A friend of mine feared her daughter was involved with a sociopath who was pressuring her to have children with him. Knowing I'd had my life derailed by my own husband (now ex-husband), who I now believe is a sociopath, my friend asked me to tell her daughter some of my story. As one never knows if a seed of information will later blossom into insight, I wrote her daughter a letter. The entry below is based on that letter. Wonderful Qualities Become Profound Vulnerabilities I believe my ex-husband and the father of my children has a personality disorder—narcissistic personality disorder—some refer to such individuals as sociopaths or psychopaths. Such people are more common that most of us e …
Woman fakes cancer to raise money – is she a do-gooder, or a sociopath?
Editor's note: The following story and comment were sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Jeri-Lynn." A well-known woman from West Seattle, Tracy Dart, claimed she battled cancer three times while raising money for the disease. Allegations are that she never had cancer at all. Local woman may have faked cancer diagnosis, on King5.com. This a story from my community, which is reeling from the news. Are daily lies which do "good" things like raise $ for cancer research somehow "better" than lies perpetuated by sociopaths to actively hurt their targets? I suspect her family and friends are hurting equally - just all at once instead of slowly over time. I've been reading some of the …
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Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?
Chapter 5 Who is a potential victim? Everyone is a potential victim of a psychopath. There are two basic reasons why, and my goal in this chapter is to make them clear for you. Why? Because too many people think they can't be fooled or that they're too strong to be a victim, and those beliefs put us in danger of being swept away and devastated by a psychopath. Here are my two points, up front. First, psychopaths handle deception differently, and it catches us off guard. Almost anyone can be fooled, even professionals. Second, the most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values. We are not brought up to anticipate …
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For Sociopaths, It’s All About Them–Even When You’re Sick
Before I met “Paul,” (the man I married, who I realized about twenty years too late must be a sociopath) I had a friend who may not have known about sociopaths, but she knew to call off her engagement to “Mr. Right” because of a cold and a sandwich. Make Your Own Damn Sandwich! Carol was smart, motivated, kind, outgoing, upbeat, and gorgeous. She was clearly a “catch,” and she had come very close to marrying handsome, rich, well-connected “Mr. Right.” One day, Carol was not feeling well and was lying on the couch amidst sniffles, cough drops, and tissues. Her fiancé chose that moment to ask her to make him a sandwich. “If someone's going to expect me to make him a sandwich when I'm the one w …
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People have told the district attorney that my ex is going to kill me and my kids
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clara." 22 years of marriage, 2 kid, 1 adopted son. Boys are now 20, daughter is 17. My ex has been arrested 6 times and now been charged with stalking and harassment. I now have lifetime no contact and he has 3 years no contact with my kids. Both of us have very good jobs, beautiful home, well known in our small town. He coached baseball and football so has been looked up to. I now realize I didn't even know the man I had been with for all these years. He had a completely separate life with separate friends. I realized this after looking thru my phone bill. I didn't know anyone on it and the ones I did …
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How Sociopaths Fool You Into Thinking They’re You’re Friend
Chapter 4 Richard Parker Is Not Your Friend Psychopathic expert Kent Kiehl has contributed enormously to the field. He says that every adult psychopath he has ever worked with was different as a child, and not in a good way. When he looks through their prison files, he finds all kinds of stories about how much trouble they caused, how they never connected with friends, how they didn't join teams, and how they were ultimately the black sheep of their families. Sounds like what you would expect, right? A psychopath is not and never was your friend. Here's my issue. Kiehl works with prisoners. Prisoners have been caught. And so when you believe him—which is likely, since he's an e …
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After A Relationship With A Sociopath/ Psychopath, Finding The Right Support Can Be Challenging
Getting out of a relationship with a sociopath can be dangerous, draining, and confusing. For me, and I'm guessing for many others, this can be exacerbated by the fact that finding the right support during this vulnerable time can be difficult. Finding The Right Therapist There was virtually nothing left of me after almost two decades of being unwittingly married to a sociopath --chronic, subtle criticism; gaslighting; isolation; blaming; triangulating, intermittent love/affection, etc. To weaken me further so that he could prevail in our divorce, my then husband started using full frontal assaults as well—verbal abuse, financial terrorism (pretending he could no longer draw a salary f …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I was his “front” – no one would believe he was hiring hookers
Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "stillinshock." I was going through a horrendous divorce with a man I had a child with when the predator struck. I was in a vulnerable position, scared to death by the man I was divorcing who was threatening to take my children, my home, my freedom and my life. My spath was a retired cop. Swooped in playing the knight in shining armor (boy, I am sure he could smell the blood in the water). He was friendly, charming, and could tell stories and entertain for hours. EVERYONE liked him. I wasn't looking to date ”¦ I was going through a divorce, but he came highly recommended by mutual friends, and I started to t …
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The sociopath said he’d pay me back from his Mexican inheritance
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Petula." I met him online in July 2014, fell hard and fast and moved in two weeks later. In September he spoke to me about an inheritance that he hadn't claimed in Mexico after his parents' deaths in 2009. It included a million dollar property and a huge bank account. I was shocked. We were engaged in December 2014 in Las Vegas and supposed to move to Mexico City in February to take care of all the paperwork and get a better evaluation on the house, as well as remove personal belongings. He promised me he would care for me and protect me, make sure I would always have the best medical treatments, etc. I quit …
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There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy
Hello. I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my …