Lovefraud Blog

Cancer at Christmas – Living in a Sociopath’s World

December 25, 2015 // by Peace in Chaos// 6 Comments

When Things Were I used to be so good at taking care of things like decorating my house for Christmas with shades of red, green and gold, carefully outlining dark corners with beautiful, gleaming lights to create that wonderful, cozy ambiance of a home filled with love and joy—the way it should feel at Christmas time. There were carefully thought out, warm meals prepared, music filling the crisp air, homemade Christmas sweets to grab on the way out the door, and soft, warm blankets on every couch for that last minute snuggle. I would intentionally direct my energies towards evoking wonder with my family and daughter every day of December. Denial of Darkness I lived in my own reality of den …

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A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

December 24, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 64 Comments

There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

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‘Red Flags of Love Fraud’ now in Spanish: ‘Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa’

December 23, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

Editor's note: If you have Spanish-speaking friends, family or acquaintances, and you want to help protect them from sociopaths, here is the answer. "Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you're dating a sociopath," is now available in Spanish! Forward this article to them. Alertas rojas de estafa amorosa 10 señales de que estás saliendo con un sociópata De Donna Andersen, autora de Lovefraud.com Tienes una relacin amorosa que comenzó como un torbellino de atención y afecto, pero ahora te atormenta el temor de que algo no va bien. O has tenido una relación que era verbal, emocional, financiera o incluso físicamente abusiva. Esa persona ya se ha ido, pero sigues sin comprender cómo te eng …

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10 Signs You’re Addicted to Loving a Cheater

December 21, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 4 Comments

Editor's note: This article by Donna Andersen was originally published on YourTango.com. All of the following still applies if your partner is a woman. You know he's seeing another woman. Or perhaps you ARE the other woman. Why can't you let him go? You discover your man is cheating. You know he's bad for you. Your friends tell you to dump him, but the truth is, you still want him. If the pull is unbearably strong, maybe it's not love that you feel—but addiction. Do you do any of the following? (Be honest!) 1. You confront him about the calls in his phone from other women. He comes up excuses, you know they're lame—but you accept them anyway. 2. He says that it's your fault tha …

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Jacqueline Kraft Bruno: No Path to the Heart: The Futility of Relationships with Narcissists

December 18, 2015 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 70 Comments

By Jacqueline Kraft Bruno In a healthy, heart-centered, relationship, we experience connection. The love between two people is given and received openly. There is a natural flow that exists. Of course it isn't perfect and as human beings we fall into fear, experience disconnection and we work to re-connect. These are the natural struggles of relationship, the rough patches. These struggles are not meant to be the norm. In a relationship with a personality-disordered person, we give love that is never authentically received. Our love is deflected by the ego, twisted and manipulated. The person we have shared love with is lacking a path to the heart, by which to receive it. In a loving …

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Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy Revisited

December 17, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 38 Comments

Now that I've had my own life derailed by a sociopath, and now that I know up to 4% of the population is sociopathic, I see sociopaths often in everyday life. I also see sociopaths in literature and film. Yet, before my own life was train wrecked by a sociopath, I viewed these stories and characters as entertaining aberrations, not as anything or anyone about which I really had to worry. Weren't sociopaths rare, and wouldn't I somehow know if such a person entered my life? I'm guessing I'm not that unusual. Before it happened to you, did you know how high the odds were that your life could be profoundly scarred by a sociopath? Why Aren't We Warned? Why isn't every young adult repeatedly w …

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Overcoming the insanity of co-parenting with an exploiter

December 14, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 8 Comments

Book Review: Divorcing a Narcissist One Mom's Battle, by Tina Swithin "The only thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist is divorcing a narcissist." This is one of the first sentences that Tina Swithin writes in her book, Divorcing a Narcissist One Mom's Battle. It's a sentiment I've heard time and time again from Lovefraud readers who have faced the same battle. When Tina met Seth, she didn't know he was a narcissist. In fact, like most of us, she didn't know what a narcissist was. But she was 25 years old and felt like she was ready to find a real relationship. Before Seth, Tina had been in relationships in which the man required "fixing." She realized that she didn't want …

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Jacqueline Kraft Bruno: 6 Ways to Heal the Feminine Spirit after Abuse

December 11, 2015 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 8 Comments

By Jacqueline Kraft Bruno You may have identified you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, or a sociopath or a sociopathic-narcissist. You may have read and re-read the signs and symptoms. Maybe you have compared your stories with those of others who have walked the same road. Perhaps you have felt shock, anger and grief, at the realizations of who you were really with. Maybe you're wondering why. Why did I choose this person, or why did I let this person choose me? Maybe you're ready to start moving past it but find yourself reliving the past or the feelings of the past. Now what? For me, there wasn't a one stop solution for healing from the complex-trauma left behind when the …

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Collecting Alimony From A Sociopath–The Devil’s In The Details

December 10, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 9 Comments

Divorcing my sociopathic husband was horrific. Hopefully, what I've learned can spare you some pain and aggravation, but by the very nature of interacting with any sociopath, there will still be pain and aggravation. Few Documents Can Stand Up to Intense, Constant, Malicious Scrutiny—But Do Your Best My book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) chronicles my corrosive marriage and my toxic divorce. The book, however, does not delve into the specifics of my divorce agreement that provided the foundation for excessive post-divorce legal expense and litigation. Other lawyers who reviewed my divorce agreement felt m …

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30 signs that you should dump your partner before Christmas

December 9, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 20 Comments

The holidays are quickly approaching. It's the season when we decorate our homes, spend time with family and friends, and buy thoughtful gifts for the ones we love. Everyone wants someone to hug over the holidays. So even if things have been strained or rocky with our romantic partners, we may still want the holidays will be pleasant, even romantic. We may go out of our way to make them special, hoping our partner will reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts. Sometimes we hope but fear that our partners will disappoint us. If you're apprehensive about how enjoyable the holidays with your partner will be, read on. Christmas with my ex I spent three holiday seasons with my …

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sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”