I recently finished reading Cults In Our Midst—The continuing fight against their hidden menace, by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer. The book is not new—it was originally published in 1995, and the revised edition that I read was published in 2003. It is a comprehensive description of cults, which the author defines as:
a group that forms around a person who claims he or she has a special mission or knowledge, which will be shared with those who turn over most of their decision making to the self-appointed leader.
Before reading Cults In Our Midst, I’d read and watched TV programs about some cult leaders, and noticed the similarity between their behavior and the behavior of sociopaths. I developed the opinion that cult leaders were simply sociopaths who employed their natural “skills” of charisma, charm, deceit and manipulation to convince others to follow them, and do as they commanded, even when it ended in death, as in Jonestown and Waco.
I expected to see a similar view in this book, and was surprised not to find it. Singer was an experienced clinical psychologist, yet, in this book at least, she does not link cult leaders and personality disorders. Perhaps she didn’t conduct formal research on what the two have in common. But in reading the book, the connection seemed obvious to me.
Cultic relationship
Singer defines a cultic relationship as:
one in which a person intentionally induces others to become totally or nearly totally dependent on him or her for almost all major life decisions, and inculcates in these followers a belief that he or she has some special talent, gift, or knowledge.
She describes cult leaders as self-appointed, persuasive, determined, domineering and charismatic. The cults are authoritarian in structure, and have double sets of ethics—members are to be open and honest within the group, but deceive and manipulate everyone else. The overriding philosophy of cults is that the ends justify the means.
Gee, where have we heard that before?
Anyone is vulnerable
Singer points out that everyone is susceptible to these master manipulators. She writes that two-thirds of the people who joined cults came from normal, functioning families. Still, there are some situations that increase risk:
Any person who is in a vulnerable state, seeking companionship and a sense of meaning or in a period of transition or time of loss, is a good prospect for cult recruitment. ”¦ I have found two conditions make an individual especially vulnerable to cult recruiting: being depressed and being in between important affiliations.
By “between important affiliations,” Singer meant a person was not engaged in a meaningful personal relationship, job, educational training program, or some other life involvement.
Singer spends a lot of time explaining exactly how cults go about recruiting people. One of the prime methods she describes is something we are all familiar with—love bombing. The author explains this as flooding new recruits with “flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark.”
Again, sound familiar?
Learning to manipulate
So how do people become cult leaders? As I said, Singer never suggests that cult leaders are disordered people who are exhibiting their natural, disordered behavior.
Singer calls the perpetrators “con artists.” She says that their prime skills are persuasion and manipulation. She writes:
There is no end to the ways a person can learn to manipulate others, especially if that person has no conscience, feels no guilt over living off the labors and money of others, and is determined to lead.
She continues:
I believe that the successful cult leaders monitor, observe, and learn from what they try and, as needed revise and reformulate the folk art of persuasion.
So, reading this book, Singer seems to say that certain people simply decide that they are going to become cult leaders, and then figure out how to do it. She makes no mention of inborn personality traits or any type of personality disorder—even though her words are perfect descriptions of sociopaths.
Ostracized by her profession
During the 1980s, Singer was an expert witness on court cases involving mind control. She testified in the trial of Kenneth Bianchi, the “Hillside Strangler,” that he was not suffering from multiple personality disorder, as he claimed. On a TV show, Singer said that Bianchi was a psychopath. She also repeatedly testified against the Unification Church.
In 1983, the American Psychological Association (APA) asked Singer to chair a task force on Deceptive and Indirect Techniques of Persuasion and Control. Then, the APA rejected her report.
In fact, the APA filed a “friend of the court” brief in a case against the Unification Church. Dr. Singer and a colleague, Dr. Samuel Benson, had argued that the Unification Church recruiters “engage in systematic manipulation of the social influences surrounding the potential recruit to the extent that the recruit, in fact, loses the capacity to exercise his own free will and judgment.”
The APA stated that Singer’s theory of coercive persuasion was not a meaningful scientific concept, and her testimony in the case should not be allowed. The brief stated:
Specifically, the conclusions Drs. Singer and Benson assert cannot be said to be scientific in any meaningful sense (Point I.B.), and the methodologies generating those conclusions depart so far from methods generally accepted in the relevant professional communities that they are incapable of producing reliable or valid results (Point I.C.). Stripped of the legitimating lustre of a scientific pedigree, plaintiffs purported scientific claim of coercive persuasion is little more than a negative value judgment rendered by laypersons about the religious beliefs and practices of the Unification Church. (Point I.D.).
Read Brief Amicus Curiae of the American Psychological Association
Singer sued the APA, and lost. Afterwards, she reworked much of the rejected material on Deceptive and Indirect Techniques of Persuasion and Control into the book, Cults In Our Midst. Since the first edition of the book came out in 1995, powerful cults threatened and harassed Singer, and filed lawsuits against her. So the introduction to the revised edition explained that an account of one of the cults was deleted.
Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer died in 2003.
Cults In Our Midst is available on Amazon.com.
So, my husband is a cult leader who controls everything and has removed my identity by putting everything into his name and making me a signer on his accounts.
i guess that makes me his follower…oh, NO joy!
It is a long road out of the pits of self loathing and despair when you do realize that you have been in a bad situation.
I think we all understand how it happens. There are lots of articles about the chemistry of falling in love and how the spath with their exceptional abilities to manipulate and lack of encumbrance with emotions and the same chemistry are able to use it to manipulate.
It happens. It happened.
The best part is the journey away and towards the person you now have the capacity to become. Stronger, wiser. More whole.
Its not a quick ride to get there. Its a long walk.
We are fellow travelers on the road to a future without spaths.
That, is a happy thought!
Gee, I wish I’d read this in 1995, or at least before early 1998, when I was targeted by a mentally ill man and his sociopathic church. They have all asked not to be identified as Tim Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York, by the way. And we shall certainly not say that this is a church of the “Presbyterian Church in America,” the part of the church that split off from mainline Presbyterianism in the 1930s in the wake of the “Scopes monkey trial.”
This about says it all:
“Any person who is in a vulnerable state, seeking companionship and a sense of meaning or in a period of transition or time of loss, is a good prospect for cult recruitment. ” I have found two conditions make an individual especially vulnerable to cult recruiting: being depressed and being in between important affiliations”
It pretty well describes the state of 30-something single women in and around Manhattan. Turns out, keeping women subservient in your church and not allowing them to hold leadership positions tends not to attract them to the church. Hence the need for recruiting by training these guys to pose as ideal husbands. Go ye forth, to the suburbs, and procreate!
I must say, though, sending out an ideal husband candidate with a split personality is a new wrinkle in the technique. And advising him on some rather strange sexual practices is a good one, too. Not to mention, the lack of privacy in discussing this relationship over dinner every Thursday night.
They can go ahead and try to sue me for identifying them here — I’ve already threatened them with a lawsuit. I hope more women will come forward and identify this organization as a cult. Because not all cults hole up in the hills with Kool-Aid. Some of them are truly “in our midst” and accepted even by their liberal church neighbors under the doctrine of “tolerance.”
Dear Heart,
Your story, like many/most/all here is long and complicated and they entice us to support them, do for them, and their only contribution are the lies and the fantasy…and maybe criminal activiity.
One of the first things I look at in a relationship is HONESTY…if they don’t have that, no go.
YOu have only been gone from this bad relationship a short time, and in the meantime you have had another relationship with a spathy, and now you have another relationship with a man who is supporting you and you have lost everything you had previously, your house, your job and your car. I’m sorry that you are in this situation now where you are dependent on this other man (good man or not is beside the point)
I hope you have given up the drugs/alcohol mix and are working on getting yourself in order. Maybe you could contact the domestic violence hot line and see if there are any groups or therapy, I think you would qualify with your restraining order.
Educating yourself is important and I suggest that you read Donna’s book RED FLAGS, it will show you some good ways to identify psychopaths, but we also must take responsibility for our own part in allowing the abuse to continue.
Knowledge is power, so educate yourself by reading here and take back your independence and power. God bless.
Ox,
I hear you loud and clear. Yes I am free from drugs (I never refilled my one month supply of both the anti depressants and anti anxiety meds, for multiple reasons) and I am pretty much free from alcohol… I have some wine once every couple of weeks or so. My head continues to clear up more every day.
I will add “Red Flags” to my reading list… Now that my eyes are open, I finally see the pattern that has been mystifying me for years now. I’ve always know something was wrong, and have had many false diagnosis, either myself or shrinks, but thanks to Donna and this site, I finally really understand what is wrong and I will not stop reading and participating and growing!
I agree, I will contact the Women’s center again. I was going there consistently for at least a year, but have not been in quite a while. I was going for a whole different reason, whole other can of worms… sexual assault survivors (completely unrelated to the spath relationships) but I guess they can probably help me with this too.
Dear Heart, Putting YOURSELF first and healing yourself is your prime objective now…..each layer that we uncover sometimes has another layer underneath it, sort of like peeling an onion to find ourselves buried deep inside.
It takes time, work and focus and introspection. All painful at times, but well worth the trouble and the pain.
The antidepressants may be helping you, and I would NOT stop them suddenly, most must be tapered off of. The anti-anxiety meds can be tapered off if you are taking them regularly, but I suggest that you do taper off them. Panic attacks and anxiety can be controled with some therapy in many instances. With realizing that as uncomfortable as they are, a pannic attack is not a heart attack and won’t kill you and if you will sit still and quiet and breathe and breathe again, it will pass in a few minutes.
Ox,
Good advice, but it’s way too late for tapering off. I actually would have continued at least for a couple months, but could not get refills because A. they were not set up as refillable, the pharmacy said I had to go back to the doc, and B. I do not have health insurance, and no $$ to pay for either the doc visit nor the meds.
Also, it has been over 6 months since I stopped, and now I am doing OK because of friends, family, reaching out to people like you & Donna here, etc…
I’m peeling away at that onion!
Good, Heart, glad that you are doing well in spite of stopping the meds cold turkey! keep on reading and learning and doing good things for yourself!
BH2008 ~ I’m glad you posted your story. The longer you are on LF and the more you read you will realize that when people on here say “You are not alone”, they really, really mean it.
You will no longer feel like that “stupid bird” because you never were.
Glad you are picking up the pieces. Listen to the advice you are given here because it works.
Hey, MiLo, just a personal aside…how many gallons did you get this year, and how many gallons of syrup did it take to make it?
Son D and I set out blue berry bushes and thorn-less black berries today, got storms and will rain for next 3 days….weather is warm and springlike, grass is sprouting and I guess we need ot build an ARK! LOL
It is so good to have D home, and he is SOOOO GLAD to be home too. He is just marveling at how pretty everything is and how good home is….and glad to be away from the Drama Queen as well! It makes me smile inside and feel all warm and gooey to just have him so happy! He had fun with his friends, they even went skinny dipping at 5 a.m. in a little creek, only to find out the water was only 2 feet deep! LOL ROTFLMAO How funny! He said the water was nice and warm but it was COLD when you stood up! 😀