People who have not been entangled in abusive relationships often ask, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” By reading Trading Places, by Natalie Hutchison and Mary Turner Thomson, you begin to understand.
Natalie Hutchison was reproached as a child, ignored by her first husband, then physically abused by her second husband. Finally, she decided enough was enough. Natalie escaped the abuse, went back to work, started a business, and in 2006 won the Barclays Bank Trading Places award, given to individuals who overcome tremendous personal adversity to turn their lives around.
Natalie had health problems as an adolescent, and she tells how her parents reacted to her medical issues.You see the seeds of self-doubt being planted. This is how it starts. This is how some women become primed to be victims of abuse.
Then, Natalie tells her story and how she felt—and that, I believe, is the value of this story. It clearly illustrates the thought processes and emotional hooks experienced by the victims of domestic violence.
But this is a story with a happy ending. Natalie learns to trust herself, then makes a leap of faith to start her own business and rebuild her life. She leaves the pain behind to find joy and success.
Trading Places is available now in the Lovefraud Store.
classicbenzgirl: Hi. Are you looking for “Women Who Love Psychopaths” ? One of the authors of that books writes articles on Love Fraud, Dr. Liane Leedom. Here’s a link: http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/01/05/women-who-love-psychopaths-in-the-new-lovefraud-store/
It was for sale in the Love Fraud store, I don’t see it there now, but maybe reading the article on LF and the blogs will help.
Classicbenzgirl, I’ll bet you are searching for the book written by “our own” Dr. Leedom and Sandra Brown, called “Women Who Love Psychopaths.” It is available from this website.
Chapter 5 was the chapter that cemeted my assessment all along that “they” only target nice girls because somehow they know they aren’t nice and want to suck it out of us — but it doesn’t work. We may be weakened by the encounter but being strong. nice women with lotz of wounds but stronger in the end for it.
I hope this is the book you are looking for. One of my “favorite horrible things” is to look for something I can’t find.
At present, I can’t find where I hid my wedding rings. I need to sell them for hospital and medical bills! (I knew they would come in “handy” some day!)
Oh, thanks, shabbychic, Great minds run on the same track.
You gave benzgirl the same title. I’ll just bet that’s the one she means. It was published in 2008. A wonderful, helpful book!
I got my copy by downloading the e-book before it was actually published. I wonder if the e-book is still available?
ANL… you are surfin’ the web!!!!!!!!! I didn’t know it was available as an e-book, maybe benz can find it that way.
Last year I had thrown my favorite ring in my make-up box, and then forgot. I was eyeballing the S… for a while I really suspected he took it. Do’h!
ANewLily:
I still feel very weakened by the encounter with my last ex boyfriend P. But i also feel weakened by my “best friend” in class that i just found out was a P. ( I found out when I was using my “12 steps” to treat the P teacher…and low and behold if it didn’t reveal a lot more than that!!
I hope you are right ANL! I hope I feel much stronger in the end for it, because right now, my whole system has clamped down and i am on antibiotics and I have never felt this sick in years!
I know it is stress and there is nothing i can do about it. As well as that i have an infected absyss on my tooth and can’t afford to go to the dentist! (My ex P boyfriend was a dentist!). Any ANL, I am at alow. When does it get good?
xo
P.S.
I havn’t read any of the books yet, they are not in our libraries or bookshops and even if they were I can’t afford to buy them!
Lucky there is PLENTY of reading on LF!! lol!!
Oh, Tilly, you are already stronger than you were! You probably just can’t recognize your own growth because you are so sick and have so much on your plate.
My experience about “When does it get good?” may discourage you — because it was a SOLID 5 five years (Oct 2001 to August 2005) before I felt my emotions and life were anywhere near “good.” The only consolation for me that it “only” took that long was that an early counselor predicted it would take at least 11 years!! One year of healing to every four years of “hell.” he said. (Dont’ know if there are any statistics on that.)
Of course, the “empty suit” still isn’t gone — keeps periodically rearing his horns and pointy tail as I described just this past week — but it is NEVER in person. That helps!
One part of the finally feeling “good” was that I recovered all of my emotions that had been submerged under the previous daily terror of many years. At first, I couldn’t even remember my good childhood — excpet that I remember that it was good. And that scared me!
What a joy it was to feel joy, excitement, wonder, awe, happiness, peace, serenity (if not ALL the time), and all those good things. In 2005, they came floodng back! The most exciting part was the return of my memory — the summers at the beach, the gymnastics, the music awards, the play practices, the wonderful teachers and professors, even the bee sting on my behind! (I SAT on it!)
I also realized that I had the return of some wonderful and vivid memories with our children and MY friends and MY family during the long “marriage.” (Empty Suit didn’t have any real friends) but there are too many good memories to list. Guess what? NONE of those good memories included the EX!!!!!! (I’m not sure why in the world I would have found that surprising!)
You will have some good days ahead — all of you guys will — with normal daily hills and valleys through in and to be expected. Hang on!!
What we both need to do — and some others suffering physical ailments from the former encounterd stress — is to GET WELL.
Recall that I am mathematically challenged by nature — It was a period of BAD HORRIBLE PAIN from October 2001 to August 2006!!!
ANewLily:
Thankyou so much, that was a great post ! That helps me a lot ANL. That means that by the time I am 61 I will have a whole lot of good memories flooding back. And that IS something to look forward to. But you are right. I really should concentrate on getting physically well now. Thanks again ANL, there is something very comforting in your words tonight. xo
But I wish I had of been there for my middle boy. I didn’t realise at the time that I was leaving him with a psychopath. At the time I thought i was the failure not the P. I am grieving for the loss of my middle boy even though he is alive in the flesh in another state. I lost him forever when i let him go and live with the P. I so regret that i did that. It is all my fault that he has gone from me forever.