
Hens
Glad to see your name tonight. Be sure to make yer presence known until this storm stuff shifts. Don’t make me come looking for ya. If the tornado don’t get ya, I promise embarassment will. I’ll be the one carrying a shovel, hollering HENS and dressed in white socks/black sandals with a behind… well..as wide as a tornado.
ps have chainsaw, generator, and skillsaw… will travel.
KatyDid – I love you ~! LMAO..I tell ya it was scary this afternoon…the weather men kept saying “if you live in a mobile home get out NOW”‘ well I set outside under the carport drinkin coffee, sirens blaring, hail as big as quarters, lots of rain – it was awesome….
Hens ~ Glad to see that you and the wieners are all right tonight. 🙂
Oxy ~ I completely agree with you. I was very fortunate to have found my husband on a dating site. If it hadn’t been for the 3 months free membership, I would NEVER have signed up.
I have actually met people that have made my skin crawl!! YUCK!!! The funny part is, not ONE of them was someone I met from the dating site. My spathdar must have been REALLY good. There were some that creeped me out just reading their messages.
I had run into so many guys that were either after a party gal, someone to screw, or someone to take care of them. At least on the dating site, I had the opportunity to read profiles, listen to my gut instinct, and THEN decide whether or not to either respond to a contact attempt or make one myself.
The thing is, no matter where a person looks for someone to date, there are predators. It really doesn’t matter which venue you choose. You MUST be careful, and listen to your INSTINCTS. They truly are your best defense. Don’t let appearances fool you. Some of the most attractive people are the WORST predators.
H2H
H2H Thanks and I agree, attractive is a red flag ..oh my- pumpkin time – i watched the oprah finale the last two nites it has been great…
I met my ex Spath on Plenty of Fish…. that is were he has met several of his victims… I took myself off. I have met nice men on that site as well, but I am still healing from the “Non” relationshit I had with the spath. I have been reading alot and I went to the library and got “Gift of Betrayal” I have been reading it. Very insightful. They did not have many books on sociopaths at the library. My cousin and I were out shopping today and she need to stop at a book store to pick up a set of children’s books for her 1 year old grandchild. I said I was going in as well to look for “Lovefraud” I stopped a woman that worked at the book store and asked her if they carried it. We went up to the information desk and she noticed it was a book about sociopaths. She ordered that book for me ( it will be delivered right to my house)but she also proceed to tell me that she had recently started to read ” the sociopath next door” She was a missionary that talked and wrote to prisioners. She said that she has been conversing with a man that is on death row and he has lost all his appeals. She said there is nothing that she can do for him know. she is just worried about his soul….. “If he is a sociopath he has none” He is an empty shell” is what I told her. She said that is what she is learning. Now she has a new mission ( new prisoner that she is starting to converse with) another missionary told her to be careful… this one is very manuipulative… she is afraid of getting hurt. I told her to be careful as well, that they will hurt you. It is odd that I met this woman today. I had never been to that book store, and for some reason she was the one that assisted me on finding what I needed. A woman that is learning about sociopaths. The universe works in mysterious ways. I will pray for my new friend.. may she see every red flag, may she understand that some people can not be saved. I worry about her… she wants to feel that their souls are saved, but they never can be.
Dear Sadme:
I couldn’t help but notice your post: PLENTY OF FISH??!
Oh no, Dear, the dating sites are SPATH HEAVEN!!!!!!!!
Especially Plenty of Fish. I met MINE on Yahoo Personals!
But “IT” can be found on the majority of them. He has TONS of girlfriends…..whom all have contacted me at some point or another, at his insistence: ‘trying to work things out between you two…’ blah, blah, blah…oh yah, I have been put through the ringer and for WHAT? For a friendship? Nah, I am cutting my investment and moving on, no matter where it takes me….
Anywhere has to be better than this. Right?
Gift of Betrayal….hmm…I will need to read that as well. Thanks sadme for the word up. 🙂
It was chilling to me, what you said:
“If he is a sociopath he has none, he is an empty shell”…
(talking about the lack of moral conscious)…Yah, to me that is chilling considering how close I let “IT” actually get to me and considering the fact that he will fully and negligently has attempted to murder me, on top of holding me emotionally and psychologically HOSTAGE for the past five years to the point I was incapacitated and unable to FUNCTION like a normal human being…
Yah, THAT is an empty shell all right!
No morals; no compassion nor conscious and ALWAYS they are #1…always. If there was ONE BREATH left in my lungs, between the two of us, “IT” would take the last breath and almost has and would do so, “OH SO LOVINGLY, smiling the whole time…” Yes, very chilling.
(((((((((((((((((((((sadme)))))))))))))))))))))))
Welcome to LF: you will find an unbelievable and amazing well of support and encouragement among the people who post here. All ‘experienced’ and caring…we are all trying to heal our wounds but to do so with the dignity and grace sp’s have no knowledge of. THEY are the wandering, pointless souls, just roaming the earth, devouring kind souls for whatever they can. It’s almost like possession ….
I decided last New Years Eve that I was not going to spend ANOTHER YEAR trapped inside myself and being controlled. It has been a steady battle for me since. I had a massive heart attack last October that almost killed me and the heart attack was ‘stress related’. “IT” only laughed about my almost dying. “IT” turned rabid somewhere within that 9 years we were acquainted and it turned into something I couldn’t even recognize anymore. “IT” became a stranger to me. It became a very scarey, grotesque kind of being that I don’t even know I could say is ‘human’, actually. I am not over stating this either. I have been in deep counseling the past almost five years over all this and am still not finished. THAT is how bad it has been. I became anorexic; lost 65lbs; it was just a horrid ugly nightmare and I have been in shock the past four years, with PTSD and MDD. But: little by little, I am making my way out of this rabbit hole…..
All we can do is pray for them.
And save ourselves.
I have found that dating sites are dangerous grounds, Dearest….I will never go back to them….I hear you though…ha: “THE NON RELATIONSHIT” That’s it!~
Wow, sadme….you sound so very ‘knowledgeable’ on this subject. Myself, I have been reading and studying and trying to understand “IT” and what has just happened to me, after five years of manipulation and torment.
Yes, the universe works in KARMA ways. 🙂
THANK GOODNESS FOR KARMA! 🙂
DUPED
THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE ON INTERNET DATING SITES ARE SPATHS, I WOULD SAY BY ASSUMPTION AND EXPERIENCE…..Has anyone ever done a poll or survey on this very subject??? Spaths on the internet?
Mine is quite the entrepreneur on the internet…
Maybe if I threw his name out here, some of you may even KNOW HIM….lol…..maybe we ARE talking about the same one! 🙂 Oh yah, searching for him on the internet: hahahahahaha…..you wouldn’t BELIEVE the places I found him!
I think the internet should be covered by the same social rules as the rest of our lives and it needs to be enforced. What “MY IT” was doing, was going nationally….meeting woman, to woman….I can’t even tell you SOME OF THE THINGS he has DONE because they are so vile and disgusting but a lot of the backwash tsunami came in my direction and I completely intend to cooperate with authorities whenever possible, threats or not. Period. ”
“IT” targets ‘older’ vulnerable women….or ill women he meets on the internet, preferably ones with some kind of home or assets….he just moves right in and dominates and controls through fear and threats of violence, conditions them and takes over. He is out of control and nobody is able to stop him.
Thank “GOODNESS” for Karma….
DUPED
Karma karma! It gets them every day of their lives! I consol myself with the fact that the nut job ties itself in knots every waking hour try to keep ahead of all the chaos it’s created for itself. It might not get it in a big way like being hit by a bus (if only!) but it gets no peace. It can’t sit and enjoy a second of it’s life without wondering who’s going to get revenge on it or plotting to get revenge on someone else. It is full of rage and jealousy. It’s jealous of people it doesn’t even know. It targeted me for money but hated me for having it. Now that it’s cleaned me out it’s on to it’s next victim and is busy scheming and inventing lies to make sure I don’t get a penny back. It must be exhausting!
I met it on POF and now realise I managed to dodge a bullet from another one on there! I think POF is particularly bad because, as the name suggests, people who are on there have already had a bad experience with someone else, and are looking for a replacement to heal the pain. It probably attracts women who are vulnerable, and men who are angry – bad combination!
I had a eureka moment yesterday, and because of new information, have realised the a*sehole (husband of 30 years) is an alcoholic. Just shows how gullible I am, I believed what he told me about his drinking habits – it turns out he’s drinking about 6/7 pints of beer and nearly a whole bottle of vodka every night. I used to wonder how he managed to get so drunk on 2 pints of beer! Lolol! He still manages to get to work every day (for now) so it wasn’t so obvious.
In some ways it’s a bit of a relief as the pieces of the jigsaw are falling into place, and it turns out it’s not me! Yay! That’s what he’d been telling me all those years and i was driving myself crazy trying to be a better wife, mother, person. If only I was nicer we would be happy. We’ve been separated for 6 yrs and now I think I understand why I was susceptible to the nut job – I was already on my knees and didn’t even know.
I feel a bit relieved of the responsibility of the breakdown of my marriage and can forgive myself for being conned by the nut job. I also can feel compassion for my husband as he is sick and needs help. However it’s up to him to look after himself and not me.
lifegoeson:
Good post! My X spath is the same way…always nervous, worrying. Yeah, I would worry, too if I knew what I was doing to people!
He also is an alcoholic. Sad really. Same with him…always works; has a high paying executive job. Actually, that is all he really does…works and drinks. He told me one time that if he didn’t work, he didn’t know what he would do. No hobbies, no pets. He has a wife and kids, but I don’t think he does much with them.
You say you are separated…not divorced?