Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …
Sociopath Control: Lessons From Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot Water
You don't have to have studied economics to know that scarcity drives up value. A sip of water for someone parched in the desert is immensely more valuable than the same sip of water at the end of a meal at a white tablecloth restaurant where an attentive waiter refills your glass constantly. Is love any different? A single gesture of kindness or expression of love in a flowing stream of affection goes all but unnoticed. The value of that same gesture in a love-deprived environment, however, is immeasurable. Using Love to Control Because human beings value love, sociopaths often use love or the promise of love to control and weaken others emotionally. This happened to me and is chronicled in …
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The Road: A woman’s journey through domestic abuse
Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader. By Cynthia Creswell I took the road that shouldn't be traveled, so alluring was this path! Decadent flowers framed the entrance, the sweet smells of their majestic perfume luring me in, dripping with promises. The trees' flowering branches beckoned me in as though the crook of a finger, enticing me to enjoy its nectar. I listened to the call as it promised me things it knew I wanted; the soft, lush grass under my feet as to make my journey easier, the promise of sunshine to warm my soul, the glistening of dew covered foliage to pleasure my eyes and cool my brow... 'Come here to rest' it beckoned, 'let me care for you.' Unable to …
The 5 Step Exit – How to leave your sociopathic partner
Book Review: The Five Step Exit The skills you need to leave a narcissist, psychopath or other toxic partner and recover your happiness now, by Amber Ault, Ph.D. It's the New Year. Did you make a New Year's resolution to really, finally, emphatically, get out of your toxic relationship, once and for all? If your answer is yes, or even if you're still just thinking about putting an end to the madness, you need this book: The Five Step Exit The skills you need to leave a narcissist, psychopath or other toxic partner and recover your happiness now, by Amber Ault, Ph.D. In this slim, wonderful book, Dr. Ault promises to take you, step by step, through the process of disengaging from an abusive …
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This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a Host
Weak Parasite, Strong Host One of my old friends said she saw SP still showing up to our old church. She said that he didn't look attractive anymore and looks like he's lost himself. I thought to myself, well he lost his HOST, that's why; well all the while, I feel great! My health is improving, I'm eating well, sleeping well, it's amazing. I made my way out, and I will continue to take whatever steps necessary to maintain that no contact. I am now almost 2 years post divorce, and a year and a half of no contact. Usually at the end of the year, there is a reflective time of that previous year, but for me, I am reflecting on when I first decided to move out of my house with my daughter, …
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Married To A Sociopath–The Experience In 250 Words Or Less
My corrosive marriage to and my toxic divorce from a sociopath are chronicled in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). My after-the-fact understanding of how I got trapped for so long in this hellish relationship is woven throughout. Yet, to share the essence of the experience in far fewer words, I crafted the following poem (also in the book.) If any of it resonates with you, I hope it helps you unveil an abusive relationship for what it is and motivates you to craft a safe exit strategy for you or for someone close to you whose life may be precariously entwined with a sociopath. The Poem--Husband, Lia …
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Nobody understands the level of deceit he is capable of
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Irma." I am currently detaching from a Malignant Narcissist, we were together almost 15 years and have 3 children. He became increasingly violent in the last 3 years; I had a non violent honeymoon period of almost 7 years ”¦ I now know he was just managing me down in ways I didn't even notice for years ”¦ Since I ended our relationship (he punched me 9 times to the head), he and the in-laws have banded together to literally drive me insane ”¦ CPS was called and they were told I was the abusive one, the one with addictions, that I was mentally unstable and a danger to myself and the children …
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7 Surprising Reasons Why Loving a Cheater Is Actually a Gift
This article, by Donna Andersen, was originally published on YourTango.com. Your partner is a heartless, unrepentant cheater. Here's why it could be good for you. My ex-husband cheated as a way of life. He carried on affairs with at least six women (that I know of) during our relationship—which was amazing, considering we were only together for two and a half years. He had a child with one of those women. And then, 10 days after I left him—not after we divorced, after I left him—he married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. Sorting through the file boxes full of papers he left behind—the guy was a packrat—I discovered evidence that during the seven or so …
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I am legally not allowed to protect my child from his sociopathic father
Editor's note: Lovefraud recevied the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clarissa." I met the sociopath when I was a 16-year-old Crown Ward on "Independent Living." He was older than me and in the Army. I was in high school. I became pregnant at 17. Children's Aid attempted to abandon me and have me instead rely on social services. The sociopath (father) wanted me to abort the child or keep it not put it up for adoption. He would not have a child of his in the world where he could not control it. I had been considering adoption or having the child on my own and didn't want him involved. His mother, possibly also sociopathic, met me in secret urging me to make a family with her s …
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Cancer at Christmas – Living in a Sociopath’s World
When Things Were I used to be so good at taking care of things like decorating my house for Christmas with shades of red, green and gold, carefully outlining dark corners with beautiful, gleaming lights to create that wonderful, cozy ambiance of a home filled with love and joy—the way it should feel at Christmas time. There were carefully thought out, warm meals prepared, music filling the crisp air, homemade Christmas sweets to grab on the way out the door, and soft, warm blankets on every couch for that last minute snuggle. I would intentionally direct my energies towards evoking wonder with my family and daughter every day of December. Denial of Darkness I lived in my own reality of den …
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