When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.
Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.
Thanks Louise.
One day they’ll meet a spath that’s worse than them and p*ss off the wrong person!
You got 2 for the price of 1! Unlucky really. I jumped from the frying pan to the fire! Alcoholic to nut job 🙂 you couldn’t make it up!
My estranged husband is a bit sad, like your spath he has a pretty good job – executive position. He’s never been interested in his family, just wanted the boxes ticked – wife, kids, house, car, then he can skip off and do his own thing. He’s always worked abroad, and when he was home spent his time in the pub. Sad life really, as he never had much to do with his lovely kids and they suffered for that – especially my daughter, she always wanted to be a daddy’s girl but just got ignored.
We’ve never divorced as iv never been brave enough to broach the subject. Its enough for me to be on a different continent. He has a nasty temper and am worried he could get quite vindictive. Also it’s easier for the kids as he doesn’t get away with hurting them when I’m around.
lifegoeson:
That is sad and yours sounds exactly like mine. Wow. He sounds just like you said yours was/is…wife, kids, house (big, very expensive house), expensive car and then he just does what he wants to do. It’s all a facade.
And the poor wife puts up with it. What is she going to do really? She must really feel trapped.
I did not meet my x-spath on a dating site. However, I *learned* about him when I accidentally came across his profile on one.
Interestingly, my second night out with him included some of his friends. One jokingly said “ask him about his Gaydar.com profile.”
I did not think much of it as virtually every gay man has a profile on either Gay.com if American or Gaydar.com if British. I had one on Gay.com and I did not even try to find him on Gaydar, at that time.
When I found his profile on OKCupid, I was stunned. Since he had taken many tests and answered many “matching” questions, OKCupid’s “personality profile” had to be fairly accurate, as he had answered in total about 1000 questions, and the person profiles was nearly the exact opposite of the person I knew, except for introversion.
But his picture alone tells a lot about the person. He uses one in which he appears 10 years younger, so much so that when I first saw the profile I did not realize it was him.
A little Googling alone can tell reveal a lot about a person. So I Googled his OKCupid profile name and came up with a bunch of hits: porn sites, cam2cam sites, and sex related forums.
He told me he was “reserved and proper” while at the same time having on x-tube videos of himself wanking is little willy and his tastes in porn run pretty vile, judging from his “favorites.”
It was from his liking of bareback sex videos that a lightbulb first when off in my head that he is HIV+.
To this day I do not know if this was all intentional on his part such that Googling his profile name would raise topics that he was not comfortable discussing or is he just “clueless” since he uses variations of that word in other profiles.
((((((((((((behind_blue_eyes))))))))))))))))))))
I don’t think they are in control of themselves enough for us to say, one way or another, if they are doing these things to us ‘intentionally’, or out of non awareness due to their illness.
I do know one thing, however, that being that we can’t continue to subject ourselves to this lifestyle of emotional living we have been forced into by someone else who was only using our compassion and kindness.
“reserved and proper”….yah, like mine was?! ahahahahahaha
If that were true, why do they not have any morals nor social value skills? Hmmm? Because they are empty vessels without conscious nor regard except for that which THEY want and they will go to any lengths to achieve their goals.
Mine is a sex addict and I have always had suspicions that he may be ‘bi’ but almost became convinced when this other person started coming up in conversations we had previously before I NO CONTACTED his ass, after the threats and him trying to purposely kill me.
I put no stock in internet ‘love searching’, what so ever…
we had been friends for just about 9 years and I thought I knew this person. He took a true and loyal friendship and twisted it into something ugly – I don’t even recognize him anymore and one of his ploy whines: “Nobody wants to be around me anymore. Am I that bad of a person? Are things going to always be this way between us now?”
YES: PROVE ME WRONG ABOUT YOU!
OR GET OUT OF MY FACE AND LIFE.
SLAMMMM!!!! ::BOOM:: went that door as it locked in his face.
. It was very intense. I bet for one of the very first times in his life, he was actually “STUNNED”. My turn. Wonder how it felt and feels now? I doubt seriously it matters but any other normal person – to them it would matter. I doubt it does to him.
Yah, the internet is a double edged sword: love/convenience…
I don’t tread there anymore. It, to me, is 98% cess pool of P’s.
I am not a P or an S or an N….I have hardly ANY internet footprints.
Don’t focus on the internet searches you have done.
File it away for further inspiration to “KEEP AWAY FROM THE TOXICITY”!!!!!!!
Just because someone is on an internet dating site does NOT mean that they are ‘ok’…..anyone can be anything they want, or in our cases: anyone can be anything they WANT YOU TO BELIEVE THEY ARE, on the internet.
I stopped stabbing myself in the heart by doing searches on him, over the internet. I have a special program on my computer and telephone that pretty much blocks any incoming calls without proper identification because I am NOT going to be completely stalked and hounded for the rest of my life.
It has been quiet about me now for the past 3 weeks.
I enforced NC the beginning of May. So, that gives you some idea what it has been like. I don’t believe it’s over yet. I still think he is going to be ‘up to something’ regarding me but I have sufficiently put it to rest around my life and fully intend to enforce it. I have not uttered one peep since the 1MAY and plan to never again, for eternity.
There is no excuse for all of the things that had taken place in my experience except for a ‘sick mind’ and I don’t have to subject myself to this and am not. It’s that simple.
I would rather live alone and be lonely for a good reason than to be with someone for all the wrong reasons. Let that be your guide. We know who we are and what we deserve and we are so careful about the decisions on everything else in our lives except for where we place our trust and our emotions….
We need to be a little more ‘choosey’ in our selection and not ‘settle’ or allow ourselves to be manipulated any more, by anyone. We need to spread our wings and stand up for that person we are. The one who has walked through hell and came through that ring of fire and we need to give that the respect it truly deserves.
That is our ‘new point’ and our ‘new beginning’ after having been ravaged by the fire. We have sacrificed a lot to reach the point where we currently are: awareness and realization…it’s stunning and completely overwhelming but we need to start disciplining ourselves to put it in the past, where it belongs.
Let tomorrow bring what tomorrow brings…
It is this moment I want. This very moment.
And when you think about it, it’s all we ever really have….
Blessings and wishes of love and peace to you blue eyes…
Start closing those doors and you will find happiness; I just know it. 🙂
DUPED
The interesting thing is that if I did not know the x-spath and simply came across his profile on OKCupid, I would have immediately seen the red flags: obviously young looking picture, juvenile interests “boys, sleep, vodka…” and a personality profile of somebody that is kinky and not particularly nice.
With these guys, what do they think when they are going to meet somebody? Not that he is an unattractive guy but there is a 10 year difference in his current appearance to that of his picture. Are they worried? Do they get called out? Do they hope that people will still find them attractive and forget about the young picture?
I don’t think it matters to them because they are so skilled and adept at their ‘powers of persuasion’, it becomes a ‘cat and mouse’ game for them. Something to amuse them and reinforce their power and strength. And I think THAT is what it’s about.
Right; LOTS of people do that: post lies about themselves online and then when you meet them: wowser! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Anyone can be anybody or anything they want, online. That is the point. You can search them out all you want to but that is not going to make one bit of difference. They are what they are and we have to be courageous enough to recognize the lies we have been fed and say: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and change the way we go about living and believing. Reorganize our life in such a way that it will take all of this negative energy we have just expended and turn it into something strong and courageous towards the ‘light’…the same way Donna has.
It is those things that truly ARE the most important…
the fact that life itself is slipping through our fingers because we are ALLOWING it to. We are the only ones who can stop this daily rumination of torment and questions and uncertainty. We are the only ones allowing it to happen.
((((((((((((((((((blue_eyes))))))))))))))))))))))))
You ARE worth better…
xxoo
DUPED
Duped;
I know its just that sociopaths give us so much to think about…
((((((((((((blue_eyes)))))))))))))))))
Too much to think about.
Remember to take ‘mind vacations’, my friend…
xxoo
DUPED
Many here seem to have too much time to think, myself included…