For more than two years, I’ve shared my story and relevant insights here once a week. That’s coming to a close. My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles my marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. I hope the excertps I've shared from them have been helpful. I didn't know. Before I married “Paul” (not his real name), I never imagined my life could be so derailed and that my soul could be turned to dust. I didn’t know sociopaths are common, often hiding in plain sight. I didn’t know that they feed off of the thrill of manipulation (which …
What Betrayal Taught Me
Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Waleuska Lazo Betrayal. This eight-letter word conjures up scary thoughts. Betrayal is one of the deepest pains we go through because it hits us at the core of our ability to love and trust After my marriage ended I was grateful for the two loves of my life, my beautiful daughters. When I went into my next relationship, again I did with an implicit trust. In my mind, I was forming an invisible contract, or what I called a soul agreement. It was my assumption that I, as well as the other person, came to the relationship with pure intentions to share a lif …
Have you tried exposing a sociopath online? Did it work?
A few weeks ago, the Philadelphia Inquirer published a story about a woman who says she went to sleep in the home of a male friend, and when she woke up realized she'd been raped. The woman didn't go to the police — she believed it would be useless. So the took matters into her own hands. She told her story on Facebook, naming the man who assaulted her. When she did, other women posted about similar experiences with the same man. For the perpetrator shamed via Facebook, there were consequences . He was a musician, and lost gigs. His landlord threw him out of his building. You can read the article here: Why Philly sexual assault victims look to Facebook for 'street justice,' on p …
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Lovefraud Survey: How did you deal with a senior sociopath?
I am currently working on a book about senior sociopaths — how disordered people behave when they are over the age of 50. I've collected a lot of data about the experiences of Lovefraud readers with these individuals — perhaps you completed my previous survey. One of the topics I'd like to address in the book is how to deal with this type of person. So I ask you: If you have, or had, a sociopath who was 50 years old or older in your life, how did you escape, cope or move on? What techniques or strategies did you use to manage destructive behavior or get the person out of your life? I'm looking for information in the context of any type of relationship: Romantic Partner Parent …
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Being taught “There’s good in everyone,” blinds us to the true nature of sociopaths
The story of Little Red Riding Hood is a great metaphor for a relationship with a sociopath. In the end, victims of sociopaths often feel destroyed or damaged in some profound way. Some are brutalized financially, others physically, and almost all are hurt, compromised, or undone emotionally and psychologically. The experience is often described as identity eroding or soul destroying. Many victims develop chronic post-traumatic stress disorder. For some, recovery is elusive. For others, it is long and hard. Too many of us were taught, "There's good in everyone." To those of us who have been taught that there is good in everyone, these views about sociopaths seem unfathomable. …
Being taught “There’s good in everyone,” blinds us to the true nature of sociopathsRead More
Healing old pain through a new disordered relationship
By Eleanor Cowan My throat, arms, and legs felt swollen. Not for the first time, the thought occurred: “Death would be an instant relief.” I could hardly walk. Heavy with grief, a searing acidic ache in my stomach, I arrived at the weekend retreat held by a support group for those affected by the addictions of a loved one. Assigned to a tiny room the size of a storage cupboard in the small community college, I dropped the worn backpack I’d hastily stuffed with an old nightie, soap, and toothbrush. I chose a seminar among those offered on the agenda lying on the desk and stumbled to it. What was going on for me? I’d met someone. It had been five years since I’d left my sex-addict pedophi …
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Lovefraud webinars on recovering from a relationship with a sociopath and dating again – coming May 9 and 16!
I talk to a lot of heartbroken people who have learned that their romantic partner, their "soul mate," was a sociopath. Men and women who, perhaps like you, discovered that everything their romantic partner said to them was a lie. People who are grieving not only profound betrayal, but also the loss of their hopes and dreams for the future. If this is you, I understand how devastated you feel. I've been there. But I also know that you can recover, you can move forward, and you can find love — a real love. Yes, you do need to make a commitment to yourself and your healing. So now I'm offering you a terrific first step. In a few weeks, I'll be presenting two live webinars: Why it's so h …
Is he a narc? Is he really hurt, or just his ego is hurt?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Vania." English is not her first language. I think my ex is a narc but I'm still not sure. So I've been in a relationship with this guy for just 3 months. But it means a lot to me because I'm someone who's super not easy to open up with people, so once I did and once I fall, I will fall so hard. And I also think I am an empath. I'm a shy girl and this guy is the very opposite of me. He's so confident and unique, to be honest we are so different in many ways, but I think that's the thing that made us attracted to each other. I've never been in a serious relationship before because I'm hardly fall in …
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My tortured journey to discover the sociopathic truth behind the coincidences
Editor's note: The following story was written by the Lovefraud reader from Australia who goes by the name "Acharbet." He says, "The names I use below are false in order to protect the innocent, guilty and bystanders. I have preserved people's genders in their names, but have obscured ethnicities, which I consider to be irrelevant to my story." As mine is a convoluted story, a tortured story, and clearly not a terribly customary story, I am not going to write it in a terribly customary way. I will use no firm and fixed chronology. Instead, I am going to reveal events in the order in which their truths revealed themselves to me. She stood there, tall, severely overweight and with a …
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When white-collar criminals commit fraud, unknowing wives are devastated
My ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a white-collar criminal. He pretended to be a businessman, but in reality I, and the other women from whom he took more than $1 million, were his business. Federal prosecutors couldn't be bothered going after him. Other white-collar criminals, who are likely sociopaths like my husband, commit fraud with their employers. This gets the attention of law enforcement. When they are prosecuted, the casualties include their wives. In an article for the New York Times, Abby Ellin describes the devastation suffered by women who had no idea what their husbands were doing. They find that other people don't believe that they were unaware, but I do. I know what …
When white-collar criminals commit fraud, unknowing wives are devastatedRead More