I recently finished reading Cults In Our Midst—The continuing fight against their hidden menace, by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer. The book is not new—it was originally published in 1995, and the revised edition that I read was published in 2003. It is a comprehensive description of cults, which the author defines as:
a group that forms around a person who claims he or she has a special mission or knowledge, which will be shared with those who turn over most of their decision making to the self-appointed leader.
Before reading Cults In Our Midst, I’d read and watched TV programs about some cult leaders, and noticed the similarity between their behavior and the behavior of sociopaths. I developed the opinion that cult leaders were simply sociopaths who employed their natural “skills” of charisma, charm, deceit and manipulation to convince others to follow them, and do as they commanded, even when it ended in death, as in Jonestown and Waco.
I expected to see a similar view in this book, and was surprised not to find it. Singer was an experienced clinical psychologist, yet, in this book at least, she does not link cult leaders and personality disorders. Perhaps she didn’t conduct formal research on what the two have in common. But in reading the book, the connection seemed obvious to me.
Cultic relationship
Singer defines a cultic relationship as:
one in which a person intentionally induces others to become totally or nearly totally dependent on him or her for almost all major life decisions, and inculcates in these followers a belief that he or she has some special talent, gift, or knowledge.
She describes cult leaders as self-appointed, persuasive, determined, domineering and charismatic. The cults are authoritarian in structure, and have double sets of ethics—members are to be open and honest within the group, but deceive and manipulate everyone else. The overriding philosophy of cults is that the ends justify the means.
Gee, where have we heard that before?
Anyone is vulnerable
Singer points out that everyone is susceptible to these master manipulators. She writes that two-thirds of the people who joined cults came from normal, functioning families. Still, there are some situations that increase risk:
Any person who is in a vulnerable state, seeking companionship and a sense of meaning or in a period of transition or time of loss, is a good prospect for cult recruitment. ”¦ I have found two conditions make an individual especially vulnerable to cult recruiting: being depressed and being in between important affiliations.
By “between important affiliations,” Singer meant a person was not engaged in a meaningful personal relationship, job, educational training program, or some other life involvement.
Singer spends a lot of time explaining exactly how cults go about recruiting people. One of the prime methods she describes is something we are all familiar with—love bombing. The author explains this as flooding new recruits with “flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark.”
Again, sound familiar?
Learning to manipulate
So how do people become cult leaders? As I said, Singer never suggests that cult leaders are disordered people who are exhibiting their natural, disordered behavior.
Singer calls the perpetrators “con artists.” She says that their prime skills are persuasion and manipulation. She writes:
There is no end to the ways a person can learn to manipulate others, especially if that person has no conscience, feels no guilt over living off the labors and money of others, and is determined to lead.
She continues:
I believe that the successful cult leaders monitor, observe, and learn from what they try and, as needed revise and reformulate the folk art of persuasion.
So, reading this book, Singer seems to say that certain people simply decide that they are going to become cult leaders, and then figure out how to do it. She makes no mention of inborn personality traits or any type of personality disorder—even though her words are perfect descriptions of sociopaths.
Ostracized by her profession
During the 1980s, Singer was an expert witness on court cases involving mind control. She testified in the trial of Kenneth Bianchi, the “Hillside Strangler,” that he was not suffering from multiple personality disorder, as he claimed. On a TV show, Singer said that Bianchi was a psychopath. She also repeatedly testified against the Unification Church.
In 1983, the American Psychological Association (APA) asked Singer to chair a task force on Deceptive and Indirect Techniques of Persuasion and Control. Then, the APA rejected her report.
In fact, the APA filed a “friend of the court” brief in a case against the Unification Church. Dr. Singer and a colleague, Dr. Samuel Benson, had argued that the Unification Church recruiters “engage in systematic manipulation of the social influences surrounding the potential recruit to the extent that the recruit, in fact, loses the capacity to exercise his own free will and judgment.”
The APA stated that Singer’s theory of coercive persuasion was not a meaningful scientific concept, and her testimony in the case should not be allowed. The brief stated:
Specifically, the conclusions Drs. Singer and Benson assert cannot be said to be scientific in any meaningful sense (Point I.B.), and the methodologies generating those conclusions depart so far from methods generally accepted in the relevant professional communities that they are incapable of producing reliable or valid results (Point I.C.). Stripped of the legitimating lustre of a scientific pedigree, plaintiffs purported scientific claim of coercive persuasion is little more than a negative value judgment rendered by laypersons about the religious beliefs and practices of the Unification Church. (Point I.D.).
Read Brief Amicus Curiae of the American Psychological Association
Singer sued the APA, and lost. Afterwards, she reworked much of the rejected material on Deceptive and Indirect Techniques of Persuasion and Control into the book, Cults In Our Midst. Since the first edition of the book came out in 1995, powerful cults threatened and harassed Singer, and filed lawsuits against her. So the introduction to the revised edition explained that an account of one of the cults was deleted.
Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer died in 2003.
Cults In Our Midst is available on Amazon.com.
Oh, Donna, I TOTALLY agree with you that “cult leaders” are indeed psychopaths (with a VERY few exceptions of psychotic people) but the more successful cult leaders are indeed fully fledged PSYCHOPATHS! They use all the same kind of manipulations to trauma bond their victims from love bombing on….and in many cases they persuade their followers to give them their young children as “brides”—look at Tony Alama, what’s his name Jeffs in Prison down in Texas for his 70+ under age “brides.”
Synanon in California in the 1960s, which started out as a drug rehab program, finally was recognized as a Cult, picking on drug users.
Yes, anyone can be a victim. I went to a church service one night with some friends, back when I was 19-20 years old, and had never been to any kind of “holy roller” church, only mainstream up-tight churches, and this one got everyone going with a band and the standing and swaying and waving of hands then the minister said he had this great investment opportunity and he was going to jump on it and buy it all up for himself, and Then GOD (himself) told him in a vision he should SHARE not be greedy and everyone could invest in this opportunity. Everyone was standing and swaying to the music and I KNEW IT WAS A CON and yet, I was about ready to run to the front with the others and give him my money (if I’d had any). I’ve wondered to this day just how much that guy took in for his “investment scheme.”
Hi,
I’m new here so take it easy on me!
I agree totally that these cult leaders are clearly displaying psychopathic traits.
I was baptized into a “cult”, also when I was about 20 years old. I was a member of a regular christian church at the time, and I really wanted to experience real spirituality. I was frustrated at the Sunday christianity that did not seem to extend to the rest of the week, or life in general. Then I met this small group of young people who met at the college campus. Their behavior was exactly as you described here… I was the center of attention, lots of affection, interest, etc., just as described in this article. And they were so serious about studying the bible! I felt it had to be what I had been looking for.
Well my mom, other people from my old church, and even my husband at the time, all did their own little “intervention” meeting with me. My husband threatened to divorce me if I didn’t leave the “cult”.
I did leave the cult. (And my church) Until I read this article, I have never really been sure that it was a cult. But I still stick to my decision at the time – let me apologize in advance to any religious people who might read this – if that was a cult, then so was my regular church. I could not then, and still do not now, see what the difference is.
There I said it.
I hate to call you “black heart”, so I’ll just call you HEART if that is okay. Welcome to Love Fraud.
The differences between any organized group (religion or otherwise) and a “cult” are to an extent in the eye of the beholder.
However, I think that cults tend to have a single “prophet” or “leader” that has some direct contact with “God” (or whoever) that the ordinary people can’t have and their ideas and theirs alone must be followed without any questioning or you will be punished.
For example that Jeffs guy who is in prison in Texas, he was an offshoot of the Mormon’s but had plural wives and 70+ of these wives that were treated like slaves, besides the fact that they were well under the age of consent. That is a CULT for sure in my opinion, but the people who believe that he has a direct pipeline to God do not think they are in a cult at all.
I hope that you will stay around here and learn, this is a pretty wonderful group of people and we are all trying to recover from a cult relationship, even if it is a cult of only two people in a relationship.
God bless.
Thank you Ox!
I have been lurking for a while now, and I do see a great community here.
I’m looking for an appropriate place to share my story and give/receive support. Is there anywhere on here for that?
Blackheart: Fire away! We are all ears…
You have come to the spot to do that, right here…
Welcome.
I have just broken free of my ‘cult relationship’ too.
Getting there, anyways…
Please: share your story with us.
Once again, welcome. You have found a ‘safe place’ for your mind and your soul.
Peace on your journey.
Remember you and your value and worth.
Dupey
Thanks Dupey.
Does anyone here also belong to the aftermath forum? I posted there a few days ago, but there has been no responses. It doesn’t seem to be very active.
I am hesitant to write here b/c I don’t see a “place” for just jumping in and saying “here’s what happened to me”, plus it’s a really long story. The format here is just different, it’s not set up as a forum, so do I just hijack a random article and start a comment thread?
Gotta start somewhere BH 🙂
The best part about telling your story is that its a part of the healing process for you.
You could also write to Donna and see if you could make it an article.
Your call.
BH2008 –
Welcome. Understand fully your experience with Aftermath. You are in the RIGHT PLACE here.
Write away, anywhere. Long stories don’t scare us, we all have them.
Blackheart,
the difference between a cult and a religion is easily muddled because religions can become infiltrated by psychopaths who pervert the truth and the wisdom in the religion. And cults, of course, are just groups of people who are being led by a psychopath to do his bidding.
If you are being asked to submit your will to anyone other than God, then it is a cult or it is contaminated by spaths. Your will is your own, not meant to be submitted to others, only to God. It’s up to you to read and educate yourself so that you know the difference when you see it.
Hi Silvermoon!
I already wrote to Donna, that was the first thing I did when I found out about this place. She is interested in my story; however, she said she is not posting any new stories right now.
Hi Milo,
Thanks… I guess I will just start here, then… just feels a little strange, but I’ll get over it!
For starters I will copy & paste what I wrote for aftermath: (You might want to print this out, it’s a bit lengthy, I hope that’s not a problem)
My divorce from my Spath was final just a few months ago. I have a protective order that is valid for another year, so I feel fortunate because I read so many stories where people are still having to deal with their spath in their life. The idea makes me shudder!
I’m going to try to make this as brief as possible. Chronologically:
1. Met at a club party & he pursue d me for a few weeks.
2. I fell for him & he moved in with meafter only a few more weeks.
3. By the third month he was talking about marriage.
4. Married a year later.
5. A year into the marriage, he is arrested on felony charges of ID theft & organized criminal activity.
6. A year after that, he began serving his sentence.
7. Things got ugly & complicated. Out of jail, sting set up, back to jail, cheating, split up, death threats, just to name a few… not necessarily in that order…
8. I moved out & put my house up for sale.
9. It’s been another year and he has completed his sentence. He is still in town, but he has no idea where I live or what I drive. My best friend does not even know my address now.
It’s only recently that I have started to really process what happened.
Right now, I am unemployed. The state denied my unemployment claim on a technicality, so since July, I have had ZERO income. My savings, retirement, house and car are gone. I would be literally homeless, sleeping in a cardboard box if I had not met my current boyfriend, who I am living with. (He has been key in bringing me back to sanity, a little bit at a time.)
My job loss is my own fault, because I was out of control in the aftermath of all that, and I was drinking, suicidal, mixing antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, and alcohol… got briefly involved with another spath… not good… I completely fell apart. I guess I can blame him for some of that.
Maybe I can blame him partly for the general situation I am in too, because the fact that I was out of savings to begin with, comes partially from the fact that he never held a job or brought any income to the table when we were together, and constantly had his hand out for money. Usually a couple hundred here & there, a phone on my plan which he regularly racked up $300 – $1000 a month in international charges, and never once offered to pay anything. No help with the bills, no cash, nothing. I was helping him support his other family! He had a wife (I now realize they were never divorced) and 2 kids in his home country. Toward the end, I caught him in a HUGE lie. He told me before we were married that his kids knew we were about to get married, and that they were happy for us. They were maybe between 7 – 10 yrs old at the time. Then, right before he went to jail, his daughter contacted me on FB and asked me if we were married. I replied, yes of course sweetie… OMG his phone started ringing, there was yelling and crying… and he had the nerve to get mad at ME for outing him!
I truly hate him now. I have no lingering remorse, regret, or doubt about having helped put him in jail or divorcing him. I only have a trace amount of anxiety about what would happen if I ran into him unexpectedly, or if he might possibly have people looking for me.
When people hear my story, they almost always ask me, “how could you possibly not know what he was doing?” That always gets to me, although I do understand their skepticism. First of all, he lied in the very beginning about being a normal decent guy wanting to start a fresh new life with me. He always said he did not necessarily like the US, that he only wanted to move here because of me. I stupidly believed him. Perhaps a bit of my own narcissism allowed me to believe that ME, little old me, could have such an effect on this dark handsome stranger. Then he kept his true self concealed for at least the first 2 years, until after we were married for a year. Then when he started his real “business”, I did not want to see it, and stuck my head in the sand. So yes, I knew… but it was too late… and I do indeed regret not having the strength of character to OBJECT, the moment I saw what he was doing. He had me trained like a pet bird. And I was just like a stupid bird. I heard somewhere that turkeys are so dumb that they will look up when it’s raining and drown. That’s about how smart I feel about this whole thing.
Just a few of the things he has done to me, that I now realize are psychopathic / sociopathic behaviors:
1. He convinced me to buy a brand new car. He told me that he was going to make it “disappear”, and I could collect insurance money, and we would also get money for selling it on the black market. I actually went through with buying the car, partly because of my own lack of discipline, (I have always wanted a sports car) but partly because he was pressuring me. Thankfully I came to my senses enough to refuse to go thru with letting him make it “disappear”… I might be in jail right along with him!
The dealership would not take my SUV as a trade in, so I had a paid for SUV and a new car. I GAVE him the SUV, just handed him the keys and said “here you go”, since he did not have a car at that time. I never saw that SUV again. It disappeared, and soon he got himself a sports car imported from his country… seemingly with no money exchanged.
2. He and I went out of town with a friend of his and his friend’s date. He and the friend’s date, a very beautiful woman, talked in their language the entire time we were driving, several hours. The woman barely spoke to me. Once, when the guys went to pay for gas, she told me that my husband’s friend was NOT her date, and that she did not like him all that much. Later that night, we went to a night club. When the club was closing, there was some drama, it seemed that one of the guys tried to pay the tab with a fake credit card. There were burly guys chasing my husband’s friend out into the parking lot. My husband told me to wait for him by the doors of the club, and he would be right back. Three hours later, the club was completely closed and completely empty for most of that time, he finally came back for me, just him and his friends “date”. They continued talking and laughing and partying, him and her and about 8 to 10 other people.
3. He wanted to open a restaurant in our neighborhood. He found a place, and signed a lease with the property owner, convincing me to sign the agreement. The agreement put my house as collateral. Since my house is about to be foreclosed on anyway, I think I may have escaped from this particular consequence.
The entire time, leading up to, and during, and between all of these incidents (and there are many more), he petted and cooed and sweet talked about how much he loved me, he never missed an opportunity to tell my mom when I was on the phone with her, he would say thank you for having such a beautiful, wonderful daughter, blah blah blah, never ending. I could not get enough of that. That was the hook for me. My mom to this day, still believes that he did love me. It has taken a while, but I no longer believe he was ever capable of loving me or anyone.