Lovefraud Blog

14 tactics used by coercive controllers in abusive relationships

March 7, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

"Coercive control feels like being trapped in a cage and you can't get out and you don't know where to turn." That's how Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes described this insidious form of domestic violence. She was one of several experts who spoke at a conference on coercive control in Suffolk, England on March 6, 2017. Another expert, Dr. Evan Stark, said that around 25 percent of women in abusive relationships are never assaulted. The program described 14 ways that abusers control their victims, from limiting contact with family and friends to constant phone calls, texts and emails. 'It's like being in a cult for one': Read 14 tactics used by coercive controllers, on EADT.co.uk. …

14 tactics used by coercive controllers in abusive relationshipsRead More

9 control tactics in a classic story of sociopathic manipulation

March 6, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

The following letter, written by a young woman whom we'll call Chloe, is one of the most complete stories of psychological manipulation that I've ever seen yet. Chloe wrote this letter secretly while the sociopath she is living with was at the gym. I met my boyfriend two years ago. I was 18; he was 33. He's a photographer; we live on an island that is very small. He has lived here forever (10 years) and I had only been here a few months when I met him. Everybody, especially women on the island, adore him, he is THE BIGGEST charmer. He told me that he had moved here with his fiancÃ©e, that she had said she was going home for a week, and then never came back. He said she'd gone to therapy b …

9 control tactics in a classic story of sociopathic manipulationRead More

An unwitting relationship with a sociopath changes us

March 2, 2017 // by O.N.Ward// Leave a Comment

Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 41: Stronger Over the next year, with Dr. Davis’s help, I changed, but Paul did not. As my emotional strength and awareness grew, albeit slowly, I started to understand one of Paul’s key manipulation tactics, and I refused to be sucked in. Paul had a habit of entangling me in things someone else had done to disappoint or upset him. To show support for my chronically busy and ove …

An unwitting relationship with a sociopath changes usRead More

Psychopaths are naturally skilled at spotting potential victims

February 27, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// 4 Comments

When I was married to James Montgomery, who was later diagnosed as a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn't know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on. “What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way. “What?” “Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.” “Do you know who she's married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans. Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published by Canadian researchers …

Psychopaths are naturally skilled at spotting potential victimsRead More

In A Relationship With A Sociopath, We Come To Accept the Unacceptable

February 23, 2017 // by O.N.Ward// 3 Comments

Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 40: Whether I was alone or on the phone with a friend or my mother, tears flowed daily. I felt worthless, entombed in quiet despair. Hardly anyone would argue that, with Daniel twelve and Jessica going on fifteen, parenting would be a breeze. Yet, my parenting unraveled far more than can be attributed to dealing with two young teenagers or preteens. I grew increasingly s …

In A Relationship With A Sociopath, We Come To Accept the UnacceptableRead More

Learn to use EFT Tapping to heal your life – FREE 10-day online summit starts 2/27

February 22, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

If after dealing with a sociopath you're feeling stuck, even trapped, in your life, EFT Tapping can help you break free and move forward. It's an amazing technique that can heal deep emotional wounds, calm PTSD, and overcome health problems. I'm not kidding. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping is what you do with your fingers, you tap specific accupressure points, mostly on your face, while bringing to mind the situation that you want to address. This changes the energetic connection between your memory or perception of the situation and specific structures in your brain. When the energy changes, your life changes. This stuff works. I've used it myself, and I've …

Learn to use EFT Tapping to heal your life – FREE 10-day online summit starts 2/27Read More

Don’t try to understand their lies, because sociopaths ARE the lie

February 21, 2017 // by Lovefraud Reader// 1 Comment

Editor's note: This comment was posted by the Lovefraud reader "Stargazer" a few weeks ago. Readers have asked that it be highlighted as a post. By Stargazer You can try endlessly to figure out why a sociopath lies, but you can never quite grasp it because the motives are not really human as we know it. Sociopaths themselves ARE the lie. They lie because they lie because they lie. They lie because they can. They lie because it's fun. They lie because they want something in the moment. They lie because to them a lie has same value as telling the truth. Truth has no inherent virtue to them. And they mistakenly assume that because they lie, everyone lies. It is just a way of life to them. In …

Don’t try to understand their lies, because sociopaths ARE the lieRead More

Identifying and recovering from psychological abuse

February 20, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// 5 Comments

Book Review: Healing from Hidden Abuse, by Shannon Thomas, LCSW Review by Donna Andersen Mind games everyone who has tangled with a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or other exploiter knows them. The sociopath makes a statement, and then denies ever saying the words. You call out the sociopath's bad behavior, and it's all turned around on you. And the lies well, the objective of lies is to poison your perceptions. The more formal term for this destructive behavior is psychological abuse. And now there's a book that explains exactly what psychological abuse is, why perpetrators engage in it, and the steps of recovery. Healing from Hidden Abuse —A Journey Through the Stages of R …

Identifying and recovering from psychological abuseRead More

Romance Scams Part 4: Fake dating apps and malware

February 19, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Here's yet another take on the dangers of online dating: The website Information Security Buzz reports that a number of fake dating apps have been created specifically to record your private data. And some dating sites have spread malware and malicious content. So if you're involved with online dating, not only do you need to worry about suitors using fake profiles to steal your heart and your money, but you also need to worry about your computer being infected with a nasty virus. The risks associated with online dating just don't quit. The ins and outs of online love scams, on InformationSecurityBuzz.com. …

Romance Scams Part 4: Fake dating apps and malwareRead More

Romance Scams Part 3: Malaysia busts four love scam syndicates and arrest 27 perps

February 18, 2017 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/aN848rHAv0E" title="Malaysian,%20Singaporean%20police%20bust%20Internet%20love%20scam%20syndicates"] Police from Malaysia and Singapore arrested 27 Internet love scammers in a joint operation on February 6-8. The criminals including 11 Nigerians and 14 women were members of four different crime syndicates. These thieves of hearts and money cheated 108 people in neighboring countries out of $4.9 million. All the syndicates were masterminded by Nigerians who entered Malaysia on student visas, according to David Chew, director of the Singapore police Commercial Affairs Department. Romance scams cost Australians more money than any other form of cheating, …

Romance Scams Part 3: Malaysia busts four love scam syndicates and arrest 27 perpsRead More

sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Happy Sunday Donna, and I am not surprised based on the story of your ex that he may have been…”
Donna Andersen on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Hi Joanie — thanks for this article! My ex was a complete pack rat. I converted my basement into an…”