How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no sense

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath. The sociopath's behavior in your relationship makes no sense. You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like: Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath. You believe that when people are in love, you are good and kind to each other. You treat each other with respect. You support and value each other. You don’t lie, and you don’t intentionally hurt each other …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I want the woman back that I fell in love with, but I know it is impossible

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a man who posts as “Drained.' I guess I have been in a bit of a hole for a while now and have generally been going through a rough time, which in hindsight may have made me ripe for the picking by my sociopathic ex girlfriend. I had been unhappy in a previous long term relationship (prior to meeting my SP) for a considerable time, my ex partner is an amazing person, however we grew apart and were more suited as friends than lovers. I had been in this relationship for 12 years. My father passed away last year after losing his battle with cancer, which was incredibly hard to watch. I have been battling depression for s …

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Dear Friend: Please do not take back your sociopathic partner

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor’s note: This is the letter that everyone who has broken up with a sociopathic partner should receive. (It refers to the sociopath as “he,” but the sociopath can also be “she.”) Dear Friend, We’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. I care about you, even though I haven’t been able to spend much time with you recently — ever since he came into your life. I heard that the two of you have broken up. I’m thrilled. Are you surprised? Did you expect me to be upset about your breakup? I’m not. The guy is no good for you. In fact, he’s no good for anyone. You may not want to hear this, but the person who …

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I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less

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UPDATED FOR 2024: Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call “Chelsea.” Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man! My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was …

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Sociopaths and sexually explicit photos

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UPDATED FOR 2024. My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, had a collection of photos of naked women. The photos were not of me. I discovered the photos one day while he wasn't home and I was looking for a phone number. I opened his desk drawer, and there they were — no faces, just pictures of certain body parts. Stunned, I threw the photos in the trash. When Montgomery came home, I confronted him. "I found your photos. Who are these women?" I demanded. Montgomery was nonchalant. "They're from my past. Nothing for you to worry about." "Why do you have them?" I demanded. "I look at them from time to time. It helps me stay faithful to you. Where are they?" "I threw t …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Final words to the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call “Judith.” I hope you read this, you know who you are. I have remained silent for too long. I never used my voice to express how I felt about your actions toward me. I stayed quiet while you stalked and harassed me when I chose to cut all ties with you. I was too worried about what would happen if I spoke up. During that time, I thought no reaction from me would be best and it was. I've since changed my mind and I have determined that there is a difference between "reacting" and using my voice to heal myself. In the last few years, I've done well. I never went back or got caught up in your d …

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Even though we break up, we continue to see each other

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When I was 45 years old and fresh out of a divorce, I started an almost 3-year long distance relationship with a man that is 18 years younger than me. It was supposed to just be fun and it was until it wasn't.  We met on airplane, both of us going to work. He is an officer on a tugboat and I an administrator of a private independent school. We had 30 days of getting to know each other over text, phone calls and FaceTime while he was on the boat. Once off the boat we decided to meet and we met up every time he got home the entire course of this relationship.  The first year was a situationship. He led me to believe there was no one else, yet we had not defined the …

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10 facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want to

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UPDATED FOR 2024. You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. This charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath. What does this mean? Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you are heartbroken. I talk to a lot of people, both men and women, who are, or were, romantically involved with sociopaths. They're devastated, of course. But what is truly min …

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My journey through NPD abuse and the fight for my children 

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For over 15 years, I endured profound abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. His manipulation and control were pervasive, leaving me and our children in a state of constant fear and instability. When he finally left, he did so in a manner that ensured our suffering would continue. He abandoned us in a broken-down trailer, neglecting to pay rent for six months and placing a lien on our only car. With no money and no means to improve our situation, I was left with $20 in cash and the daunting task of figuring out how to survive.  He took everything of value, including our tax money and all our savings, and told me to "figure it out." This was not just a financial blow but a calculated …

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Dan Jones explains how to protect yourself from Dark Triad manipulators

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“The ends justify the means” — this is the basic philosophy Machiavellianism, and I heard the statement multiple times from my psychopathic ex-husband. Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism are the three personality disorders of the Dark Triad, and my colleague, Dan Jones, recently gave a TEDx talk on how to spot and deal with them.  Dan is a psychology researcher and associate professor of management at the University of Nevada, Reno. He specializes in the Dark Triad, particularly Machiavellianism. This is a personality trait characterized by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest, according to Psychology Today. Niccolo Machiavelli The trait i …

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