Explaining the sociopath

UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath. The sociopath's behavior in your relationship makes no sense. You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like: Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath. You believe that when people are in love, you are good and kind to each other. You treat each other with respect. You support and value each other. You don’t lie, and you don’t intentionally hurt each …

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no senseRead More

In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, Red Flag #10 is a “Jekyll and Hyde personality.” The term “Jekyll and Hyde” originated in a Gothic horror novella published in 1886 by Robert Louis Stevenson. Today, the phrase means a person with a two-sided personality — one side good and the other evil. In the original story, Dr. Henry Jekyll was an upstanding gentleman and Mr. Edward Hyde was prone to violence. The story reveals that Dr. Jekyll was drinking an elixir that turned him into Mr. Hyde, who committed multiple murders. Eventually, however, Jekyll spontaneously turned into Hyde, without the elixir. Then, he became Hyde permanently. Romantic …

Sociopaths as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HydeRead More

Here on Lovefraud, we often talk about how evil, callous and deceitful sociopaths are. If you’ve been involved with a sociopath for any length of time, you certainly have your own horror stories. But today, I’m going to focus on something that doesn’t get a lot of attention: Stupid sociopath behavior. Sociopaths can engage in actions, both small and large, that make absolutely no sense. I’ll give you some examples from my own history. But first, let me clarify the terminology. The word “sociopath” is no longer a clinical diagnosis. I use it as an umbrella term to describe people who prey on or damage almost everyone that they spend time with. Officially, these people could be diagnosed …

3 reasons for stupid sociopath behaviorRead More

UPDATED FOR 2025. In honor of July 4th, let’s talk about fireworks — the really dangerous kind. These are the fireworks that you feel exploding all around you early in your relationship with someone who later turns out to be a sociopath. Unfortunately, the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are duds. Here’s what you see and experience, and what it really going on. 1. You see: Nonstop texts, emails and social media postings Reality: You’re not the only one receiving them. The Internet and social media make it easy for sociopaths to work multiple targets at once, and they do. 2. You experience: Conversations that last for hours Reality: The sociopath is pumping you for information, which …

10 reasons why the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are dudsRead More

The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior. The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past. This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them …

Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behaviorRead More

By Joanie Bentz, M.Ed., LBS, CCBP An A&E reality television series called Hoarders debuted in 2009 and is still popular today.  If you have viewed any of the episodes, you probably have a good idea of how hoarding disorder can escalate over time and become so severe that it causes environmental and health dangers, which impair the person from functioning and thriving normally.   Typically, on the show, concerned family and friends intervene and seek treatment for the hoarder, and most of the time, with intensive support, the hoarder agrees to address their disorder.  The home is cleared out, and the hoarder receives therapy to address the …

Narcissists and hoarding disorderRead More

Your sociopathic partner picks, picks, picks at you. “You’re a lousy mother and the kids hate you,” he says. “You’re so stupid that you’re lucky you don’t get fired,” she says. The nasty comments keep coming. You’re upset but try not to say anything — until you can’t contain your emotions anymore and you explode. Then the sociopath smiles.  Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you? The key to understanding this behavior is knowing what sociopaths truly want in life — power and control. Everything else is secondary. Social motivation Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and Lovefraud author, believes that the sociopath’s out-of-control drive for dominance is the motivating …

Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you?Read More

You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. Then it all fell apart. What does this mean? I’m going to explain 10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want to. It started when your charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath.  Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you …

10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath Read More

By Joanie Bentz, M.Ed., LBS, CCBP Narcissists are not cut out of the same mold as you and I. There are certain aspects of normal interpersonal behavior that narcissists will never understand. What does this mean? As a therapist, when I began researching narcissism, I viewed it from a more scientific view. However, with more experience and time, I have learned that the affliction seems to be multifaceted, going beyond a psychiatric explanation.  Narcissists have what I call “bankruptcies” of the mind, heart and soul. They inflict moral injury. They are impoverished spirits with no supply of empathy or regard for others. A chronic misunderstanding Whether you have gone no …

What narcissists will never understandRead More