When I said that “god was my first abuser,” at our regular meeting of Parents of Sexually Abused Children, no one sucked in their breath or exhibited shock. A tough group, no one even blinked an eye. That week’s topic, “Grooming” was assigned by Aidan, our lead Social Worker who, while she listened to us, liked to re-shape lifeless paper clips into unconventional characters that she’d stand up on an enormous art canvas she’d been creating for years and years. I shared with my group that, in Grade 1, when I learned that god ordered his own kid, a boy, to save the world, I instantly thought of Gordie, my teenaged brother. As Sister Brebeuf pointed to a bleeding figure nailed to a crucifix …
12 Reasons to forgive yourself for falling for the sociopath
Once I figured out that my entire relationship was a scam, the person I was most angry with was myself. I really beat myself up. Why did I fall for the lies? Why was I such a chump? Sound familiar? Since my disastrous experience with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, one of the most important things that I've learned about tangling with sociopaths is that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves for believing them. We are not stupid. We are normal, empathetic people who didn't stand a chance against skilled predators, and here's a dozen reasons why: 1 . No one told us about sociopaths. In school, church, college or even magazine articles, we never learned that there are …
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‘I Love You’ from the perspective of a narcissist
Editor's note: The following article was contributed by the Lovefraud reader "macus1529," who has written in the Lovefraud Forum about her experience with a disordered relationship. ‘I love you’ are some of the most powerful words one person can say to another, and while their meaning is universal, sometimes the person saying them can’t grasp this meaning. This letter is to the unfortunate many who have fallen in love with someone who will always love themselves more than they can love another. Written from the view of the narcissist hell bent on keeping that person under their thumb. Dear Codependent Partner, What I’m about to say is not something I’d ever say or admit (to you), …
Sociopaths are evil, dark, and soulless
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 54: Just Plain Mean I flew back East to be with my family. My mother survived her heart attack but was altered permanently by the event—physically, emotionally, and cognitively. Due t …
No matter what happens, my wife claims to be the victim
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Tyler17." My wife is the victim in every situation through her entire life. Even when someone jumped in front of the train I was driving, she was the victim because I changed. She is the victim because to her porn is everywhere, and unless I look away, I condone it. My daughter bought the remake of the movie Point Break and the family watched it on night when I was at work. On my next off day she suggested we all watch it, but was angry with me and withheld her love (again) because she should not be expected to remember if a movie has porn, as I am responsible for averting my eyes. This pissed me off …
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Another twist on love scams: Notices from the “Bureau of Customs”
Lots of men and women in the Philippines look for foreign romantic partners — and end up getting scammed. Here's how it works: Scammer claims to be from Australia, the United Kingdom or the United States and pursues an online relationship with the target. Scammer claims to send a package of expensive gifts to the target, like laptops, smartphones or designer bags. A few days later, target receives an email, supposedly from the Bureau of Customs, informing him or her of taxes and duties that need to be paid. It comes complete with official-looking documents. Target sends money to the designated bank account, which, of course, belongs to the scammer. Money is gone. BoC caut …
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After involvement with a sociopath–one breath at a time may be all that’s possible
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 53C: The Puzzle Pieces Finally Fit Our divorce was mediated at record pace, not even nine months after Paul left. To get the emotional abuse to stop and to get on with my life, I made …
After involvement with a sociopath–one breath at a time may be all that’s possibleRead More
Recovery from the sociopath — learning to count what truly matters
“Was it the sex?” a new member asked me at our weekly meeting of Parents of Sexually Abused Children. “Is that why you stayed with your user for 14 years?” Three faces swung to me, including the lead social worker of our small assembly, a tall, serious senior woman who encouraged us to ask and answer questions. Aidan didn’t smile a whole lot, but over time, I came to respect her genuine sincerity and tremendous breadth of knowledge. “You mean, knowingly trade family wellbeing for my sexual pleasure?” I asked, disheartened at a question that I found hurtful. “No, the truth is that my husband showed no interest in me. He called me 'Mum' despite my frequent requests that he use my name. I …
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Western Australian police quit saving people from romance scams
Project Sunbird, a joint operation between the Western Australian police and Consumer Protection departments, had been identifying 53 new romance scam victims a month by analyzing financial data. They were sending money to con artists in Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Ghana, togo and Benin. According to PerthNow.com.au, 75% of the victims stopped sending money after receiving a warning letter from Consumer Protection. Of those that persisted, 40% stopped after receiving a second letter. But the new Western Australia police commissioner, Chris Dawson, killed the project because of "resource priorities." WA Police handball romance scam investigations, on PerthNow.com.au. …
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Harvey Weinstein’s psychopathic behavior
Like much of America, I've been watching the Harvey Weinstein scandal unfold, appalled but not surprised. More than 40 women have now accused the famous and powerful movie producer, whose films have won 81 Oscars, of sexual harassment and even rape. The Weinstein Company, which he co-founded, fired him. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences threw him out. The Los Angeles police have opened an investigation. Still, Hollywood has always been about starlets who want to make it big and powerful men who took advantage of them — that's why everyone knows about the "casting couch." So I wondered — was Weinstein just a prolific user of the couch, or was he disordered? The answer came in …