How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He was snatched from me, even though he wasn’t real

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who we'll call “Janine.” She fell in love with a man that she met online, but he wasn't real.It started back in Dec. 08, I was on an online dating site and came across a profile, his picture was nice, my type, dark hair, nice face, normal handsome looking. Brief description, saying his likes dislikes etc, so I messaged him.From there is went to msn chat and then we exchanged numbers, when he rang me he said sorry if you don't like my voice, I had an operation when I was younger and it has changed it. Didn't think anything of it.We clicked straight away, got on like a house on fire, had the same sense of humour and talked for …

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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired.Well, there are reasons for this.First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice.Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheatingSo sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious downsides:1. Soc …

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Join Lovefraud’s informal support group

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Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us!Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary.FormatHere’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general questions about nar …

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He stole all the assets, abandoned his child, and kept his parenting rights

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Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call Marilyn23, tells how her husband stole all the assets that she’d built up over years and controlled her through his parenting rights.I was unknowingly groomed by my partner for years. I was an independent successful artist and businessperson. I had saved money to start purchasing investment properties. He insinuated himself into my finances, though I did not need his support. He was very pushy and persuasive insisting couples should share financial growth. He always made false promises. That he would help with the work or expenses to renovate but just got overly controlling. I did all the work. Read more: Why psychopathic parents en …

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Psychopaths as puppet masters

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UPDATED FOR 2023. You and I feel personal satisfaction through accomplishment, or warm human relationships, or being of service to others.Psychopaths feel personal satisfaction through pulling the so-called strings and making people jump.They do something that they know will upset you just to see you cry. They trap you into no-win situations to watch you squirm. They devalue and discard you, so they can watch you fall apart.Why do they do this?Social motivationsThe answer lies at the heart of the personality disorder. According to Dr. Liane Leedom, psychopaths have an out-of-control power motivation.Researchers have identified four social motivations. These are basic motivations that people, …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Our relationship had three distinct phases

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Editor's Note: This story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader who we'll call “Marcia.” She describes her involvement with a man who she now believes is a sociopath, and how her relationship had three distinct phases.I met him on Chemistry.com in February of 2009. He wrote to me through the site and we corresponded several times before speaking on the phone. I liked his profile very well and enjoyed his style of writing and what he wrote in our correspondence. When we spoke on the phone, we had no problem starting and maintaining a conversation on the phone. He was articulate, intelligent and had all the time in the world for me.We met on March 6, 2009 for a drink. I got there first and very s …

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To recover from the sociopath, be selfish

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Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish.It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern.Problems that are not yours to solveTypically, when you’re dealing …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I fell for it a million times

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "Abigail." She relates how she fell for her so-called boyfriend's lies, over and over.I met my now ex-boyfriend June 2004. I had been divorced for 4 years; my kids were 7 and 10. He is a police officer. The night I met he seemed depressed, I asked him, "Why are you so sad?" He replied, “I got divorced this week.” By the end of the night I was really excited; I really liked him!I had been alone for four years. We started dating. Since I thought he was recently divorced, I didn't question him when he didn't call and sometimes, although I would speak to him, I wouldn't see him on the weekends. That only lasted for …

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If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?

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UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries.Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath.There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist.Donna Andersen respondsBefore I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork.We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears.This applies to disordered people as well. Even when psychopaths, antisocials, narcissists and …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary.I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year.While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August.One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns out there w …

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