Explaining the sociopath

UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath. The sociopath's behavior in your relationship makes no sense. You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like: Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath. You believe that when people are in love, you are good and kind to each other. You treat each other with respect. You support and value each other. You don’t lie, and you don’t intentionally hurt each other …

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no senseRead More

UPDATED FOR 2025. In honor of July 4th, let’s talk about fireworks — the really dangerous kind. These are the fireworks that you feel exploding all around you early in your relationship with someone who later turns out to be a sociopath. Unfortunately, the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are duds. Here’s what you see and experience, and what it really going on. 1. You see: Nonstop texts, emails and social media postings Reality: You’re not the only one receiving them. The Internet and social media make it easy for sociopaths to work multiple targets at once, and they do. 2. You experience: Conversations that last for hours Reality: The sociopath is pumping you for information, which h …

10 reasons why the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are dudsRead More

The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior. The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past. This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them o …

Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behaviorRead More

By Joanie Bentz, M.Ed., LBS, CCBP An A&E reality television series called Hoarders debuted in 2009 and is still popular today.  If you have viewed any of the episodes, you probably have a good idea of how hoarding disorder can escalate over time and become so severe that it causes environmental and health dangers, which impair the person from functioning and thriving normally.   Typically, on the show, concerned family and friends intervene and seek treatment for the hoarder, and most of the time, with intensive support, the hoarder agrees to address their disorder.  The home is cleared out, and the hoarder receives therapy to address the …

Narcissists and hoarding disorderRead More

Your sociopathic partner picks, picks, picks at you. “You’re a lousy mother and the kids hate you,” he says. “You’re so stupid that you’re lucky you don’t get fired,” she says. The nasty comments keep coming. You’re upset but try not to say anything — until you can’t contain your emotions anymore and you explode. Then the sociopath smiles.  Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you? The key to understanding this behavior is knowing what sociopaths truly want in life — power and control. Everything else is secondary. Social motivation Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and Lovefraud author, believes that the sociopath’s out-of-control drive for dominance is the motivating forc …

Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you?Read More

You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. Then it all fell apart. What does this mean? I’m going to explain 10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want to. It started when your charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath.  Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you a …

10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath Read More

By Joanie Bentz, M.Ed., LBS, CCBP Narcissists are not cut out of the same mold as you and I. There are certain aspects of normal interpersonal behavior that narcissists will never understand. What does this mean? As a therapist, when I began researching narcissism, I viewed it from a more scientific view. However, with more experience and time, I have learned that the affliction seems to be multifaceted, going beyond a psychiatric explanation.  Narcissists have what I call “bankruptcies” of the mind, heart and soul. They inflict moral injury. They are impoverished spirits with no supply of empathy or regard for others. A chronic misunderstanding Whether you have gone no c …

What narcissists will never understandRead More

Millions of sociopaths live among us. They do not have the ability to authentically love. They view people as objects to be used. This was the topic of my TEDx called, How to protect yourself from sociopaths. TED censored my speech. After waiting for two years for TED to include my video on its website, I decided enough was enough. I just re-recorded my speech and posted it on Youtube, Rumble and Lovefraud. I invite you to watch it. My speech in June 2022 TED, which is headquartered in New York and Vancouver, says its mission is to research and discover “ideas worth spreading.” TEDx speaking events are run by local organizations under licenses issued by TED.  I spoke at TEDx …

Please share my talk about sociopaths — TED censored itRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in f …

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopathsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you're here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you. You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly? A letter Lovefraud received from a self-identified sociopath explains how she loves. It might help you understand why that person's love was so shallow: I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with …

A sociopath explains how she lovesRead More