Signs of a sociopath: Double standards (continued) After a sociopath has won you over , things start to change that erode "you" and shift the power to the sociopath. Looking back on my horrible, unwitting marriage to a man I have come to believe is a sociopath, one of the things that emerged was double standards. At first, our relationship seeming loving and mutually respectful, but over time, things changed drastically. Eventually, he expecting me to honor all commitments to him even when circumstances had changed significantly, but he felt free not to honor his commitments to me. Sociopaths may even try to put you in their debt purposely by accusing you of reneging on promises a …
After the sociopath, taking back power and standing up to bad behavior
By Eleanor Cowan On Tuesday, a young friend from Montreal called with good news. A single mother of four children, proud of her escape from an abusive ex-husband, Kaila is back at school, works part-time to cover the groceries, and, each week it seems, successfully faces yet another challenge to advance her world. On Monday, a problem with the toilet required a plumber. Kaila called the “cheapest in town” ad circled in red ballpoint in an old phone book. In his early 50’s, the uniformed plumber waited for Kaila to return from taking her children to school that morning. As he inspected the toilet in her apartment, he began to talk about the high cost of living. Raising his eyebrows, he w …
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Sociopathic deception: A plan or second nature?
Lovefraud received the following question from a reader: When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him? How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the "little" things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster? When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human interaction. Sociopaths—both male and …
Contempt and double standards = sociopath red flags
Subtle signs of a sociopath Last week, I was on a long walk when I passed an older couple walking on the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I nodded as we passed, and I honestly don’t recall receiving any acknowledgement. They clearly seemed “together,” yet the way they were walking signaled something was very wrong. Briefly, I had a sense of knowing. “I bet he’s a sociopath," I thought. You see, although they were on a walk “together” he was walking about ten feet in front of her, and had been ever since I spotted them walking toward me. That simple act communicates a lot—none of it good, as it signals an underlying lack of respect. Why are so few of us warned about sociopaths? …
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The Atlantic tells the story of serial con man Derek Alldred and his multiple romance scams
For several years, Lovefraud posted articles about Derek Alldred, a con man who scammed women in Minnesota, Texas and other states. He posed as a war hero, physician, investment banker and more, scamming about a dozen women out of more than $1 million. The creep is finally in jail. And The Atlantic has written a comprehensive story of his exploits — and how his victims banded together to stop him. The perfect man who wasn't, on TheAtlantic.com. My comments on the article: Not once did the author mention any personality disorder. She made the statement that "America loves a con man." Because Alldred impersonated a Navy SEAL, he was investigated by NCIS. That's the first time I …
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How could such a wonderful young man turn into an evil sociopath?
Editors note: Here's a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we'll call "Charlotte18." Donna Andersen's response follows the letter. About a year ago, my husband was arrested for kidnapping a couple of friends of ours. Since then, I have been discovering so many other nefarious things he was doing behind my back, such as stealing money for a living, having relations with other men, committing tax fraud, and the list goes on. As I look back on our relationship, nearly every one of the items you listed on your checklist ring true for our relationship, but I was very blind to them before his arrest, except for the gaslighting. I called him out on that about three months before his …
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Gaslight–how the movie mirrors real life
Gaslight Last weekend I watched the classic movie, Gaslight. For those of us who have been in a relationship with a sociopath, it is a great reminder that we weren’t imagining things and how good these puppeteers are at what they do. We were not paranoid, or too sensitive, or unable to take a joke, or fill in the blank. We were being purposely manipulated and deceived by someone who never loved us, has no ethical rudder; and, at our expense, was using us for their personal gain. To weaken us in order to achieve those goals, the sociopath has many tools that go beyond gaslighting—making us question our own reality. Ironically, the flickering of gas lights that Paula obs …
Sociopath exerts control by holding important people and events hostage
By Eleanor Cowan One winter’s day, busy preparing to drive to a free art lesson for my children and their young friends, my disagreement with my husband took an unwanted turn. I’d contested Stan’s view of God’s endless compassionate mercy and boundless clemency. “If that’s so true,” I asked, “What’s hell for?” My husband was a covert pedophile, although I didn't know it at the time. Molesting our young daughter and ridiculing our son at every opportunity, while I was at safely at work, Stan never took responsibility for an addiction he knew was morally wrong. Even though he’d molested his own siblings as a teenager, he still felt entitled to become a seminarian as a young man. Aft …
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To recover from the sociopath, and protect yourself from another one, work on relieving your emotional tension
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/rJNFeHHGGN4"] Over the weekend Terry, my husband, and I watched The Zookeeper's Wife, a movie is set in Warsaw, Poland, during World War II. It tells the true story of how after animals at the Warsaw Zoo were bombed and shot, the couple that ran the zoo used the property to hide Jews from the Nazis until they could be transported to safety. It's a good movie, but as you can imagine, it is tense and emotional. My reaction to the film, plus the normal stress of daily life, made it difficult for me to sleep. Perhaps the connection I felt to the movie was a distant memory — if you've read my book, Love Fraud, you may remember that I describe how I learned a …
Red flags that a gold digger may have targeted your elderly parent or friend
Many sociopaths (although not all of them) target romantic partners to swindle them out of money. Lovefraud's research shows that most sociopaths continue their manipulative behavior as long as they live. That means senior sociopaths may target other seniors. They may proclaim their love, in order to access the victim's money, home or pension. Jean Mignolet, a private investigator in Florida, where lots of seniors live, recently posted an article about spotting the warning signs of a gold digger. Some are: Ambiguity — the con artist glosses over important information about temselves Significant age difference — especially they met online Moving too fast —rushing important life d …
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