How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Healing old pain through a new disordered relationship

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By Eleanor Cowan My throat, arms, and legs felt swollen. Not for the first time, the thought occurred: “Death would be an instant relief.” I could hardly walk. Heavy with grief, a searing acidic ache in my stomach, I arrived at the weekend retreat held by a support group for those affected by the addictions of a loved one. Assigned to a tiny room the size of a storage cupboard in the small community college, I dropped the worn backpack I’d hastily stuffed with an old nightie, soap, and toothbrush. I chose a seminar among those offered on the agenda lying on the desk and stumbled to it. What was going on for me? I’d met someone. It had been five years since I’d left my sex-addict pedophi …

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Lovefraud webinars on recovering from a relationship with a sociopath and dating again – coming May 9 and 16!

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I talk to a lot of heartbroken people who have learned that their romantic partner, their "soul mate," was a sociopath. Men and women who, perhaps like you, discovered that everything their romantic partner said to them was a lie. People who are grieving not only profound betrayal, but also the loss of their hopes and dreams for the future. If this is you, I understand how devastated you feel. I've been there. But I also know that you can recover, you can move forward, and you can find love — a real love. Yes, you do need to make a commitment to yourself and your healing. So now I'm offering you a terrific first step. In a few weeks, I'll be presenting two live webinars: Why it's so h …

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Is he a narc? Is he really hurt, or just his ego is hurt?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Vania." English is not her first language. I think my ex is a narc but I'm still not sure. So I've been in a relationship with this guy for just 3 months. But it means a lot to me because I'm someone who's super not easy to open up with people, so once I did and once I fall, I will fall so hard. And I also think I am an empath. I'm a shy girl and this guy is the very opposite of me. He's so confident and unique, to be honest we are so different in many ways, but I think that's the thing that made us attracted to each other. I've never been in a serious relationship before because I'm hardly fall in …

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My tortured journey to discover the sociopathic truth behind the coincidences

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Editor's note: The following story was written by the Lovefraud reader from Australia who goes by the name "Acharbet." He says, "The names I use below are false in order to protect the innocent, guilty and bystanders. I have preserved people's genders in their names, but have obscured ethnicities, which I consider to be irrelevant to my story." As mine is a convoluted story, a tortured story, and clearly not a terribly customary story, I am not going to write it in a terribly customary way. I will use no firm and fixed chronology. Instead, I am going to reveal events in the order in which their truths revealed themselves to me. She stood there, tall, severely overweight and with a …

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When white-collar criminals commit fraud, unknowing wives are devastated

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My ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a white-collar criminal. He pretended to be a businessman, but in reality I, and the other women from whom he took more than $1 million, were his business. Federal prosecutors couldn't be bothered going after him. Other white-collar criminals, who are likely sociopaths like my husband, commit fraud with their employers. This gets the attention of law enforcement. When they are prosecuted, the casualties include their wives. In an article for the New York Times, Abby Ellin describes the devastation suffered by women who had no idea what their husbands were doing. They find that other people don't believe that they were unaware, but I do. I know what …

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BOOK REVIEW: ‘Psychopath Free’ — helping you understand your disordered romance and recover yourself

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Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People, by Jackson Mackenzie Review by Donna Andersen I admit I've been remiss. Jackson Mackenzie's book, Psychopath Free, came out in 2015, and I just finished reading it. I think I need about 48 hours in the day. Anyway, if you've been romantically involved with a psychopath or other disordered individual, Psychopath Free will ring true for you. Jackson does an excellent job of describing the cycle of an involvement with a psychopath, from the glorious beginning when you're feeling high on all the attention, to the confusion of the mind games in the middle, to the utter …

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Webinar preview: How to Navigate a Court Proceeding when the Opposing Party Is a Sociopath

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Personality disordered individuals lie, blame and exaggerate in life — and do the same in court. By anticipating what your opponent will do, you will not be blindsided; you'll be prepared. Here's how to overcome their tactics and prove your case. About this course In your dealings with a personality-disordered individual, you've learned that this person lies, blames and exaggerates. In court, despite swearing an oath to tell the truth, he or she will continue to lie, blame and exaggerate. How do you protect yourself? How do you make your case? In this webinar, you'll learn how the traits and tactics of disordered individuals typically play out in court. This will enable you to a …

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Are you changing in ways you don’t like? Maybe your partner’s a sociopath

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Sociopaths are fueled by our reactions to them—so sociopaths trigger our emotions. What are the signs this is happening?  Looking back on my unwitting marriage to a man I now believe is a sociopath, I realize that some of the warning signs that I was in a relationship with a sociopath were changes in my own behavior. My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles that marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves  includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. It took me way too long to understand this, but since sociopaths are fueled by our emotional reactions to them, they trigger our emotions on pur …

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Fill in the blank: ‘Detaching from the abuser in my life feels like _____’

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By Eleanor Cowan One early evening at the end of the second year in my support group for Parents of Sexually Abused Children, we were invited to participate in a new activity together. Our lead Social Worker, Aidan, also an artist and storyteller, suggested that we complete two unfinished sentences, each in our own words. The first was, “Detaching from the abuser(s) in my life feels like _____. The second was, “Once I let go, I found myself _____. I’d like to share the responses I heard that evening with Lovefraud readers. Aidan, also a former victim of physical predation both in her childhood and in her adult life, began: “Finally detaching from my abuser dissolved tiny sha …

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8 reasons why we can’t see what’s wrong with the sociopath

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"I could smell the smoke, but I could never find the fire." That's how one Lovefraud reader explained her experience with a sociopath. She sensed that something was terribly wrong, but could never figure out what it was. Other Lovefraud readers described the same situation this way, "I knew something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Why is this? Why can't we see what later turns out to be massive lying, exploitation and betrayal? Following are eight reasons why we may suspect that something about the sociopath isn't right, but we don't identify it. We don't know sociopaths exist. No one tells us that 12% of women and 16% of men — 47 million people in the U.S. — a …

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