When in recovery from a relationship with an individual with psychopathic traits, we must plan for the fact that little will go according to any sort of reasonable plan. When dealing with these individuals, one of the most difficult things we must accept is our lack of ability to predict the timing of their surprise attacks. This does not mean that we must live in fear. However, it means that for our own emotional and physical security, we must be aware and ready for almost anything. I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted to thrive, or merely just survive, it was what I had to do. I am not unique in that way. I had to learn to expect the police at my door for unnecessary wellness c …
Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Blame your brain – brain science about optimism
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New JerseyI recently wrote about how partners of sociopaths tend to take responsibility when things go wrong in the relationship, figuring ways to make it better. We then blame ourselves for overlooking warning signs early on, and for not leaving immediately when we did see them. Sometimes we blame our childhoods for the vulnerabilities that made us caretakers who overlook and tolerate abusive or rejecting partners. Neuroscientists tell us that our behaviors are about 90% driven by our subconscious minds. That means 90% of what we are taking in from a person on a conscious level is being received by our subconscious minds, not our conscious …
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Triton High School sex scandal: What were they thinking?
Last fall, a scandal erupted at Triton Regional High School in Runnemede, New Jersey. Three popular teachers—young and male—were arrested for inappropriate relationships with three female students. Two administrators—the principal and a vice principal—were also arrested for failing to report the relationships to the proper authorities. Read: 5 charged in alleged teacher-student relationships at New Jersey high school on CNN.com. Last Friday, Jeff Logandro, 32, and Daniel Michielli, 27, both math teachers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit official misconduct and were sentenced to 30 days of home confinement and three years probation. They are also barred from teaching again in New …
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Revisiting Counseling Therapy
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." When I was trying to process the facts about my eldest son, I sought counseling therapy. This was on the heels of having been stalked and harassed by a would-be business partner. At that time, I was what is termed today as a "hot mess." I was attempting to run a commercial art business and was in such a state of hypervigilance and fear-based anxiety that I was unable to function. The counselor was cursory with my issues and ended my treatment after the insurance-allotted number of sessions. I didn't feel that I had accomplished any work with her, though she did allow me to rant and rave about my …
LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: A tale of 4 wives
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …
Murder from both sides
If you've been visiting Lovefraud for awhile, you probably know that Lovefraud author and member Joyce Alexander, who comments as "Ox Drover," is protesting the parole of her son, Patrick Alexander. Patrick Alexander was convicted of murdering 17-year-old Jessica Witt in January, 1992. Then, in 2007, while still in prison, Patrick sent a man to kill his mother, Joyce. She believes that if Patrick were paroled, he would come after her again. Joyce has expressed the sorrow that she feels for the family of Jessica Witt, whose life her son ended. Now we can understand what that family endured. Jessica Witt's aunt, MaryHellen Cuellar, has posted about the experience on a website called …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Rochelle." As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples: What you do or say and what the sociopath hears Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues. Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues. Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive. Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something. Crying because I am hurting = drama queen. Me asking him not to bring up a topic while …
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While litigation fees mount, Connecticut court awards custody to abusers
This two-part article in the Washington Times follows the money trail of Connecticut family court. Author Aine Nistophain writes about a 9-year-old, Max: When Max reported to authorities that his father had raped him, the Judge Munro awarded sole custody of him to his father. Suddenly, Max went from living with his mother full time, to seeing his mother a few hours a week in supervised visitation run by strangers armed with clipboards, then no contact at all. There's more, and it's bad. Read: Finding Ground Zero in Connecticut Immunity for Guardian Ad Litem destroys Connecticut family …
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Sociopaths: The giant skeleton in humanity’s closet
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader in Holland whom we'll call "Anika": Today I registered to your love fraud site. Nice that you created it. It is a great help when you are abused by a socio-psychopath whatever you call it. I've been divorced from mine almost 30 years. Only 3 years ago I read a book that explained to me why, after my divorce, my life changed from a drama into a hell. And this blog and sites are very helpful. Knowledge gives power. So I am together with a cousin (who is also divorced her psychopath), working on creating something like this in Holland. In our country it seems to be an unknown subject. I want to write especially about the t …
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Healing is a journey
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've written here many times that I used to think that healing was a place we arrived at and that once we got there “everything would be wonderful.” I have learned in my latest tangles with the multiple psychopaths in my life that healing is NOT a place that we arrive at, but it is a Journey. I have no doubt looking back at my relationship with my P-sperm donor that I had PTSD when I escaped from his clutches at least alive, which is more than some of his victims have done. I was 19 and had no one to advise me. Looking back, I wanted to talk to people about this trauma and no one seemed to either believe or care. Even my Egg Donor didn't believe a word …