Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 31: Not Your Everyday Walk In The Park Soon after the cookie incident, I was in a park near Paul's office when I noticed two people who worked for Paul eating a bag lunch while sitting on the park swings. Neither of them recognized me. The only time I had met them was at a holiday party, and I had been dressed up with makeup, contacts, and my hair down. With blue jeans and a s …
I had to wake up to reality – psychopaths are real
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Willa." My Mom and sister are mean and they don't feel guilt. They made the pain seem normal. I finally hit bottom and had to wake up to a reality I never dreamed was true, "psychopaths are real." I was in a relationship for 4 years of torture. I thought he was my dream man. I thought we where going to marry. When we met, he was 35 and lived with his mom and dad. They said he was a loving son, good boy never in trouble. I never saw him drink, drugs, smoke. He liked everything I liked. It was like my perfect twin soul mate. He did what I wanted to do. He went along with everything I wanted. Outwardly I …
“Woman chained like a dog” case: How can we protect ourselves from people who are pure evil?
Todd Christopher Kohlhepp, 45, of Moore, South Carolina was denied bail yesterday after being charged with kidnapping and murder. Last week, news broke that a woman had been found alive in a metal storage container on a rural property in Woodruff, South Carolina. According to the Spartanburg sheriff, she'd been in the container for two months, chained by her neck "like a dog." Kala Brown, 30, along with her boyfriend, Charles Carver, 32, had been missing since late August. Brown and Carver went to the 95-acre property, owned by Kohlhepp, to do work for him, and when they arrived, Brown said, Kohlhepp shot Carver. His body was just found. Brown told authorities that four more people …
He asked me for money – then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for money
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." I started to talk to a male friend I was connected to on Facebook after I had a tough break up. He said he reached out to me because he had just gone through similar and thought he could help. After a few weeks we started to flirt with each other. I did at first, then he went full blown. Within a week of this talk, he admitted he loved me. I did think it was soon but I felt the same. Then he said he wanted to marry me, possibly have a child, grow old together. Said we were life partners. I went to visit him and spent a three-day weekend with him, and he had his two young sons for the days of …
He asked me for money – then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for moneyRead More
A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 30: Down The Rabbit Hole Paul had agreed to therapy under the condition that I would not tell anyone we were going. With the expectation of keeping my word, I promised. Normally, I honor my commitments, and secrets are safe with me. But I broke my promise to Paul after two months. I did it, because I felt like I was going crazy. I needed a reality check from an outside s …
A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”Read More
The ABC’s of choosing a non-toxic mate
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW Partner choice is important to all of us. Toxic relationship survivors often avoid opening themselves to new relationships because of their fear of choosing a partner who will bring more devastation and drama into their lives. Many of us learn to watch for the warning signs that a person is a psychopath, narcissist, or other toxic type, but we aren't certain about the positive characteristics that indicate someone is good partner material. In addition to screening out difficult people, we need to learn how to screen in good matches. To help with this, I've come up with an easy-to-remember screening tool. It summarizes insights from years of academic research and …
The narcissists in my life – the screamer and the deceiver
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Hilda." I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc. The screamer my female boss I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy. It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to …
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Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And Evasion
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 29: It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word “Is” Is Paul manipulated the well-intentioned therapist into becoming complicit in Paul's self-serving altered version of reality—to view Paul as the perfect, calm, devoted, caring father and husband, while I was clearly on edge emotionally due to my declining mental health and jealousy over Paul and Anne-Marie's business partner …
Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And EvasionRead More
Groups – a key to healing from a sociopath
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT Most of you who have been involved with a sociopath have been to therapists either with your partner or individually. Therapy is critical to healing from the PTSD of these relationships from control, abuse, manipulation and deceit, and hopefully you have found a therapist who knows techniques for helping PTSD. There is also the rebuilding of self and the grief of loss that therapy can help with, not to mention the potential stressful impact of divorce on yourself and any children. It would be fortunate if your therapist understands the type of relationship you've been in and the person you were with. This is all necessary and important, but there's a critical …
New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big lies
An article in the New York Times reviews new research on how the brain reacts to lies. Essentially, when someone continues to lie, "the negative emotional signals initially associated with lying decrease as the brain becomes desensitized." Why big liars often start out as small ones, on NYTimes.com. The story did not say that the research had anything to do with personality disorders. But it certainly makes sense with sociopaths — the more they lie, the easier it becomes, and they tell more lies. And then there's this sociopaths like the sense of power and control that they experience when people believe their lies. So not only does the negative reinforcement fade, but the positive rein …
New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big liesRead More