How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The dangers of friendship with a female predator

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as “Kerisee04.” How does a person know if they have engaged in a friendship with a female predator? So often it is the romantic relationships that are discussed, and usually about male sociopaths. First of all, it's important to note that if you are a male, to the female sociopath, you either a sexual target or a source of financial gain. In my experience with the female sociopath, in her mind, there is no man beyond her reach. She has sexual fantasies about all men she encounters and runs scenarios in her head to accomplish her goal. In my naive state of mind, I had no idea this particular female sociopath was …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lied to myself as I became close to him again

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Ravenless Tower.” She realizes, as she wrote, that "I lied to myself." I'm going to be as concise as I can here - but like most of you the story is long. I wanted to tell it so there is a frame of reference to my posts for anyone who cares. I also wanted to get it down in writing, and out of my head. My intent is not to complain or to place blame, so much as to identify the issues that have helped to shape my choices and brought my ultimately to this board for support. The point of being here, for me, is not to hate, not to blame, but to accept responsibility and own the things in my life that need to be ad …

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10 examples of the scapegoat’s isolation in the narcissistic family

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS A toxic family operates like a cult. The head narcissists (either one parent or both) make certain that they are able to rally their troops around them, which happen to be their children. Almost always, there is one child who is never assimilated into the cult. This child is the scapegoat.  From early years, this child is observed as being highly sensitive, creative, empathetic and outspoken. Because the scapegoat is not like them, the narcissists must villainize this family member to elevate themselves and feel superior. It becomes an addiction. Hence, the other children are trained on behalf of the parents to mistreat and bully the …

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Typical sociopath manipulation strategies that I always hear about

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The sociopath may tell you that you’re mentally losing it. Or make you feel like everything is your fault. Or accuse you of cheating. Here’s what you need to know — none of it is about you. These are typical sociopath manipulation strategies that they use with everyone. I hear about them all the time. I talk to a lot of people about their experiences with sociopaths. Often, they tell me something outrageous, something unbelievable, something shocking that he or she has done, and I respond with, “Yeah, they all do that.” This causes two reactions in the person telling me the story. The first is shock — they can’t believe that so many people engage in the same behavior. And the second is …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Looking into the eyes of a con man

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “Eclipse.” She wrote about her experience with a sociopathic con man.  I met the P at the end of 2004. We both worked out at a local gym close to my home. I had been going through a divorce for about a year. I confided to him about my 19-year marriage, of abuse. We became friends for about six months. We then became involved and were falling for each other. He told me he was in a bad relationship, and that he was married, eight months into our relationship. He told me he was trapped and was trying to get a divorce. He told me how his wife was controlling and mentally abusive to him; he was denied any a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Tangled in his twisted web

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received this letter from a reader named “Krzyluv” who found herself in a sociopath's twisted web. I would like to start by saying that a concerned friend referred me to this website, and I must say that I never in a million years would think that there was anyone out there who was like me, or would ever believe what has happened to me and my children. The stories and blogs I have read have inspired so much strength and courage inside of this empty shell of a woman that I have become! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having such an inspiring website as this. It makes me think that if all these women can be that brave and do it, so can I. My story sta …

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9 reasons why sociopaths blow your mind

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UPDATED FOR 2024. When you finally figure out that you're dealing with sociopaths, your state of mind is complete and utter shock. On the one hand, you are relieved to know that it's not you; something is definitely wrong with them. On the other hand, you still can't wrap your brain around their behavior. It's mind-boggling, and here's why: You probably caught some of the lies as you went along, but the sociopaths explained them away. Then you learned that the entire nature of the involvement, the entire reason they are in your life, is complete fabrication. It was never about romance, or shared goals, or family. It was about exploitation. Not only do the sociopaths exploit you …

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6 strategies to find the strength to choose yourself

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When you learn the truth about your relationship with a sociopath — that it was all fake, and the person never really cared about you — you’re devastated. You feel like you’ve been hit by a steamroller. It’s a searing emotional pain that goes to the core of your being. You may wonder, how can you possibly get over this? Maybe you try to power through, assuming that “Time heals all ills.” Actually, I’m not sure that’s true, at least when it comes to deep emotional pain. From what I can see, based on the thousands of stories I’ve collected, if we don’t deal with the pain, we end up with more of the same down the road.  And it’s certainly not true with addictions. Addiction is a key f …

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7 reasons why psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists will not change

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Once a psychopath, antisocial or narcissist is an adult, there is no therapy, and no medication, which will make him or her into a normal, loving person. This malignant person will not change. You may find this shocking. In these days of medical miracles, it's hard to believe that there is no treatment for someone who, on the surface, appears to be so normal. So why won't malignant people change? Here are seven reasons: For any therapy to work, you have to want to change. Malignants don't think there is anything wrong with them. Although you and other people are distressed by their behavior, they aren't. Therefore, they have absolutely no motivation to do the …

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New Year’s Resolutions for Recovering from a Sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're in the process of leaving behind a sociopath, or even just contemplating leaving a sociopath, here are New Year's resolutions to help you accomplish your goal and get on the path to healing in 2024. Resolution #1: NO CONTACT!!!! Do not have any contact with the sociopath. Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zero! This is the most important first step you can take. No Contact is how you escape the sociopath's magnetic pull. It enables the fog in your head to dissipate, so you can clearly see this person for what he or she is — a predator, parasite, or both. No Contact enables you to find your strength and take back your power. When you implement No Contact, you do n …

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